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 Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2016 9:30 pm
Nimueh was running a tally of just how much of Callum's life the Collectors had taken. The first time he'd been captured, he'd indicated that it had been at least a few weeks, if not longer. Nimueh knew for a fact that it had been a year and four months before he returned to Oba and was captured as well. Then two months until they escaped. A week for them to get from Oba to Jauhar, and then another two weeks before they started weaning Callum off the flower.
Two more months of withdrawal, of watching Callum almost literally wasting away and slowly, slowly recovering. Nimueh knew it was time to send the letter when it had been a week since the last time Callum yelled at him. There had been the brief escape attempt, the terrifying day when Callum had disappeared and Nimueh had been certain he would never see him again. And then that stupid fool of a man had wobbled his way back to the healer's home, supported by a guiltily grinning hybrid healer. There had been some kind of revelation, and after that time Callum had stopped yelling at him, had even bounced back a bit. A few days later his fever broke, seemingly for the last time because then the sickness didn't return, and other than the persistent shudders the influence of the flower seemed to have finally abated.
Now came the actual recovery. But somehow, after all that had happened in the past few months, Nimueh really couldn't handle being in the same room as Callum unless one of the healers was there. He didn't know what he was afraid of most... that Callum would remember some of the things he'd said in his fever and would try and apologize (which would be painful enough), or that Callum would stand by what he said, would finally realize what a mistake it had been to trust Nimueh in the first place. So he helped. He supported Callum when the healers were helping him walk or rebuild his muscles, and he helped wash him and serve his food, and listened when Callum regaled him with his fevered realizations.
It was good! It ... it really was. Callum was going to be a sword dancer. Was going to perform, wanted to get all sorts of swords and wanted to start working on routines and... and it was great! It was healthy. It was good that he was looking forward again, was excited about something that wasn't the drug.
How the hell had he done it? How was he looking towards the future with such excitement? Nimueh was happy for him, was glad that he was so passionate about something again, but he couldn't sympathize. He hadn't felt much more than the same roiling misery since they'd arrived here.
It wasn't until the day that he was running errands around the town, and saw the familiar caravan arrive that he really, really felt happiness again. Even if it was chased instantly by a wash of terror at seeing his children again, Nimueh shoved the feeling aside, and instead ran to meet them, sweeping Sol and Ygraine up into his arms the moment they clambered from the back of the wagon. He was tired, but so, so glad to see them - and once they'd forced down a quick meal, they were ready to see Callum.
Or, mostly ready.
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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2016 9:44 pm
Ygraine was terrified to see her father again. When she and Sol first got the news that he had been found, she had cried and clung to her brother in relief. Back then, she remembered the festival and all the sights and sounds... and then she remembered Them. The Obans had approached her and Sol when they'd run off from papa, lured by a stupid perzi. She'd wanted to pet it and had gotten into a loud argument about it with her brother when They appeared... then Papa was there, and...
He'd gone with them, but not until he'd told them to run. And so they had. But when they found Baba, and he'd asked where Callum was... they'd both froze. Even now she didn't know why, but both of them had looked at eachother and been too terrified to say it. Eventually Papa had taken them home to Zena, but he hadn't stayed for long. They'd both cracked and admitted what had happened, and a month later he was gone - traveling, their grandma said, looking for something.
Then he'd come home, stayed there only a few months, and then he and grandma had both left again. Until the letter to come to Jauhar - that Papa had been found.
Ygraine didn't like exploring anymore. Not without Sol by her side, but it didn't feel fun anymore. She'd begged and begged until finally Izuzue had given her a bow, and ever since she'd practiced every day. She and Sol were seven now, and they had to be good for Papa and Baba until they came home. She never thought she'd see him again, and at the base of the tree, knowing he was up there... she was scared. She reached for Sol's hand and held it, tight, with both of her own, waiting until he started to climb before she followed, biting her bottom lip nervously.
