Arrows rattled softly against each other in the quiver on her hip as she headed for the strip in the back, her sturdy brown boots kicking up a little dirt with each step. Today was a good day for practice... Finals over, no demands of the flower shop to claim her, and beautiful spring weather. The kind of day where the sun shown down just enough to warm you while the shadows under the trees still held an edge of coolness.
These were Orah's favorite days. That time of year when everything was shoving off the weight of winter and bursting into life again. When nights and mornings were still chill enough to make a proper blanket nest a joy, but afternoons were warm and pleasant for soaking in the sun.
Brown fingers shifted their grip on the case of the rental bow the young woman had picked up. Lessons with Shale were good. He caught her in her mistakes, corrected her with straightforward explanations. But... There was never real relaxation when he was there, watching her with his pale eyes. Mistakes felt more acute with an audience. Their number heavier. A novice was bound to make more mistakes, have more failures, than someone of his skill. Better to make the lion's share of them when no one was watching.
The grass of the field scuffed under her boots, cut to the universal 'mowed lawn' length. Cut fresh even, if the smell she caught was any indication. A smile teased over her face as the case settled into the grass and she flipped the catches open. This bow was a good bit different than the one she had used with Shale, but in small ways. Most prominent, it was made for her right handedness where his was left. The rest was mostly the things that set any rental equipment apart from something owned. There was no personality to it, no uniqueness, but at least it would function well.
It felt strange in her hand when she lifted it free. Shooting with the left handed bow had always felt a little awkward, but the kind of awkward you got used to. This felt right, but there was a newness to it she figured she'd have to settle into. At least the arrows were the same sort, in different colors, and the release she pulled the string back with was her own, the one Shale had given her. Settling, Orah ran through checkpoints in her mind and corrected her stance the way she had been taught. It still wasn’t second nature, but she thought she had it all down by now. Shale would probably have corrected some small bit, but without him here, she’d just have to do her best.
Shale… such a strange man. Quiet, solid, refreshingly straightforward and unflappable. It was so incredibly hard not to like him despite his often outward lack of emotion. Nothing she did seemed to phase him, and he never teased her about it. It was a stark contrast to what she was used to, and it was a little sad to realize that. She felt entirely comfortable with him… enough that the attraction she felt was a nuisance.
Orah hit the button to release the string and it twanged as the arrow flew. It sailed over the target and she let her breath out in a sigh. Something had been off about her stance… or the sight needed adjusted or something. She still wasn’t comfortable with it all enough to guess. It was probably stance… she had yet to get it right on the first try. She drew back another arrow, settling herself again.
Attraction, want, desire… Just as she’d told Slate, she didn’t have room for it in her life right now. Maybe ever, even. Her romantic history was woefully short… just Alois, and she’d always known what that was, no matter what her feelings tried to tell her. No one else had ever shown any interest. Wasn’t that proof enough that she just… wasn’t meant to find a partner?
The release was pressed and the arrow flew… too far to the left and into the grass. Orah lowered the bow with a frown, huffing softly at herself. Come on, now… you’ve done this before. Surely that first time wasn’t a fluke.
Next arrow. Little checklist in her head. Don’t over extend the elbow… I don’t want to get snapped again. The bruise had been impressive the first time.
It was stupid to put so much importance on other people, Orah figured. A strong person could be content alone. More proof she wasn’t all that strong. Or all that smart, since she couldn’t seem to get past that small part of her that ached in her loneliness.
That’s what it was too, wasn’t it? Loneliness. Such a big part of why she felt so… empty lately. Like nothing mattered. Why she missed being ‘normal’... She’d had her family then, and friends. Or… sort of friends. No one… terribly close really, thinking back on it. Heck, she was closer now to Arian and Gwen and Laney and even a number of other people she’d met since becoming Ida.
The next arrow sang as it flew, clipping the edge of the target before it buried itself in the ground.
She had more friends, close friends, than she’d had back then, truthfully. And putting some distance between herself and her family had at least given her time to start learning about herself. When you had no one to cater to, you had to learn what you liked and wanted… Her time alone on Ida had shown her that. She’d learned things about herself she had never known. Her friends were distant lately, but… if Orah were truthful with herself, she had been avoiding them. She had seen Arian worrying over her. The boxes and boxes of baked goods had been proof of that. She’d purposefully gone patrolling alone, spent time alone, buried herself in school and study and dusting youma all to avoid the people she cared about.
I made this distance myself. Titan was right… I don’t trust people to see my lack and still love me. I’ve been so broken lately… useless and lost. I don’t understand how someone can look at me and still think I’m worth anything.
She didn’t understand it, and yet there they were still. Arian and Liryn still fretted over her. Laney came when she called and reassured her when she couldn’t take the hurt any more. Chari had hugged her when she cried, Paris had held her hand even knowing what had happened with Alois… she couldn’t make sense of it, but there they still were. Still caring.
The arrow sunk into the outer edge of the target with a satisfying thunk and Orah lowered the bow slowly, feeling warmed by her success. She was starting to get the hang of this, maybe… if she managed to hit the target with some regularity, she could claim some small pride when she showed Shale her progress.
People do care about me. The proof is right there in the open. Its just… so hard to see it sometimes. They wouldn’t do the things they do if they didn’t. I have to try and trust them more. I’m so… scared of being hurt… but I want it so badly. Isn’t it worth the risk?
Orah pulled the next arrow and set it carefully, planting her feet in the grass as she drew the string back and adjusted her arms. She sighted carefully on the center of the target, breathing deeply and letting it out slowly.
I’ve already felt what its like to lose everything, it can’t be any worse than that even if someone does hurt me. Compared to that, everything feels trivial… surmountable. If it takes all of that to break me like this… then I should be strong enough for anything else.
Orah straightened her shoulders and drew herself up, tucking back her elbows as she’d been taught. When she stilled, she hit the release and the string snapped back to resting position as the arrow arched between her and the target to sink deeply into it… only an inch or two outside of the red ring. Elation filled her at the success and she pulled her last arrow from the quiver. Once she fired this one, she could collect them and do another round…
Trust is hard. I’m going to have to learn how… but I think I can do it. I wanted to be stronger. I just need some practice.
Word Count: 1440
