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 Posted: Thu Mar 24, 2016 8:36 am
Name: Thomas Wolf Nickname: Tom, don’t ever call him Thomas. Only one person is allowed to do that. Also J.D. Age: 20 Birthday: June 18 Sign: Gemini Gemstone: Agate Blood Type: A+ Fav. Food: Mashed Potatoes, especially if they are loaded. Hated Food: Seafood, fish, squid, stuff that came from the ocean. Was fish already mentioned? He really hates it. Liver - gross. Cauliflower - evil white brain plant. School: Destiny City University - Pre-med Hobbies:Soccer – Or “Football” as it is called in every other country. He’s usually a midfielder, either in the center or one of the sides for the team. He likes being midfielder the best as he tends to get the most exercise from it and there’s still a possibility of scoring goals. He practices with the team every day after school, and sometimes even by himself or with one of his friends if they are willing. He finds it more exciting than any other sport and easy to follow, at least compared to American Football. This is definitely more of a hobby for him than anything as he is not planning on becoming a professional at all. Drawing – Although he doesn’t plan on becoming a professional, Tom likes to draw, especially the web comic he creates. He started drawing when he was a preteen, influenced by other artists he had seen on the internet, animated movies, other comic artists, etc. He usually uses it as a way to put his fanfics into a visual medium, however he loves to do it to other’s fanfics (with permission!) too, especially the ones he finds humorous. He tends to draw more from what he imagines in his head than real life though that doesn’t mean you can’t see him outside sketching on a bright sunny day. Usually the web comic is updated every day, as Tom will usually think of an idea for it and likes to draw it out as soon as possible, lest he forget what he had thought of. Reading – He likes to read though it really depends on the book depending on what happens within the story. He does like fantasy, however more of a whimsical fantasy, like Harry Potter, more than serious fantasy, such as A Song of Fire and Ice. Most of the time he likes to read mystery novels/manga because he loves to learn how the crimes were committed and what techniques were used to catch the perpatrators. He also loves to read webcomics, newspaper comics, certain types of fanfiction (he won’t read it if it’s all bolded!) etc. He tends to read physical copies of books when he is outside and wanting to enjoy the sunshine, on the weekends or vacation days, as he doesn’t like how hard it is to read digital copies in the sun. He likes to find a comfy spot on a couch at home or in a bookstore/café and read, sometimes for hours. He’ll make sure to buy something though. He can be seen frequently at the bookstore browsing the fantasy and mystery sections. He is also often spotted at the library checking out books as he doesn’t like to spend money on something he later will dislike. He is also a member of the college book club and can usually be seen at the meetings talking to others and swapping book recommendations between he and the other members. Virtues:Friendly/Outgoing – Tom likes to be of help others and be nice to everyone that he can. He tends to be the type of person who talks to others in lines or joke about a situation in a nice way to others if they have to wait in long lines. He usually tries to strike up conversation with those he thinks may not have many friends at the University, though only if they look receptive of it. He doesn’t like seeing someone look sad or down in the dumps because he knows how that feels and it makes him feel a need to go and help the other person or at least try to help them as much as he can to make himself feel better too. He has decided to be more friendly to others than when he was at home because none of his friends followed him to Destiny City for school and he has no connections either in the city or the university. So he hopes that he will be able to make more friends here who not only can help him navigate school and the city, but that he may be able to visit eventually in other places or even other countries. He finds other cultures interesting so talking to others who are not from the same culture as he helps him to learn more about them than any book or TV show could ever do. Easygoing – Tom doesn’t get mad if changes plan or if something else happens. Things happen in life that are not expected so why make a big deal out of it? Although he still expects most things to happen when they are scheduled, someone being 10 minutes late in meeting him at the movies or grabbing a bite to eat won’t bother him. He knows that if his friends are late that they will usually tell him. He also knows that there are normally many ways to communicate with others and if he starts to wonder where they are, will try to contact them. The few times he tends to be troubled by others is if the plan is time sensitive, such as needing to get a group project done and it’s due the next day or a show is only being performed for one night. Flaws:Often distracted – Tom has a distraction problem. If he’s focused on something completely, it’s often