Daekie
Poppy knew she was being awful. She knew! But, she rationalized, being completely aware of it meant it was okay.
She hadn’t looked Alexa in the eyes since coming back to school - hadn’t talked to her in the halls - hadn’t met up with her at lunch. In fact, she’d been specifically trying to avoid any contact with Alexa: she just felt too guilty. It’d been her fault, after all. They’d been on a patrol route that Chrysocolla had picked out - and then - everything had all gone wrong at once. People - voices - a surprise attack, and everything had gone black - and when she’d woken up, nobody would tell her where Sylvite was. If she was ok. If they’d even taken her in, or if a Lieutenant had been too below their notice - but she had known, in the pit of her stomach. (She’d known.)
Sylvite didn’t grab starseeds. Sylvite didn’t try to throttle a Knight her own age to death. Sylvite was a Good Person - so of course she wouldn’t be spared. The world was funny that way.
But -- school had just let out, and sometimes her hands still hurt and shook when she held them the wrong way, and sometimes - well. She still kept the hoodie in her backpack, after all. She’d bundle up her hair into the cotton hood and sit on top of the school building, and breathe, and - well.
(And hope nobody saw her, because Chrysocolla’s eyes were reddened from crying, and her lips were dry and chapped. The shadows under her eyes were darker than usual. Wasn’t she such a pretty sight? Wouldn’t she just love to get found? She really just wanted to nap. Just five minutes. Just five minutes wouldn’t do any harm.)
She hadn’t looked Alexa in the eyes since coming back to school - hadn’t talked to her in the halls - hadn’t met up with her at lunch. In fact, she’d been specifically trying to avoid any contact with Alexa: she just felt too guilty. It’d been her fault, after all. They’d been on a patrol route that Chrysocolla had picked out - and then - everything had all gone wrong at once. People - voices - a surprise attack, and everything had gone black - and when she’d woken up, nobody would tell her where Sylvite was. If she was ok. If they’d even taken her in, or if a Lieutenant had been too below their notice - but she had known, in the pit of her stomach. (She’d known.)
Sylvite didn’t grab starseeds. Sylvite didn’t try to throttle a Knight her own age to death. Sylvite was a Good Person - so of course she wouldn’t be spared. The world was funny that way.
But -- school had just let out, and sometimes her hands still hurt and shook when she held them the wrong way, and sometimes - well. She still kept the hoodie in her backpack, after all. She’d bundle up her hair into the cotton hood and sit on top of the school building, and breathe, and - well.
(And hope nobody saw her, because Chrysocolla’s eyes were reddened from crying, and her lips were dry and chapped. The shadows under her eyes were darker than usual. Wasn’t she such a pretty sight? Wouldn’t she just love to get found? She really just wanted to nap. Just five minutes. Just five minutes wouldn’t do any harm.)
stari_maga
The first time she went back to school, several days after the rescue, and seen Poppy in the lunch line, it was the biggest relief ever. Alexa had been worrying herself sick the whole time she was supposed to be getting better.
Things were… normal, almost. She’d survived being left to rot, and survived the aftermath, too, which was almost worse- the conversations with her parents, where there wasn’t anything she could say, true or false, to make them feel better, and so she just told them she couldn’t remember, over and over again, and failed at not crying, and they were going to make her talk to a psychologist or something, maybe get the police involved… it was a mess.
School was a little better. She said she’d had a family emergency and begged Coach’s forgiveness, and as long as she wore sleeves that covered her wrist, which were still pretty messed up, and enough makeup to hide how pale she was, nobody would know. She could still draw hearts all over her notes and chat with a smile and laugh over the jokes in Shakespeare that nobody else got and dramatically hate her life through the entire math hour.
It was all a lie, though. Not that she’d ever been above lying, but doing it twenty four seven was kinda exhausting, especially with Poppy always on the edge of her vision as a reminder, not letting her push the memories from her mind, but never up for a conversation, always busy or across the room. Alexa wanted to talk, needed to talk, wanted to make sure that Poppy was okay… but eventually realized that that was dumb. This was not Alexa and Poppy’s conversation.
So one day, right after school, she powered up in the same bathroom as before. This time, she knew about auras. She could feel the one right above her, sparkling darkly. She ran down the stairs and out the door, turned around and looked up, and called, as soon as she saw her friend, “Chrysocolla!”
