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Homestuck inspired troll related b/c 

Tags: homestuck, troll, breedables, mspa, alternia 

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Akkira Kagome - powered redblood [accepted]

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Blasphemoose

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 30, 2015 10:44 pm


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Name:Akkira Kagome

Akkira - Elongation of the given name Akira taken from the japanese film of the same name.
Alternatively it translates as "graceful strength" in Hindi.

Kagome - After the child game Kagome Kagome, In which children choose one child as the 'oni' and blindfold them, then the group form a circle. The children in a circle around the oni then walk in a circular motion chanting a particular song. When the song is over the 'Oni' must guess who is behind them.

Blood colour: #a72222

Gender: Female

Symbol: A ghost hat

Profile: Akkira has been blind since the day she was born. By all rights, she should have died. If it weren't for the initiative, she may have perished. Being blind since hatching has left her with many voids in her life. She has no concept of color, light, aesthetic or what other trolls look like. What she does know comes from her remaining, functional senses.


Akkira's other senses are more heightened than the average troll. She does not exactly have the best awareness, though. She uses her voice and sense of hearing more than anything to get around. She can be heard singing and banging a boken created by Tekemom as she walks around in order to detect where she could be going. This is a form of echo-location that her lusus is currently teaching her. She has not in anyway perfected and she does get carried away in her songs, sometimes failing to listen to the echos that guide her, which leads to some undesirable adventures. Meanwhile touch is more reserved for meeting others. Akkira is a touchyfeely kind of troll and physically expressive. She will push that personal boundary until it breaks. She takes some joy in making others uncomfortable and finds it hysterical if they react, but it's also how she builds trolls in her mind. To her, touching people is as good as seeing them since her hearing and song can only tell her so much at this point. But, she is young and very inexperienced, so if she guesses wrong on who you are; she's either joking or honestly thought you were someone else.


On that note, Akkira does have a sixth sense and super power. She can communicate with and control the spirits of the deceased. Akkira is completely unaware of her power over the spirits of the dead. She does not have the awareness or experience to tell the sound of the living from the sound of the dead, they all sound alive to her. She’ll often poke fun of spirits for ‘claiming to be dead’ and trying to trick her. She often believes that these ‘spirits’ are just playing games with her since she would do the same. So doesn’t turn them away and instead engages them, because she finds games fun. Akkira is one that enjoys company and conversation. She won't turn down someone who made an effort to get her attention. Her control is somewhat limited with her age and inexperience. The effects of her ability are based on her emotional state and how much she focuses on wanting a 'spirit' to do something for her. But, being unaware of this, she does not actively try to control them at will and seems to only use the power on accident. Her powers do just tend to happen and she has come to think that she's more important than she is, simply because she could order someone around and they did it!


Akkira was hatched into the Phoenix Initiative, so that is what she knows best as far as her knowledge of other trolls goes. While she doesn't cling to the PI with reckless abandon, it does color how she interacts with other trolls and her personal comfort with her own disability. To her, the Initiative more or less corresponds with her beliefs on equality and the hemospectrum. She disregards the spectrum for the most part since color doesn't matter in the first place, not to someone who can't see color in the first place. She believes someone should be judged by their actions and attitude rather than color. The initiative is also what gives her the best chance at camaraderie and connection with other trolls, this is currently her greatest motivator in her interactions with the initiative. Through conversations with some of the spirits, she knows that there is another society and something or other about how it works to a point. She often subjects herself to long conversations about it with the spirits because the idea of something beyond her swamp home interests her. She has a fondness for history, even if she makes fun of it more often than not.This doesn't stop her from exploring or trying to understand the other side and she is curious about the world outside the swamp, but doesn't go exploring for fear of getting lost. If she were to explore it, she would want someone who is also interested in the outside or knows their way around to come with her.


Akkira is fun loving and childish, she will jeer at her peers or play pranks on them as a form of affection. She has a lot of energy to the point of near hyperactivity. She has a hard time sitting in one place for very long and tends to impulsively act out. This is something like pranks, general mischief and causing some amount of disarray. This is because she doesn't know how to spend her energy in a constructive way yet. She's playful and loves games so much that she is easily swayed by them and any promise of prizes. So luring her is not that hard, much to her trouble. So long as the game is fun and there is something for her, she will naively follow someone. Tekemom is usually not far behind and will act accordingly if things get too dangerous for her kiddo.