hard for his friends to take him out of it. Frequently friends have found that if he’s reading a book that he really likes, it can be hard to get a word out of him or to even take his attention away from the book as even calling out his name will have no effect. He also sometimes stops speaking in the middle of a conversation, his mind wandering elsewhere, usually to another idea that’s popped into his head for his comic, and unless he can write down the idea right away or put a note on his phone/tablet, his friends find it difficult for him to speak again until he can write the idea down somewhere. His closer friends have gotten used to this, however school project partners and those who are less close often find this irritating. Tom knows he has this problem though and usually quickly types out whatever he is thinking on his phone. The times that he cannot do so though, he tries to focus on the task at hand and forget whatever he was thinking of. This also applies to other things Tom may be thinking of such as how he is currently feeling, what he is thinking of someone else, etc. Some of his friends have even started to call him J.D. as a nickname as a reference from the character from Scrubs because of the times he’ll stop and stand there for a bit not doing anything until he finally snaps out of it. Sarcastic – Can sarcasm be genetic? A sarcasm gene if you will? Tom has it. He probably got it from his father who got it from his father… sarcasm is almost a tradition in his family at this point. Loves to be sarcastic about almost everything. Sometimes it makes people laugh, sometimes he uses it on those that do not speak “sarcasm” to trick or puzzle them. Although even if one could claim that sarcasm wasn’t genetic, it’s still one of his favorite forms of speaking, especially brooding, polite, and deadpan. Strangers or those he is not quite as close to have found it quite jarring when he is sarcastic and can be quite irritated by it. Although he is usually nice, Tom can’t help but find sarcasm streaming through his mouth if he is annoyed at someone else. He tries not to say anything sarcastic if he knows that the person is just ignorant or confused on what they are doing, but when he does so, it’s known to have quite the caustic effect on any relationship Tom and the other may have had. He has had to clarify to friends at times that what he has said was not meant to be mean or taken another way. PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION Eyes: Brown, Almond Hair: Brunette/Brown haired, here except brown colored. Wears a black cowboy hat and watch on the left wrist. Face: Oval shaped face, regular sized nose, Caucasian complexion Clothes: Soccer shirt/jersey in school colors (design doesn't need to be complicated, as long as one can tell it's about soccer), light colored jean pants, sporty sneakers (don't have to be anything special). Wears a black cowboy hat.
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Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2016 10:49 am
 Negaverse Alias: Lieutenant Arsenopyrite (if taken by others before this, backups are: Orpiment) Challenge: "I'm the poison caused by your greed..." ((if too long then)) "..." Uniform: Long straightened robe silver on it. Would go completely to the ankles. Would be the main two colors with. Top – Robe/dress like going all the way down to the ankles with long sleeves going to the wrists. Bottoms – Top is connected to bottom so no distinction. Gloves – Extremely dark gray gloves Belt – Extremely dark gray simple belt with silver pouch Shoes – Basic boots, black Shoulders – Like the top part of a pellegrina that just covers the shoulders. See ref. Accessories – Small Flat hat, black colored small-round goggles, half-face mask Weapon – cane/stick combo -> a fire iron with plague doctor theme (or just the top of the cane used as the holder) -> A horseman's pick themed around a plague doctor this time with incense that can bother the eyes and sinuses. Perhaps with a thurible in the shape of a pinecone hanging off of it. Main color: Extremely Dark gray/black Second Color: Dull Silver Reference Images: - full body- another full body like military uniform cannot copy off of this image as it comes from DA - Top of military uniform reference. For some reason while the link itself is correct, if you just click the link here it will add a "/" that shouldn't be in there before the apostrophe in "Colonel's". If it doesn't there is a link on this page and you should be able to look up "Colonel's Coat". - Shoulder reference
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Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2016 11:25 am
