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 Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2015 6:01 pm
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Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2015 6:02 pm
Journal Entry: Some Birthday it Turned Out to Be
Quote: ~✿~
Saturday, January 29, 2015
Today is my birthday, and, at the sharp of 3 this past afternoon, have lived on this earth for 14 years. I was given many things to celebrate this day-of-coming, within them this simple notebook. Mom said to "record my thoughts" here as so I could, in the future, look back on my past imaginings. And so I will write of my days and record of my feelings.
To start off, I shall write a bit about myself:
As of today, I am 14 years old, 5 feet 4 inches, and 100% ABC (American-Born-Chinese). I have your typical four-person family: a mom, a dad, and a pesky younger brother. I currently live in sunny Southern California, where there is "perfect weather all year round," although that fact will soon be changed in a matter of months (explained in more detail later). From where I live right now, academics are pretty much the top priority amongst most of my school population; the majority of people in my current school have at least a 3.7 GPA. I enjoy singing and photography, as well as reading books.
...
Honestly, today wasn't that hot of a day. Sure, the birthday party was fun and I received many gifts, but overall, I still feel down and a need to rant. All due to my parents presenting me with the news of my Dad'd job transfer.
My dad works for a nation wide engineering compound, and had recently gotten promoted and moved to a building in a distant city far away from where my family lives right now. So, my parents decided our family should move to a city near my dad's new workplace for "efficiency." Of course, my parents didn't bother to tell me of this until after all of the arrangements were made, so no amount of my protesting would be able to change their minds. They decided to tell me of this news today after all the guests had gone home from my party as a "surprise present." Surprise present indeed.
In order for the transfer to be "smooth" for me, my parents arranged for us to move after I had graduated from my middle school, around the second week into summer vacation, 3 or so months from now. When I asked why we couldn't just move at the end of break instead of at the beginning, my Mom told me that the entire family would need time to "adjust," and that by moving at the beginning of summer, we would have the rest two months of break to fit into the new society revealed to me to be called "Destiny City."
And apparently, my mom thought it would be "awesome" for out family to check out the city during my week off on spring break, which coincidentally started today, and doesn't end until the end of next week. Thus and therefor, we would be setting off for the new city in two days (next Monday), not coming back to SoCal until the following Sunday night, hours before school starts again the following day. My parents decided that we would be traveling by plane to get to the city. Did I mention that I hate rather dislike planes and traveling? At least we're not going by car. But the endless lines in the airport...
Some birthday it turned out to be.
~✿~
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Posted: Fri May 15, 2015 7:46 pm
Journal Entry: I Don't Like Planes. A Lot.
Quote: ~✿~
Monday, April 6, 2015
Just arrived at the Destiny City Airport. Sort of. The "just arrived" part, not the airport. That part's true. You see, I'm writing this while I'm waiting for my family's suitcases to come off the conveyer belt-thinghy as it is unloaded from the plane. And it is taking for-EVER. Forever. We arrived here at 10:00 am, and after going through the customs line, have been waiting, and waiting, for out suitcases to come off the belt. And now it's 10:52, and we still have two more suitcases to go. How long is this going to take? My phone almost went dead twenty minutes ago (I was an idiot and forgot to charge it last night, and pretty much used up all of the remaining battery, except for about 5%, to which I am not going to use it any longer as so to not let my phone become unavailable to use when I need it) and since my brother is using the family iPad and doesn't seem to want to let it go, I've got nothing left to do but to write in here. So thus I am writing.
Man, have I ever mentioned how much I hate flying on an airplane? And that I hate traveling in anything that is compact and moving? Even if the flight was just a couple minutes long, it felt like a bazillion years. Why?
1) Logically, a plane is just a gigantic metal capsule that can withstand the outside air pressure, which is propelled by engines thousands of miles through the air, to which a single error, a single minuscule error, could cause the death of hundreds of people. Totally appealing right? I definitely want to get into a flying capsule which could at any moment become a flying death trap. Not.
