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 Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 9:55 am
Hi, this is my personal thread! I pondered this a lot and decided that I'm sharing my female-to-male transitioning timeline here in this Guild. Feel free to comment my stuff if you have any questions or you're wondering if I could help you with something. If you want to know more about me, just ask! (-:  • How to stalk me: YouTube, Instagram, Tumblr. ^Only YouTube is purely "life/trans/transition" related, I mainly post anime .GIFs I make on tumblr. • Born 1992. I'm older than some Gaians but it doesn't really bother me, I hope I could be a big brother to younger trans people. • My native is Finnish. Since Finland is bilingual country, I'm supposed to know some Swedish but I suck at it. English is my third language. • I mostly write in my private blog in Finnish about my trans side of life but I try to share some stuff here too, and also trying to get more active on YouTube...
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Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 9:57 am
 Sorry if the dates' are confusing, it's listed as " dd/mm/yyyy ". Before starting to aim for the diagnose (which enables hormones and surgeries) only my mother, sister and some friends knew about how I felt. During my visits to clinic I came out to my father who now lives across the country with a letter and I had felt guilty not telling him earlier on but he took it well. Before this "official" clinic I visited a youth psychiatrist for... Three years? Well, he supported my gender identity and encouraged me, but he couldn't help me with getting on my transition because there are only two clinics in this country which can do that. 23.08.2013 - A letter to clinic gets send by a doctor. 21.10.2013 - First meeting with a doctor and a nurse at the clinic. 08.11.2013 - Interview with the nurse II 22.11.2013 - Interview with the nurse III 05.12.2013 - Interview with the nurse IV 10.01.2014 - Interview with the nurse V 23.01.2014 - Interview with the nurse VI: Case history sum up for the psychiatrist. 17.03.2014 - Meeting the doctor. 15.05.2014 - Going to a hormonal clinic for counseling I 16.05.2014 - Lab tests to check it's safe to start hormones. 27.05.2014 - Seeing a psychologist. 04.06.2014 - Psychologist's review. *green light!* 27.08.2014 - The clinic's review: Diagnosed as transgender. 28.08.2014 - E-recipe for Sustanon 250. 29.08.2014 - I started T! 03.09.2014 - Changed my first name. 05.10.2014 - Coming out to most of the relatives, friends and fellow students. 27.10.2014 - Meeting with surgeon regarding top surgery. (Public healthcare) 06.11.2014 - Updated my name in University's system. 05.12.2014 - Interview with the nurse VII: How have you been? 19.02.2015 - Get send to mammography before top surgery. 23.02.2015 - Hormonal clinic II: All's well. 03.03.2015 - Top Surgery 30.03.2015 - Surgery check up with the surgeon. Coming up: - Seeing the nurse again 26.05.
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Posted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 9:58 am
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Posted: Sun Mar 01, 2015 3:36 am
1st of March, MMXV
I'm 6 months on T today!
I think I'll try making a small YouTube video about it if I have time, I feel awkward about my pre-t voice but it's a really good reminder. So I won't take it as given that I no longer start shaking when I have to speak in front of the class because I didn't like my voice.
And I really would say the biggest change so far has been on the social level and also my voice:
Now I enjoy meeting new people and I'm not so nervous about voicing my views during lectures. I feel like I've become happier and LOUDER person, though I have noticed that my voice control needs practice. Sometimes it's hard to make noises at all and I can see it on peoples' faces that they can't hear what I'm saying, but it's not actually a problem: it's just the way I have learned to speak, so I can change that. Also when I laugh I still squeak a bit but that's just funny, I don't mind it. xd
I'm also getting hair, and it's getting darker. Tho I haven't shaved for two weeks and I have like... Three to five darker hairs on my chin, LOL! Other than that it's all blond and I don't think anyone can notice it. I hate having pimples, but the worst part is that I PICK THEM. I try really hard not to, but stressing over my studies made me loose it and now my face and shoulders are fricking mutilated. scream
I think I could be diagnosed with Compulsive Skin Picking, so I'm really trying to fight it and understand it!
If I start to feel like picking, I usually tell myself "Since I'm not a Jedi, my hands are of those few things I can control with my mind. Stop it." Also, I think I'm going to start wearing thin gloves all the time if everything else fails.
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Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2015 5:27 am
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Posted: Mon Mar 09, 2015 12:12 pm
My Top Surgery Experience
My mastectomy/Top surgery was 3rd of March, 2015. So now I'm almost one week post-op.
