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 Posted: Fri Jul 17, 2015 12:19 am
It had indeed been a very long night.
By the end of it - or really, sometime in the early morning - Tolliver had fallen asleep, utterly exhausted, curled up on his side and holding one of his many pillows. He tended to sleep relatively hard, though this had changed somewhat since his accident, Tolliver sometimes waking in the middle of the night to screeching cars and flashing lights.
This time, however, he all but passed out and did not awaken until perhaps around noon the next day.
When he finally managed to tear his eyes open, they felt sticky and heavy with sleep, and for several moments, Tolliver had absolutely no clue as to where he was, what was happening, what time it was, what day it was, or any other actual knowledge. Comprehension was an extraordinarily difficult thing at present, and Tolliver shifted a little, lashes fluttering.
It eventually came back to him - and when it did, it was light a freight train all at once, rather than a gradual trickling, because it was approximately the same time he noticed that there was someone warm and heavy pressed against his back and he was, in fact, completely clothesless.
Tolliver felt the heat creep into his face, one hand rising to clamp over his mouth to keep himself from making any sound. Vivid memories of the previous night filled his mind, and he knew exactly who it was that had an arm draped over his ********> Tolliver thought faintly.
His head was spinning. His entire body ached, and Tolliver was afraid stiff to move, in case Hitch woke up. He wasn't facing the man, but he could definitely remember practically every detail of his face by now, the feel of warm lips against his own, on his neck, ********> Tolliver thought again, trying to staunch the redness, but his face kept heating. <******** ******** ******** ******** class="quote">frayedflower
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Posted: Fri Jul 17, 2015 12:37 am
Hitch had been the last to go to sleep. He'd been laying there for at least ten minutes, maybe more, after Tolliver had fallen asleep, just watching the slow rise and fall of his side. Content. Sated. Happy, even.
When he woke up, the first thing he was was nauseous. He moaned out loud, slowly rolling away from the warm body next to him, slinging an arm over his face to ward off the second thing he felt that day: a pounding, splitting migraine that threatened to split his head in half. "Oh ******** me... " he groaned, groping around for where he usually would have kept the ibuprofen beside the bed.
Except this was not Hitch's bed. This was Tolliver's bed, and his hand wound up somewhere around his bed mate's hip. He stayed there for a second or two, staring up at his own arm, up close and personal. Then, abruptly, it all came rushing back. He sat up entirely too fast with his eyes wide. "********, " an unintentional echo of Tolliver's internal thoughts, he immediately crumpled and covered his eyes again with another low hiss of: "Fuuuuuuck...!"
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Posted: Fri Jul 17, 2015 12:47 am
His thoughts were in complete disarray, Tolliver's hair starkly red against the white pillows, still shot through with blues and greens from the dye he'd used several months back. He was frozen in place, trying desperately to figure out why the hell he had thought it was a good idea to jump into bed with someone he barely knew - and not only that, but a man.
Well. Maybe because it had felt good - had felt amazing at times, better than he'd ever thought it could feel. But - still -
His heart was threatening to claw its way out of his chest at the rate it was beating, and Tolliver was in the middle of praying that Fritz would not return home anytime soon when he felt the bed shift as Hitch began to move.
Tolliver stayed deliberately still, panic almost overwhelming him, but he forced it down, tried to calm himself, and felt a hand on his hip. Hitch's voice, low and graveling from sleep, started off as a slight groan and then shifted into something a lot less sleepy and a lot more oh s**t.
There was no point in pretending. Tolliver slowly (very slowly, it hurt) sat up, wincing in the sunlight, the sheets pooled around his bare waist. He took a deep shuddering breath, turned, and looked at Hitch.
Any and all thought immediately left his mind. Tolliver clamped his mouth shut, face a spectacular shade of red, head spinning around and around in dizzying motions until he had no clue what on earth to say or do or not do or not say.
"Um." Was the brilliant reply he managed to get out.
