|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2015 12:51 am
"Hey!"
Mark jogged up a little closer to Rep, taking a moment to catch his breath, "So like, this is only the most important question in the world ever and you really need to say yes, but do you know how to like, drive? As in, drive a car drive."
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2015 3:43 am
Rep had been spending most of his time since the chaos of the attack getting in the way of helping with cleanup efforts and had otherwise been fishing for something to do.
Despite this,Mark got the same uncertain and carefully considering look he always got when asking Rep anything which might end up with Rep in some sort of mortal peril. The fact of the matter though was that Rep really ******** enjoyed driving, it was something he'd done a lot (and dangerously) and the idea of saying he couldn't was too embarrassing to bear.
"Aye." he said, with just a hint of grimness. "Though it's been a while." It hadn't, he had rented a car on his last leave, the only catch was that he had learned to drive on a very specific side of the road.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2015 12:18 pm
"Awesome!" Mark gave a double thumbs up, and then in true Death Division style, didn't explain any more context, "So like, follow me and bring your weapon and stuff."
This following of Mark would lead them to the blasted remains of the lighthouse portal. "Oh, right." He scratched his head. "I forgot that was a thing." The Death Assistant checked his watch. "Okay, next portal is up half a mile that way, err I mean that way." He pointed towards the ocean and then scratched his head. "Any chance you know how to make a portal to our destination where you're supposed to drive us to another destination?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2015 12:29 pm
Rep sighed at Mark. "My weapon? So there's going to be horrible ******** danger right?" At least he didn't have Marie any longer, at least he was free to make his own terrible decisions.
At the question of portals he followed Mark's gaze and raised a brow at the mention of a portal half a mile out to sea. "Shouldn't we be ******** worried about there being a portal out there?" He shook his head. "Tracey isn't even a fraction ******** cool enough to make ******** world crossing portals."
<>
"Can't you do that s**t yet? You'd think with all the s**t you go through as assistant you'd at least ******** get some kind of cool SUPER BUFF." For a moment Rep seemed to have forgotten it wasn't actually a game and real life didn't work like that.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2015 12:57 pm
Mark abruptly looked up from investigating the ocean when Rep finished the end of that last outburst. "Buff? Seriously? Dude you're such a nerd. Nobody says buff. The correct term is passive ability okay, I coined this, so it exists, and it's way cooler. Besides, why would I even like, make a portal when I could do this."
He pointed his wrist (Spectre device) at the ocean. Nothing happened.
"This!" Mark emphasized, flicking his wrist back and forth. Nothing happened again.
"This time really for sure!" he shouted to Rep and the ocean.
A long pause.
"Whatever man, let's just take the stupid jungle portal. Maybe if we're lucky we'll miss is entirely and you'll just take the blame for everything and I wont have to go."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2015 1:29 pm
Rep looked mortally offended at being called a nerd by Mark, the look he gave the other man not far off the kind of look some wealthy dowager might give a filthy street urchin swearing at her. "Well I ******** NEVER." he said. "I'm no a ******** nerd, I'm the ******** anti-nerd and its a buff cause it'd be ******** temporary seen as most people in your ******** place below bossman are temporary.
He looked from Mark's spectre to his own (which he'd personalised with tiger decals because he had an aesthetic to maintain, matching up with the black stripes in his hair), expecting something, anything to happen.
When it didn't Mark got an accusatory look as if it was his fault.
"Or maybe we'll just be late and you'll get the blame for bringing me neck deep into problems again when we have such a great track record together."
Rep rather enjoyed whining at Mark, though he'd never admit it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2015 1:39 pm
"Dude, the only time people ever use buff, is like when they're ripped okay. Like come at me bro, I'm buff. Or my abs are as buff as steel or like I buffed this cement to be much smoother. I don't want to hear it from someone who played World of Warcraft in their spare time okay, at least I had the sensibilities to create my own LARP world, and go outside, and like, go outside and stuff. And get a girlfriend."