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Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2016 7:27 pm
Sol hadn't been the same since Papa left.
Since returning from Oba the boy hadn't tried to sneak off at all. If anything he'd clung to home with a timidity that hadn't been in him before the incident. For weeks after he had stayed by Ygraine's side, guilt eating him alive until finally they told Baba, but that didn't help anything, did it? Telling him about Papa had caused Baba to leave, and Sol hadn't liked that at all. He had begged Nimueh not to leave, even though he knew that it was all to help Papa. The child had been terrified to lose another father.
Finding normality had been tough. Ygraine's training kept her distracted, but Sol's heart wasn't into it. So, when his sister was off practicing he started to explore again. Sol spent less and less time around others, withdrawing into himself until he avoided anyone who wasn't family all together. His tracking skills had improved and with the help of his grandmothers had even been able to get a spear of his own. Although he'd barely managed to catch anything, it was still a step towards being able to help his family in their hour of need.
It helped him to feel stable until news of his papa came back to him.
But now, hand in hand with Ygraine, Sol looked up into the limbs of a giant Jauhar tree feeling as frightened as he had back in Oba. He squeezed her hand, and leaned over just enough to put his head up against hers in silent comfort. Whatever awaited them couldn't be all bad, right? It was just Papa.
At least, that's what he told himself as he began to climb. The closer Sol came to the healer's home the more his palms began to sweat. By the time he pulled himself up onto the landing he had cotton mouth, and his antennae were twitching like mad.
Knock.
The door was right in front of him and beyond it was Papa. So, why was it that when he raised his hand he couldn't make it touch the wood?
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Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2016 8:01 pm
Callum held a thin blade against his jaw and slowly pulled it against his skin. Several days worth of beard littered his skin, though with his flaxen hair one would have had to get close to even notice. In the beginning he hadn't been allowed near a razor, or a blade of any sort, for that matter. It had been highly discouraged and no matter his complaints nothing seemed to change. If he wanted anything trimmed or shaved someone else had to do it for him. This was the first day in a very, very long time that he could remember tending to his own needs completely solo, and it was exhausting.
His arm already ached, and he had barely cleared half of his face. Canting his head to the side, Callum inspected his skin with a skim of his fingers. While not perfectly smooth he had managed to come away without any nicks, and that was a small miracle in itself. His children were already going to receive a hard enough shock; they didn't need to see patches of angry, cut skin as well.
Getting up the courage to look at himself in the looking glass had been hard enough. Absorbing what he saw was another matter entirely.
His eyes, while no longer glossy, were still sunken and tired. Ghostly pale skin was pulled taut over his bones without any of the healthy glow it had once carried. No amount of scrubbing, or cheek pinching could keep any semblance of color in his cheeks. He had almost considered using cosmetics, but Callum wasn't nearly that vain. While he may not look his best he was feeling far better than he had in weeks. Surely that was enough to feel proud over for now.
Taking up his razor, Callum continued his work. Save Nimueh the grief, and slit your throat. Pushing past the thought was a little easier knowing that his children were coming. Lately there had been more than a few to slip through, but Callum kept them locked tight inside of his heart. He didn't know what he had expected to happen after his revelation. That everything would go back to how it was before their trip to Oba? Callum had hoped that Nimueh would have been a little more receptive, but if anything it seemed like his lover had pulled further away. The two were never together anymore unless supervised and while Callum was trying hard to keep his mind in a positive place, it was becoming harder with each passing day.
Every night that he spent alone, every day he was met with casual indifference...What did he expect, after all the nasty things he said? The remnants that remained inside of his brain sickened him. They were all spoken from places of fear and hurt, but none should have been vocalized at all. Under better circumstances he would have buried them like the rest and moved on, but this...
He was terrified. Callum just couldn't show it.
Not anymore.