2) I am claustrophobic. Sort of. In the sense that in a normal room, I am fine, since there is always some fresh air circulation from the outside, whether it be by an open window or crack in the door. In a plane however, I am extremely, extremely uncomfortable. The exits are comepletely sealed to allow no air in, and no air out. You see the problem now? There is literally no circulation of fresh air. And did I mention that in a plane over 100 people are crammed into a teeny-tiny compact space? It has literally driven me insane. Almost. But I swear...
3) Airplanes are fudging cold. Fudging FREEZING to be more precise. After twenty or so minutes in the air, I am literally shivering all over, even though I am bundled in my jacket, my mom's spare jacket, and two layers of plane provided blankets (I stole my brother's. Not that he minds. Unlike me, who has literally no tolerance to cold temperatures, he has a rather high tolerance to cold. Go figure). And I was still freezing. What do they do on airplanes? Turn on the air conditioner? I mean, the outside air is already freezing enough, but does the plane attendants (or pilots or whatever) just think to make it colder? Seriously plane attendants. People are dieing of pneuma back here.
And so yeah. I don't like airplanes. A lot.
~✿~
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Posted: Thu May 21, 2015 6:50 pm
Journal Entry: So What is It?
Quote: ~✿~
Friday, April 10, 2015
I don't know if that was a dream, or if it actually was real. I want to say it was real, but it really, really, reeaaaallly seemed so much like a dream. I mean, some things I saw. or at least I think I saw, definitely cannot have actually happened in real life. It defied even the most simple laws of science. There is no way it could be real.
Yet...I don't have that after-nightmare feeling. Rather, I don't feel like I have been asleep at all. That I had been wide awake. Unless I was hallucinating. Now, that's just a creepy thought, you know, seeing things that aren't really there. I'm not sick or anything (to put it, the last time got got checked up by the doctor, he said that I was in perfect condition) so don't think it's normal for to be hallucinating. But how else can one be wide awake yet see such things at the same time? It just...doesn't make any sense. I've never had hallucinations before (or at least I think I haven't), and I am perfectly heathy (or at least I think I am), so why would I have them now? Perhaps it's just the new sensations city getting at me. I've only been here for almost five days, and although I have been exploring quite a bit around the city, I guess the newness hasn't worn off, and my brain is still adjusting. But, I really don't think that is a cause for such real hallucinations. In dreams, maybe, might I get such bizarre nightmares, but a new environment definitely cannot be the cause. It's too...subtle of something to cause such wild figments of imagination to seem to become real. So it has to be dream...but it isn't, right? Or not...
Well, starters, I was chased by a monster. A monster. A "thing-that-goes-bump-in-the-night" monster. Which was trying to eat me. That definitely cannot have actually happened. Perhaps I just imagined it into reality. I mean, monsters don't really exist. They are just figments of out imagination, childhood fantasies created to scare kids into obedience (or just to terrify those little ones because, truth to be told, it actually is rather funny when a little kid thinks that they have actually a monster under their bed. Trust me. I have a younger brother. Excellent sibling prank material, except that he isn't that little anymore, so he doesn't those things anymore). So what I saw had to have been a hallucination. But I can't have gotten hallucinations, in the healthy condition that I'm in. It just doesn't happen. Medically and psychologically impossible, you might say.
But then, how does that explain the magical glowing lady? Never, just never, has anyone been able to just summon a bow and arrows out of midair. Never. It just isn't done. The laws of science disapprove of such being possible. Matter cannot just be created out of midair. The law of the conservation of matter is against it. And she was wearing a miniskirt. With tights. Looking like one of those cosplayers that go to those expos-thinghys (or whatever. I think its just plain stupid, dressing up as someone else. Are you so ashamed as so to not appreciate being yourself?). And she was glowing. Like, literally glowing. Perhaps she was covered in some kind of glow paint. But, when she hugged me, I definitely remember her skin feeling like skin. Without any sort of residue that might be left from any sort of glowing paint. So she must have been a hallucination to. Or maybe I did dream everything up. Or maybe, the whole thing was real and I had just been blind to such things all my life.
What am I thinking? The past night's events can't have been real. They just can't. But they couldn't have been a hallucination, or a dream either. So what is it?