He swatted some particularly nasty ferns out of the path, though most of the indigenous plant life seemed either dead or covered in varying black and blue crystals. A portal could be seem from their current point of view: it was either new or temporary, considering there was no way they had walked even remotely close to half a mile quite yet.
"Here we go," Mark crouched next to it, stopping only to swap some creeping vines from grabbing his ankles, "okay I am about fifty-one percent sure this is our portal so why not." He walked through it.
On the other side was a car, which was great and all, but it was definitely an American sort of car and they were definitely parked in an American sort of road, next to a Target, in a pretty decent parallel park. It was a small homely Toyota Acura, and really looked like it could fit about two people without it getting extremely awkward.
Mark was at the side of the car fumbling for keys. "So this is no man's land. You should probably also like, take off your coat, and if anyone asks you, pretend that you're a like, civilian and stuff, I mean you must be pretty good at imagining things since you're a nerd." The car door opened, and Mark helpfully helped himself to shotgun.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2015 2:02 pm
"Have you ******** SEEN me?" Rep said irritably. "I know that meaning of the word buff, I AM that ******** meaning of the word buff." But it was obvious he was scandalised completely by being looked down on by a ******** LARPER, it was like a soldier being patronised by a little kid with a ******** fake gun and a plastic helmet. "I never ******** played ******** WoW." but the colour rising to his cheeks despite him said otherwise. "And I had SO many girlfriends. So ******** many, I was ******** chasing them off with a big stick, my problem was too many ******** girlfriends man. I bet your girlfriend was just a fat acne beast wearing his granny's wig."
The jungle always made Rep edgy, he had to constantly tell himself that the island's natural hostility killed animals readily, that there were no snakes and that he was fine.
He was glad Mark had already gone through, hopping like a flighty deer over the vines which were way too close to snakes as he followed into what was probably certain doom.
The normality on the other side was almost as unnerving as if they'd walked out on another zombie outbreak, the everyday humdrum appearance of the car and the road itself jarring. It always felt like he was just out of prison, struggling to adapt to the sheer whiplash of the fact that outside the bubble life went on as usual, without regard for the ******** up life they all led.
"I don't ******** imagine things, you are the ******** roleplayer. I play games. Games are normal. I'm no a deviant like you."
The wheel was on the wrong side. The wrong side. He didn't mention it, shrugging off his coat and tossing it in the back seat. Civilian cars, as it turned out, weren't all that comfortable when you had shoulders like a fridge and too much bicep, but he squeezed in anyway, feeling like it might have been nicer if it had been an SUV or something PROPERLY American. If he was going to ******** up driving in some foreign country, he figured he might as well do it right.
"Is this thing a ******** p***y automatic?" he asked critically, holding out a hand for the keys.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2015 2:22 pm
"What's the difference?" Mark passed the keys and then tilted his seat as far back as it went, which was about two inches back. "Hang on, let me install the GPS." He took out a little screen and stuck it on the window of the car. The only consolation was that it was dark outside, so hopefully nobody could see them. The GPS lit up and after a few awkward minutes of input, showed an arrow that pointed straight forward.
"Drive ten miles to destination," the GPS said helpfully in a flat female voice.
"Right," Mark spoke over the GPS that was telling Rep to continue driving ten miles to destination, "we're group B. Group A already went in, they were supposed to get the thing, and we're group B who has to you know get the pick up the thing and bring it up. Long story short, some Russian guy blew up the lighthouse portals so we need to borrow resources. Which were technically ours that were stolen in the first place so we're just you know like, re-getting them back. Anyway, everything in this city is being monitored, so we can't afford to have portals too close to the HQ. Gotta go in stealth mode."
