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 Posted: Thu Jun 30, 2016 11:46 am
The two hour ride to their destination took a surprisingly short amount of time. In fact, Michael was almost disappointed when he pulled his car up to the docks, because that meant the ride came to an end, and their conversation ceased for now. Of course, the whole point of driving out there was to actually go out on the water, as Michael had promised, and he was sure Caspian would thoroughly enjoy the experience.
He still wore his grey tee-shirt and made no indication that he was planning on changing out of the shorts he had on, although now as he walked in front of Caspian, it was a bit more obvious that he had a tattoo of a thin anchor on his right calf. In his defense, he got it soon after turning eighteen, excited about the idea of soon being a commissioned officer of the Navy.
His sailboat, 35’ in length, was not the largest sailboat out there, but she definitely wasn’t the smallest. She was much too large to leave out unattended, so it took about a day to call ahead and have her brought from the marina where she was kept and carefully locked away, and then docked at the pier for use. Her deep hull meant that they had a long walk down towards the end of the pier. Once they were close enough, Michael turned on his heel to walk backwards, lifting his free hand towards the sailboat in question.
“Well, here she is. She’s getting up there in age, but she’s still good,” he said with a small grin of pride in Caspian’s direction. In his other hand he carried a cooler with food and water and ice, and on his back he wore another large bag of supplies they might need. Most of what they would need would be in the cabin, though.
“Careful where you walk, they were supposed to be repairing the dock, but I don’t think that’s scheduled until the end of the year,” he frowned, lowering the cooler to the ground and reaching up to the deck of the sailboat to grab hold of one of the cords that held the ship to the dock, pulling her a bit closer so they could board.
On the side of the white ship with a navy blue stripe read the name Eulalie.
“The water seems to be okay. We won’t know for sure until we get farther out,” he explained as he went about getting everything ready. He tightened the ropes and went to retrieve the cooler to lift it on board, and then jumped onto the deck, himself. Once everything he had was situated, he turned to reach out his hand to Caspian. “I won’t let you fall,” he promised.
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Posted: Thu Jun 30, 2016 12:16 pm
The drive had been more than pleasant, and it was with some reluctance that Caspian had peeled himself away from Michael so they could both get out of the car. He sat there for a few seconds after Michael had shut the door, his chest feeling oddly tight, his knee still tingling where Michael’s hand had been. There was a peculiar feeling in his chest, one he couldn’t quite discern.
He pushed the confusion aside and slid out of the car, gathering up his backpack as he did so. Caspian’s gaze flickered briefly to the tattoo on the back of Michael’s leg, a little smile on his face as he followed him down the long walk to the end of the pier. He wasn’t sure which one of these boats was Michael’s, but it became clear after a moment as Michael turned to him, gesturing to his side.
For a few seconds, Caspian was more dazzled by the unhesitant grin on Michael’s face than the boat itself, because rarely did Michael ever show such an expression; and it was very clear that this boat was a source of pride to him. Caspian hastily slid his attention to the object in question and gave a low whistle of approval.
“She’s beautiful,” he said, stepping carefully down the dock after Michael. “I’ve never been on a sailboat before, it looks wicked cool.”
Caspian stood where he was while Michael got everything ready, waiting patiently; but he gave the distance between the boat and the dock a slightly wary look. He wasn’t exactly afraid of too many things, but he really didn’t want to drop into the ocean with all of his belongings.
Michael’s hand was outstretched towards him, and Caspian glanced at it for a second before lifting his eyes to meet Michael’s.
I won’t let you fall.
The promise was light, but Caspian felt the impact of it, as though it meant more than just at this moment. He swallowed a little and then beamed a grin up at Michael, holding out his own hand until his fingers wrapped securely and tightly around Michael’s.
“I’ll hold you to that, sir.”
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Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2016 6:08 pm
Michael waited until Caspian’s had was securely in his own, and then nodded to Caspian to jump as he pulled, hoisting him across the gap and onto the deck, his free hand, momentarily placed against Caspian’s waist to steady him.
