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 Posted: Sat Jun 06, 2015 9:03 am
He was more than a little apprehensive. It was easier, of course, to pretend that what had happened was some distant dream when he was in his own room in the basement. Returning to the scene was not going to be pleasant for Horace. After he'd met Jan again, in the underwater duty room, when things had felt normal for a second, he'd dreamed. It was like the usual dreams where he leaned into the chain and Jan had whispered that if only Horace had been smarter, they wouldn't have had this misunderstanding. Guilt ate at his bones and settled low in his gut, mixing with anticipation. For all of the fear and bad memories he associated with this room, he had also been the happiest there. In a way, Jan had taken that happiness when he'd been podded and Horace chased after it, fingers stretching. But happiness wasn't something he'd done anything to deserve.
Horace clenched his fists once and rapped on Jan's door.
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Posted: Sat Jun 06, 2015 9:27 am
"It is open." came the calm, familiar voice from within, when he was home he hardly locked his door these days, almost tempting someone to just wander in deliberately. He did not comprehend fear and the only thing that would motivate him to lock the door was if he was not home to avoid theft or in other instances to avoid discovery and potential irritation at meddlers.
Inside, the room was tidy again and impeccably neat and on the table, the lamp was once again working its way back to completion, it proved simple to repair when the internal workings of the thing primarily stayed the same and it was the outer shell instead which was broken time and time again. Lawrence himself lay on the bed with all the propriatory decadence of a roman emperor, a book held open in his good hand, and with Butch summoned on the other, using the long lethal claws with nimble dexterity to turn the pages.
If the door was open, he desummoned the gauntlet and set down the book, turning his attention instead on Horace. "Welcome once again to my parlour, Horace."
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Posted: Sun Jun 07, 2015 3:10 pm
Of course it was unlocked, Horace thought. He pushed it open and then turned to close it without really looking into the room. The flash of blue in Jan's hands had his palms sweating, just a bit. Horace took a shallow breath. As he moved to the bed, he passed the lamp. His hand reached to touch the cracked surface, but he hesitated and dropped it without touch or comment. Horace still found he hated that lamp and how uneasy it made him. It was America, and arguments, and maybe a little of himself now, too.
"Hello, Jan. Maybe more of a boudoir, though, than a parlor." Still a little unsure, he sank down on the bed next to Jan. The last memories he had of here were not... pleasant, and it made him tense. Still, his hand reached out of its own accord, sliding around Jan's shoulder. "You cleaned up well; did you happen to find the necklace?"
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Posted: Sun Jun 07, 2015 6:10 pm
Lawrence smiled. "To me pardner, it is all those things and more besides, the living space we get is almost criminal." He watched Horace enter the room and eye the lamp and for a second he held his breath, only to exhale again when it was left behind. With Horace on the bed next to him he seemed much more content and moved to drape himself over him. "I cleaned up well? You really think so?" he said, reaching over to the side table to retrieve the necklace and place it in Horace's hand. "And I did. It was on the floor, it is fine. Everything turned out fine, don't you think?"
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Posted: Sun Jun 07, 2015 6:44 pm
The way Jan moved was normal, they way he still leaned into touches, the way his voice held just a slight accent. Horace knew the accent was probably something that shifted as Jan did; he'd heard so many. But this was the one he'd heard the most, the most comforting one. "Thank you, Jan." He clasped the necklace back around his neck without hesitation, trying to shift only minimally so as to not disturb Jan. This was normal. Horace made a small, pleased sound and bent down to kiss the other man.
He pulled back at Jan's words, though, looking vaguely uncomfortable. "I-in the end. There are things that-" Horace paused, but his hands still moved across Jan, fingers slipping under hems and collars. It was something he couldn't help. It had been so long since he'd seen Jan, barring their duty shift, and their last meeting had been... something Horace though best left unremembered.
"Last time we were here... I'm having a hard time not thinking about it."
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Posted: Sun Jun 07, 2015 6:54 pm
Lawrence paused and one eyebrow raised quizzically at Horace's hesitation, but as always he did not object to the contact, familiar with it and utterly oblivious to fear. Horace was not dangerous to him, he was a known factor, and even with the brutal history that lay between them the other man did not shy from touch or proximity. He reached out and mirrored the tenderness, insistent and soothing.
"What happened came from a misunderstanding." he said. "I swore to you to be honest, to explain myself to you. You wished to be treated as I would treat America. Well, you found out pardner, and found yourself bared to.." and he leaned in to kiss Horace's throat above the collarbone. ".. the most searing light of my love. But it was shone upon you. For her it would have been different, more brutal."
And he smiled gently, rising again to meet Horace's gaze, his own eyes cold as ever and that bottomless silvery blue. "Perhaps you should think of it pardner. But think of it fondly."
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Posted: Sun Jun 07, 2015 7:25 pm
Horace shuddered at Jan's kiss. In here, especially, he felt weak, raw emotionally. As long as Jan was honest, he thought he could accept anything. Almost anything. Horace just had to try harder to be enough. There were things he wanted to question - if what Jan was saying was true on a denotational value, Jan had loved America blindingly. He swallowed down that same jealousy, knowing it was irrational, hating that he felt it still, somehow.
"It's... difficult, Jan. I was frightened... and I dream of it still, but worse." His hand reached up to smooth some of Jan's hair back. It was getting long, he noted absently. "Maybe we are just wired differently, but I can try." And he would try and try until there was nothing left to try for. Giving up was unconscionable when there was a chance.