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Posted: Fri Jul 17, 2015 7:26 pm
Hitch hated a lot of things about himself. He hated the way he looked in pictures. He hated the sound of his own recorded voice played back to him. He hated hated the faint traces of acne scars accentuating the ridiculous freckles on his face. He -- the list went on and on. There was a reason he hardly looked at himself in the mirror anymore.
What he hated more than anything was that when he stole a peek between his fingers, Tolliver couldn't have looked more amazing. It wasn't any fault of Tolliver's; he couldn't help that the sheets pooled perfectly around his waist, or how well that blush still suited his face. No, it was Hitch's fault was thinking it was beautiful. Even miserable and sick like this, he could remember the things they'd done the night before, the shameless way he'd carried himself, and most of all how fantastic it had been. He'd loved every damn second of it.
If his mother had seen him. The image of the disgust on her usually kind face was still burned into his memory. The thought was like ice water to the face, especially when he realized he'd finally found a friend and now he'd done this.
I knew I'd ******** it up. I always ********' ******** it up. I -- ********, <********> He had to say something. He had to say it fast, before Tolliver got the wrong idea or -- ********, they were miles beyond the wrong idea at this point. He opened his mouth to say something, anything.
"Oh." Almost a hiccup, a sound of surprise. Hitch's eyes widened, and he abruptly began to scramble out of the bed, his hand clasped firmly over his mouth to keep anything else from coming out. Just one problem: where the ******** was the goddamn bathroom?!
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Posted: Fri Jul 17, 2015 7:39 pm
He had no idea what time it was; Tolliver's eyes swept towards his bedside table, to the clock that rested there, and the glowing blue numbers read 12:37 PM. A small sigh of relief was breathed out mentally, because it meant that Fritz, thankfully, would not be home for several more hours at least, and a small fraction of the panic began to ease from Tolliver's stomach.
His face was still red. He wondered if it was permanent by now, the stain across his cheeks, and hated the way his emotions were so obvious in his expressions. His brother had always been good at hiding things; Tolliver, even with his stoicism and reclusiveness, was an open book.
His mouth opened to say something - anything at all, because in all honesty, Tolliver had zero clue as to what to say, his mind stuttering to a stop - and then Hitch had scrambled from the bed, and it took approximately two seconds for Tolliver to understand where he was going.
"B - bathroom's to the right," he said quickly, half sliding out of bed, one leg over the side - and then he realized, belatedly, that he was still not wearing anything, and Tolliver promptly yanked the sheets back over himself, sucking in a sharp breath.
His eyes fell on his leg, exposed and ugly, the skin twisted and warped, and Tolliver gritted his teeth together before sweeping it out of sight.
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Posted: Fri Jul 17, 2015 8:03 pm
Where time was a relief for Tolliver, it was bound to be a nasty surprise for Hitch -- but that would wait. He had more pressing things to deal with before that would even occur to him.
Right. That was all the direction he needed to dash into the bathroom, and without an ounce of modesty to spare as he went. He dropped hard in front of the toilet, and there was barely enough time to throw up the seat before Hitch vividly revisited his delightful barbecue burger.
Several minutes later, when the dry heaves had finally settled, he lingered there with his forehead pressed against the edge of the bowl. His eyes were watering from the expulsion, and he felt shaky, desperately wanting a drink. But he didn't want to move yet. How on earth was he supposed to face him?
Now, sitting here on a cold floor, he was really wishing he'd had enough time to throw something on. As if this whole thing wasn't terrible enough, his ******** underwear was sitting back in the other room.
Hitch sighed, sat up, and flushed, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. He couldn't exactly sit here forever, no matter how much he might want to.
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Posted: Fri Jul 17, 2015 8:12 pm
He let Hitch get everything out, wincing a little at the sound. Tolliver waited until the door had shut before he slid his legs gingerly over the side of the bed. Everything ached - Tolliver was reminded in vivid detail the events of the previous night, and just how many things had happened - and he got up slowly, flinching, still clutching the sheet to him.