Things were… normal, almost. She’d survived being left to rot, and survived the aftermath, too, which was almost worse- the conversations with her parents, where there wasn’t anything she could say, true or false, to make them feel better, and so she just told them she couldn’t remember, over and over again, and failed at not crying, and they were going to make her talk to a psychologist or something, maybe get the police involved… it was a mess.
School was a little better. She said she’d had a family emergency and begged Coach’s forgiveness, and as long as she wore sleeves that covered her wrist, which were still pretty messed up, and enough makeup to hide how pale she was, nobody would know. She could still draw hearts all over her notes and chat with a smile and laugh over the jokes in Shakespeare that nobody else got and dramatically hate her life through the entire math hour.
It was all a lie, though. Not that she’d ever been above lying, but doing it twenty four seven was kinda exhausting, especially with Poppy always on the edge of her vision as a reminder, not letting her push the memories from her mind, but never up for a conversation, always busy or across the room. Alexa wanted to talk, needed to talk, wanted to make sure that Poppy was okay… but eventually realized that that was dumb. This was not Alexa and Poppy’s conversation.
So one day, right after school, she powered up in the same bathroom as before. This time, she knew about auras. She could feel the one right above her, sparkling darkly. She ran down the stairs and out the door, turned around and looked up, and called, as soon as she saw her friend, “Chrysocolla!”
Daekie
As soon as Chrysocolla felt the aura, she knew she didn’t have a chance in hell to escape - so she didn’t even try. Tears prickled at the edge of her eyes (they did that a lot, lately, whenever she thought of anything even remotely emotional), and her hands clasped themselves into a shape so tight her knuckles went white under the gloves.
“...Hey, Sylvite.”
She didn’t respond in kind in the slightest. Her voice was tired, it was quiet (although - to be fair - it usually was), and she sounded like she was about to cry. The stuttering breath she took only added to that. “You alright?” It was almost pathetic, really - how she’d tried to give the aura of someone who knew what they were doing - and then it’d all crashed down on her.
‘Shouldn’t you go home?“ It was an innocent enough question. Sylvite had parents who weren’t part of this -- Sylvite had parents who didn’t know exactly what’d happened to her. (Chrysocolla didn’t know exactly what had happened to Amphitrite. She didn’t think she ever would, or that she wanted to. Whatever had happened -- it’d been worse than what they’d done to her.) “I’m sure your parents don’t want you wasting time after what happened.”
“...Hey, Sylvite.”
She didn’t respond in kind in the slightest. Her voice was tired, it was quiet (although - to be fair - it usually was), and she sounded like she was about to cry. The stuttering breath she took only added to that. “You alright?” It was almost pathetic, really - how she’d tried to give the aura of someone who knew what they were doing - and then it’d all crashed down on her.
‘Shouldn’t you go home?“ It was an innocent enough question. Sylvite had parents who weren’t part of this -- Sylvite had parents who didn’t know exactly what’d happened to her. (Chrysocolla didn’t know exactly what had happened to Amphitrite. She didn’t think she ever would, or that she wanted to. Whatever had happened -- it’d been worse than what they’d done to her.) “I’m sure your parents don’t want you wasting time after what happened.”
stari_maga
“Hi,” she replied, more or less cheerfully, although something was off- she was too calm, and standing very still compared to normal. Now that she was here… she didn’t really know what to say. She knew that calling up to the roof was just going to draw attention, though, and they didn’t need that, so she took a few moments to climb the building superhero style, using the windows as stairs, and she plopped herself down cross legged a few feet from the senshi.
“I dunno,” she answered, not lying for once. “I think I’m okay, but… I didn’t know it was gonna be like this. What about you?” She glanced over, brows knitted together. It was pretty obvious that something was up with Chrysocolla, and it wasn’t hard to guess what that was. Seeing her down like this wasn’t easy to watch, but… this was hard stuff. Sylvite wasn’t really sure how to help.