Now he had to be there to support his family as best he could. And if that meant seeing it fall apart...well, he wouldn't leave them high and dry. Callum would make sure all three knew he would be there for him in all aspects no matter if they wanted him to be or not.
After finishing his task, Callum splashed fresh water onto his face. Ready or not, he made his way to the door and opened it - hoping to see if he could see his family approaching - only to find them literally on his door step.
The sight caused him to halt immediately.
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Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2016 8:38 pm
His kids had grown bigger since he'd last seen them. Two years ago, they'd been small and fragile, and he'd felt the need to tie a leash to them so they wouldn't stray, constantly bickering. What a difference two years made. And he'd just about missed it, just like Callum had. For the most part he'd been too absorbed in his own grief and then determination to find Callum to give them the attention they needed, and even now he could remember their pleas to stay when he left.
As he watched them cling to one another, he realized that they had been forced to turn to one another for solace. Yet another reminder that he'd failed Callum's wish to keep them safe and happy. But, for the moment, he forced the feeling back, and followed them up to the nest, waiting until they were ready to knock.
Then the door opened, and Nimueh held his breath, standing a few paces behind the twins. He wanted to usher them all inside, but he didn't want to rush them... and so he stood, wondering if it would be best to leave them to their reunion. He shifted from one foot to the other, before instead crossing his arms, loosely, around his middle.
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Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2016 8:51 pm
Two years ago, Ygraine and Sol had been self involved and focused on their own fun and exploits. The way her baba had looked at them when they climbed out of the wagon had made it clear that they'd changed, and she didn't know whether to feel proud of self conscious. Instead of pretty little dresses, she'd worn a simple tunic and trousers for the trip, her long hair up, and at her hip was tied a quiver of arrows and a white, painted bow. She'd sprouted up a few inches since she'd last seen her papa, too. As a child with Alkidike blood there'd always been the possibility she would be tall - but now, despite only be seven, she stood almost to her papa's chest.
Grandma Izuzue said she'd be almost as tall as Nim when she was grown. She didn't know if she was happy, or upset to hear that she'd never be a small, demure little lady, but after what had happened... she was thankful to be growing up 'strong'.
Strong or not, though, when her brother leaned against her, she leaned back, closing her eyes and taking a deep, calming breath. She'd never thought she and Sol would ever get along but... with papa and baba both gone, it seemed stupid to fight with him like she used to.
She wasn't quite ready, by the time the door opened. There he stood - papa. He looked... Sick, her mind supplied helpfully. She had no clue what had happened, but when baba wrote home he'd said Papa was getting over an Oban illness. But all she could think about were the scary people he'd left with. Had they made him sick? Before she knew what was happening, her lip was trembling, and her eyes had welled with tears, even as she told herself to stay strong.
Until she couldn't anymore. She barely made a sound beyond a torn whimper, but she scooted forward and, almost timidly, wrapped her arms around her father's thin middle, hugging him carefully. She didn't know how sick he was, and knew that when SHE'D gotten colds in Zena, the last thing she wanted was to be touched. Then again, colds always made you sore, was it the same in Oba?
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Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2016 8:09 am
After so long Callum had begun to wonder if he would ever seen his children again. Now, here they were - right in front of him - and he couldn't move. His mind's eye reminded him of just how much they had grown by showing him images of what they had looked like before. Ygraine was much more subdued in her wardrobe, but still so lady like; more and more so now that she had grown so tall. And Sol, his independent boy, had begun to wear tunics that actually fit his frame instead of baggy things that could hide a million treasures away from the world. The changes shocked Callum, and yet...and yet...
It didn't matter how old they were, Ygraine and Sol were still his babies.
His daughter's struggle mirrored his own. Callum wanted to say something bright and welcoming to them, but as soon as Ygraine wrapped her meek little arms around his waist Callum broke. The contact was so gentle he couldn't keep his tears at bay, and yet he smiled, truly smiled. He bent over at the waist, closing the ever shortening gap between them, and kissed her head before wrapping his arms around her. "Shh, baby girl, it's alright...my sweet, sweet little snowflake..." Callum plastered her head with kisses, nuzzling his face into her soft ivory curls as emotion after emotion rocked it's way through his body.
