They try not to worry, but it's impossible.
The worry eats away at Ahe's heart like a disease, coiling and twisting until it seems that every beat is more painful than the last. A part of them can't help but wonder if they've done something wrong; if the lack of communication from Tarren means that he's fallen out of love with them. The thought leaves Ahe cold to the bone, but another part, stronger, tries to remember the promises that were made between the two of them; the soft words of dedication and loyalty that Ahe knows the truth of, for Tarren is an honest, good man.
He is the best man that Ahe knows; the only man that Ahe will ever want.
(They try to ignore the fact that this is why they have not allowed themselves to love before; because loving is painful, because the chance of having it and then losing it is terrifying to someone like Ahe, who loves with their whole heart and whole body.)
The letter comes some weeks later, and Ahe is in the middle of a ceremonial practice when it arrives. They are decorated in the paints of Thrymr, as usual, but in normal clothing for rehearsal, the steps for the dance complicated and exhausting. Ahe is wearied by the constant repetitive movements, and is more than a little grateful for the interruption.
Heli comes to them with a peculiar expression on his face that Ahe cannot read; he takes them aside, extends an apology to the attendants, and takes Ahe back to the sanctum for privacy. It's a most unusual reaction for something as simple as a letter, and Ahe does not understand.
At least not until they see the seal on the back, and their heart nearly stops.
"I thought you would like to be alone when reading it," Heli says quietly, and Ahe has never been more grateful for their personal attendant than now. He has, of course, noticed the senshi's mood slipping day by day; has seen the longing glances out of windows, the sudden burst of hope blossoming across their face at the arrival of new visitors, only to have that hope dimmed seconds later. There is hardly anything that Ahe can hide from Heli, and it is only him that knows the extent of Ahe's feelings towards Tarren.
Ahe spends a long time simply looking at the envelope, trying not to let their worries overtake them. Slender fingers pull the letter free and unfold it carefully, seated on one of the comfortable couches, a pillow pulled into their lap so that they can wrap their arm around it and hold it to their stomach, heart beating a mile a minute.
By the time that Ahe has read the words inscribed, their hands are shaking, the paper rattling slightly. They reread it twice, then a third time, trying desperately to read between the lines, to understand the meaning of it all, whether it is a rejection or simply an apology.
After the fourth time reading it, Ahe is convinced it is not a rejection; at least, they will treat it as an apology, rather than the more terrifying option. The scratchings out alone, though some are unreadable, make Ahe feel as though it is a desperate attempt at communicating. Their eyes flutter shut and they lift the letter to their lips, pressing a kiss to the words, as though they can reach Tarren's own lips by extension. Then it is carefully folded up and placed safely away in a box for precious items, tucked into a place where no one knows the location of.
Heli returns when summoned, bringing with him a piece of paper and pen and ink, as well as the sigil of Thrymr, carved into a small stone and fashioned into a stamp of sorts. A reassuring hand is pressed briefly to Ahe's shoulder before the attendant leaves and Ahe stares down at the blank expanse of paper before they swallow hard.
They begin to write.
nuxaz
My dearest Tarren of Crims,
I do not know if this letter will reach you, but I hope to Cosmos it does. I will do all that I can to ensure that it finds you well and safe, as I fear my heart would be unable to take it if you were not.
I cannot pretend that your sudden departure does not leave me greatly saddened, sweet love of mine. But I also cannot stand in the way of whatever it is that you must do, so instead I will offer you my support and my reassurance that my promises to you remain true and firm, regardless: I will still be the home that you return to, if when you can.
My heart is, as ever, and always will be, entirely yours.
Please be safe. Please be careful.
Please come home to me.
I love you, always.
Ahe
I do not know if this letter will reach you, but I hope to Cosmos it does. I will do all that I can to ensure that it finds you well and safe, as I fear my heart would be unable to take it if you were not.
I cannot pretend that your sudden departure does not leave me greatly saddened, sweet love of mine. But I also cannot stand in the way of whatever it is that you must do, so instead I will offer you my support and my reassurance that my promises to you remain true and firm, regardless: I will still be the home that you return to, if when you can.
My heart is, as ever, and always will be, entirely yours.
Please be safe. Please be careful.
Please come home to me.
I love you, always.
Ahe