“See? Not too bad,” he grinned down at Caspian, keeping his hand on his waist as he guided him along the thin pathway towards where the wheel was, and the entrance to the cabin. “If you want to sit there, I’m going to get the cooler and untie us from the dock,” he gestured towards the side where there was a small seating area. There was not a lot of room for anything up on the deck, but that was fine because below deck was a place to eat and sleep and practically live for months if properly prepared.
Once he was sure Caspian was situated, he released his hold on him and hopped back off the deck and onto the dock to collect the cooler. He hoisted it up onto the deck with ease, pushing it in Caspian’s direction to take hold of, and then went to work untying all the lines that secured the ship.
“Heads up,” he called, wanting to make sure Caspian wouldn’t get hit as he tossed the bundles of rope he’d collected up onto the deck, and then hopped back on once the boat was free. Once everything was untied, he revved up the engine so they could ease their way out of where the rest of the boats were kept. The sails would remain tied up until they were further out towards the sound.
“Doing okay so far?” he asked, clearly enjoying himself as he went to stand at the wheel, easing their way through the water with the help of the motorized engine, which definitely made things easier than relying on just the wind to propel them.
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Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2016 6:30 pm
He leapt nimbly up, aided by Michael’s steadying grasp, and for a moment, Caspian stood there, swaying slightly towards Michael, one hand gripping Caspian’s, the other holding him carefully by the waist. He felt his breath catch in his throat, but then the moment had gone, and once again, there was that grin that felt bright enough to blind him. It was infectious; there was a smile tugging at Caspian’s face as he let Michael lead him down to where he was supposed to sit.
“This is amazing,” he said, taking a seat and looking around. The boat may not have been the most enormous thing, but it felt open and airy, and somehow comfortable in the few minutes since he’d stepped onto it. Caspian felt himself relaxing, simply watching as Michael made all the necessary preparations to set off. There was a lot more to it than one would have thought, but Caspian didn’t mind.
And seeing Michael so at ease with himself was definitely a bonus.
“Doing great,” Caspian said, grinning up at him. “This is seriously incredible. You own this boat? How far are we going to go out?”
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Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2016 8:30 pm
“She was a gift to me when I graduated school,” Michael explained as he turned the wheel in the direction towards open waters. “But I don’t think I would have picked anything different,” he said, making sure they were on a steady course before gesturing to Caspian.
“Alright, Cas,” he said with another grin, “You said you wanted to learn, right?” Michael took a step back from the wheel so that Caspian could make his way up instead. “Don’t worry, it’s not like you’re going to crash into anything,” he promised, waiting for him to get up.
“So, I’m sure you can guess that that’s the mast,” Michael pointed to the tall beam in the center of the boat in question. “The front is the bow, the back is the stern. And we’ve got port and starboard bow,” he pointed to each, moving away from the wheel so that he could reach out to the sails, untying them as he went. “This is the mainsail,” he said as he reached the one above them, letting the fabric roll free so he could tighten the sail into place. “And the one up front is the jib. Got all that?”
He wondered if he was going too fast, or doing too much. He knew he’d told Caspian that he felt most comfortable on his boat before, but he wondered if it was too much too fast. He really just wanted Caspian to enjoy himself.
“As for how far we’re going out… well, I was planning on heading into the bay. Probably not into the Atlantic this time. North Carolina has a rougher coast, so I was thinking of heading up towards Maryland, if that’s okay with you.”
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Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2016 9:49 am
”It’s a great gift,” said Caspian, without a trace of sarcasm to his voice. “I just got a new skateboard,” he added with a laugh, but it was clear that he thought that the world of his own gift, not intending a comparison between the two.
He felt a small, silly thrill in his stomach at Cas. It felt...warm, somehow, pleasant, like a drink of hot chocolate on a cold day or a blanket around his shoulders. Caspian stood up carefully and made his way over to the front where Michael was standing, glancing around at everything with frank curiosity written across his face.
“I really hope I don’t crash, that would be terrible,” he said, but he was listening carefully to everything that was pointed out. “I think I’ve got everything so far, I’ve heard those terms before even if I haven’t ever been on a boat. Maybe watching Pirates of the Caribbean several times will help,” he added, grinning over at Michael.
Caspian’s eyes swept across the water in front of him, and he took a breath, inhaling deeply, the wind rippling his hair away from his face.