He pulled Jan even closer, fitting himself against the other man. "I love you."
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Posted: Sun Jun 07, 2015 7:36 pm
"Trying is all I ask." he said tenderly. "I can try too, I cannot alter how I am "wired" as you say but I can perhaps try to help you understand." It was not about people understanding him, he thought, it was the other way around, they were able to do nothing but fear what purity and pared back perfection resided like faceted glass in his mind. Horace would only be more afraid if he could see and more fear meant more recoiling from him and what he wanted. It wouldn't do.
He held Horace close with his injured arm and let his other trail downwards.
"I will try to give you better dreams from now on."
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Posted: Mon Jun 08, 2015 5:18 pm
He let his fingers curl at the nape of Jan's neck, fingers playing in the shorter hair there, perfectly content to lay there next to him forever. Well, not perfectly content - there were other things he'd like to do. "I don't expect you to change, and I don't know that I'd want you to change altogether. Maybe we can understand each other." He wanted, of course, maybe a little change - namely love, and even thinking of that made him want to curl more tightly against Jan. The proximity to him after so long had Horace inhaling deeply, closing his eyes, and pressing a kiss along his jawline. It felt good to just lay like this again, although he was of the opinion that they were both wearing too many clothes and his free hand found its way underneath Jan's shirt.
He smiled at the better dreams comment a little sadly and kissed Jan. The kiss turned shortly into a gasp - Jan was very, very distracting. And Horace was very, very willing to be distracted.
------
Afterwards, Horace always found himself engulfed by a pleasing sort of lethargy. He trailed a hand up Jan's chest lazily, making a pleased sound. "I love you; I missed you," he murmured, stretching a bit. He didn't love Jan because the sex was great but damn, he thought, it was a extra plus. Then he caught sight of the lamp and frowned again.
"Hey, Jan," he said, almost hesitantly, unsure whether he wanted to bring it up but knowing he needed to. "-can I ask you a question?"
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Posted: Mon Jun 08, 2015 6:34 pm
Lawrence wore satiety like a mantle and rested, chest rising and falling lazily by Horace's side, still tangled up, his hair an absolute disaster compared to its normally meticulously neat state. With the flush in his cheeks and skin he looked more vulnerable and more human than usual. "I missed you too." he said, and this at least was not a lie. Pent up carnal desires became inconvenient after a time and Horace was a fascinating diversion, every new individual was a new set of skills to be learned and interests and personal inclinations to navigate.
"And of course, you can always ask." he said, stretching his good arm.
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Posted: Mon Jun 08, 2015 8:29 pm
Horace loved this side of Jan and also loved that only he saw it. He wanted Jan to be his, and the violent possessiveness he felt startled him sometimes. It was borne of his insecurities and strong emotions and things Jan simply didn't feel. But, if there was a way he could know for sure, a way he could show everyone, make - He blinked and scraped his teeth along Jan's shoulder instead of continuing that line of thought. One day, maybe. Until then, Horace would be content in these moments when his nervousness over what had happened was pushed away, when he was content to belong to Jan.
He took another moment to simply savor this - he could feel the nerves skittering back. Leaning over, he kissed Jan again, steeling himself. "You said you wouldn't lie to me this time, right? Are-" His fingers tightened convulsively. "Are you still stalking America?"
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Posted: Mon Jun 08, 2015 8:40 pm
"No lies." he assured Horace, closing his eyes and exhaling. "And no. No I am not." He did not mention that he had checked her usual spots and routines and she appeared to be entirely absent from the island, that or she had utterly changed every facet of her life. Regardless he could /not/ truly pursue her, so once again it was not actually a lie.
"Like I told you, I am focusing on my infirmary work."
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Posted: Mon Jun 08, 2015 9:08 pm
He exhaled, unaware that he had been holding his breath. The fact that Jan had not simply denied that he had been stalking America somehow made him feel better. "Thank you," he breathed, almost not realizing he spoke the words aloud. He watched Jan's face, although that had never been a reliable indicator of anything except arousal. Breathing languidly, he trailed his fingers down Jan's thigh. There were things he could and things he could not accept.
"I imagine Life is suiting you well, yeah?"
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Posted: Tue Jun 09, 2015 6:09 am
"There is no need to thank me for simple fact." he said in his usual drawl. "Such is the way of things my darling." His entire posture was utterly relaxed, but the contact against his thigh made the hand resting idly against the other man's hip twist up to gently rake his fingernails across him.
"It suits." he said. "Very much so, even the tasks others might well find menial do not bother me at all, I have some unique quirk of my olfactory senses, I am not easily disgusted by smells any longer." he seemed to consider this. "Well, with the exception of smoke, cigarette or otherwise, it clouds the mind and snares up the senses in a most unpleasant confusion."
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Posted: Fri Jun 12, 2015 10:16 am
Jan's drawl was familiar, comforting even in the slight silliness of it. Where other people found it annoying, Horace thought it was fine. As Jan's fingers scraped against him, he gasped, skin still hyper-sensitive. "That's very distracting, you know," he grumbled.
"You always seemed the sort who'd do well in medical things." Precise, certainly, and Horace didn't think he'd cause undue pain to someone. He filed the tidbit about smells away to ask about later. For now, there were more pressing matters. Shifting, he pressed a kiss to Jan's jawline and slid his hands down. There was a lot of time he wanted to make up for.
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