Profile Changes:03/26/16: Beefed up descriptions a bit, moved sarcastic to flaws, got rid of rude. 03/27/16: Changed weapon type. 04/11/16: Removed humurous to make flaws and virtues more balanced. Will add back in when I think of another flaw. (( Humorous – Loves making people laugh, especially with his web comic. If he sees that someone is having a bad day he tries to lighten their mood with some humor. He tries to read the situation though so he knows when it would be okay to make jokes.)) - Removed Mask, however I want to see if I could still possibly get that in at a later stage. plague doctors mask Reference Images: - Head (Does not need a full mask right now or the hat) - First mask possibly to show that mouth and rest of head can be uncovered and only needs a strap. Mask would be dark. 4/13/16: Removed weapon ideas. Must discuss, getting conflicted answers on what I can and cannot have. Two ideas, the second if the first one is not an option. 1. If I can do ranged attacks: spray can filled with incense -> mechanical fan -> portable back pack like that one filled with incense/smoke instead of green slime. Can be avoided by getting out of the cloud/wearing a mask/using wind to blow it away, etc. If not okay then:2. basic fighting/bo staff -> metal tipped spear -> halberd with this with sharpened wings and spike point 04/17/16 Took out scythe idea for now, put in Horseman's pick as was suggested. Old scythe info: 1. Small stick/cane that's skinny and looks like this -> Same thing but longer, more like a pole at this point and with the wings sharpened so they can cut and exudes something that smells like incense from it (though the incense doesn't do anything -> Scythe whose blade looks like that of the plague doctor's mask (whether it's nice and white with more of a brown colored end or just looks like it) with the top of what used to be the other two weapons on the other side but with sharper wings so that either side can be used, but the main scythe side would be more effective. It would also release a stream of incense that, if the person gets caught in it, can burn their eyes and/or "overwhelm" their sense of smell. I have been trying to come up with designs, but it might be better once I actually get to the stage and an artist can come up with their own spin on it. 4/24/16 Got rid of Posessive Possessive – Not of people, but definitely with objects. He even has favorite pens and pencils and if you borrow them you better give them back or else you are going to have to replace them. Also possessive of other items such as his collectables, room, games, etc. He doesn’t like to lend them out and keeps them behind display cases so that there is less likely of a chance that they will be broken. He knows not to let any of his items go out of his sight or out of his house after a few of them have been destroyed by his friend’s pets. On a couple of occasions, even his own pets!
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Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2016 9:49 pm
Heya! Gonna try to give you some questions that will help beef up your descriptors!
Soccer: What position does he play? How long has he played? Why did he start playing it? Does he have any aspirations for his soccer hobby? Does he get scholarships from it?
Drawing: How did he learn to draw? Does he have preference for what he draws? What medium does he use? Will he draw for others? What subject matter does he prefer? Is he better at drawing what he sees or drawing from the imagination?
Reading: The trick to hobbies here is that they're used as individual prompts for RP in certain instances, so things like reading and drawing hedge on whether they have any interpersonal value as an RP or solo basis. When does he take the time to read, and where does he do his reading (ie does he read in public at all, like at the park on a sunny day)? Does he read strictly books, or are there webcomics that he follows? Does he collect these books?
Friendly/Outgoing: Can you give any examples of instances where he would help someone else, and how he would do it? Since outgoing is bundled into this virtue, does he make conversation with strangers often? When/where/under what circumstances would he do so?
Humorous: How do people react to his humor? Sarcasm is generally a negative form of humor, so does anyone ever take his jokes the wrong way?
Adaptable/Easygoing: 'Easygoing' can also refer to being relaxed in approach, so do people often find that he is a relaxing person to be around? Can you give an example of how he would adapt to a cancellation or event closure?
Lazy: This doesn't quite read as a flaw. What does he do that's lazy that other people will look down on? Does he nap through social obligations that he was supposed to keep? If someone asks him to help them with moving, does he always decline due to not wanting to put out the effort?
Possessive: Has he lent out something in the past and a fight erupted because of it? Does he not invite anyone over and always expects to meet his friend at alternative locations because of his possessiveness, thereby creating imbalance in the relationship?
Rude: Is his rudeness inadvertent at times? Can you give instances where he was rude to someone in the past? Is he rude verbally, or does he just push through people without saying 'excuse me', or does he display no politeness? How does this flaw balance against the virtue of friendly/outgoing wherein you cited that everyone tends to like him?
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For the Nega side,
Alias: Realgar is a taken mineral name, but Arsenopyrite is not!
Uniform: Negaverse agents aren't allowed to have bright colors on their uniform, so the silver may need to become a grey, but an artist or mod will let you know here!
