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I apologize in advance for rambling-all-over-the-place thread. My mind is very scattered and I'm trying to sort out my emotions.

This concern in my marriage is over lying and cheating. Been with my husband going on 7 years this year. We do not have children, just pets and it seems no matter what he will always lie and find a way to go about cheating.

Lately I was brave and opened up more with him about my sexual wants and desires for him to try and he said he'd be willing. I have discussed with him time and time again how communication and honesty is important to me to make sure nothing happens AGAIN. Below is a list of incidences no exact time frame as this has been a trend.

- Had a dating app on his phone to just chat with girls.
- Became friends with a girl who started flirting with my husband and they texted back and forth. Dropped that "friendship".
- Husband used skype to chat with some girl before
- Found out he was sexting a co-worker a year ago (just recently found out he had intentions of having sex with her, but they never did.)

and finally today... he was doing his thing-- porn video, whatever. Im not interested, but I understand he has a physical need. He comes into our main room and the laptop had died. I opened the laptop, the webcam light was on. I asked him if he was using it and he said "no, just watching a video. idk why it is on the laptop died." Plugged the laptop in and Ta-Dah! Omegle (or whatever the site is called) is up with webcam on. He just lied to my face AGAIN. I asked him how many times does this go on and he said about once a week.

he says he loves me, that he hates himself he doesn't know why he does it etc. I feel like he is just playing the victim self pity card. He said he needs my help and will go to therapy but he doesn't know what to do or where he should look.

I am OVER it. I took my ring off and I am cleaning up our second spare room and i told him I am going to be staying in it. He is against the idea and doesn't want that or he said he would rather sleep in there and I sleep in our main room. I feel sick and disappointed and I don't know how to handle the emotions i'm feeling or what the ******** I'm supposed to do...

Please, anyone, give me your thoughts and opinions. I feel like I'm drowning in my head and I can't even begin to rearrange the other room correctly without going into hysterics and crying everywhere.

I don't want to give up on our marriage, but how do I go about rebuilding anything? I don't trust him at ALL anymore. Do I seek out therapists or counselors or let him do it? this is the first time i've suggested we sleep separately and he is all about begging me for forgiveness etc. but i need to do SOMETHING so he knows his actions have consequences.

I say at this point it needs a professional to help. Look into one?
In my experience cheating is never stoppable though.... And after do long, I'm not really sure how it will all turn out.

I hope it all turns out well<3333

I've never cheated. But I do know what it feels like to try to change but nobody will let it go. Or get out of a grave that you dug yourself and no one will help you out or believe you.
I do know his position.
Ive never been cheated on. I think I really view the entire subject of cheating differently. Well, my sex drive has never grown in, so sex just doesn't interest me in the first place. I think it's the disability, mostly.
But I'd say that if he's not REALLY REALLY TRYING to have sex with only you, break ties, man.
He did say he is, so I'd start the trial period now, today. Maybe you guys can have sex once, twice, three times a week and he'd be satisfied. Then he wouldn't have an urge to have sex with someone else.
If he still has the urge, break it off.
Really, only you can tell if he's really trying to do this for you or not. Most men(I've met) don't like upsetting a woman, wife or not. If he understands that this upsets you, then maybe he'll back off. You need to write down a list things that upset you about this particular subject. Show it to him, and say, "this is what makes me upset about this whole cheating thing. Please try to stop doing them." Some things will need to be made quite clear and firm.
Be aware, that he has not known these limits for x years. There will be mistakes, and lots of just learning.
But if he doesn't satisfy your need of having sex with only you, after a while, break off.
Guys are motivated by sex. Ive learned that.
So ask him what mistakes YOU are making to not please him in such a way. Maybe he's just one who needs lots of sex. Or maybe he wants mor adventure. I really don't know about cheating. But obviously something is wrong in your sexual relationship and you need that figured out if you expect him to not cheat anymore. You both do.
You are scared and freaking out, and he probably is just doing a habit. Like smoking. He has the habit, not you. A VERY LARGE effort needs to come from him. But you need to understand why he does this.
And you, as just a person in his life, need to try to see past these very clear mistakes, made from pure habit, and just be there to say "I know it's hard, but you can't give up."
Personally, I have trichotillamania. Maybe that's the name?? It's a psychological problem that just makes me pick hair from my eyebrows and hairline. I've been doing this for over 12+ years. And now I have a new bald spot right in my hairline.
It's a habit that I wasn't aware of. And now I have no choice but to try everything to deal with it.
Maybe his cheating is the same deal. I don't know. But if you tell him how it hurts you, and give him options to release that sexual energy, and make a list of what you will no longer accept... Maybe he'll be thankful and it'll get stopped eventually. And I'm sure he has, " oh stop it ___. Don't do it! -2 hours later- s**t." moments. When I pick my hair, I ask why I do this?? Maybe it's the same for him.
This is a job both of you need to communicate about. If you do your part and he does his, fabulous. However, if you do your part, and he does not do his, then...I dunno dude. Just do your job, and see what happens with that.
Again, only you can tell if he is truely trying.
If he's not, then break it off and float away.

I don't know if that was helpful or just dumb.

agreed.