It was a glorious day in May when Lord Brophistopheles Fauntelroy Panjandrum Bananfanafofandrum Bolliwicks the Third first laid eyes (all three of them) upon his wife to be. The Lady Penelope was a perfect specimen of Winikish femininity: a gently rounded sack body, tiny stick arms, sketchy locks, and a badly drawn flower pasteded in her hair.
Lord Banana Fandango found himself smitten quite at once. So smitten, in fact, that he polished his monocle for a solid five minutes before he'd worked up the nerve to approach her, by which point it reflected the May sunshine so brightly it set a passing pigeon on fire. The unfortunate squab crashed flaming into a parked truck, igniting it. Bratwurst Fieldmouse strode forth before the resulting explosion as the most crackerjack of gentlemen, not deigning to look once over his shoulder at it, because estimable chaps don't look at explosions.
"M'lady," Lord Benchpress Falsity essayed, doffing his hat and bowing to Penelope. She gazed at him enchantingly with enormous, empty eyes, like three gaping holes that twinkled charmingly at all who saw them.
It was a rapturous experience, a true moment of connection between mustachioed demon and awful sketch. Barricade Phosphorus' heart swelled with in his chest, which he subsequently puffed out to avoid it being crushed unavoidably against his ribs. He threw himself at her poorly rendered feet. "Forgive me, fair maiden! I have but scarcely seen you and do not even have the pleasure of knowing your name, and yet I feel as if we have known each other for eternity! We must be wed, immediately."
Penelope stared vacantly at him in assent.
Basketball Photoshop's already-swollen heart near to burst with joy. He took her tiny hand in his own, barely avoiding a severe papercut from her two-dimensional fingers, and planted a kiss upon it. "O, my darling whatever-your-name-is, you have ennobled my life with your love! I will straightway contact the justice of the peace with our suit."
And so they were wed the following day, and had 394838392 children to carry on the Bananafish name. The end.