The comment about her parents actually got a giggle, though. “Yeah, I’m on a pretty short leash, but I have my ways around that. I’m not boring. Anyway, I’m not even supposed to be home right now. I have cheer practice in an hour.” She paused for a moment, taking in her view of the street below. She’d never been up here before- never really thought about using her powers to climb buildings. It might be fun… but that wasn’t really the point, she now knew. “I’m not going to waste time anymore, either. I thought this was just about cool magic stuff and having fun and adventures. I was wrong. That was dumb. This is really a legit war. We really have to fight to protect our planet and stuff. I’m gonna do that. I want to be a good soldier.”
“I dunno,” she answered, not lying for once. “I think I’m okay, but… I didn’t know it was gonna be like this. What about you?” She glanced over, brows knitted together. It was pretty obvious that something was up with Chrysocolla, and it wasn’t hard to guess what that was. Seeing her down like this wasn’t easy to watch, but… this was hard stuff. Sylvite wasn’t really sure how to help.
The comment about her parents actually got a giggle, though. “Yeah, I’m on a pretty short leash, but I have my ways around that. I’m not boring. Anyway, I’m not even supposed to be home right now. I have cheer practice in an hour.” She paused for a moment, taking in her view of the street below. She’d never been up here before- never really thought about using her powers to climb buildings. It might be fun… but that wasn’t really the point, she now knew. “I’m not going to waste time anymore, either. I thought this was just about cool magic stuff and having fun and adventures. I was wrong. That was dumb. This is really a legit war. We really have to fight to protect our planet and stuff. I’m gonna do that. I want to be a good soldier.”
Daekie
“I’m not okay, but I’m...I’ll be fine, I guess.” Chrysocolla had to take a moment to think about it, to determine that she would be fine; it was harder than she’d predicted. “...My sister was there. Amphitrite. She’s the one who found me. I don’t know what they did to her, but I can tell whatever happened to her was way worse than what happened to me. At least they mainly left me alone.”
There was a pregnant pause, where she didn’t - couldn’t - look Sylvite in the eye. “...I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Sylvite, it was all my fault -- this shouldn’t have happened to you.” Her chest heaved with short, shallow breaths. “I mean. If you wanted to never power up again - I’d - I’d understand.” Her fingers interlocked ever tighter. “I would! I-if you want to train, um, I can tell General Cinnabar, you can come to my lessons - but I -”
She didn’t know what to say for a second. And then it hit her like a fist to the gut.
“...Did you ever wonder why I only have a sister? Why she’s just like me too? I mean, yeah, there’s the story we tell people, but - that’s not really true, you know.” She chuckled, but it was humorless. “Everything always comes back to this war.”
There was a pregnant pause, where she didn’t - couldn’t - look Sylvite in the eye. “...I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Sylvite, it was all my fault -- this shouldn’t have happened to you.” Her chest heaved with short, shallow breaths. “I mean. If you wanted to never power up again - I’d - I’d understand.” Her fingers interlocked ever tighter. “I would! I-if you want to train, um, I can tell General Cinnabar, you can come to my lessons - but I -”
She didn’t know what to say for a second. And then it hit her like a fist to the gut.
“...Did you ever wonder why I only have a sister? Why she’s just like me too? I mean, yeah, there’s the story we tell people, but - that’s not really true, you know.” She chuckled, but it was humorless. “Everything always comes back to this war.”
stari_maga
“It’s not your fault, Chrys,” said Sylvite immediately, turning her whole body to face the other girl, now, eyes locked on Chrysocolla’s face despite the the fact that she wouldn’t meet her gaze. “Did that stupid shiny victim blaming knight guy try to mess with you, too? It’s crap. Everything he said was crap, okay? He’s not a good person. He even told me so.”
She smiled, but that was off, too. There was worry in her expression that just wasn’t leaving right now. “You’re, like, really nice and smart and everything, okay? You were just helping me, when…” The thought trailed off into dark places and she stopped talking. “They’re the bad guys. Don’t feel bad, please. Not because of that.” Again, she felt something stirring deep inside of her. Anger. That was what it was. She wanted to rip all of their faces off for making Chrysocolla feel like this. “...Training would be good, yeah.”
The question seemed to catch her interest, though. She’d been curious, yeah… but even though she tended to ask about pretty much whatever, she’d learned from experience that missing family members tended to be a sore spot, so she didn’t ask about those much anymore. “I kind of wondered, but… I figured if you wanted me to know, you’d tell me. Do you wanna tell me?”