Weapon: These are done in three-stage progressions that are logically linked together, so you do need to have an idea of what his weapon will be and how it changes to become the end result. For example, if he uses a staff, it could start as such: coffee stirrer (useless item) > cane (semi-useful item/weapon) > staff (useful weapon). Negaverse characters do not tend to feature much magic, but you could have an enchantment on the staff at general stage since a staff doesn't have much killing power. For example, the general-stage staff could have an enchantment where any area struck with it sustains painful burning for x seconds. I recommend steering away fro the medicine pouch because it would require more magical properties than what are endemic to Negaverse characters; if you ever wanted to purify him, however, hold onto the idea of the magical medicine pouch as it is very doable as a knight!
I hope this helps! Don't forget to post him up for staff crit/stamping in the stamping thread for non-slot quests!
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Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2016 2:44 pm
All right, I think the weapon stuff is okay now and all of the other stuff is done.
So now it's ready for critiquing/stamping.
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Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2016 10:57 pm
Hi SSBros,
Congrats on winning Arsenopyrite, before I can stamp him, there's some tweaks that need to be attended to to make his profile stronger. I'm also going to go ahead and apologize for the length of my crit; I know it's long but please bear with me on this.
First off on his hobbies, two out of three seem like they could be fairly solo hobbies; which is fine. However, I'd like to know if he enjoys doing either of his hobbies, drawing or reading with friends? Like for example his reading hobby; would he talk to friends about the book he just read? Or could he perhaps be in a book club? The reason for me asking this, is because writing things as simple as this, takes a hobby from something he does just solely on himself, to a social hobby he shares with other people.
Players here often use hobbies as a way for characters to interact in civilian or slice-of-life style roleplays. It gives them ideas of how characters can meet and interact. That said, by no means am I saying solo hobbies are bad; they're great to have too; but too many solo hobbies can make playing a character difficult; so this is just something to kind of keep in mind as well. Especially, if a hobby is written where it sounds like it could be just a solo hobby, it could potentially deter people from offering rps dealing with that hobby.
Now then on to virtues.
When reading his friendly/outgoing virtue the first sentence I read states "Everyone likes him." This, even with the very word 'tends' leads to an absolute statement. It's like saying "Sally is the best at Chess, and cannot be beat". As this virtue sits, it's unallowable; because no one can be an absolute. The character could; in his point of view; think so highly of himself, that he doesn't realize not everyone likes him. Which could also, if you wanted to go that route, lead to him having a conceited/vain flaw. However; this virtue as it stands really needs to be rewritten before I can approve of it.
Tom can be friendly and outgoing without everyone liking him. His friendliness and outgoingness may make people annoyed by him or may make them want to run away and hide. Not everyone is going to accept his outgoing nature and react to it in different ways; so instead of telling people how to act with your character; give them options say they could do this. It's okay for virtues to have quirks in them that don't make them 100% positive.
My best suggestion here would be to drop the first two sentences of this virtue and focus on what makes him outgoing and friendly.
How does being outgoing and friendly help him? Could this help him make new friends? Does he go out of his way to help a stranger in hopes that his kindness will be payed forward? Does he try to go out of his way to help cheer up a friend?
Keep in mind for both virtues and flaws, information like this can make them much stronger. Answering simple questions such as how can it help them (virtues); or how could it hurt them (flaws)? Gives players a view into your character. It makes them more three dimensional and less flat.
Same goes with Easy going / Adaptable - how does he play WoW and makes sure he can make time in case something happens? What happens if he's in the middle of a dungeon run with other people? If he was the healy; would his dungeon gang understand him having to stop suddenly? Or does he just not do these things?
I feel like with this one, focusing less on WoW (because honestly, I have play mmo's I know if you're playing a critical role you've screwed the rest of your team if you have to up and leave in the middle of it - and for things like this there's really no little role; you need your meat shields and your magic and your dps along with your healies if you're going to get through alive sometimes.) Focus more on how he can adapt and go with the flow outside of games; because if you leave it written to just games you've pigeon holed yourself into an unfortunate virtue that doesn't apply - I've done this personally, it's not particularly fun to dig oneself out of if you hit a road block.