His pants were in the doorway of his room, and his shirt somewhere in the living room, and a few things had been knocked off of the table in their haste to get to the bedroom. Tolliver stared at the everything, decided he didn't have the mental fortitude to clean up yet, and padded slowly back into his room, pants in hand. He slid them on slowly, painstakingly, and without undergarments, because he had no idea where those were, and glanced around for Hitch's pants, breathing a sigh of relief that the scar was gone from his sight now.
His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest; Tolliver's thoughts couldn't quite seem to formulate, because what exactly did one say to someone they hadn't exactly expected to leap into bed with? Hitch was...well, Tolliver wasn't sure he regretted it or not. His body might, judging by the constant painful throb, but his head...
He made his way over to the bathroom and took a breath, Tolliver pressing his forehead against the closed door.
"....Hitch?" he said hesitantly. "I have...I have some clothes for you."
Maybe he wanted to be left alone. Tolliver had never felt so damn uncertain in his life.
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Posted: Sat Jul 18, 2015 12:00 am
Even if he knew he couldn't stay there forever, Hitch still cringed at the sound of Tolliver's voice. But he did like what his - his friend (Tolliver was still his friend) had to say. "Comin', " he rasped, his throat raw from the sickness that had washed over him. Then he prompted cringed at the word choice, considering, fighting the urge to slap himself as he rose back to his feet.
What would he say? What would he do? - god he didn't even ******** know, maybe he could just grab the clothes and make a run for it. Never look back. But no, in spite of everything, that felt like the most terrible idea anyone could have possibly had (so of course he'd had it).
Slowly, he opened the door a crack; he'd tried to angle himself in a way that Tolliver wouldn't have to see much of him, but either way his friend was going to get some kind of eye full. Hitch's cheeks were stained a deep, dark red as he slowly reached out for whatever clothes were waiting for him. "Thanks."
Then, after a few moments' pause, he asked quietly, "You... okay?" That seemed like a great place to start. Not really. It'd have to do.
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Posted: Sat Jul 18, 2015 12:10 am
Hitch did not sound nearly as sly and confident as he had the night before, and Tolliver assumed it was due in part to the lack of alcohol and the dregs of a very bad hangover.
Still, he stood there, in just his jeans, low on his hips, and wondered if this was all a very bad idea, Tolliver shifting from one foot to the other. But eventually the door creaked open, and Hitch's face appeared in the space, cheeks flushed, and completely nude. Tolliver tried extremely hard not to look down as he hastily passed over the the pants he'd picked up, and failed, dragging his gaze back up almost instantly and spending the next several seconds swearing internally.
The gentle question caught him off guard. Tolliver's face was a steady shade of red, and he glanced away from Hitch self-consciously, lashes lowered.
"...I'm all right," he said quietly, which was true, in certain respects. "I'm - a little sore - I mean, it aches a little - "
He floundered, thoroughly embarrassed, and took a sharp inhale of breath.
"I'm...not bad," said Tolliver finally, biting his lower lip. "Are...are you? All right?"
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Posted: Sat Jul 18, 2015 12:24 am
Hitch would have loved to pretend he wasn't looking. But even if he wasn't the completely open book he'd been last night, he still looked down when Tolliver looked up from looking down, and - not only did he know his friend had been looking at him, but he'd unintentionally gone ahead and returned the favor.
That wall over there was looking awful tempting; he wondered how hard he could hit his head there before it cracked, and how much it'd take to pay for it. One way to end an awkward situation.
It aches. Had Tolliver even - oh ******** him, don't even tell him that he was Tolliver's first or anything. Please please don't tell him that. That just made all of this so much worse. He bit down suddenly enough on the inside of his piercing that his teeth made a clicking sound against it. He didn't know what to say, he --
"I'm fine." He wasn't, but the answer flowed smoothly from his lips like he meant it. "Thanks -- " Then, abruptly, something occurred to him before he made a move to close the door, realizing just how much light was pouring into the room. " -- uh, Tolli?"
He instantly regretted calling him that, another throwback to the night he was never supposed to have had. <******** glorious. "What time is it?"
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Posted: Sat Jul 18, 2015 12:33 am
He was starting to feel even more self-conscious than he already was. Hitch was avoiding his eyes, looking every which way but at him, and Tolliver was getting a terrible sinking sensation in his stomach that he wasn't quite certain how to decipher.
