It was a chocolate lollipop on a stick with a little, corny valentine attached, wrapped in cellophane and a red ribbon. It was shaped like a pair of lips, colored bright red, and the message on the card had read 'Pucker up, Valentine!'. Orah had seen it on the way to the register while out shopping and thought it silly and cute, something that would make Laney smile because she liked chocolate and silly, cute things. On a whim, it had ended up on the conveyor belt with the intention of giving it to her friend the next time she saw her and there had been no more thought involved than that. It wasn't until she got home, unpacked her bags and put away everything, that Orah found herself faced with a sudden, anxiety-laden dilemma.
The young woman stared at the candy as it sat innocently in the center of the counter between the kitchen and the living room. Hands set wide and gripping the edge, she frowned down at it and found herself wishing, now, that she had left it among it's brothers on the candy shelf.
It looked so incredibly juvenile... Brightly colored with its playful card, it was something you bought in bulk to give away to the rest of your fifth grade class on Valentine's day. She was nearly nineteen now, long past the point where she exchanged the meaningless little things. How could she have possibly thought it was something Laney would like? It was like getting her something out of the twenty-five cent crank vending machines outside of the grocery store... there was no effort, no value to it. If she was going to give her something, she should have gone to the candy aisle and picked out something more substantial, more... deliberate.
Except... that begged the question of what she was trying to say by giving her something. Orah and Laney were friends... sure, you could give presents to your friends on Valentine's, but she hadn't bought anything for any of her other friends, so that made this, by its nature, unique and special. It was just for Laney. That said something about intentions and desires, whether she meant it that way or not.
The stupid little card didn't help... Would she look at this and wonder if Orah wanted to kiss her? Did she want her to wonder? Did she want her to just brush it off as innocent and meaningless as she had originally intended it to be? What if she did read into it and she wasn't in the least bit interested in anything beyond the deep friendship they had? Would things suddenly become awkward and strained? Would they drift apart because Orah couldn't resist ruining one of the best things in her life by wanting more than she could have? She couldn't help remembering standing in the woods as Hvergelmir clutched her tightly and begged her not to leave with voice and kisses up her throat.
Nagging worry tugged at her and she shifted restlessly, teeth worrying her lower lip.
This was supposed to be something simple and it had suddenly become a huge, heavy weight of possibilities and embarrassments, and to make it worse... Orah could see how crazy this was making her and she hated herself for it. This was stupid, and she was stupid. It was a stupid piece of candy on one stupid, special day of the year. It should not be this difficult to do something nice for a friend that meant a lot to her. It shouldn't be this complicated and it only emphasized how truly ******** up she was.
I can't even be a normal person for one day. I can't do one single, solitary thing without over-complicating it to the point of it being utterly impossible. I'm supposed to be trying to be better, and this is not being better.
Exasperated, Orah grabbed the white stick in her fist and strode to her book bag on one of the bar stools behind the counter. Her motions were sharp as she flipped the top open and shoved the candy deep inside, hiding the evidence of her embarrassment and worry under her books and notes. She shouldn't have bought it in the first place, but there was no returning it now. She'd have to eat it on a break during class or something and erase the evidence of her failure in judgement.
Flipping the top closed, she headed for her room with the full intention to deliberately forget what she had just shoved into her bag and focus instead on studying. She had work to catch up on still and that was a far better use of her time than worrying over a piece of chocolate.
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