~✿~
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Posted: Thu Jun 04, 2015 8:31 pm
Journal Entry: Past Week Experiences + Back Home
Quote: ~✿~
Sunday, April 12, 2015
I hate admitting that I'm wrong, but truthfully, I guess Destiny City isn't as bad as I thought. I mean, there are plenty of nice people around and I've rather enjoyed my visit here. I've met some really pleasant individuals during my time here who have helped me around the city.
There's that librarian, Mr. Darrow, who assisted me around in the Library. Really helpful, and even recommended me some books I had only previously heard about. And he's a public library librarian. The public library librarians at home don't really do much but sit behind a desk and nag about over-due books. This one, though, acted just like a school librarian, one of those people who are helpful and actually care about the people they are trying to help. Is everyone in Destiny City just as nice as he is? Or did I just manage to stumble upon the rare one in a million? I'd like to think the former, and imagine everyone nice. But chances are, that's probably not the case.
I do wonder about his leg cast though. I mean, it's a leg cast. How do you get one of those? It's none of my business so I didn't pry, but I really wanted to know. I mean, it's a LEG CAST. You don't see one of those an any old Joe down the street everyday. And he's a librarian! That type of person is the last one I'd think would do something to break their leg.
There's also that girl I met by chance in the school. Haven what's-her-last-name-again? Sinclair. That's it. I think. She was all confident and formal and stuff, and, although it might sound mean, seemed a bit like one of those high and mighty supercilious people. I mean, who else my age, but those who were rich and flaunted their status, started an introduction by offering a handshake. That formal stuff should only be used around adults. We're only fourteen, a year into the "teen" status. That is way to young to start acting professional and like an adult.. However, it turned out that we had a lot of the same interests. We both love to read, and read a lot. Although, while I prefer fantasy, she is more of the non-fiction type. Either way, we shared emails and phone numbers, and promised to stay in contact the three months until I officially move to Destiny City.
I did have a strange dream though. Or maybe it was a hallucination. Anyway, it was, like, really strange. I think I already wrote about it here? Yeah. I think I did. Anyway (who care if I already wrote about it), there was this weird monster thinghy, and strange glowing lady. Who rescued me from the monster thinghy. You know, the thing that happens daily. Not. I still can't believe I actually dreamed that, just out of no where. The dream lady called the monster a youma. Strange names people give to things. But since I imagined it, strange names I give to things.
So these are my past week's experiences. I guess Destiny City isn't that bad, after all. The plane is calling for boarding, so I'd better put this away for now.
~✿~ Quote: ~✿~
Sunday, April 12, 2015 - Again
Back home. Back to home sweet home. And back to school tomorrow where I'll die when finals come. Whoop-dee-do. But I am glad to be home. Familiar ground, familiar air, familiar everything. It just feels really nice.
I've got nothing else to write, so I'll just close this journal for now. But, as a closing note, I really and truly am glad to be back home.
~✿~
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Posted: Thu Jun 11, 2015 3:36 pm
Journal Entry: Promotion
Quote: ~✿~
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Wow. It's been a while since I last wrote here. And now it's already promotion day. It's still seven in the morning -- I could barely sleep, so I just got up really early to watch the sun rise. And now that the sun has risen, there really isn't much else to do. I just remembered about this journal just a while ago, and dug it out of the junk pile in my room. And I figured I should write something, just to pass time and record my feelings -- and although promotion doesn't start until ten, I can't bring myself to go back to sleep. Too much going on in my mind. Figure I should write some of it down to get it out of my head and on paper.
I'm feeling rather bitter-sweet about this whole promotion thing. The sweet part it the getting the diploma part, and the accomplished feeling of having passed through, albeit with a couple of scars, the wild forest of middle school. It feels good, having accomplished something, and having done something worth remembering. Yeah... I definitely won't forget my middle school days. I had good times, and bad times. I've lost some friends, and made new ones. But now, I'm going to probably lose many of those new friends who aren't as close to me.