Facts, he thought desperately, think of the facts.
His mind shifted, twisted to rearrange itself into some semblance of clarity. He and Hitch had gone out to eat. Hitch had most likely had a little too much to drink. Tolliver hadn't, but he'd still been ever so slightly less restrained with the alcohol and those sly smiles that Hitch had kept passing his way. He'd let the other man kiss him, let him into his apartment, let him...do a whole hell of a lot of other stuff that had taken up a good portion of the night and that had indeed been Tolliver's first, not that he was going to mention that now.
And now it was a question of whether Tolliver regretted it, whether Hitch regretted it, and whether Tolliver wanted either of them to regret it.
Too many questions, not enough answers.
He had no idea. His eyes flickered back to Hitch's face, Tolliver absently twisting one of the bracelets on his wrist. The nickname caught him off guard, sent a fresh wave of warmth over him, and he dragged his gaze up, breath catching in his throat.
"Er..." he said, glad for the distraction. "A little before one, I think."
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Posted: Sat Jul 18, 2015 12:56 am
A little before one. Oh no. Oh no no. "******** me, " Hitch snapped as he slid away from the bathroom door. Regrets, guilt, and humiliation fell to the back burner to stew for a delicious bowl of self-loathing he could indulge in later. He slid into his jeans, still tugging them over his hips by the time he emerged from the bathroom.
His head was still pounding something awful, and he was decidedly paler than he was last night - although that was probably just as much the stress as the vomiting. "My job, I - I was supposed to be in ********' hours ago, " he spat out in a brief, frantic explanation. Six hours of his day, of his paycheck, boom, right out the window - if he even still had a job. It was a Unionized gig, sure, but even if he was off the probation period, it didn't mean he couldn't get written up. Hours cut. Forced to work outside of his given times. There were a million and one ways they could ******** him over, and they had no reason not to.
He slapped his hands over his jeans pockets and groaned, frustration and panic welling up in him like a soda can shaken to perfection. "Where's my goddamn phone? Tolli, ********, where did it go?! - ******** I am so <******** class="quote">kuuropii
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Posted: Sat Jul 18, 2015 1:13 am
He was startled by the sudden anger in Hitch's voice, and Tolliver took a slight step back from the doorway, stumbling a little. He caught himself, eyes doe wide once more, though for an entirely different reason than the night before, his mouth slightly open.
"I - it wasn't in your pocket," said Tolliver, glancing around the room and wondering where his cane had gone - probably dropped somewhere in the living room, if he thought about it properly. His mind was still fuzzy, but it was most likely clearer than Hitch's in some respects, since he hadn't been half as imbibed with alcohol. "Er...maybe there's something we can....an excuse we can make on your behalf..?"
It was a pathetic logic. He limped towards the living room, fingers against the frame of the door before they slid against the wall. Tolliver was capable of walking without support, but he felt pathetically ill adept at functioning at present, trying not to show how much the silly little nickname was affecting him, warmth on his cheeks, in his chest.
Or the fact that Hitch's apparent feelings towards their night together were leaning towards regrets and irritation. Tolliver was definitely not thinking about that.
Or the fact that he almost felt...disappointed?
No. He wasn't disappointed. He was definitely not disappointed that Hitch regretted everything.
(Except he was. No, he wasn't. ********, yes he was.)
He pushed the thoughts out of his head and knelt awkwardly down in the living room, next to the coffee table to peer under it. Tolliver had recalled in their messy, desperate removal of clothing, they'd stumbled around here for a few minutes before finally tumbling into the bedroom.
Something glinted against the corner of the far right leg of the table. Tolliver stretched his fingers towards it and touched metal and plastic.
"Here," he said, brushing his hair wearily out of his eyes. "I've got it."
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Posted: Sat Jul 18, 2015 10:20 pm
Even if Hitch was sick, he still managed to see the way Tolliver stepped back when he bellowed; he tried not to wince, sucking back the tight feeling in his chest the best he could. It wasn't Tolliver's fault he'd overslept - okay, it sort of was, but only a little. He'd been the one to initiate everything, the idiot that drank too much in the first place.