She smiled, but that was off, too. There was worry in her expression that just wasn’t leaving right now. “You’re, like, really nice and smart and everything, okay? You were just helping me, when…” The thought trailed off into dark places and she stopped talking. “They’re the bad guys. Don’t feel bad, please. Not because of that.” Again, she felt something stirring deep inside of her. Anger. That was what it was. She wanted to rip all of their faces off for making Chrysocolla feel like this. “...Training would be good, yeah.”
The question seemed to catch her interest, though. She’d been curious, yeah… but even though she tended to ask about pretty much whatever, she’d learned from experience that missing family members tended to be a sore spot, so she didn’t ask about those much anymore. “I kind of wondered, but… I figured if you wanted me to know, you’d tell me. Do you wanna tell me?”
Daekie
“I’m going to kill him,” Chrysocolla started vehemently, and it was the angriest Sylvite had ever heard her. “I know I can’t yank his starseed - when they glow, you can’t - but I’ll kill him, Sylvite, swear to god. He deserves it.” There was no doubt in her voice in the slightest. “You know they can’t be corrupted, right? When they glow like that? Death’s the only thing left for him. He can’t help us anymore - and I’m not smart, I’m not anything - I’m just an idiot who got you hurt.”
She paused, looking up at Sylvite with watery eyes, lip trembling, trying to force a smile. “I m-mean. If you want to come to my session this week -- I can teleport you in. Cinnabar will be fine with it.” There was something ugly and vicious behind her eyes that she was trying desperately to force down, but it wasn’t working as well anymore. Not since the kidnapping.
“...I don’t remember anything from before July 2015. ...almost nothing, anyways.” Chrysocolla bit her lip so hard it started to bleed. “The White Moon woke me up when I was 14. Anything I know about that girl - it’s bits and pieces. Umber brought me in for corruption as a Super - because Order, they taught her to kill. She couldn’t take it anymore. She wanted to die. And -- it kind of wiped my brain, I guess.” Her laugh was shaky as anything. She so desperately wanted Sylvite to still like her after this. “Amphitrite’s a little of the same. I got put with her because we look alike, but - as far as we know, um - we’re not related. Not by blood. Not by anything. ..but neither of us would know, anyways.”
She paused, looking up at Sylvite with watery eyes, lip trembling, trying to force a smile. “I m-mean. If you want to come to my session this week -- I can teleport you in. Cinnabar will be fine with it.” There was something ugly and vicious behind her eyes that she was trying desperately to force down, but it wasn’t working as well anymore. Not since the kidnapping.
“...I don’t remember anything from before July 2015. ...almost nothing, anyways.” Chrysocolla bit her lip so hard it started to bleed. “The White Moon woke me up when I was 14. Anything I know about that girl - it’s bits and pieces. Umber brought me in for corruption as a Super - because Order, they taught her to kill. She couldn’t take it anymore. She wanted to die. And -- it kind of wiped my brain, I guess.” Her laugh was shaky as anything. She so desperately wanted Sylvite to still like her after this. “Amphitrite’s a little of the same. I got put with her because we look alike, but - as far as we know, um - we’re not related. Not by blood. Not by anything. ..but neither of us would know, anyways.”
stari_maga
She didn’t look at all shocked from the sudden outburst. It was what she had been feeling under the giggles for awhile now. “I’ll help,” she said, eyes suddenly glistening with determination. “Him first, but the other ones, too, not just the glowy ones, either- I didn’t do anything or know anything, and none of them cared, they were all just gonna let me starve on the concrete. I was dying, they said my body was shutting down from dehydration-” but that wasn’t something to think about. “I wanna- we can rip their throats out or shove these-” she summoned her lollipops and twirled them around so the sticks were pointing away from her, “Through their eyes or something. There’s lots of ways to kill someone, right?”
Suddenly, she seemed to realize what she was saying, and she stopped short, blinking, just a fifteen year old girl still scared by the fact that she had almost died. “But… that’s really bad, right? Sorry… I’m not like that.” She had just had a lot of time to imagine those things… and had a habit of getting carried away. Embarrassed, she half curled into a ball by bringing her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on them while she listened attentively to Chrysocolla’s story.