That's the bitter part. You see, in two weeks, I'm moving away from my hometown, away from all my friends and all the things I've grown up with, and learned to love dearly. I won't be going to the same high school with them. Won't be part of my group of girls, laughing and talking about the newest movie releases, and other things we girls talk about. Heck, I won't even be in the same state as them, when fall comes around this year. I'll be halfway across the United States, in a city none of them have probably heard before. And when we meet again, things won't be as the way there are now. They'll be different. We won't be close friends any more, soon only distance acquaintances. We'll try to keep contact (everyone does), but everyday will turn to every week, with will draw out to months, then years, then never, but the occasional Christmas cars. They'll have moved on, and so will I.
After promotion, I'll have moved on pass the days of childhood, and into the days of young adulthood. Things will begin to get serious. No more fun and games. No more silly playing. Everything will be real. Every action I make could forever determine the path my life. I am the new generation, and will have to start taking the heavy responsibilities of it with gritted teeth and hard hearts. No more easy life. Everything will be hard from now on. I'm growing up. No longer a child.
So I have to savor what I have now, savor the peaceful morning of where I live, remember in close detail what it was like living here. Because when I move, I don't want to forget where I played as a child, where I spent my time with my friends. I want to remember it all in my heart, long and past the day of promotion.
~✿~
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Posted: Tue Jun 30, 2015 12:27 pm
Journal Entry: Last Day Here
Quote: ~✿~
Monday, June 29, 2015
Today is my last full day at home. Tomorrow we're officially moving to the new city. But tomorrow's tomorrow, and today's today, so I'll just write about today today and tomorrow tomorrow.
Over the past couple of days, large vans have been coming here empty, and leaving filled to the brim with furniture and household objects. Just today, the van took all of my family's spare clothes, leaving us all with only the clothes we are wearing now, and extra changes enough to last for no more than a week. Just enough for us to stay in clean clothes until everything gets unpacked and sorted out in our new house.
When we went to Destiny City this past spring break, I saw the house my parents had bought. I think I might have forgotten to write about it here, with everything that had been going on. So, I'll write about it now. The house was pretty and rather modern, with two stories and a moderate sized back-yard. It was in one of those moderate, a little less than high-class neighborhoods. You know, the kind that gives off the air of being well-kept and clean, but not the air of being well-kept, clean, and high-and-mighty. It had a nice patio in the back-yard, which was nice. I've always wanted to live in a house that had a patio.
The room I chose was a smaller than the room that I live in now. However, to compensate, it had it's own bathroom (which was why I chose it, even though there were other rooms in the house that were bigger, but without a personal bathroom). I chose the wall color I wanted (a light peach-salmon color), and my parents guaranteed for the room I chose to be mine would have the walls already painted before officially we moved in. A week ago, I told my parents to tell the mover-guys where I wanted each of the furnitures in my new room to be moved to. I haven't seen what they did yet. Hopefully they listened, and I'd come to a room that I had planned out and wanted.
My home doesn't really seem like my home anymore, with most of the furniture moved away to the new house. All the rooms are bare and empty, with the occasional table or chair we had to leave behind because it wouldn't fit in the moving vans. My family had been sleeping in sleeping bags on the floor ever since the movers took our mattresses three days ago. Every day, bits and pieces of our home had been taken away and driven to the distant city. However, being the photographer I am, I took plenty of pictures of our home before it was dissembled to remember how it looked like when I begin to forget in the future.
Yesterday, I took a long walk around my neighborhood and surrounding areas. I took plenty of pictures. It was refreshing, but also sad, to think that when I come back, I won't view this place that way I view it now, as my home. I'll probably view it as a visiting area, but not something deep and personal. It will be hard, you know, to adjust. I mean, I grew up here! I know where every tree lies, where flower bloom the brightest, where the birds like to gather when seasons change. It won't be the same in the new city. And it won't be the same when I come back to visit. I won't have the same connection as I do now.
I have decided to stay here in my empty house today, to just sit, and let the house fill me with itself. I have decided to engrave the way light shines in through the windows in my memory, and remember, forever, the wind that drafts through the window gratings that cools the room. I have decided to listen, and listen well, to the softness of the soft wind, and the song of the chirping birds echoing through the stillness. It feels like one of those moments, where time stops, and you see everything in crystal clear clarity, the way it is supposed to be seen. And I have decided to embrace, with all my heart, my last day here.