Opening his eyes, he looked toward Sol and held out his hand; a silent offer to bring the boy into the fold.
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Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2016 9:43 am
Seeing his baba again had only enforced just how much of his life Sol had missed. He looked pinched and tired, which didn't help to ebb his son's sense of unease in the least. They had all changed; Ygraine had grown, Baba was off and Papa...
Papa looked awful.
Standing just a few inches under his twin, Sol had to look up further than Ygraine just to see Callum fully. His hair, which hung freely over his shoulders, ghosted over his spine as he took in the sight. He took a half step back, reflexively reaching his hand out for Ygraine's support, but she had already attached herself to Papa. Frosted fingers clenched into empty air before dropping back to his side.
In an instant those soft, silver eyes turned into a molten storm. He whipped his head back to Nimueh with panic building up in his little body. "I thought he was supposed to be better. He's not better; he's still sick! He's just going to leave again-" Turning his accusing stare to Callum, Sol prompted, "-aren't you?"
They were supposed to come here to see Papa and then go back home as a family. That's what Sol had in his mind, and the reality he was presented with didn't sit well with him. Balling his little hands into fists, he turned his eyes away from everyone and stared at the boards under his feet. This wasn't fair. He tried to hold back his tears by stiffening his shoulders, but the act was in vain. They came anyway, regardless of what he wanted.
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Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2016 6:02 pm
The reunion was as heartbreaking as it was beautiful. Nimueh hadn't seen Callum so honestly, truly happy in what felt like an eternity, and it brought tears to his eyes just to see him hug Ygraine back so lovingly. Besides that, it always broke his heart to see his princess cry, and he had the feeling she'd done more of that lately than he'd care to think about.
Ygraine and Callum clinging to one another was bittersweet, but then Sol's reaction...
Nimueh didn't have words. His eyes widened, and he stared at him, aghast at what he was saying. It was so unlike the boy he knew to lash out - he wasn't one prone to fits or tantrums, like Ygraine, and while he had always been a bit of a handful (being so free spirited and adventurous), Nimueh would never have expected this reaction. Then again, it wasn't as if he knew his children very well, at least not the maturing, keen minds they had become.
He remembered excited little faces, stuck out tongues, and happy smiles. He remembered the tear streaked faces as they admitted what had happened, that night, fragile darlings that he'd not been able to face.
"Sol." He admonished, but his tone came out more like he was begging, unable to stay quiet once the pregnant silence became too painful to stand. Was that really what the boy thought? That Callum had left them?
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Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2016 6:10 pm
Ygraine didn't cry. At least, she didn't break down and sob like she was so sure she would, just moments ago. Instead, once her father held her and covered her in kisses, his voice raspy but the same soothing timber she was so used to, she had relaxed, her hug tightening somewhat as she hid her face in his neck. He smelled of herbs and sweat, but beneath it all was the same unidentifiable smell she remembered from so long ago - the same one that soothed her to sleep when she was scared or sang her lullabies.
And then Sol had to go and ruin the moment. She straightened once Callum turned to greet him, watching her brother carefully, but his sudden fury and tears surprised her. And on the heels of her surprise came embarrassment and even anger. This was papa's homecoming - they hadn't seen him in SO long, and Sol had to ruin it!
Before she could stop herself, she'd swung away from Callum and got up in Sol's face, leaning ovre him and glaring at him, eyes brimming with angry tears. "You're such a selfish baby! Papa didn't leave us!"
And yet, the image of him turning away from them that day, walking away with two Obans in fancy clothes felt burned into her memory. But he'd told them to run, had told them to find their baba. That had to mean something, right?
