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 Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2015 1:38 pm
Cecil needed a moment where it was quiet though he couldn't say he didn't mind the company that Hitsu provided. It was just hard to wrap his head around the situation they were in because it seemed like things were going from bad to worse in a short time frame. And somehow he knew it was only the beginning. There was a promise of harder times on the horizon.
Walking into the dorm room he had been given he gestured to one of the beds. "Take a seat if you like."
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2015 7:56 pm
While she was glad that Cecil had taken his leave from the situation that had transpired, she was still just as irritated about it outside of James' presence. Hitsu dropped down to sit on the bed he'd gestured to, briefly looking around the dorm in a casual curiosity. She was tempted to ask if he brought his rations here when he ate, because she was still plenty worried about that, but it wasn't what was her immediate concern.
"You do realize that that guy - James - was just flirting with you, right?"
Cut right to the chase before losing the nerve, Hitsu told herself.
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2015 8:02 pm
Cecil just left the door open for now and strolled over to his bed to have a seat. He had anticipated having time to sit and relax but Hitsu's tone suggested that might not happen just yet.
"What? No he was just being friendly." Cecil leaned back to rest on his elbows, propped up so that he could still see Hitsu. James just seemed like the overly excitable type, like a puppy. Had he been flirting? No...couldn't be.
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2015 8:17 pm
She expected such a response, but she still frowned over it and actually groaned in frustration. Off to a great start.
"You must not have seen how he was looking at you," and she didn't intend for that to be a jab on his eyesight. The typical nor the temporary handicap thereof. "I did... He wasn't just being friendly. I'm sure that compliment you gave him just before you walked away didn't help deter interest."
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2015 8:32 pm
"I...I guess I didn't." He didn't want to doubt her but he really didn't think James had meant anything by it. And if he had, why was she so angry.
"I was just.....I was just trying to be nice." He said softly, tilting his head. "Why are you so upset about this?" Though as soon as he asked he was starting to understand. Just starting to realize where this conversation was headed.
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2015 8:43 pm
"Why wouldn't I be upset about it?" Hitsu replied immediately, sitting up straighter and looking all the more displeased over the fact that he'd actually had to ask. "Does it take another guy trying to physically jump you before you suggest they might want to back up a bit?"
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2015 8:55 pm
His brows knitted together as he slowly pushed himself back into a sitting position. This conversation was taking a serious turn into dangerous territory. "Maybe it was a little tactless to ask. I'm sorry. But..." He took a deep breath finding it hard to continue. Really hard. He had been struggling a lot with what he thought lately and his hope was running thin.
"Hitsu.." His voice was gentle. "I loved your brother very much but....its been more than a month and we haven't seen or heard from him. I'm not saying that I am ready to move on or that I have completely given up but..." There was a pain to his voice and he was having a hard time collecting his words.
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2015 9:22 pm
Hitsu's gaze lowered into her lap the moment he had uttered 'but' and remained there, her hands clenching against the material of her jersey and fiddling with the hem of it awkwardly. She was just fidgeting. Trying to distract herself.
As gently as Cecil spoke her name, the way she tensed and then started to curl in on herself a little suggested that he might as well have shouted at her. She didn't want to hear it. Whatever he was about to say, she didn't want to listen.
But here they both were, and she had no choice.
When he finished speaking, trailing off, she still didn't look up at him. Her voice was much quieter, shaking, and as much as she still wanted to sound angry she couldn't.
"How can you just say move on when he wouldn't have given up on you?" The implications that came with the end of that sentence made a little more of her resolve crumble. "He's out there he just..." Hadn't gotten to them. In a full month.
"Nico would have stopped him!" She shouted it. They would have kept one another from doing anything rash, anything stupid. She was slumping forward further and her voice was a trembling whisper. Her constant denial. A plea to fate. "They're safe... They're all safe..."
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Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2015 10:37 pm
Hitsu's words stung more than he expected even though he had been preparing himself. He had been giving up. Little by little but it wasn't a matter of keeping hope alive he realized he was living in denial.
"Hitsu, I-" She shouted before he could get the words out and he flinched back like it was a physical blow. It made his chest ache, his heart pounding with anxiety over this conversation. Admitting his doubts made everything all the more real and now he was doing the same to Hitsu. Maybe it was good she hadn't given up hope yet but how long would she hold onto that hope? Would she wait months? Years? There was a chance, a very very small chance that her brother could still be out there, but in this time Cecil was sure he would have made his way to the university. His calls over the radio would have reached him. No one knew him, no one had seen him, there was no where safe outside the factions. It only left so many conclusions and when the worst possible scenario came to light what would Hitsu do? He couldn't imagine that grief would be any better pushed off for so long. It could only break you.
"Hitsu," He began again in a soft voice, reaching out a hand to place on her arm. "I want you to hope. I really do. I want to believe he is alright and somewhere safe. But hope can only last so long until that hope becomes the lies we tell ourselves to ward off the grief. Our minds tell us that your brother can be resourceful, he's smart, and he cares but logic also tells us that your brother would have risked anything to get here to you. He cares too much to just leave you behind a-and he would want to m-make sure you were safe."