~✿~
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Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2016 11:40 pm
Journal Entry: New Look at a New Home
Quote: ~✿~
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
It is night, and I am in my new room, bare of any furniture. Okay, well not completely bare (there is my bed, shelves, desk, and most of my stuff in boxes), but it just has that feeling, you know. The room stinks. Literally. It still smells like the turpentine of wall paint, even though, according to mom, the painters and renovators were here over two weeks ago. I still smell it. It stinks. Like, it stinks. And all my stuff is in boxes, and even more boxes, and did I mention, boxes? I can't find anything other than the stuff I packed in my carry-on suitcase this morning.
This morning...Wow. I still can't believe it. Just this morning I was in my house my old house, saying goodbye. And now I'm here, in this new house. It all happened so fast. Too fast. Why is life like that? Why is it that moments past so fast in front of my eyes? I miss home past home already. And I'll never get to go back to it.
But at least I still have my family, and my furniture, and, as soon as the car transport company brings the family cars over to Destiny City, transportation I am used to. You know, I spend so much time in a car, and usually my mom's car, that if that material possession did not come with us over to this new city, I would be dead. In tears. And sadness. And tears. And sadness. And be dead. Because too many of the things I know would be gone. But the cars, and furniture, and family are here with me in this new city, so things aren't as bad as they could be.
And they aren't. When we were previewing this house last spring break, my parents told me the fun fact that this house, which was quite a ways larger than the California home, including a large as heck living room, back yard, and attic room (that can actually fit people that could sleep in it, as well as stuff), actually cost less.
Timothy and I fought fist and nail for our choice of rooms. Under the condition I not openly complain for the rest of the week long trip to the city, I got first pick. I chose this room, the one near the front of the house. It isn't the largest, which is the master bedroom, nor is it the second largest. Rather, I chose the room because of its accessibility to the attic room space by means of a door and narrow staircase up. It isn't by any means the only way to access the attic (there is a door and staircase from the hallways of both the first and second floors) but is the only room that has the access way within it, rather than in the hallway. And since the attic room is and actual room where one can live in it, there are locks on the three doors that lead up to it. In other words, I pretty much have my own mostly private area, away from the reach of the rest of my family. (And, I got to choose the color of my new room, as well as the attic, since it was connected to my room. Double plus).
And I guess, now that I think about it, this new home isn't as bad as I made it be. All I needed to do was to take a new look at a new home.
~✿~
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Posted: Sun Mar 20, 2016 7:19 am
Journal Entry: Meeting Someone New
Quote: ~✿~
Tuesday, July 3, 2015
I met someone new today. Her name is Amigar, and she is one of the neighbors living down the street from this new home in Destiny City. She seems really nice and she brought a pie as a welcoming gift.
Honestly, now that I look back at today, I seriously felt bad for my actions towards her, at least in the beginning of the day. How awkward must it have been to joyously walk to someone's house with the intent of being welcoming, and get a loud, a noxious, and incredibly annoyed response? I mean, I must have left her standing at the front door for at least 10 minutes. But she still, for whatever reason I still cannot fathom, stayed happy and incredibly preppy. I do believe I have never in my life, until today that is, met someone as happy and welcoming as she. I wonder how she didn't get upset and leave while being ungraciously received.
But, as soon as I opened the door and let her it, my whole mood seemed to change. Maybe it was her happy aura, or just the pie she brought. Food is good. Especially pie. Pie is good. I do wish it was plum though. The pie was so pretty. I wonder how long it took her to make it. Honestly, if it were up to me to make a welcoming gift, I probably would have just left a pre-arranged $10.99 gift basket at the front steps with a note. And I definitely would not have been there in person to hand it off. Too much social pressure. Probably would die of hysterics before I given go to the front door, much less ring the door bell. Nope. Better just stick with the "leave the basket at the front door" idea. Much safer. And much less chance of embarrassing myself to a new neighbor.
I seriously admire Amigar, her and her ability to meet someone new.
~✿~ Quote: ~✿~
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
I met someone new today. Her name is Ciel, and she is around my age, and is also going to go to Crystal Academy this fall. She likes books too. Her mother is an author who writes fantasy books.