Akkira is not all sunshine and rainbows. This troll is in no way a graceful loser, she can't stand losing to anyone. She believes she is the best and that she needs to be better than the rest. When she loses she has to face that she isn't better and that is something that boils her blood. She can get especially antagonistic and flippant during these times, this is also when the most supernatural activity happens around her. But, given time to cool off and if nothing else happens to give her a reason to be irritated with someone, she will return to her cheerful self and probably not treat the winner as though they had spit in her face instead of just won a game.


When faced with the living, Akkira's personality comes out in more force than when she's with the dead. She will poke, prod, generally touch and make fun of those she can touch, which is lot more fun for her than listening to old trolls that won't even let her touch them. Akkira is one that will cling to what she can feel until she is satisfied or finds that she doesn't like the texture much for long periods. She does get fairly irritated when people tell her that someone isn't there when; to her, they clearly are and they should be able to hear them as clearly as she does. She believes spirits are just trolls that are avoiding her touch and keeping her in the dark for whatever reason, which is a point of frustration since she loves so much to touch others. But, all in all, she is more vibrant and playful with the living rather than the dead and she connects with the living easier. She would much rather be in the company of the living, specifically those who either allow her to touch them or react to her touches.


Akkira's relationship with Tekemom is a tight-knit bond. But, Tekemom is strict in her beliefs and will punish Akkira for actions she deems wrong. Things such as spending too much time with other trolls, relying too heavily on someone or by sheer disobedience incur her wrath. She is strict with Akkira in an attempt to make her independent, thoughtful and strong. Tekemom loves Akkira and wants her to be able to function in a cruel world that is not always kind to the blind. When home together, they will spend a lot of time singing, baking or making charms.


Tekemom does the cooking and baking for the most part. She is adept at normal tasks that Akkira can't yet do. As Akkira grows, Tekemom guides her young troll into cooking and baking. This is to keep Akkira's pain to a minimum and so that she learns to do these things by herself. The materials they use are stuff that they gathered from around the swamp. They have a drying method for wet materials they want to use. If what they gather is inedible or Akkira likes the texture too much to cook it, the materials will be made into charms. The charms come in many shapes, sizes and designs. What they make depends on what that they gather from the swamp. Akkira tends to give the finished charms and baked goodies out to the people she likes as a token of good will. Though Tekemom finds this act very distasteful, She believes that making friends will just make Akkira co-dependent on others and that will make her not only a burden but would eventually lead to her death.


Akkira loves textures and sounds. If she finds something of interesting texture, she'll play with it for a while. If it's something she can take home, she'll make a charm out of it. She believes that each new voice or sound is something amazing and tells her a lot. Even voices that are grating on the ears are something she enjoys in small doses. But, since she is still new to seeing through hearing, she can't always isolate sounds. If sounds get too muddled, she will get lost and she'll probably cry because she can't tell what is where. She is decent at isolating emotions in voices. Not to the extent that she immediately knows what the troll is probably feeling, but enough to note a change and ask about it.


Strengths:
    Fun-loving

With her huge amounts of energy, friendliness and outright cheerful attitude Akkira can maneuver through life with the idea that; nothing can bring her down for long. Her love for fun and adventure gives her the ability to persist with her head held high in a life that is particularly harsh.

    Outgoing

Open and eager to make connections with those around her, Akkira feels a new adventure waiting for her with each troll she meets. Whether it's meeting a new friend or greeting someone she already knows, she has the confidence to meet these connections head on and the drive to make these connections in the first place.

Flaws:

    Invasive

She's very open to other trolls and willing to give them her time, but she does not have a clear sense of boundary. She pushes trolls to uncomfortable levels physically. Not in a gross way or anything, but she will either ignore or not recognize that maybe you're uncomfortable with what she's talking about or that you may not like being touched at all and she's touching your face, hair, horns, etc.

    Self-Important

Because the spirits of 'trolls,' and even 'lusii' will do as she commands sometimes, she believes herself more important than she actually is. Often she acts out in a way that is bossy and commanding towards those around her, even adults who could easily displace her.

Weapon:
A simple boken with no special style that she bangs around like a walking stick.