There was a moment of silence.
“Blood’s not important… but anyway, you’re really brave, y’know,” Sylvite finally said. “Don’t say you’re not, either. I wanted all this. You got thrown into it, from something even worse that you can’t even remember, and nobody would care if you didn’t power up, either, but you do, and you got me to go from being totally ridiculous to actually trying even before all this happened, and I’m sure you do other stuff, too.” She smiled, and even though she wasn’t quite back to her bubbly self, it was a proper grin.
Suddenly, she seemed to realize what she was saying, and she stopped short, blinking, just a fifteen year old girl still scared by the fact that she had almost died. “But… that’s really bad, right? Sorry… I’m not like that.” She had just had a lot of time to imagine those things… and had a habit of getting carried away. Embarrassed, she half curled into a ball by bringing her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on them while she listened attentively to Chrysocolla’s story.
There was a moment of silence.
“Blood’s not important… but anyway, you’re really brave, y’know,” Sylvite finally said. “Don’t say you’re not, either. I wanted all this. You got thrown into it, from something even worse that you can’t even remember, and nobody would care if you didn’t power up, either, but you do, and you got me to go from being totally ridiculous to actually trying even before all this happened, and I’m sure you do other stuff, too.” She smiled, and even though she wasn’t quite back to her bubbly self, it was a proper grin.
Daekie
“They would have let us die,” Chrysocolla whispered. “There’s only three things any of them are good for: convince them to stop powering up, get them corrupted, or kill them.” Her voice was deadly serious. “I just -- I just slept, most of the time...they let me have water when I begged, ‘cause I was good, ‘cause I didn’t struggle.” The tears were a real threat now, and she had to swallow them away. She didn’t want to seem like she was better than Sylvite - she wasn’t better than anything. She was a scared idiot who kept going too deep into things.
“I know you’re not like that. That’s -- that’s why I said...if you wanted to stop powering up, it’d be okay. I’d cover your quota and everything.” She wasn’t even trying to smile anymore. Too much work. It was hard enough, trying not to cry - forcing a convincing smile on top of that? Completely impossible. “It’s just. Kind of scary, you know? I don’t know anything about who I was, except what other people tell me - and one of them’s gone and purified --” her hands shook with the effort of her anger - “a-and most of the time I don’t really want to know, but I can’t help Amphitrite either because I don’t have any memories about how to help people. The capture, it...it affected her a lot more than me. And I can tell she’s trying not to show it, but I don’t know what to do for my sister.”
That opened the floodgates. She couldn’t try not to cry anymore, and Chrysocolla curled up, arms around her knees, choking out nasty heaving sobs that sounded more like coughs. She was scared. She was so, so scared all the time, nowadays.
“I know you’re not like that. That’s -- that’s why I said...if you wanted to stop powering up, it’d be okay. I’d cover your quota and everything.” She wasn’t even trying to smile anymore. Too much work. It was hard enough, trying not to cry - forcing a convincing smile on top of that? Completely impossible. “It’s just. Kind of scary, you know? I don’t know anything about who I was, except what other people tell me - and one of them’s gone and purified --” her hands shook with the effort of her anger - “a-and most of the time I don’t really want to know, but I can’t help Amphitrite either because I don’t have any memories about how to help people. The capture, it...it affected her a lot more than me. And I can tell she’s trying not to show it, but I don’t know what to do for my sister.”
That opened the floodgates. She couldn’t try not to cry anymore, and Chrysocolla curled up, arms around her knees, choking out nasty heaving sobs that sounded more like coughs. She was scared. She was so, so scared all the time, nowadays.
stari_maga
“I know,” she murmured, looking at the ground herself. “...It was really bad. They’re really bad.” She wondered if she would actually kill one of them, like she was saying, given the chance, if she could really rip someone apart. Yes, she knew. The answer was yes. She’d rather not, since it sounded pretty gross, but after what they’d done to her...
“I’m not gonna be like, ‘I can handle this,’ because I don’t know if I can, I mean, if stuff like this happens a lot… I dunno... but I have to at least try! I know I’m five feet and try to talk cute sometimes, but it doesn’t mean I have to be bubble wrapped. Keeping Order from doing more stuff like this… it’s important. I want to do something important. … and it’s still better than being a boring civilian, and they’re not safe, either.” She was still grinning, but her eyes weren’t in it. She was trying so hard to find something good in this.
