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 Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 8:15 am
After the fiasco with his brother, Tolliver had been spending the majority of his time with Hitch - or at least, at his apartment, though occasionally he did return back to the loft he shared with Fritz. Even if Hitch wasn't there, Tolliver would stay curled up on the mattress to wait for him (unless told he couldn't, which Tolliver respected), anxious and depressed, and he slept a great deal of the time, trying not to let his negative emotions leech outwards too much. When Hitch was home, Tolliver automatically gravitated towards him, needing the comfort, but he tried not to be too clingy.
It was pathetic, but he didn't know how else to deal with it. Fritz was too big a part of his life to simply cut out, and yet he hadn't given Hitch the time of day, hadn't listened when Tolliver had begged him too, and now he had to figure out what he could do to fix it, to make it better if he could somehow manage to do that.
So far, there was nothing. Tolliver was simply leeching off of Hitch's warmth and caring nature, and he felt stupid and greedy for doing so, but there was nothing else he could so far look forward to, nothing else he could hold onto except for Hitch.
At present, he was on the mattress again, half asleep, except mostly just in a doze than anything else, Tolliver wearing one of Hitch's shirts again, this time one of the flannels. He had tucked it around himself, and was burrowed beneath the blankets, the sleeves a little too long so that they fell over his fingers.
He should have felt bad for taking up all of Hitch's free time and space, and he did; he felt pathetic and selfish for not even asking, for just assuming, but he couldn't see any other way to handle things, even if it wasn't the best way to do so.
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Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 8:37 am
On one hand, Hitch felt pretty shitty about having come between the twins. Because even if he sort of envied it, family bonds were ******** important, and there was never any telling when something might happen, when a chance might be gone and never ******** return.
On the other - maybe Tolliver felt like a leech, but Hitch felt guilty for how much he was ******** loving having his lover in his apartment so much. It was obvious he was torn up about the whole thing, but Hitch couldn't deny how happy it made him - he'd actually chosen to fight for him instead of letting family sway him, and it moved Hitch so much more than his lover would ever know. After that, seriously, Tolliver could have held his arm the entire time he was home and he wouldn't have made a ******** peep of protest about it - actually he wouldn't have protested even if it hadn't been for Fritzgate 2015.
It didn't matter how ******** crazy his schedule was. If Tolliver was there for the morning, he made him breakfast - or at least left the stuff for breakfast - and he prepped lunches and spent more than he should have to keep snacks in the apartment. Dinners too, no matter how late, he was always eager to make Tolli something and try and make sure he ate. He sometimes even left lists of songs scribbled out in his rough, barely legible hand writing, recommendations for Tolli to listen to when he wasn't there and maybe give him something to do since he ******** lacked any kind of TV or any s**t like that. He didn't even have a computer.
But the snacks weren't vanishing quick enough. And every time he came home, there was a lump on his bed, welcome but worrisome.
So finally, on his half day off, he made a decision.
He came stomping into the apartment and kicked off his meat-bit laden boots at the door like always, his hair still tied in a messy ponytail as he declared with a big, broad grin, "Tolli, babe, get dressed. We're ********' goin' out."
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Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 8:52 am
Hitch may have felt that his apartment was a dump, but Tolliver felt safe within its walls, secure. The mattress was familiar and a reminder of the times when Hitch had physically proven himself to Tolliver. The kitchen was small, but cozy and filled with whatever food that Hitch decided to make for him (guilt nagged at his stomach, reminding him that he was inexperienced in more than one thing, that he should be returning the favor somehow), and when he was not on the mattress or in the kitchen, he was curled on the couch or sitting behind the drum set, absently testing them out.
The lists and the food were much appreciated, and Tolliver listened to every song entirely through, regardless of what genre it was, whether he actually liked it or not. He would bring his iPod over and listen to music with his headphones on, burrowed away, lost in his own thoughts.
He wasn't doing that when Hitch came home from work, however, he was merely dozing, as he tended to do. It had become a bad habit, and not a healthy one either, because having the strength to eat was another story entirely, even with Hitch's kindness. His anxiety over Fritz's obvious feelings towards them, the depression that lingered over his brother's lack of support, made Tolliver's appetite almost nonexistent.
His eyes flickered open, however, at the sound of Hitch's voice, and sleepily, Tolliver shifted, sitting up part way, gathering the blankets around himself.
"What?" he asked tiredly, still half in a daze. Tolliver rubbed at his eyes, trying not to show the redness in them. "Going...going out? Where?"
