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Name: Gweneth Malley

Nickname: Gwen

Age: 25

Birthday: May 21st

Sign: Taurus

Gemstone: Emerald

Blood Type: A pos

Fav. Food: A fresh tomato sandwich with some olive oil and oregano on it.

Hated Food: As a whole she isn’t a big fan of Chinese food. It’s just usually too salty and/or greasy for her.

School: Graduated from College

Hobbies:

Gardening: One of her priorities when she moved to Destiny City was finding a place where she could have a garden. She enjoys spending time caring for the plants whether they be flowers, ferns, vegetables, fruits or trees. It gives her a sense of belonging and helps put her in a tranquil state of mind. There’s just something about getting her hands in the dirt and her nails grunged up that makes her happy.

Sketching: Not particularly the best drawer, Gwen still enjoys sitting outside and sketching out scenes. She has a tendency towards nature. Drawing people is not something she’s all that good at, but then again, she’s really not all that interested either. She’d much prefer drawing plants, animals and depicting the natural scene around her.

Virtues:

Reliable: Need someone that you can depend on to be there when you need them? Gwen is the girl to call. When she makes a promise about something she absolutely means it and won’t let anything get in the way of that promise. Even if she’s holding a vendetta against you she can put it aside for the greater good if need be. She may not like it, but she’ll do it.

Passionate: When something particularly strikes a chord in her, Gwen can become quite fixated on it and put her all towards whatever it is. As long as she feels strongly about something there’s not much of anything that will deter her. She can be a very focused woman when her feelings and emotions are in play.

Flaws:

Temper: Oh this girl has got a fiery temper. You can practically see it happen as her eyes get steely and her face begins to turn red. Watch out for those warning signs! She doesn’t necessarily go off at the slightest little offense but when she is pissy you’ll damn well know it. Once she’s rev’d up good luck calming her down until she's exhausted her energy towards whatever ticked her off.

Stubborn: When something gets in this girls head and she's feeling extremely strong about it good luck changing her mind on the matter. She will dig her heels in like a mule and nothing you do is going to change that matter. Needless to say she's a girl that has always needed to learn the hard way when she makes stubborn decisions.

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Eyes: Wide, clear blue eyes.

Hair: A natural vibrant red-head. She has a tendency to style her hair into a messy side braid with many face framing pieces. Her hair would fall right around mid back.

Face: A heart shaped face, pale skin and small freckles adorn her nose/cheeks. She very much epitamizes the fair Irish complexion. She’s more of the natural beauty type when it comes to make-up too. She tends to only put on some masscare to frame her eyes a bit and a small amount of blush.

Clothes: A blue sundress that is similar in color to her eyes with a white belt at the waist. Since she’s outside so much she has a tendency to wear a sunhat to protect her skin from turning lobster red in the sunlight. She loves wearing flats, especially white ones. A delicate silver necklace hangs around her neck with a emerald tear drop pendant.

Hello, Kolina! I'm here to give you some crit to get this quest in working order.

The civ portion looks great to me, so onto the powered portion! First, I notice that you haven't listed what planet your girl is a Page of in the quest, only the title. Please list that! Second, Hy-Brasil is too young to be a Knight wonder. It was first documented in the 1300's according to your link, and Knight wonders need to be 1000 years old or older. Now, regarding the magic... Knight magic does not change from Squire to Knight; it only upgrades in possible range and channeling time (both of which are missing from your magic ideas). Also, I am not sure if it really fits with Earth's power themes of honor, virtue, and nature.

So, to get your Page's magic up to snuff, you need to do the following:

- Align it more closely with Earth's power themes.
- List a range in which the magic can take effect, especially if you're using an AoE-type magic. (If not, you may want to list the range in which a target can be picked from.)
- List the time pool for channeling magic. Remember, from Squire to Knight, both range and channeling time can get an upgrade!

Quote me when you've made revisions, or if you have any questions!

Let's see here... ah, those sources are helpful. In that case, I think the Wonder can pass (but you may want to link those in your eventual journal in case people ask around!).

Well, I do like your incense stick -> box -> burner idea! It is a valid progression, I feel. But what is the burner made of? (That's kind of a miscellaneous question, but it might help to specify how easy it is to break in case it gets swung around.) As for magic... you could possibly keep the fog! Maybe make a small AoE "wooded area" that is foggy, and the fog creates some kind of effect? Could be a buff (heal, boost courage) or a debuff (make people feel like cowards?).

Does this help? I would say you can move forward with the concept, given the support you've provided.

Better! Well, I thought the chain-burner could be used a bit like a flail, but putting it on a staff is fine too. Anyway, regarding the new magic: Knight magic doesn't "last" x amount of seconds, nor does it have a certain amount of uses. There is an x-second pool that ticks down as magic is channeled. So you can activate the fog for a few seconds, deactivate it, and then use it again and again till the time pool runs out. So, the Squire magic would have 30 seconds of time for use before the magic ran out.

In more technical notes, I think an adjustment on the range and time pool of the magic is needed. 20 and 40 feet are way too large of a targeting area. I would suggest 8 feet and 15 feet for the Squire and Knight magic, respectively. Also, having a large heal channel-able for a full minute may be too long; I would recommend having a time pool of 45 seconds. Does all this make sense?

You're very welcome! Good work- I can give you a stamp now! A GM will be by eventually to give you more crit or a full stamp.