Tears had started to gather in Cecil's eyes, his words having a harder and harder time leaving his lips. It hurt so much to say this. It was tearing him up inside.
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Posted: Mon Oct 05, 2015 11:46 pm
Her gaze was still downcast, despite knowing that she should at least give her friend the courtesy of looking up. The first of her tears actually began to fall, dropping down and creating little wet spots on her clothes. Great. She knew well enough that once she'd started to cry she was going to end up blubbering like an idiot. She couldn't help it, not this time. Not with the subject at hand, and it made her feel incredibly guilty to throw her anger at him when he had to be suffering as well. It wasn't fair. When he touched her arm gently, she put her hand over his in a wordless gesture of comfort. Even if she shouldn't really be the one giving it for starting the entire thing.
"I'm sorry..." Hitsu murmured, her voice off because of how much she was trying not to completely lose herself to emotion. "I know. I know, I just... I don't want it to be true." Her shoulders shook a bit, a sniffle. "I feel like... If I don't keep hoping..." She trailed off. If she gave up, she was afraid that it would make the loss true. The world didn't work that way. She knew it, but it didn't keep her from thinking such a thing.
"I should have gone home," she managed to get out before she was choking back a sob. "I could have gone home... Before all of this." She shook her head, and buried her face in her hands, words muffled. "I was more worried about studying for a stupid test."
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 4:03 pm
Her apology made his expression soften his hands trying to gently guide her closer so he could wraps his arms around her in an embrace. "I know, Sweetheart. I know." His voice was growing a little more quiet each time he spoke. "I don't want it to be true either."
The sound of her choked sob broke his heart and he couldn't help the tears that fell then. Each one proof of the pain he had been keeping at bay. He didn't want the thoughts running through his head to be true. He didn't want to be kept up at night wondering what had happened, contemplating his boyfriend's finale moments while he wasn't there to help him. Each scenario became all the more agonizing to imagine and Cecil more than once had woken up in a cold sweat thinking he had heard his boyfriend's voice screaming his name, trying to call out for help that would never come. He felt like he had abandoned him and not knowing what had become of him was eating him up inside.
"No," he shook his head. "Here is one of the safest places you could be and Yuki would have wanted you out of harms way. I....I should have left to look for him." Cecil choked out his words as his emotions began to bubble over. Taking a hand away from Hitsu he pressed it against his face trying to hide his tears and the expression of shame on his face. "I left him out there when I should have went to find him." His confession only brought more hot tears from the guilt he felt.
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 4:34 pm
It didn't take much coaxing for her to lean into him, and as soon as he hugged her against him she couldn't try to speak again for fear of losing that final, thin string of control. Even that didn't last long. She wrapped her arms around him and cried.
Hitsu still heard his words, still understood them, it just took a while for her to be able to respond. To reign herself well enough to take a few deep breaths, to be at least a little confident that her voice would be coherent and not just break all over again.
"Both of us," she stated carefully. "He'd have wanted... Both of us safe. Not just me."
And, despite the conversation, she chuckled weakly. Even as she was still crying, she managed a small smile. "He'd have scolded you. For risking your life for him."
She sighed heavily. She knew that the crying wasn't over, and when she looked up at Cecil at last, she knew the truth of that just in seeing that she wasn't the only one shedding tears.
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 5:25 pm
Cecil nodded slowly, taking in a shaky breath and letting it out in a soft sigh. When he finally pulled his hand away he tried to wipe at the tears streaming down his face with the heel of his hand, his eyes already red. "I know." He nodded again, the pain still evident in his eyes as he spoke in a broken voice. "I know."
"He would have been so mad. He probably would have started cursing at me for being stupid the moment he saw me." Cecil tried to smile, really he did. The corners of his mouth began to pull up in the attempt but half way through something broke and the pain came in full. His face scrunched as the tears came anew and he leaned down to gather Hitsu close and at the same time hide his face from view.
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 6:36 pm
Cecil's words had actually made it a little easier to smile. She knew the truth in it. Her brother would have been upset if either of them would have left the safety of the University to go looking for him. Or anyone else, for that matter.
But just as soon as she'd been able to quiet some of her emotions, Cecil's finally broke.
It broke her heart to see his smile falter. Hitsu had become so used to him being able to smile even in hard times, and seeing it vanish was both depressing and a sign that he'd been giving the outward appearance of being alright for too long.
Hitsu hugged him as tightly as she could, hoping to offer comfort. A shoulder to cry on, even as she broke down herself. "I'm so sorry..." Hitsu got the words out between sobs. There seemed to be so many things to be sorry for, and she didn't have the voice for specifics. Mostly, she was sorry that fate had to deal all of them such an ugly hand.
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Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2015 7:00 pm
Keeping himself from crying was a near impossible feat. Silently the tears fell, his body shaking as he fought for composure and yet he leaned into the hold that Hitsu offered. He had tried to avoid breaking down in front of her and yet she was the only one that understood what they had lost. True everyone had lost something. There wasn't a person in the university that he knew of that hadn't said goodbye to something or someone from their former lives. Everyone had their own pain but the pain he had he shared with another.
"I miss him so much." He said softly.
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