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Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2016 6:45 pm
For that breath taking moment Callum had felt a piece of his soul return to him. Their physical appearances meant little to him in that moment; in time he would get used to the changes, but right now he wanted the feel their hearts. The warmth of his daughter's affections seared into him, and he had been so ready for Sol to join-
-that the instant rejection felt as sharp as a sermal's bite. His grip on Ygraine instinctively tightened, not to the point of pain, but an unconscious reassurance that at least one of his children acknowledged him. The way Sol spoke...it was as if the boy didn't even view Callum as sentient. Even though he was right there - right in front of him ...
It was just like when the Collectors spoke to him, or when the healers examined him. They talked to each other, glossing over Callum as if he were a beast incapable of response.
Before he could stop her Ygraine was on Sol. Callum turned a slightly panicked look to Nimueh, uncertainty and fear in his eyes. What...what was he supposed to do? He knew he had to do something, but what? Something in Nimueh's gaze reminded Callum of his earlier resolve, the promise he'd made to be his lover's supporter, and that moved the lighter man forward.
Callum knelt behind Ygraine, and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "It's alright, Ygraine", - he tossed a quick look up at his partner, "-Nim. Sol has every right to be upset." Steeling his resolve, Callum turned back to look at the boy and was surprised to find that Sol had stepped away from all three of them. He was making small half steps like one would do when cornered by a predator.
"I'm so sorry, son. I-"
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Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2016 6:56 pm
Sol could only tamp down on his words for so long. He stood there, rigid as a tree, until Baba admonished him. The boy's head ducked further, lowering itself until it was nearly parallel with his silently shaking shoulders. He wanted to snap at his baba, but he was trying so hard to keep from saying anything else to get him in to trouble-
-and then Ygraine spoke up.
In an instant Sol whipped his head up, staring straight into his sister's eyes. "I'm not stupid, Ygraine! I know Papa didn't leave us, but I know he isn't going to stay either! He's still sick; if you're sick you don't get to come home." He didn't mean to yell at his sister, didn't mean to practically shriek like a banshee in her face, but there it was. The last of his words cracked on a barely contained sob.
The closer Papa got to them the further away Sol scuttled. And when Papa tried to apologize the guilt ate at him two fold. "D-don't say that. You said you were sorry that day too, but we should have...." He wanted to go home. Why couldn't they just go back to Zena until everything was better? He didn't want to see Papa until he could come home for good. If they could just go home Baba and Ygraine wouldn't be mad at him anymore.
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Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2016 7:24 pm
Leave it to Ygraine to blow the situation out of proportion. But the two felt so powerfully that Nimueh really shouldn't have been surprised that they would bicker over something. He just wished that something wasn't Callum's health, or his feelings. Despite everything, Nimueh still felt that shred of concern that Callum's temper would break, and he would scold Sol for his words.
But then, Callum would never say anything cruel to the kids, only to him. He had fooled himself so thoroughly into thinking he was happy with Nimueh that his true feelings only came out during his fever, so why would he snap at Sol? Even if Sol's words came out more harsh.
Children could be terrifyingly, brutally honest.
And goddess, did Nim want to help with this, but he'd never felt so useless as he did when Callum shot him that glance.
Between his scolding, and Sol's only response (to cow away from his parents, as if he didn't trust them not to snap at him) Nimueh felt his face heat with emotion, feeling horribly like he'd spoken out of turn, but under it all, he felt it. The flicker of temper that had been gnawing at him incessantly since they'd escaped. He wanted to insist to Callum that no, he shouldn't be sorry. That he'd been through enough, and that it wasn't fair -
Sol, you're son, is hurting. He hasn't had anyone to help him because you ran away. And now he's not allowed to be upset?
He had no idea what all Callum had been through--
That's what being a parent is, accepting that burden so your children don't have to bear the brunt of it.
And there it was. Callum was stepping up to that responsibility, was sick and tired and hurting and ALONE, because of Nim, and yet even then he was bearing that weight for them. Even as Sol spoke and... and gods, he felt guilty.