When Chrysocolla broke down, she softened, though. She inched over and laid a hand on the girl’s shoulder, remaining quiet for a very long moment. This was serious business, and Sylvite felt a twinge of the sadness, too… but not enough to break down. Not yet. She couldn’t keep a smile, though.
“Hey,” she said, at last, voice surprisingly soft. “You don’t need memories to be a good person, okay? You’re proof of that. I never would’ve guessed. And… you and your sister will be okay. You survived, right? Just… be there for her. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. Uh… go see a movie, get ice cream together… time will help, too.” Even as she talked, she knew how dumb she sounded, quoting generic advice. “See, I have memories and I still don’t know what to say. I’m sorry. This is just… I hate this.”
And that was when the tears started coming.
“I’m not gonna be like, ‘I can handle this,’ because I don’t know if I can, I mean, if stuff like this happens a lot… I dunno... but I have to at least try! I know I’m five feet and try to talk cute sometimes, but it doesn’t mean I have to be bubble wrapped. Keeping Order from doing more stuff like this… it’s important. I want to do something important. … and it’s still better than being a boring civilian, and they’re not safe, either.” She was still grinning, but her eyes weren’t in it. She was trying so hard to find something good in this.
When Chrysocolla broke down, she softened, though. She inched over and laid a hand on the girl’s shoulder, remaining quiet for a very long moment. This was serious business, and Sylvite felt a twinge of the sadness, too… but not enough to break down. Not yet. She couldn’t keep a smile, though.
“Hey,” she said, at last, voice surprisingly soft. “You don’t need memories to be a good person, okay? You’re proof of that. I never would’ve guessed. And… you and your sister will be okay. You survived, right? Just… be there for her. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. Uh… go see a movie, get ice cream together… time will help, too.” Even as she talked, she knew how dumb she sounded, quoting generic advice. “See, I have memories and I still don’t know what to say. I’m sorry. This is just… I hate this.”
And that was when the tears started coming.
Daekie
Chrysocolla would have said something predictable -- ‘Please don’t cry’, or ‘I’m sorry’ (or in the back of her head, she could have given voice to that nasty thought saying ‘you’re so predictable and it doesn’t do anything for me right now’) -- but her eyes hurt, and she couldn’t see Sylvite through the sobs very well, anyways. She nodded, because she was listening, she was, but - talking was just too hard right now. So was everything except listening. She leaned back into the other girl’s touch and just - let the tears go.
It was good, to get a good cry in every once in awhile.
(She reached up and squeezed Sylvite’s hand in a gesture of solidarity, but said nothing more, because - what was there to say?)
It was good, to get a good cry in every once in awhile.
(She reached up and squeezed Sylvite’s hand in a gesture of solidarity, but said nothing more, because - what was there to say?)
stari_maga
The tears came slowly at first, gracefully, almost, while Sylvite still struggled to keep control of herself, but it was a lost cause. She hadn’t allowed herself to truly freak out yet, and with something of this magnitude weighing on her mind… it was only a matter of time before she was sobbing furiously. She’d been trying to offer Chrysocolla comfort, but her hand shook and then tightened on the other girl’s shoulder as she sought support of her own. Minutes passed. Even once the tears slowed, Sylvite didn’t break the silence. She sat there, looking at the school grounds and looking at Chrysocolla and… feeling.
Feeling… a little better, maybe.
She hadn’t been lying about the cheer practice, though, so eventually she pulled herself to her feet and rubbed at her eyes, finding a smile again. “I should go get ready,” she said. “I’ll see you later. Text me sometime, okay? I miss hanging out with you, Poppy.” Then, she jumped off the roof, did a flip, and vanished into the building, her aura fading a second later.
Feeling… a little better, maybe.
She hadn’t been lying about the cheer practice, though, so eventually she pulled herself to her feet and rubbed at her eyes, finding a smile again. “I should go get ready,” she said. “I’ll see you later. Text me sometime, okay? I miss hanging out with you, Poppy.” Then, she jumped off the roof, did a flip, and vanished into the building, her aura fading a second later.
