Jason cursed to himself, His body shaking harder then it had even been before. He couldn't breathe, couldn't concentrate on such a simple thing to do. It was too much, just too much for him.
He thanked the gods that no one was around to see his breakdown. It was pathetic how was acting like this, and yet he couldn't help himself. He was afraid. Afraid he wouldn't live up to to their exceptions, afraid he would fail the code, afraid he would make a mockery of himself and be unable to fulfill his duties.
Leaning against a tree, he crumbled next to it and hugged himself, trying to appear as small as possible and get control of his breathing.
Hitsuzen
Posted: Tue May 19, 2015 6:01 am
When his friend came across him, there were several questions on his mind. Like why Jason would have knelt in front of Lancelot to begin with, to offer to shoulder such a responsibility himself. Or why he wanted to give his life willingly to the cause instead of hoping to survive to see their last stand come to fruition.
He didn't want to ask any of them, because it would only make the man feel even worse. Yuki did not view Jason as weak, not really, but what had just happened... It was a lot to take in. Where Yuki had believed he could have faced it, he had been nothing if not relieved when he learned that he would not be among the Great Knights himself.
"I was afraid it would be one of us." Though, truthfully, he would have sooner imagined Riley being chosen before the man curled in on himself just feet from where he had paused.
"For what it's worth, you have more honor in doing this than most of the rest of us. Kneeling before Lancelot took courage. Knowing what is to come and still making that choice..."
OOC
My character's name: Yuki Character's journal link:Here BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF MY CHARACTER Reference here; without pointed ears. Rank of character Knight Sacred Points obtained: 37/100
At first Jason didn't know Yuki was there, but even with his shameful actions, he couldn't help but be thankful for his presence. It felt nice to have someone there he could talk to, to keep him company.
"I...I-I was afraid of t-the same thing." He whispered, barely able to talk any louder, his voice horse and dry. "That either you or Riley would become a great knight. I would have b-been proud, of course, but at the same time...I didn't want to lose you." He took a shaky breath. "You're all that I have left. And when I heard both of you, so ready to throw your lives away just to keep us safe...You were so brave...H-how could I not do the same? I couldn't just stand back and let you die..."
And then, after a few moments, his shaking stopped. He appeared surprised at what Yuki had just said to him.
"...T-thank you..." He said, uncurling his body slowly. "No ones...ever said that to me before..."
He breathing in, more slowly then before, his voice a little louder. "I've...never really considered myself a brave person. I've always been a coward, screaming at the slightest hint of danger and acting the fool all the while. And while I can not remember my past, I am sure that was how I was before." Leaning against the tree, he hand gripped at his arm to keep it from shaking. "I...I k-know what is to b-become of me....A-and yet, as f-frightened as it makes me...I'm glad. B-because at the very least..I've s-saved someone else from suffering this f-fate."
Hitsuzen
Posted: Fri May 22, 2015 11:12 pm
Once his presence was acknowledged, Yuki closed the distance between them and sat down in the grass alongside the knight. No, Great Knight, he was different from them now. Even if it was, at the moment, only in the difference of title.
Yuki couldn't fathom all of the work that their new leaders would have cut out for them to prepare for reclaiming the castle.
The white knight sighed softly at Jason's praise, casting his gaze from the man to the grass at his feet. "Brave," Yuki repeated, in a breath of a laugh. "I just would have rather it had been me than Riley. There are certain souls in this that shouldn't bear such a heavy burden. I'm not wishing sacrifice on anyone... But I feel that, from what we've witnessed of her, she's not been given the chance to live. Not really."
And from what he had witnessed, alone, he knew there was a great deal of truth in his words.
"I want her to make it through this, so that she can experience life. Freedom. Shed her fears and spread her wings.
She couldn't do that, if she is shackled to our King... Whoever it is destined to take the throne."
OOC
My character's name: Yuki Character's journal link:Here BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF MY CHARACTER Reference here; without pointed ears. Rank of character Knight Sacred Points obtained: 65/100
Jason nodded, agreeing with what he guessed had been Riley's life up until she had joined the knights. "Judging from the heavy prayer beads she always wears, I would imagine that she has spent much of her life in a monastery." He knew enough that those places adhered to a strict code of discipline and prayer, and anything outside that was forbidden."
He looked at his friend then, still frowning and expression strained. "I want both of you to make it through this. So both of you can learn to fly..." His voice trailed off then, and he quickly looked away from Yuki. "Yes..neither of you should be shackled. After this, you can be free. Free to do what you wish. Finally be able to live happy, free, without fear..." If Yuki listened closely, he may be able to detect a slight waver to Jason's voice.
"You'll be able to return to your villages, or perhaps find a new place. I'm sure with your rank you'll be able to obtain some sort of reward. Maybe a block of land...Maybe become a Lord...don't have to worry about anything every again...for the rest of your life."
Hitsuzen
Posted: Sun May 24, 2015 6:08 pm
Yuki nodded to Jason's suggestions. "I never understood how people could lock themselves away," he murmured, "I suppose I wouldn't understand. I'm not a highly religious person. I don't particularly hold high a God that allows this world to suffer as it has."
Though, as of late, he'd actually been saying a lot of silent prayers. Perhaps he should reconsider that. However, he didn't retract his statement.
He looked to Jason then, too, and despite smiling softly his words didn't fit the expression. "There's nothing left out there, Jason. We've all come together here for a reason, and I'm sure it was because there was nowhere else to shelter us."
The white knight sighed. "But we can rebuild. Once we finish this." His smile was genuine, then, as Jason continued. "I don't think I'd want to be Lord over anything, if it were even a realistic possibility."
OOC
My character's name: Yuki Character's journal link:Here BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF MY CHARACTER Reference here; without pointed ears. Rank of character Knight Sacred Points obtained: 79/100
"Yes...rebuild..." He replied, still facing the other way and not daring to look at Yuki, his gaze intent on whatever it was on the far side of the lake. "P-perhaps a farmer then...or whatever it is you and Riley desire. Though I'm sure after fighting all t-the shadows, nothing will be out of your reach...And once they'll be gone, you can do whatever you want..."
And he wouldn't be there to see it.
Jason wouldn't be there wouldn't be able to celebrate their victory, to help build the houses again, wouldn't be there to joke and laugh with them. Because by then he would be long gone. Just a memory.
The more he thought about how little time left the more his heart clenched, and the more the tears flowed down his face that he didn't want to show his friend. He was too prideful, knowing men weren't supposed to blubber like babies and stand tall and proud in the face of their deaths.
" You'll be happy..." His shoulders shook as he fought to stop the tears as they continued to flow as he wondered if this would be the last time he would be able to cry.