The Death Assistant turned on the radio, which began to blare Shania Twain. "Also," he shouted above the music, "roleplaying is an experience. You should try it sometime and stop being a nerd."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2015 2:55 pm
Rep had almost forgotten GPS were actually a ******** thing, and though they apparently had made a few leaps and bounds in not being shitty in the time he'd been on the island, they hadn't managed to realise that computers didn't deserve women's voices. He wanted a manly GPS, but there just wasn't much manly going on in this particular team tonight in general.
The only upside was that on actual investigation somehow they'd ended up with a manual transmission car so at least some fraction of his masculinity was salvaged. Everything was however on the completely wrong side. He hesitated for a moment, figured out where the gears were relative to this side of the car and starting up and finding the bite, he pulled out of the space.
It felt ******** weird driving on the other side of the road, as if everything in the universe had somehow shifted into some kind of bizzaro world version of its former self, it took concentration to do it properly which he only tenuously had.
It became apparent quickly that Rep was one of those people to whom the concept of speed limits was little more than a helpful guide. As they went - at breakneck speed, often almost turning the wrong way along small roads before Rep recalled the side he was on - Rep tried to take stock of the situation. So they were stealing s**t, that he could get behind. "Kostya ******** broke the portals?! That <********>, I have a ******** bar to maintain. I need stock replenishment."
Man I feel like a woman blared over his thoughts entirely and he narrowed his eyes. "Roleplaying is for FAGGOTS." he yelled back. "LIKE THOSE ******** SILVERMOON ELVES."
He picked up speed as if he could outrun the lyrics. "THIS MUSIC IS SHITE."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2015 3:23 pm
"I DIDN'T SAY IT WAS KOSTYA," Mark yelled, louder than necessary over the guitar chords, "I said some Russian dude that may or may not be Kostya."
Several cars blared past them honking their horns the entire time, and the Death Assistant clung to the handlebar on his seat door a little tighter. "Are you sure you know how to-"
"Drive fifty feet to your destination," the GPS intoned helpfully, before saying really fast, "you have arrived at your destination, the route guidance will end. Have a nice day!"
Mark immediately got out of the car, or more aptly, fell out of it, and lay there. "I want to die and your driving sucks." While still lying on the ground, he checked his watch. "We just drove ten miles in less than five minutes, is that even humanly possible for a Toyota?"
The car was smoking.
"Anyway," the Death Assistant continued, "since we're early, help me open the trunk. They should meet up with us in about oh I dunno, another five minutes which I signaled five minutes ago. There should be two long pole things in the trunk. Take them out and hold one up next to me so I can at least get a ghetto signal boost since everything on the island is broken and life sucks and I would never roleplay elves I'm more of a sci-fi enthusiast type myself okay. Fantasy is for nerds."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2015 10:36 am
"HES THE ONLY RUSSIAN DUDE I KNOW." Rep yelled back. That was a lie, Lucky was probably russian or something, all the soviet bloc guys sounded the same to him. "Unless we've recruited another ******** Boris."
As the car stopped Rep looked entirely smug. "You wanted someone who knows how to drive, I got us here, what's the problem? My driving doesn't take responsibility for your like wanting to die or whatever, that's just cause you are a loser and I'm no."
Moving around to the trunk he attempted to retrieve what he'd been asked to, popping up to glare over the car. "Sci fi is shitty." he said with a snort. "It's just like real life s**t with lazy science, it's no even real imagination. You just take like something we already ******** have like, I dunno, a kitchen knife and then you make it sci fi. LAZER KITCHEN KNIFE. BORING. Fantasy's well better, it's like maybe there's a ******** race of wee kitchen knife dudes living in some like, horrible kitchen somewhere and they have a ******** culture and s**t. That's more interesting."
He snorted irritably, throwing a small geeky strop at the idea of anyone thinking that sci-fi could ever outstrip the domain of dragons and monsters with its boring spaceships and lazer swords. "But its no ******** NERDY. YOUR s**t is nerdy, but no even SMART. This is why nothing ever works, I know it, you are just hooked on the ******** lazy science, like a drug."