“That sounds awesome,” he said, as he glanced over at Michael, eyes alight with pleasure. “So do you have to stand here and steer the thing the whole way, or is there an autopilot, or what? How do you steer, exactly?”
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Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2016 8:27 pm
”You and pirates,” Michael shook his head in mock exasperation, but he was clearly in a good mood and didn’t mean anything by it. Just the fact that Caspian liked to bring up pirates every so often was… somewhat amusing.
“There’s definitely an autopilot,” he said with a small laugh. “She’s a cruiser, so she’s intended for long journeys, but I just haven’t had a chance with everything going on,” Michael explained, making sure both of the sails were unfurled and tied into an open position before moving around behind Caspian to turn off the motor now that they had wind power to work with.
“Alright, so when you turn,” he said, moving up behind Caspian so he could help show him exactly how to steer the ship, “Watch how the sail moves when you turn the wheel. Don’t turn too sharply for now, but just a little is good.”
Just to make sure Caspian didn’t have any question on what he was doing, Michael reached around him, taking hold of the same rung where Caspian’s hand rested, almost covering Caspian’s in the process, so he could give the wheel a slight turn.
“There’s a navigation system for open waters, of course. We’re still a little too close to land to put her on autopilot yet, but it definitely takes the strain off of having to stand for hours,” he explained, watching as the main sail swung in front of them, just out of reach for them to get hit by it.
“And if your skateboard is brand new, then I definitely shouldn’t be breaking it!” he added, despite having already agreed to attempting to learn. Eventually. Maybe.
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Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2016 8:34 pm
”Hey, I like pirates,” said Caspian with a laugh. “Every good story needs pirates.”
His mood, which had already been good, was becoming even better with every lighthearted word from Michael. This was a side of him that Caspian hadn’t ever seen before; it was like the walls were coming down, and he was allowing himself to fully and completely relax for the first time since Caspian had met him. The smiles, the laughter, the clear pleasure he took in sailing - all of it was frankly a joy to see.
“Maybe you can go sail along the coastline sometime, take a trip,” Caspian suggested, as Michael came up behind him. He tilted his head back to smile up at him, remembering how he’d said this was his place to go when he was stressed, before he redirected his gaze back to the water in front.
He’d never sailed before in his life, but Caspian was nothing if not willing to take chances. This was Michael’s boat, however; his pride and joy, and he did not want anything to happen to it. Caspian was careful as he held onto the rung, listening to each word so that he didn’t miss anything.
Michael’s fingers brushed his as he turned the wheel; Caspian was suddenly all too aware of just how close he was standing, the fact that all he had to do was lean back and he’d be resting against Michael’s chest. The urge to do so was tempting, but he reigned it in, feeling slightly breathless as he watched the sail and the water whistle past.
“You’re not going to break it,” said Caspian with a snort, shifting his feet. “It’s not nearly as exciting as this, but you’re not backing out if it, nice try.”
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Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2016 8:45 pm
Michael kept his hand on the rung, which meant keeping his hand against Caspian’s, as he helped steer the sailboat into open waters. The idea of standing so close behind Caspian was also so that if he lost his balance, he could easily catch him, but he seemed to be doing rather well on his own.
“I might break it,” he responded, his expression a small grimace. He did not look forward to making a fool of himself, but he’d already said he would at least try. Even if he knew it was a horrible idea.
“Alright, Cas, see that buoy out there? The red one out there? We’re going to go on its left and once we pass that, we’ll set the autopilot,” he explained, holding his other hand out to keep Caspian from staggering as they hit a patch of rougher waves, hovering just to his side just enough for his hand to brush against the fabric of the shirt Caspian wore.
“Aren’t you hot in the long sleeves?” he wondered, glancing down at Caspian with a small frown. It wasn’t the coolest day out on the water, and even with the wind and spray of the water, the sun was still beating down.
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Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2016 8:55 pm
”You won’t break it,” said Caspian airily, tossing Michael another grin over his shoulder. “Boards are meant to hold a lot of weight, contrary to popular belief, and mine is perfectly balanced so even if you’re like, a foot taller than me, I think you’ll do just fine.”