Things that I was worried about before the surgery:
- Having too much pain to sleep or study.
- Using public transportation or taxi after getting out of hospital.
- My wounds getting infected...?
Things I actually find difficult now that I'm post-op:
- Doing the dishes is a lot of work.
- Sweeping the floor dry after the shower.
- One corner of my poster keeps peeling off the wall and I can't reach it to put it back up.
- Also cleaning; can't do that for a month and now I see how much I dislike dust.
Other weird points:
- I still have no idea how much this is going to cost me, but I know it's not much since I went local and public healthcare. (But it does make me a bit anxious about my future, ok?)
- I was assuming I can't / am not supposed to lift my arms, but the physiotherapist actually encouraged lifting my arms, reaching things and stuff: to maintain my mobility.
__________________________________________________________
I'm lucky that I didn't have much pain after the surgery, but I'm ridiculously swollen and TIRED. I was supposed to write an essay after the surgery, so far not so good. Tomorrow I'll go check out one lecture at the university...
Oh, one very nice thing was that my drains were taken out the next day (4th) and I was also able to leave the hospital around 2pm 4th of March. Went by bus, no problem.
My sister visited me (6th - 8th) and I made her open the doors, do the dishes and stuff (also taught her how to make pancakes with my old grumpy frying pan lol). It was a great help. Though it was a bad idea to go shopping with her, I was carrying pretty much an empty messenger bag, and it was TOO much, I felt this stinging pain going over the right side of my chest. But yeah, the pain is my body telling me to "Calm DOWN". Other than that, I take a pain killer when I wake up and when I go to sleep.
After shopping I was really tired and kept holding my chest. My sister said it looked really dramatic when I narrated a tv show for her when she was cooking and I held my chest like I was a theater actor reading my lines.
Right now, I have to keep this support-tube-top to help keep the skin/wounds in place and to reduce swelling, but it's for 3 weeks day and night (not for shower). The material is more skin friendly than a binder but it's still really tight and it causes me to cough sometimes. But at the same time it still feels like it's not "binding" enough because my swelling. But ehh, I can handle it, still beats wearing the binders I used to wear.
This was my first (actually second, but I don't remember the first one) big hospital "visit" and anesthesia experience. It all went smoothly. I was a bit nauseated after I went to bathroom (when I was already back at my ward after waking up) but a nurse who helped me said that it was normal after anesthesia.
My top surgery technique... I don't know the name for it, but they made a cut around the areolas and then a cut on both sides of a breast, so the scars will be something like "-o-".
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Posted: Wed Mar 18, 2015 2:49 pm
Top surgery: two weeks post-op
I'm still quite swollen and as my chest is starting to regain some sensation, it gets more tender. I had small infection on the right side but now it's getting better.
My only problem is that they said my stitches would melt away, but I have like one knot on top of my skin, so there's a small wound, separate from actual incision lines, that won't heal unless the stitch is removed/magically melts away, which is not going to happen since it's not under the skin. I don't know what to do with it, I think I'll just live with it til I can see the surgeon in two weeks.
But so far, I haven't been in that much of a pain, I just still get really tired during the day. I'm a bit worried though. I might start working at a library in April. I'll be over one month post-op then, which is when a sick leave would end for a person if they were working. (But I'm a student so I don't get a leave like that.) I think if I nail the interview and get the place, I'm going to afterwards tell them about some stuff like how I'm not supposed to lift heavy things and I have a doctor's visit coming up in May.
I really hope I can get the job!
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Posted: Mon Mar 23, 2015 2:50 am
I woke up having a terrible nosebleed this morning, wtf!
(Though I get nosebleeds all the time, but usually I don't wake up with one.)
Also I got rid of the stitch-knot on my skin and the wound has started to heal already, phew.
I'm going to have a job interview tomorrow. It's part of the studies actually, and I hope I can get it. I would be working at a library for two months. The only thing worrying me is how will I handle it if I have to lift heavy things which I'm not supposed to do.
And one more thing, if I nail it, the job ends 7th of June. I hope I could arrange it that either I can work extra and finish it before the 6th of June or take that day of and continue working.
I got tickets to a concert as a xmas present and I wouldn't want to miss it, but it's all the way back in North Karelia, so I would have to go back and forth South and Eastern Finland, which is expensive... Ugh. emotion_8c
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Posted: Tue Mar 31, 2015 6:29 am
^Didn't get the job so my hunt goes on.