Appearance:
Akkira has a short hairstyle chosen so that it is easier to move through the swamp without getting caught up. Her attire is very formal and consists of an unmodified black kimono with a white lining. Her obi is light gray and marked with her symbol. The Obijime tied around her Obi is of the same black color of her Kimono. last of all is a white Haori, giving her a very finished and tidy appearance. These are kept tidy more for the feel of it. Akkira prefers the feel of nicely kept clothes, though she isn't strictly against wrinkles and untidy apparel as those create an interesting texture. She wears simple white tabi with ordinary geta accented with red straps.
Last but not least, she has red sightless eyes. Around her eyes she has long unstyled eyelashes

Home: Akkira lives at the top of a hill in a rundown shrine of sorts just on the outermost part of the abandoned village in the swamp where she is somewhat cut off from the rest of the village. There is a set of stairs that lead up to her home, these stairs are cracked and worn. There are all manner of mosses growing on the steps and seem to be the place of a few ground dwelling creature nests. The actual building is a rectangular building with a dilapidated fence. It's made of two blocks stacked on top of each other. The topmost block holds Akkira's respite block while the other things are jumbled below. nutrition block is jumbled together with the main entrance and outside is the ablution block, if you could really call it that anyway. The block itself is four walls with no roof, a sliding door weathered by the elements, a waste dispense unit and the ablution trap itself.

Lusus: tekemom
Tekemom is a creature that hails directly from the swamp. She has long hair that covers a large majority of her head and the front of what looks like a face. The only thing that can be seen is an eye that glows. This is used to lure prey in the swamp.

Personality wise, Tekemom is a very strict guardian. She is strict out of love for her daughter's safety and future. She firmly believes that Akkira needs to be independent of anyone else in order to survive. Since Akkira is also very blind, she She is firm with this and goes as far as to punish Akkira when the young troll relies on or spends too much time with others. This is because this is something she sees as direct disobedience. These punishments are things like groundings, a swat on the hand, being stuck in her room for a while etc.


Tekemom believes these punishments are necessary to train Akkira. This isn't to be mistaken as animosity for the child. Tekemom is very obsessive over worst case scenarios, she becomes anxious when Akkira might fail or get hurt but doesn't want to coddle her for fear that this would lead to her eventual demise. She becomes anxious when she sees Akkira relying too much on her, but knows that some things Akkira can't learn on her own. There are also fun activities that she and Akkira enjoy such as the charms, singing and baking. Tekemom does not see the charms they make together as something that would cripple Akkira's independence and enjoys this time with her daughter. As for baking, Akkira is not yet capable enough to use a heat source for cooking. So she slowly guides her child into being able to cook, bake and generally fend for herself.


When she isn't being critical of Akkira, so does enjoy spending this time with her troll. She is proud of how adept and creative Akkira can be in a pinch, she also realizes that Akkira is stull just a child and needs protection so Tekemom will often tail Akkira and save her if things get too dangerous, but much prefers Akkira to face things herself rather than rely on her.


Power:Can converse with and control the spirits of the dead. Offensive type A. Uses ghosts as a means of gaining access to an opponent's weakest points to strike a critical blow.
PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2015 9:36 pm


“Though who's to say the spirit's wouldn't have found it in their dead hearts to guide the little wiggler to safety.”
This sentence is really confusing to me and I don’t think it’s necessary. The first paragraph is reading fine as is!

“The only thing she does know, is sound and heat. “
And taste, and smell, and touch?

“by sound and heat alone”
You can cut this. owo

“This can lead to her just standing by herself talking to nothing”
You may want to add “appearing as though” in there, because she is certainly not talking to nothing!

“ the queen before”
“is not fond of huge, boring history lectures. “

Remember not to give Akkira meta-knowledge – she can converse with the dead of course, but as far as learning Alternian history there are definitely limits to what we would like players to access and it’s best to communicate with us as to what she might learn from them.

Consider where Akkira is in her learning process. If she “often” trips and falls, does this mean she is most often singing to herself? Does she sing while moving? I’m also unsure if both heat sensory AND echolocation are reasonable for her to have a handle over at this stage. Humans are capable of learning basic echolocation with practice but definitely watch the balance of these traits. It should help her deal with her disability but not be something that we would consider a “power”.

“She believes in immediate action taken to what she believes is wrong is done otherwise it will go uncorrected or if you're kind to her she will repay your kindness with equal or greater kindness”
This sentence is awkward! Please review.

This paragraph is a big contradiction for me. You say that Akkira prefers to bless others vs. hurt them but believes in extreme measures for a misdeed – that’s a very strong reaction that doesn’t seem to fall in line with her beliefs, which I’m a bit confused about. What does she believe is right and wrong? What requires action, especially from her point of view? And how might she bless people? I am not picking up a great sense of faith or superstition in her, and you definitely don’t need to add it if unnecessary, but there is a certain amount of ambiguity in this paragraph in general.