He felt - he didn’t know what he felt. Safe? Protected? Michael was a solid presence behind him, strong and familiar, one arm reaching around so that it was resting on the wheel beside his own, the other brushing his side. The boat jolted as they hit the waves, and Caspian braced his feet, trying not to stagger.
“Okay, red buoy, got it,” he said, and would have mock saluted, had he not been trying to be careful. Caspian let out a laugh at the question, though it was tinged with, oddly enough, a hint of self-consciousness, and his cheeks tinged the faintest red.
“I’m okay,” he said, as the boat hit another patch of rougher waves. This time he slid slightly, his back hitting Michael’s chest as Caspian held on tightly to the wheel. “I, uh. Don’t really wear a lot of short sleeves.”
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Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2016 9:07 pm
Michael didn’t miss a beat, very much used to how the sea and the waves could be unpredictable. It wasn’t horribly rough so far away from the actual ocean, but it was still wasn’t as smooth sailing as a lake would have been. As the boat jerked and Caspian swayed with it, Michael grabbed onto his side to keep him steady, his other hand still tight on the wheel.
“Try to relax your legs a bit,” he suggested, not at all bothered by the fact that Caspian’s back hit his chest, but instead wanting to help him get better to stand on his own eventually.
“I’m not an entire foot taller than you,” he added, his voice more amused than exasperated, although there was a hint of that in there, too. “I’m more concerned about my weight, not my height,” he clarified. He would feel horrible if he ended up breaking Caspian’s board, even if Caspian promised it wouldn’t.
“How come?” Michael wondered, his brows drawing together a little in confusion. “If it’s because you’re really pale, that’s what sunscreen is for,” Michael said with a small frown, letting Caspian do most of the work with guiding the sailboat around the buoy, but remaining behind him just in case he needed help.
“And no, I’m not trying to get you to take your shirt off,” he added with a roll of his eyes before Caspian could make any joking comment. “I’m just saying you might be more comfortable if you do.” Says the guy who was still wearing a shirt, himself.
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Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2016 9:21 pm
Was this how it was always going to be?
Caspian slipping, stumbling a little, and Michael keeping him steady? Michael holding onto him, grounding him, keeping him safe from harm, his hand secure as it gripped his side, sending tingles up and down where it pressed against him. Even with the rougher waves, Caspian did not feel afraid at all, secure in the knowledge that Michael was there behind him.
He did as he was told and relaxed, not just his legs, but his entire body, Caspian daring to lean back a little into Michael. He tilted his head up, expression amused, and said, “Okay, maybe not a foot, but you’re still really tall. I apparently never hit my growth spurt, so I’m doomed to be short forever.”
The spray of water alongside the boat smelled of saltwater and sea and Caspian loved it. He could see the buoy just up ahead and made sure to hold on carefully, turning the wheel only a little so as to not jerk it abruptly.
The pink flush was deepening on Caspian’s cheeks, and it had nothing to do with the sun. Michael took one of the teasing comments out of his mind before he could distract with it, and Caspian opened his mouth and then shut it again. He was not someone who was ever self conscious about his hair or the fact that he sometimes wore nail polish, or his obscenely bright clothing, but -
But Michael is being open with you, so he deserves the same in return.
Caspian swallowed a little, ducking his head away, expression a mixture of frustration and self-consciousness.
“Because,” he mumbled, “I look like a kid.”
A fact he was too much aware of standing with Michael, ten years his senior, and probably better built than half of the people Caspian went to college with.
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Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2016 9:39 pm
Michael loved the water. He loved the wind, he loved the smell of salt, he loved the waves, he loved everything about it, and he was sure it was obvious with just how at ease he seemed. There was only one thing he loved more than the water, but that had been packed away and left to rot for the past several years, unable to bring himself to go back to the life he had before.
But out on the water, he was close enough to where he really wanted to be.
Although he shook his head at Caspian’s joking about not hitting his growth spurt, he definitely wasn’t prepared for the next thing he said. Michael opened his mouth, staring down at Caspian, but quickly closed it again, unsure of what to say to reassure him.
If anything, Michael felt a horrible pressure of guilt in his stomach, having called Caspian a ‘kid’ on more than one occasion when they’d first crossed paths, but he’d consciously not used the term ever since Caspian had requested him not to.