You know, I met Ciel by chance when I went to the bookstore earlier today. Being the stupid, ignorant, non-observing person I am, I stood in the aisle reading a book, and casually blocked all shopper traffic in the front of the store. I know. Really shouldn't have done that. But if I hadn't done so, I probably never would have encountered Ciel, nor start up a conversation with her. So I guess me being unobserving and too absorbed in books have a plus. But anyway, we started talking, and it turns out we both like similar book genres, and have read many of the same things. Having someone not ten years older to talk about To Kill a Mockingbird is really something out of the ordinary. And I'm glad I found someone who is.
And it also turned out that Ciel's mother is an author. Like, and actual author that gets their work published. Apparently, Ciel's mother had written entire fantasy series I have not yet heard about. Definitely going to check that series out. I mean, a new book series of my favorite genre to read. Is this the best day of my life or what?
But, even if if the series gives me too much anxiety and heart pain (I swear, whenever there is a lot of story action and drama, I get so worked up with worry over what is going to happen next that I have to stop reading the search up the summary of the book before I continue), I'll not cheat and read the ending first, because that would just be rude, considering certain circumstances. I still cannot believe Ciel's mother is no longer in this world. How can such bad things happen to one who is so nice? Ciel seems like the kind of person I would be good friends with--the ones that are considerate and kind. And from what I've seen of her, she definitely doesn't deserve loosing such an important loved one at such a young age. And from what she has told me about her relationship with her mother, she must have felt so sad at the death. Ciel is only a little older than me after all. I can't even imagine how I'll feel if I lost any of my close relatives.
I guess there are much harder things in life than meeting someone new.
~✿~
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Posted: Sun Mar 20, 2016 7:29 am
Journal Entry: New Start in a New School
Quote: ~✿~
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
The summer is almost gone and school is starting so soon. I can't believe it. It seems like it was just yesterday when I woke up extra early the day of middle school graduation. And now I am an entire summer and half a country away from my childhood.
I can't say that I am dreading this new school, Crystal Academy, but I can't say I'm overly excited either, which surprises me--especially the ack of dread.
I have always been the person who dreads going into new places, because lack of familiarity tends to lead to intense awkwardness and anxiety. You know that kid on the first day of school who sits in the corner not talking to anyone? That's me. I can't help it though. I just don't like opening up until I am more comfortable with my surroundings. And usually, by the time I am comfortable, people have already formed their friend groups and I am left as the outsider. And I usually make friends with other outsiders, forming a group of misfits who never really get close to each other, but talk and have decent conversations, as well as sit to get ever during lunch, to not look like the loner outcasts we are.
To tell the truth, I have been with the same "friend" group with the same people ever since Pre-preschool, when the socializing of little babies in their diapers were arranged by the mothers. So, you can pretty much say I was "friends" with the people my mom picked out for me when I was barely 3. However, those "friends" were much more social than I, and come middle school. were forming their won private friends groups. Whenever there are social gatherings, even if my childhood friends are there, I sit in the corner and listen, barely talking, keeping as low of a profile as I can, for fear of being noticed and picked out. Better be a wallflower then the center of attention, especially amongst strangers.
So, come high school in a new town away from people I know, or at least am acquaintances to, and I will be left the loner wallflower I am. At least I met a small handful of people during the summer. I think I wrote in here about Ciel and Amigar. I met a few other besides them, too, but those two were the only ones I had had a decent conversation with. I recall meeting a girl named Haven during the visitation spring break this past year when we were previewing the city, but I doubt she remembers me.
But I don't feel any dread going into this new school. Although I am certain there will be plenty of people who have already have made friends groups since elementary school, I don't dread coming in as a stranger. From what I've seen of this city, people are very welcoming. Maybe I won't be a wallflower. Actually, I will probably will just sit in a corner and observe, but I don't particularly dread that, at least at the moment.
I have also always been the person who likes school, and looks forward to attending class each day. Learning is fun, and I tend to be on the good side of teachers, no matter how nasty other students make them out to be.
But I am worried, though. Teachers in this part of the country might not be the same as the ones back in California. After all, this is a new start in a new school.
~✿~
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