I’d really like to ask: Does Akkira think she’s missing anything from her life? She was born blind and has never experienced anything else. Is there really a void for her, or is it only others opinions that state it? You mention later that she does feel upset by her blindness for its inconveniences, but is it more of a trigger or something that constantly eats at her? In general I’d like to learn more about her relationship with how she perceives the world, particularly if she is learning or has a handle on echolocation and heat sensory which is something that most other trolls don’t experience.

I’m not really understanding where Akkira’s pranks are coming from, particularly because elsewhere you mention she has a strong sense of right and wrong, and also prefers to bless people. Living life is one thing, but why does that specifically mean for her that she wants to cause mischief? There are other outlets for achieving a full life and especially in the Initiative I don’t quite understand how this is her first instinct.

Something that I have noticed in your application is that many times you state something that Akkira does or enjoys and then pull back to make the aspect more neutral. This can be seen here:
“enjoys pranks, games and tricks, within a reasonable frame” and here “One wouldn't call Akkira particularly curious or adventurous, but she does like exploring” and here “She loves new textures, sounds and smells outside of the times she finds those certain ones that become completely repulsive” – I would definitely suggest committing to her traits! There is nothing wrong with making big choices. In addition, doing this makes her qualities read neutral. For instance, many people enjoy new pleasant sensory experiences and hate repulsive ones. What makes this unique to her? What kinds of things does she like and does she go out to seek them in her adventures?

Also, I’m really curious about her charm-making! What does she use to make charms, and why does she enjoy making them? What kinds does she make and are they significant? I’m having a blast imagining her creating very sensory jewelry, and this would be a really neat thing to look into. You emphasize that she can’t see the charms, but I wouldn’t think that that would be a concern.

Self-Assured : This is a nice strong trait of Akkira’s and I’d love to learn more about how this benefits her which I’m sure will probably come more to light when you elaborate on what her beliefs are!

Please re-read Engaged, as it is in fragments. It took me a while to understand it. I think you’re weakening this trait by stating that she has spirit until she gets bored, because you mentioned her short attention span earlier was a serious flaw and could very well negate this strength.

Insensitive: Why is Akkira so insensitive? I honestly didn’t see this one coming, as it’s not touched upon in her personality section. Again, for someone concerned with blessings and being apart of the Phoenix Initiative and having many blessings for being able to survive even as a blind redblood, I am really not understanding where this comes from.


“ Akkira lives at the top of a hill in a rundown shrine of sorts” Akkira is living in the swamp in the rebel Village, so it’s not likely there’s a hill or a shrine present. If you want her in the swamp, you’ll need to adhere to the format of the hives (in trees, reclaimed, hand-built by rebels).

“ During this time she can be unreasonably violent and might bite someone if they get too close to her” you mentioned previously that Tekemom is not violent or bloodthirsty, so this is a direct contraditction.

“Tekemom does not mind that Akkira makes friends and pushes her to be nicer to others by prompting to give away charms that they make together, baked goods they make or just being considerate”

Why does she do this? If she pushes Akkira to be independent, how might her opinions differ for giving away such gifts.

Also, what superstitions does Tekemom have? This seems really important but there’s no information about it other than a single mention. Is it related to swamp-life, troll life? Lusus life?

“things such as locking Akkira locked in her room for more than 10 hours while she stands guard is not beyond her.” Oh my god. For a lusus that is not violent and loves homey things this seems incredibly harsh. Especially among a community like the Phoenix Initiative. If Akkira has to deal with this sort of abuse, it should be impacting her and we should see it reflected elsewhere in this application.

Nitpicks: There are a number of spelling and capitalization errors in your profile! Check it out!

Sypon
Vice Captain


amicableAggressor
Vice Captain

Versatile Vermin

PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2015 10:39 pm


(little ami note: please specify in her home where she lives on alternia (swamp i believe?) - this is just to let other users know what location she is in vs them, and for whoever certs her so they know what background to choose! cool )
PostPosted: Tue Oct 20, 2015 2:06 am


I cleaned up the writing for her profile stuff and took care of a lot of the confusing sentences, for the most part anyway. UHM, I re-worded a lot of things and brought back some of my original Ideas. Like, Tekemom and Akkira were not supposed to have a great relationship, Tekemom was supposed to be a very extreme parent that pushes Akkira to being independent but her methods leave Akkira often isolated. But I felt like she was too harsh with Akkira and I tried to soften her up a bit. So I brought that back. I cleared up some traits and decided to bring back the original traits that I had.

cleared up a bunch of contradictions and accentuated some other traits that I felt needed to shine more. Ah, basically I just returned to my original concept for Akkira. I also clarified where she currently lives.