“Cas,” he tried, opening his mouth again, but was still unable to think of an appropriate thing to say. As much as he could tell Caspian that he didn’t look like a kid, and that he didn’t think of Caspian as a kid, he knew through personal experience just how difficult it was to change the mentality one had about themselves.
“I’m sorry,” he said instead, not apologizing in general for how Caspian felt about himself, but for what he’d said to him, weeks ago. “I know I’ve called you a kid before, but… that was just…” Just what? What kind of lame excuse could he come up with to possibly make sense to someone who obviously didn’t have that great of a body image.
“I was being an a*****e on purpose,” he admitted, his expression shifting from the cheerful mood he was in before, to something of a guilty, sad frown. Subconsciously, his hand gripped tighter to Caspian’s side, as if having something against his hand could ease his own guilt.
“I didn’t know you then… I didn’t want to know you… I thought saying something that might be insulting was the fastest way for you to… to not want anything to do with me… I’m sorry...”
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Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2016 9:47 pm
It felt like a stupid, childish admission in and of itself, and Caspian felt the burn of shame and embarrassment across his cheeks. For someone who was hard to offend, hard to upset, hard to anger, this one singular thing seemed to stick in his throat, his head, his mind, reminding him of just how young and inexperienced he was. Being short had never been an issue, but even when he played volleyball, Caspian was too much aware of his thin frame, almost scrawny in nature. He didn’t have the same sort of build that the others did, which meant that he had to work that much harder to be good at what he did.
The nickname once again made that flutter in his stomach reappear, and Caspian felt Michael’s hand tighten on his side. Somehow it was not surprising that Michael had tried to be an a*****e purposefully so that it would push him away; somewhere inside, Caspian had already known this, had already made amends with himself that Michael had not really meant it.
But now -
Now the last thing that Caspian wanted was for Michael to see him as a kid, of all things. He did not know why this bothered him as much as it did; he had always been self conscious about his build, even before he’d met Michael, but now it seemed even more obvious that he was nowhere near like him.
The gentle, pained apology made Caspian close his eyes briefly before opening them again. His free hand shifted, reached without thinking to where Michael’s lay, slowly moving across until his fingers slid around his wrist, and then he tugged, pulled until Michael’s arm was around his waist, warm and secure.
Just for a moment.
“I’m not...mad at you,” Caspian said quietly, and his heart was beating very fast, his back still against Michael’s chest. “I know you didn’t mean what you said. It’s just…”
He gave a shake of his head and let go of Michael’s arm, dropping his hand to the wheel again.
“I don’t want you to see me as a kid.”
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Posted: Sun Jul 03, 2016 5:23 am
There was a strange warmth in Michael’s chest that he didn’t quite understand as Caspian reached to take hold of his wrist, and then pulled it around his waist. He let him, willingly, his fingers curling lightly into the fabric of the shirt that Caspian insisted on wearing because he thought himself to look like a kid. Michael was sure that no matter what Caspian said, the fact that he’d called him a kid, himself… well, that definitely didn’t help him feel any better.
Guiltily, Michael frowned as he looked down at the top of Caspian’s head, the black of his hair shining in the sunlight. No matter what Caspian said, he knew he’d been a jerk. He didn’t usually regret being a jerk, but in this case… he did.
“You’re a lot braver than I could ever be,” Michael heard himself saying, and although he said it, he wasn’t entirely sure what he was saying or where he was going. Just that he wanted to try to be honest. That was all he had to offer to Caspian; trying to be honest with him and with himself.
“I know you say you feel as though you look like a kid, but… there have been plenty of things you’ve done that has been much more ‘adult’ than I could ever do,” he quietly explained, not wanting to release his hold around Caspian’s waist until he was finished.
“No one… has taken the time for me as you have,” he admitted through gritted teeth, feeling his own shame and embarrassment rise up as he spoke. “I know it sounds pretty pathetic, but… the fact that you wouldn’t give up on me that night in the boxcar… and the next morning in the diner…”
Michael opened his mouth to try and continue, but closed it again. “s**t,” he hissed instead, his fingers gripping a bit tighter to the fabric. “Even now… I don’t see you as a kid, Cas… I swear…”
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