It's no surprise you abandoned them when they needed you. You don't have a paternal bone in your body. Would you do what Callum did, if it was you?
Yes, yes of course he would, they were his children--
But they aren't, are they?
The moment the traitorous thought broke through his mind, Nimueh knew he had to get away before something broke out of him, something his fragile family couldn't-shouldn't have to endure. Even as that same voice crowed at him triumphantly, the chorus of Run, Run, Run echoed in his mind as he brushed past the three stooped figures to get inside, walking until he'd found the 'refuge' that had been his room the past few months.
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Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2016 7:36 pm
But he was! He WAS being a baby! He had his tail between his legs like a guilty raptrix pup, and it infuriated her. So while she was angry, she at least felt relieved the he was yelling back. It meant her big brother wasn't totally lost in there, with his 'woe is me' act. Her face screwed up with annoyance, flinching back under the intensity of his final words, but ... before she could say much more Callum had touched her shoulder.
Just like that, her defensive anger evaporated, and she instead moved back, one hand resting at her elbow guiltily. Was that true? She'd been so sure papa would come home now, but... Sol was right. He didn't look good, at all. "Should've what, Sol?" She asked, but this time her voice was quieter, and she looked at her brother, unsure.
And then Baba just... walked away. He bumped her, just the slightest, as he passed, and she instantly was on the defense again, her shoulder shooting up, hands rubbing at her arms as if to warm herself. It was like coming back to Zena all over again. Did he leave because of her and Sol? Because they hadn't done something to help papa back then?
He'd left right after they told him about the Obans too. She was right - he hadn't forgiven them for it! She'd only just been yelling at Sol, and yet now she reached for him instantly, one hand gripping for his wrist on instinct.
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Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2016 8:09 pm
Callum cupped the upper left side of his face with his hand, the palm of his hand over his left eye in an attempt to stave off a growing migraine. It didn't take much to get Ygraine riled up, so it didn't surprise him that once his son's ire was raised so too was his daughter's.
At this point he wasn't sure what he could say to calm them. Sol refused any sort of comfort that his papa could give him, and Nimueh wasn't - No, no that wasn't fair. Callum had caused this problem so it only seemed fit for him to be the one to fix it. Help from his partner would have been appreciated, but he could handle it...right?
His children were so vulnerable, and he was helpless to fix it. "Sol-" Tired, exhausted, but still trying to reach his son on a mental level, Callum reached out only to have his hand smacked away.
He doesn't want you anymore than Nimueh does.
Looking up to his lover, Callum watched as an internal struggle played out over Nim's face. His brows furrowed, wanting to speak, to say something to help, but if he couldn't help his son, a mere child, then what could he do to help Nim?
The rushed evacuation startled Callum. He called after his lover, but his voice was barely above a whisper. Everything was falling apart. Turning back to his children just to see his firey daughter reaching out with renewed timidity to her brother clenched it.
Callum was not allowing his family to fall apart again.
With an eerie calmness, Callum reached out for Sol's hand. He was met with instant resistance, but he didn't let go. Instead, he coaxed the boy closer to his sister. "I'm going to go talk to Baba, but we're not going anywhere. I just...I need the two of you to stay out here. Stay together and I promise we won't be long."
Getting to his feet left Callum physically exhausted and slightly dizzy. His body ached, though not in any way he wasn't used to by this point. He made his way into the home, only to pause just inside the doorway to slowly close the door behind him. Whatever was said in here...the more he could block from his children's ears the better.
Callum made his way to Nimueh's room, and once there the smaller man leaned against the door frame, keen to just observe his lover for the time being. "Nimueh? We need to talk. Now." The stress must have finally pushed the younger hybrid to his breaking point. Guilt consumed Callum, threatening to drag him back down into darker places he would rather not return. He knew he couldn't change the past, but dammit, if he could...
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