This took me a bit to get to, but thank you so much for your patience!

Blasphemoose

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Sypon
Vice Captain

PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2015 11:19 am


Sypon crit number 2!

I think your decisions were really good ones, Saihen. The original concept was really solid and it’s showing! I’m not seeing any contradictions anymore and am getting a really clear idea of who she is. Great job! I’ve got some notes for you here but they’re pretty straight forward.

Nitpicks:
“pheonix initiative” -> Phoenix Initiative
You’ve got some capitalization issues here and there – I notice it most in the strengths and flaw titles, but do a quick scan!

You don’t explicitly mention that she uses song to sense what’s around her in this iteration – I would reincorporate that early so the reader isn’t confused when “her song” is brought up.

How might she react to others claiming she’s speaking to trolls who “aren’t really there?” I’m definitely interested in how she interacts with others as opposed to the dead, especially considering she can’t feel the ghosts which was mentioned to be a main technique she uses to meet and greet others (and she’s very touchy feely).

I think Akkira’s strengths and flaws concepts are solid, but their descriptions are reading as fairuly neutral.
Funloving: How does dragging people into her hijinks help her regularly? It seems like that could go either into a good or bad place. Perhaps focus on a different aspect of loving fun, like being sociable or adventurous.
Self-Important: This is bleeding a little bit into invasive; I think you could elaborate on how this negatively affects her, especially in context of how she was raised and her current lifestyle.

That’s what I’ve got!
PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2015 5:25 pm


Thanks for the crit! ' v'

Okay, so Akkira's song was accidentally erased, so I brought that back. Guess it fell through like my capitalization problems. Should be fixed now. :B

But yeah, I imagine that Akkira is a lot more vibrant with trolls she can touch and interact with. There are only so many things you can do with something you can't touch and it's not half as fun for her. She also came to the conclusion that the trolls are just trying to keep her in the dark for WHATEVER reason. When trolls point out that nobody is there, she believes that this is some kind of game that they are trying to play and initially would treat it with good humor, maybe a snarky comment or two. If it goes on to a tiring extent she will eventually get frustrated and become irate with the troll or trolls as it may be.

Added more to fun-loving. Since she is a troll that is often isolated because of her Lusus, she gets very lonely and so her fun-loving spirit is often there to bring in trolls that lessen her loneliness, even if her lusus does not agree and she may be punished for it later. She likes adventures with others but is otherwise scared to go about on her own for fear of getting lost, which is more frightening than going toe to toe with an adult at this point. So yeah, expanded on that.

Re:self-important
Added more to that and revised it so it was bleeding less into invasive. Akkira is one that basically believes her opinion is the only one that matters and this leads to her being very haughty towards and demanding of others, including those who could probably do her significant harm.

Okay, so that's what I've added to. Your crit was very informative and helpful, so thanks a bunch! :O

Blasphemoose

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Sypon
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PostPosted: Mon Nov 23, 2015 5:23 pm


Last things and I think you can quote me for a stamp owo/

-> Fix those capitalization issues! I don't see them addressed.
-> We'll need to know what power flavor her ghost-speak is (agi A, def B, etc etc)
-> Fun-loving and cheerful are reading rather closely and I might combine the two or comb some of the similarities out of one of them. I'd make fun-loving talk about Akkira's energy and ability to persist because of her constant cheer and easygoing attitude, and alter cheerful to be "outgoing" that can show her ease of making connections and feeling confident and adventurous when making friends. That would make the two traits more straightforward on their own and be a bit easier to understand!

Bada boom
PostPosted: Mon Nov 23, 2015 9:27 pm


Sypon

OKAY, I think I got everything. Thank you for your patience and working with me on this. :')

Blasphemoose

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Sypon
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 3:27 pm


OOF! I am so sorry for the wait with the craziness happening in life. I am going to be giving Akkira the stamp as I mentioned, but I did notice something I neglected to ask from my previous crit!

-> "Akkira was hatched into the Phoenix Initiative, so that is what she knows best as far as her knowledge of other trolls goes."

Does she share the PI's views about the hemospectrum? What does she feel about the PI's influence - does she agree with their teachings or have different views?

When you answer that you're good to go, but... -dusts off the mighty stamp-
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 14, 2016 6:35 pm


Sypon

Ahh, it's okay! I know life gets a little bit hectic. Especially before and a month after holidays.

Okay, I decided to put the addition on the initiative in dark red, I hope it answers your question!

Thank you so much for your time and patience with me during this process !! biggrin

Blasphemoose

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