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Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 9:02 am
Which was exactly why Hitch was about to change that - just because he never ******** slept didn't mean he was going to sit there and let Tolliver try to compensate by sleeping enough for two. It couldn't be good for his leg either, even if he would never ever say it.
He grinned as he made his way to the mattress, reeking of cheese, old meat, and who knew what else. "It's a surprise, " he declared, rather triumphantly actually - even if the whole thing made him nervous as hell because it could just go horribly wrong but whatever. He grabbed bits of blanket on both sides of Tolliver and tugged them gently to coax him forward, planting a lingering kiss on his forehead.
"So c'mon, we gotta hurry - you got sleep funk, I smell like a**, so we're gonna get real cozy in that ********' shower, an' you're just gonna have to keep your hands off me, " he teased, planting another kiss on the tip of his nose. "I'll even scrub your back. C'mon. We gotta be quick."
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Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 9:10 am
He let out a soft squeak of surprise as he was tugged forward, Tolliver's hand automatically rising to rest against Hitch's shoulders. The kiss to his forehead made his eyes flutter, however, and he loved the warmth of those lips on his skin. It was reassuring in a way that other things couldn't be.
The kiss to his nose made him wrinkle it, Tolliver blushing - and from the rest of what Hitch was saying, a mixture of confusion, curiosity, and heat spreading through him. They had indeed tested out the shower a few days before, and it was definitely small, but still workable in some ways. Tolliver obediently got to his feet, reaching for Hitch and sliding his arms around his neck.
"I don't do quick well," he murmured, embarrassed, but his leg prevented him from too much speed. Still, he was growing more and more interested in what Hitch was doing, and Tolliver leaned against his lover, one leg rising to rest on his hip.
"You'll have to carry me, I'm still sleepy," he mumbled, which was true, and also he was just clingy, and the request was both childlike and selfish, but he made it anyway because his head and his heart both ached. "But I want to know what's happening, will you tell me after, or is this a show-not-tell sort of thing?"
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Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 3:31 pm
God he was just too ******** cute, wasn't he? Hitch felt the familiar, selfish surge of affection swell in his heart, and he laughed softly, poking Tolliver again on the nose.
"If you keep bein' so goddamn adorable, then we're really never gonna make it, " Hitch teased with a suggestive arch of his brows and a sly smirk. He knew Tolliver was embarrassed, but he was learning the fastest, surest way to make his lover stop feeling so awkward about his leg. The wide smirk only grew wider still as he purred, "Babe, that's such bullshit. I can name at least five things you do real well real quick, an' that's just countin' what you do to me."
Yes, Hitch loved how needy Tolliver was, for better or worse - because he was just as ******** needy, really. It was just easier to mask it most of the time, and even when it faltered, it was okay since it made his lover feel more secure. Somehow their little system of codependency was working out just ******** peachy. He didn't utter a single sound of protest as he grabbed Tolliver and hoisted him right up into his arms, and it wasn't the first time he'd lifted him like this and he was sure it wouldn't be the last.
"I could tell ya, " he mused, and the smirk was borderline fiendish as he shrugged and made his way to the bathroom. "But nah, seein' is more fun, so we're gonna do that - maybe if you pout enough I'll give ya a hint."
(He wouldn't.)
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Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 3:42 pm
He secretly loved being here, in spite of Tolliver not wanting to impose on Hitch, not wanting to seem clingy or pathetic. But he adored being able to wake up and have Hitch near him; or if being nudged awake at the wee hours of the morning to a sleepy goodbye kiss as Hitch went off to work.
If he wasn't careful, he'd get too used to this too fast, and that was very, very bad.
Tolliver's face was flushed red at the suggestive compliments, but he stubbornly didn't comment on them, instead just obediently wrapping his legs around Hitch's waist and his arms around his neck as he was picked up. He buried his face into Hitch's hair and inhaled deeply, not caring that he'd just gotten off of work, nose against his neck.
"I don't pout," Tolliver murmured, but he pulled his head back enough to kiss Hitch's cheek, then his lips, the too-long sleeves of Hitch's flannel shirt draping over his fingers. "But fine, if you're just going to...be like that, then I'll be good."
(He wasn't. At least not in the shower, where they spent too much time, as usual.)
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Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 9:57 pm
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad - not like Hitch would come out and say it unless it benefited his lover in some way (which was really the easiest way to ever get anything out of him, and it was a trick exclusive to Tolliver and no one else), but the mornings where Tolliver did go home sucked a**. Hard. He was getting ******** spoiled, and Tolli didn't even know it. It was so much harder to drag himself out of bed when there wasn't someone to wake up to.