He held up one of the poles as if it might get him struck with lightning, glaring at Mark the whole while.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2015 12:00 pm
"Whatever," Mark inched just enough to take one of the poles from Rep, while still somehow managing to semi-sit on the ground, "I don't have enough energy to argue with you, but I will anyway. First of all, it's not just sci-fi, you can't just magic a spaceship, it requires materials that our current technology has currently not-
- The giant skyscraper that was their destination suddenly lit up in a rather obvious and prominent explosion. Dust, debris, and glass showered around them, several of them making notable dents on their car. There was smoke everywhere now; the middle floor of the building had was still on fire.
At first silence.
And then a Mark shot up just as he spotted a shadow in the distance. "Get back in the car!" he suddenly shouted, forgetting entirely what he was supposed to do with the pole things as he just held it and took his seat again, hastily closing the door. Through the smoke, the figure got closer, even closer still - there were shouts now, noises, gunfire, the blaring sound of the building alarm.
Said figure and the body he was dragging on the cement took the only available other space seat in the car, proving once again, that said figure, also known as the Death lead, was the harbinger of the worst possible scenarios ever. "Drive."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2015 12:16 pm
Rep was about to complain that sci-fi was just a way for people not good enough at actual science to get their imagination rocks off without doing proper research or engineering when he remembered that Mark was in Death division, not Life and this was probably a good summation of his entire life to this point. Surely if he was naturally skilled at science he'd be in the science division? He was about to ask if he pissed someone off in Life to have been excluded from the real technology when the whole train of thought was derailed by an explosion which made him yelp in a way that kicked his masculinity down another few notches that night.
He did not think to get to cover as the glass rained down, but instead having been raised on movies rather than sensible reactions to disasters, watched it with facination while Tracey snarled in his head that he was a moron.
"Wh.. what?" Rep said, jarred out of staring up at the fire as Mark climbed back in the car, following to take his own place in the driver's seat before his brain had even caught up with his instincts. "Was that supposed to happen?" he said, before realising as he heard a second door slam that they had company.
He dropped the keys at Cael's statement (and confirmation that yes, Cael was in the car with them) and had to scrabble to pick them up, turn the ignition and hit the floor with the accelerator so hard that the tortured car leapt several meters in several seconds, tyres squealing on the tarmac.
He hadn't actually intended it, but it was pretty ******** cool anyway.
"WHERE?" he said, panicked, glancing at the GPS as if that dumb robot b***h was going to be any help to him right now.
"And er.. can you not get blood on my coat back there please, the fur is a nightmare to clean."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2015 12:33 pm
Unfortunately straight down the road was not an option, as Rep would be forced to veer to the only road on the right thanks to a barricade set up about fifty meters down.
"Drive two kilometers and then turn right," the GPS suddenly intoned helpfully.
"Oh god," Mark said, fiddling with the GPS, turning it off and effectively ceasing all ways of getting back, "it keeps on glitching out. It thinks we're in Canada. Hang on."
It was to be noted that the seat in the back was, as previously noted, very very narrow. So narrow in fact that Rep could probably feel Caelius breathing over his shoulder. Quite literally. The Death lead shifted slightly, the car seats in the front jostled, and suddenly there was someone's dead arm half-obstructing Rep's view.
"Fingerprints." the Death lead said, as if that explained everything.
Mark groaned. "You could have just-" And then there were now police cars chasing after them. "For the love of-" a particularly sharp bump on the road caused the arm to smack him in the face a couple of times. "Just take the hand next time, here, let me just, oh god I'm going to vomit-"
- There was another barricade up ahead with the decision for Rep to either go down the darkest alleyway possible or up the highway. Either way the Death lead hadn't said anything and seemed more fascinated with whatever was not in the body, which was in a chrome case that was for all intents and purposes very locked. He was also in a surprisingly decent mood, as indicated by the fact that nobody had died (except that one fingerprint guy).
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