"What excuse? - they'd need a ********' doctor's note or somethin', I bet you anythin', just - <********>, " it was easier to keep being angry and frustrated. It beat buckling over the stress, guilt, and fear of his unending series of mistakes. "I'm so goddamn ********, " he hissed again, even as he followed Tolliver back towards the living room, because he didn't know what else to do. Standing awkwardly alone in his bedroom didn't really seem like it'd get him anywhere fast.
He felt it again, the twinge of regret and guilt when he saw his only friend (pathetic, and he ******** that one right up) kneel down on the ground for him. It couldn't be easy, or comfortable. - but it did produce results. "Oh thank god, " when he should have just thanked Tolliver; whatever. Either way he gratefully took the phone, and his face paled visibly as he realized he had a grand total of nine missed calls, and at least six new voicemails.
Hitch didn't really think, too desperate to try and save his job, so he just went ahead and dialed the number of the store back, tapping furiously on his thigh. "Hello?" Of course, Tolliver would only hear one side of the conversation. "Mike, I - It's Logan, " because both of his jobs wanted to stick to given names, not nicknames. "I'm sorry, I - no, I know, it was really irresponsible, I - yeah, I know how late it is."
His shoulders were tense, so much they might've been painful to look at. He thought to turn away from Tolliver so he wouldn't see the look on his face, but it was a little late for that. " - I know, somethin' just came up, an'... I'm so sorry. I know." Hitch knew damn well the kind of lurch he'd left them in. But at least they'd been able to work something out, which was something. "Okay. Okay. - yeah, that's - yeah, okay. I know. I'm sorry, again, I can explain I - okay."
Then, a long pause as he edged back towards Tolliver's room. "... can I make up the hours somewhere? There any of his shifts I can take? - I - please, I really - " His shoulders dropped, just slightly, and he sighed. "No, no, I get it. That's totally fair. Yeah, I'm - yeah. I'm sorry again. Won't happen again. Thanks, Mike. See you tomorrow." By the time he hung up, he realized belatedly he really should've just waited on the call. Or at least gone outside.
His face was red again for a different reason as he edged back towards Tolliver, maybe a little belatedly extending a hand, an offer to help him back up. "Thanks. - it all worked out, I - I'm not in trouble or nothin'."
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Posted: Sat Jul 18, 2015 10:34 pm
He couldn't quite decipher if Hitch's anger was directed at him, at himself, or possibly both. Tolliver found he was surprisingly not angry, per se, but annoyance was beginning to rise in his stomach. He hadn't planned for this to happen, after all. Hadn't deliberately set out to seduce anyone, let alone a man, let alone a new possible friend, let alone someone he hardly knew. And yet something in Hitch's frustrated tone of voice set Tolliver's nerves on end.
He reached towards the couch, placing a hand on it and carefully and painstakingly leaned against it. His leg gave a painful twinge, but he ignored it, Tolliver sinking sideways and closing his eyes briefly, listening to the strained sounds of Hitch's voice.
If he was fired, would he blame Tolliver? The tension felt so thick it was almost unbearable, and he rubbed at his face tiredly, hating the frustration that was welling in his stomach. He couldn't tell if he wanted Hitch to stay or to go, if he wanted the silly nickname back in his ears, or if he wanted to just burrow himself far away.
He wanted to say he'd disliked and hated everything that had happened last night, because maybe then he'd feel less tense and stressed about everything, but he hadn't hated it, hadn't felt anything but good, and now it was coming back to bite him in the ********> Tolliver thought, eyes flickering open again as Hitch's phone call ended and he turned back around. His gaze rose to meet the other man's, and silently Tolliver reached out, taking ahold of his hand and ignoring the fact that this was the first physical contact they'd had since waking. He got awkwardly and painfully to his feet, wincing a little, and eased out a breath.
"I'm glad," he said quietly, averting his eyes. He was silent for a long few moments, and then he said, in a soft voice,
"Last night."
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