Work itself was just this endless grind of debts that weren't his that he didn't think he'd ever shake. (Ever since Tolli started staying here more, he'd been smart enough to tuck the bills out of sight.) But having someone to get up and make something for, take care of, dote on, all things Tolli thought made him a pain, but honestly they were getting Hitch through the day with a ******** reason to smile.
He laughed when his lover buried his face into his hair. "You're gonna regret that, " he teased, but everything in his tone said he was happy about it. "And you so do - if there was an award for ********' poutin', you'd win hands down."
He loved the way he kissed him - and the way he looked in that flannel - and way too many little things to list. But maybe he tried a little in the shower; because he was a shameless hypocrite, just because he told Tolli not to pull anything didn't mean he didn't.
When they finally did get out, Hitch tugged Tolliver right along and wished not for the first time that he had enough for a car so he could actually ******** take him anywhere at any given ******** time. Lucky for him, this place was close, maybe two blocks away.
Blaring lights. Thundering bass. Yup, this was a ******** club. "Don't worry, I already slipped the guy some cash so I can get in, " he mumbled to his lover with a wickedly mischievous smile. (Wait, had he ever actually told Tolli how old he was? - eh didn't matter.)
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Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 10:10 pm
The longer he spent with Hitch, the easier it became to be with him; and Tolliver was afraid of just how easy it was to incorporate himself into a life he hadn't known he'd wanted until now. He loved waking up to someone else near him - or, if not Hitch, to the notes he left, the little reminders, the reassuring gestures, the good morning and good night kisses that were such a simple thing, and yet to Tolliver, meant everything in the entire world.
He was also becoming a lot more comfortable in terms of wanting affection. Tolliver had started initiating kisses, trying more new things in his quiet, uncertain way, and sometimes it ended in complete and utter embarrassment. Sometimes it ended in something wonderful. Sometimes it was a mix of both, like now, because Tolliver was going to be good, and it was definitely Hitch's fault that they took too long in the shower.
He dressed slowly, in a pair of skinny jeans and a long-sleeved black shirt that was slightly off the shoulder and had holes in the sleeves for his fingers to go through. Tolliver had barely managed to tug his boots on before Hitch was dragging him out, and by the time they got inside the place they were actually supposed to be, Tolliver had an expression akin to a deer in headlights.
"W-what is this?" he asked, breath catching in his throat, fear registering in his eyes. "Hitch, you know I can't - I can't do anything - "
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Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 10:18 pm
Hitch glanced at him with an arched brow, a slight grin tugging at his lips. "Eh? You can't do anything?" Yeah, he'd been ready for this kind of protest; this was Tolliver after all. New things were hard for anyone, and harder for him, and that was totally okay. "I'm pretty sure there's nothing wrong with your hips - no, actually, I'm totally sure there's nothing wrong with those hips, " he teased, reaching over to squeeze at one playfully through the fabric.
Then he slipped around behind his and grabbed his wrists, deliberately pressing up against him. He lifted Tolliver's arms up and then down again, then side to side. "Pretty sure these work too. - you don't have to ********' go skippin' through the damn place to have fun, " and people were glancing at them as they passed, and Hitch tried really ******** hard not to let the passing stares get to him because he was trying to reassure his lover here, not fall prey to his own nerves - this was sort of the first time they'd been out somewhere in the early evening where the whole ******** world could see.
Instead, he nuzzled into Tolliver's hair by his ear and whispered, rather tenderly, "It's okay if you really don't want to, we can do somethin' else. But I promise I'll take care of you. - an' I still owe you a ********' drink, babe."
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Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 10:26 pm
He was terrified by the thought of having to face all of those people; but more than anything, Tolliver was terrified of his leg giving away in the middle, terrified of the memories that he still held onto. Back when he'd been a deejay, he'd always danced in the clubs after gigs, usually on his own just because he could, but he hadn't set foot on a floor since his accident.
He was still staring at the crowds, the music bursting through the speakers, and almost didn't hear what Hitch was saying until he felt that hand on his hip and that teasing voice. Tolliver jumped a little, embarrassed; but then he felt Hitch move around behind him, and his eyes fell half-lidded, biting his lip as he didn't fight Hitch as he moved his arms. If he noticed the questioning stares, he didn't say anything, Tolliver focusing on the sound of Hitch's voice in his ear, the gentle touch of lips, the soft sweetness, and here it was again; Hitch's endless patience and his kindness.
