Welcome to Gaia! ::

We're glad you asked! The Cult of the Mirthful Messiahs was founded many, many sweeps ago. The telling of a band of rowdy and capricious minstrels, rising for all of Alternia's salvation on a mythical Paradise Planet is the core of it all - this coming of our great messiahs is known as the "Vast Honk". The "Vast Honk" will determine the fates of all of us faithfuls and non-faithfuls on Alternia, and with this knowledge we must hold dearly to our beliefs.

Achieving one's Paradise is the very goal of a juggalo. It offers hope, joy, fulfillment and in ecstatic frenzy unlocks their potential. It is something a non-believer cannot experience, and within the clutch of our family trolls find togetherness and a sense of purpose that simply cannot be found elsewhere on Alternia.

It's very simple. Followers of the Messiahs live in the wonderful stage of the "Dark Carnival" - for some, a miraculous metaphor and for others a very real state of being that defines our ideals. Following these ideals, and following one's pump biscuit, will allow us to achieve our ascension to Paradise.

The Dark Carnival consists of many cards. In a deck of these most capricious cards lies six basic tentpoles of our beloved holy circus. They are as follows.

The Carnival of Carnage. Life on Alternia is filled with natural brutality, from the womb of the Mother Grub to the streets. Everyone is born in the same caves, but only the most pure emerge – the evils of the world are harbored in all of us. We cannot let it corrupt us. Protect trolls who struggle the same struggle as you—your brothers and sisters.

The Ringmaster. You are the Ringmaster, twisting your own destiny with the guidance of the Messiahs. They preach the word that you follow, but your followers must be controlled by your own bloodpusher. Control your world and your life will turn out as you desire it, as prophesized by the Big Top from within your wildest dreams.

The Riddlebox. A reminder that placement in paradise is uncertain – only pure intentions and faith will allow you to achieve your ultimate desire to ascend, because there is no way of knowing whether you will be cast into the underworld. Always be fearful, but be fearless because no one can ever know for sure.

The Illusionist. He tempts you – he can take your life away. Never trust a character that tells you to stray, even though their rewards may be everything you desire. Enemies of the faith and the Alternian people may appear to be anyone – from their spirit to their outer features.

The Jugglers. They juggle our sins and good deeds – never let your sins outbalance your good deeds, or you will fall with them. The struggle of balance is eternal and guiding. Forever be present. Forever know.

The Wraith. Two-sides – life and death, living in eternity. Paradise is worth every strife. Burning in despair forever will befall an impure follower. Follow The Wraith and you will see if your life has been good enough or bad.

Always remember to follow your pump biscuit. Your actions cannot be judged by anyone as long as you are true to your faith, and this is the beauty of our family.

A family, unlike the protection of your lusus, is a group of trolls with deep bonds forged from the womb of the Mother Grub. We are your surrogate family, protecting you and serving your ideals as you do ours. We are together a powerful force, and are there to party with our homies as well as fight with them.

It is important to us that all members are treated as fellow juggalos. No matter where you come from, no matter how you've been raised, how you talk or how messed up society says you are, there is a place for you here. We will assist each other. We will also destroy those who oppose us. Anyone who turns against the cult is, righteously, an enemy. Disrespect is a crime of the highest order, and for brothers and sisters who are fighting against an enemy we will bring our hatchets and circus equipment to their camps to protect our way of life.

After speaking with a Juggalo representative, you are ready to begin your transition into a better lifestyle. The only true requirement is the presence of facial markings and commitment to the Messiahs. In order to show solidarity with the cult, facial markings are a must. Taking on the appearance of a wicked clown is a primary signifier of your faith, and is incredibly important.

Juggalos predominantly use black and white make-up, but may choose to use hemotyped accents for a "bloody" appearance. It is safer for lowblooded trolls to avoid using other bloodcolors of make-up in their make-up under threat of culling; application is important for survival. Facial tattoos and masks may also be used, but more permanent and sustaining solutions are preferred over others.

Other suggestions for acclimating to a juggalo lifestyle are as follows:

Appreciation of the holy music and scriptures. Specifically sanctified rap music is the key to unlocking one's appreciation for the word of the cult. Free samples are readily available at festivals and events hosted by juggalos - pick up a copy today!

Use of the holy language. Picking up the syntax and grammatical stylings from the scriptures can be an excellent signifier of a juggalo. It is like a poetry, and can evoke grotesque images of wonderment that are uplifting and terrifying all the same. The juggalo way of speech is a miraculous thing.

Consumption of Faygo - the signature beverage and delicacy of the cult. The sugary content is too much for most trolls, which allows us to identify each other and gain a taste for highly refined treats. This drink is an excellent symbol of our capricious and relaxed nature, and while many may consider us careless or lazy for our consumption we understand the reality of a mythical Faygo shower as being a rejuvenating experience.

Attendance of juggalo events! To truly get a feel for the community, join the community as a guest. Take part in mud wrestling, find yourself bleeding in the mosh pit, and mingle with other members. Share ideas, rough around and overall have an insane time. It's the fastest way to become involved and become a part of our amazing family.

Preservation of miracles. Many trolls will tell you that science and logic is how to live a life, but the very unraveling of Alternia as a whole undermines our great love of the miraculous and special threads that connect us to each other. The whimsy of the unexpected is something that should be cherished by all.

Keep in mind that with the exception of facial markings, these typical traits and recreational activities of some juggalos are not a requirement for membership. If your pump biscuit takes you to other passions, please feel free to enjoy them and share their wonder with your brothers and sisters.

Government doesn't have to be all structure and tight uniforms. The juggalo way has an important place on Alternia, and our great leader Regina Marian has allowed us to practice our religion unfettered. Currently, we are attempting to re-establish bonds with the government to establish greater influence over the ruling class on the landscape of Alternia. Historically, juggalos have been granted many benefits on Alternia such as the honor of becoming laughsassins and subjugglators, prominent positions for even a highblood to achieve.

The subjugglator class is only accessible to those who are of purple-blood, like our founders many sweeps ago. This tradition is strict and secretive, and the great powers kept by our caste are intended for only those who take on that important role. Subjugglators are in charge of the balance and maintenance of capriciousness on Alternia; with the juggalo ideals of equality and following one's pump biscuit, we make ideal enforcers for our most excellent Empress Marian.

Tamiya Aiguma of Civisect City is a prominent leader of the Alternian division of juggalos. Please direct all comments, questions, threats and concerns to her.