I'm something like 7 months on T and four weeks post-op. I really want to get well soon, I want to start doing push-ups, abs, whatever... Run and walk around. But it's still not time for that, not in my case.
I saw the surgeon yesterday and they said they'll book up the next meeting 10 months ahead LOL. Well, anyway, I'm going to have a revision surgery next winter. I'm kind of looking forward to how my chest changes before that. It's still swollen and healing, I can't start any scar treatment yet. My top-surgery was supposed to be two-staged from the start so I don't mind having a revision. Next time they'll re-size my nipples more, is what she said. I wonder if they could also make my areola smaller too.
Other than that, planning summer. Or trying to. As I said, I'm still looking for a summer job and I know now that I'm going to see Nightwish + special guests live on 6th of June and I'll be going to Animecon (Kuopio, Finland) with friends too... I'd like to go to one another convention too, sigh.
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Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2015 1:16 pm
I got my very first gift-basket! mrgreen
My friends made it out of newspaper and put some candy, chocolate and Cardfight!! Vanguard booster packs inside it! It was sooo awesome! They said that they wanted to congratulate me for getting top surgery, somewhat of a "get well soon" gift. emotion_c8
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Posted: Sat Apr 11, 2015 10:07 am
I went to a transmasculine support group meeting for the first time, it was really great!
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Posted: Mon Apr 20, 2015 12:32 am
My friend gave my their old phone! scream So now I have my first phone with touch screen! Lol like I already had experience from playing with DS Lite and 3DS XL, but my phone was old.
It was nice to see them, he said my voice had dropped really much since we last saw (when I was three months on T) and we talked more about my transition, well that, and dogs, cats, tv shows, crazy relationships, games, working studying and eating haha!
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Posted: Wed May 13, 2015 10:50 pm
Spend Walpurgisnacht + one extra week at my sis' place, it was fun, but I wasn't properly prepared because I thought I would be staying just couple of days, whoops.
My sister and her friends had a cosplay photoshoot and one common friend started talking about my top surgery. They said that now my cosplaying is so easy because I don't have to bind. I don't know why but it really annoyed me.
- I mean this particular friend has complained a lot about binding, to the extend where I would just call it whining. I get it, it's hard. But do you realize I do it every day? Not just while I cosplay. Binding is hard but since I do it all the time, it's like a part of daily pain I have to take, cosplay just manages to add to that. Like uncomfortable shoes, wig too tight, it's too hot or cold... Just don't complain to me about how you choose to wear a binder for a day or two and how it's utterly unbearable. And "not having to bind" doesn't equal "cosplay is easy", I do put effort to this hobby and it's not always simple or easy to carry out.
/cosplay rant.
Also I'm starting to think I have to wear binder 'till the revision surgery, ugh. And that friend didn't even realize it, they think it's like a magic trick, poof, your boobs are gone and everything is rainbow puke. It's a huge improvement in your quality of life, future and mental state, but nothing here comes for free.
Except I had free cake at one place, that was a great day.
*I love sweet stuff okay*
Well, other than being mildly annoyed my recovery is speeding up, about a time, since it's been good two months since my top surgery. (-:
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Posted: Sun May 24, 2015 10:47 pm
Three teenage girls walked toward me and one of them asked "Hey are you like a man or a woman?"
"A man." I chuckled and the girls kept chattering among themselves: "Well I had to ask, you see that guy must have had like a big belt or something under that shirt..."
Reminds me about what one friend said: People don't always realize that transpeople exist, we're not a default answer to everyone wondering why a dude has wide hips; it simply must be a cis-dude wearing a super thick belt.
Also saw some student buddies, one of them who knew I was trans and he kept sorting me to the guys the whole night when we were at the bar, talking about "us guys" and stuff like that. I was feeling uncomfortable at first going to a bar/new place at first but these people made it a great night.
Theology students at bar be like: "Everyone loves Ganesha, right? Have you thought about legal punishments cult leaders get? So lets talk about conspiracy theories! Look at this background of my cellphone, it's a Virgin Mary! (huh mine is just a manga character) And remember the final test of the Hebrew class, how much do you remember now?"
Yeah, to me it was super fun. We got some amused gazes from some people, they should have joined our conversations if they liked listening us lol.
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