"I'm..." Tolliver managed to get out, and he let himself lean back a little against Hitch, eyes sweeping nervously across the throngs of people.
"I want to - b-but I don't..." He swallowed hard, trying to tamp the fear down.
"What if - what if I can't do it?"
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Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 10:59 pm
To be fair, Hitch hadn't hit a whole lot of clubs yet - he probably could've, but concerts had always been more his thing. But he'd kind of done some detective work and this place played a lot of the type of music Tolliver liked, or he was pretty sure it was the music he liked, or he hoped he was right and he didn't accidentally ******** it up somewhere.
Hitch happily took on his weight and wrapped his arms around Tolliver's shoulders, pressing a kiss to the shell of his ear. "You can, " he assured him in a soft, soothing rumble, nuzzling into his hair and inhaling the scent of borrowed shampoo and Tolliver himself. "An' I'm here with you - if you get tired, just lean on me." He wouldn't let him fall. - ********, he probably wouldn't let him out of his sight. Even if it wasn't for the leg, he wasn't about to let that cute a** go striding around unattended.
"'Sides." Thankfully, Tolliver wouldn't get to see his slight blush, although he would feel the curl of lips against the side of his neck as Hitch's hands slid back down to his hips again. "If you really don't feel like movin', I could always try dancin' for you, huh?" He swayed his own hips to the beat emanating from the club for a few seconds before he stopped to laugh at himself.
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Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 11:08 pm
He felt a warm shiver run down his spine at the kiss to his ear, but Tolliver was focused on the words he was saying. They were low and soft in his mind, filtering through his thoughts, settling deep within his chest so that his heart felt lighter somehow, even though he couldn't stop the rapid beating of it. There was the fear, of course, of being here in public with Hitch at all - but even just looking at the dance floor, he could see plenty of guys with guys and girls with girls, which meant they hopefully wouldn't stand out.
He already did lean on Hitch - both mentally and physically - but Tolliver appreciated the reminder more than anything. He let out a soft hitch of breath as his lover's hands slid down to his hips, lips on his neck, and Tolliver tried to quell the rising anxiety in his throat.
He was safe. Hitch was here. Hitch wasn't going to leave him. And Tolliver once had loved dancing, had once loved music, but had lost it all in the accident. Maybe, just maybe, he could work past the fears and the anxieties and have something good with the man behind him, something he could share.
One of Tolliver's hands reached for Hitch's, resting on it.
"Okay," he whispered. "J-just...be patient with me."
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Posted: Wed Aug 12, 2015 7:37 am
Hitch's smile broadened and he hummed softly, his lips still pressed against Tolliver's ear as he whispered, "Always babe." He said it like Hitch needed to be reminded, hah - not like he minded. Maybe he was being assumptive or whatever, but it was rare when he didn't understand where Tolliver was coming from. Even if he didn't adore him as much as he did, he couldn't imagine getting pissed at Tolli for something like that.
"Whenever you wanna head back, just tell me - or give me a sign - like, oh, " he held up his hand in the typical 'rock on' sign with a completely cheesy grin. Because of course he would. "Do that. If you wanna go home, just do that and I'll totally get it. No questions asked."
"C'mon. You wanna drink first, take the edge off?" he offered softly, sliding away from him, but also taking his hand into his own to lead him along. He didn't walk fast, keeping pace with what he knew Tolliver could do instead - because he wanted to walk beside his lover, and he was fine leading him, but he didn't want to go too far ahead. "I know I'll take one, " because thanks to Tolliver, he'd learned what a nice drink could do for his confidence levels.
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Posted: Wed Aug 12, 2015 8:22 am
The always made his heart leap inside of his chest, and he wanted desperately for it to be true. He wanted for Hitch to be there for him, and he wanted to be there for Hitch, for as long as he could possibly have it. The warmth at his back was all encompassing, and it spread throughout Tolliver, familiar and reassuring.
A little smile touched his lips.Tolliver slid his fingers through Hitch's firmly, his other hand rising to also wrap around Hitch's wrist as he walked beside him. His nerves were still on edge, and he gave a little jump every time someone came too close to him, shifting closer to his lover, his eyes moving left and right anxiously.
"Yes, please," he said softly, in answer to the drink question, and then he repeated it, a little loudly, because the music was pounding and there were so many people talking around that Hitch probably hadn't been able to even hear him over the din of the noise.
But he did desperately want that drink.
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