My suggestion though on Adaptable and Easygoing is focus on what makes him adaptable and easy going - actually, I feel like you could split this into two traits; even though they have similar meanings they can still be very, very different when profile writing. If you split this into two traits, and perhaps grabbed my conceited or found another flaw you could have three total traits for your virtues and your flaws. That aside; the reason I suggest this is typically because Adaptable is seen as how well you handle sudden change where easy going is more on the side of understanding, accepting the sudden change. In profile writing because of this, they can work really well together as two different traits.
For example: You've over spent on your budget for this pay week and have another five days until payday. You've only got twenty dollars left and still need food and gas - what do you do?
Easygoing is where like you stated in the profile he doesn't get mad if plans change; or if something happens while he's playing a game and has to leave it; or even when his friend is constantly late. I really think these two traits could be much stronger split up into their own.
Otherwise, I'd highly suggest settling on one word or the other to describe his virtues like you have for his flaws. Having two words for any one trait is going to end up very confusing for anyone reading it. Largely because they read as it could be this or that; even though the words are synonyms of each other.
Now then for your flaws. . . . reading them; to me they're not really flaws? They're more neutral there's nothing really good or bad about them. It's very much like Hetz had pointed out; they need a negative effect on Tom's behavoir and his self. So my questions are about the same as Hetz's. What happens when he lends things out and they don't get returned either because the person took the thing; lost the thing; or broke the thing? Not everyone is simply going to replace said object even when told to. Sadly, life isn't that black and white, and neither is the rp environment here. So does he get mad, will he shove someone; not talk to them until they fix the problem? I know he's easy going but sometimes if there's something that close and personal and you loan it out. . . . you're going to be upset over it in some way. How does Tom's feathers get ruffled?
Same with sarcastic; it's great you linked types of sarcasm but that's not helpful. Take what you've linked into consideration, look at what is there with the consequences for those types of sarcasm; and I realize this isn't one that you linked; but for example the obnoxious sarcasm states it can cause someone to want to punch you in the face. Not all of his intended sarcasm is going to come off as how he thinks it will. People will always react differently; so again here I'd remove the absolute and the examples of sarcasm; and give ways people could react or have perhaps reacted in the past. Could it or has it hurt a friend's feelings? Can his sarcasm be taken wrong? Telling me it makes people laugh is a positive thing to be honest; which would be okay, if there were more negatives or darker negatives to balance it out. However, as it stands this trait waffles on is it good or bad?
Flaws and Virtues can not, unfortunately waffle; if they do, they're not really what we're looking for. They can still be traits and things he does if they're not that bad or that good; but to be a flaw it has to be something that comes with consequences that paint a negative light on the character; where the virtues can paint a positive light. The virtues are your characters' redeeming qualities for their damning traits.
Also, when you're rewriting and fixing up you're character's hobbies and traits there are fragment sentences that makes the information on Tom jarring to read. Can you fix those drop in sentences so that they flow with the rest of the profile? A lot of this can be fixed with a simple noun added to it; or a rearranging of the paragraph of information.
As it stands the fragments that I've found here are more incomplete ideas. So for example this statement - "Likes to throw random parties at his house."
This statement is fairly jarring because it drops into a statement. However, it doesn't tell us who likes throwing parties. While this is fine for making notes and getting the bare bones of a profile, or a story, or what have you; there is the need to back and flesh out statements like this with the subject.
When adding the subject it turns the sentence from jarring statement to a flowing statement; for example: "Tom likes to throw random parties art his house."
See the difference in the flow? Profile writing is much like essay writing; in the sense that the hobbies, virtues and flaws all need to flow as much as possible. The grammar doesn't have to be perfect because I understand not everyone in moonshop has English as a first language; and lets be frank English is hard even to native speakers. With that said though, the profile does have to have a certain amount of readability and be easy to understand.
With all of that said his Negaverse agent side looks fine to me!
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Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 7:27 am
All right, I'm hoping I made some good improvements on my flaws/virtues however I probably need to tweak them a bit more, especially Easygoing. I know my character is like that, I'm just not sure how to describe it.
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Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 8:27 pm
Thank you for making the changes I asked for, those look much better! A mod will be by soon for a full stamp!
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Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2016 3:57 pm
Looks good to me, have fun playing!
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