Welcome to Gaia! ::

She had tried, hadn't she? She'd been good. Had given Otto his space so that he could be...alone. Could figure out what he wanted, what he needed, from himself, from her, from Maebe, from the three of them as a pair. Cami knew what she wanted and needed: them. Just them.

Otto was her family as much as Mimsy was. So even though she was kicking herself (and Kidana was helping) all the way back across the destroyed town towards the dormitories, Cami was going to him. There was literally nothing she could deny either Otto or Maebe within the obvious bounds of sanity. Otto asked for her to come and so she would come for whatever purpose he had found for her now.

Then she would likely leave, go back to Mimsy's (not home, her home was three floors up in a bed with the two people she loved), and try not to cry. Again.

Testing the doorknob she swore under her breath in the language of the islands before opening it to find a sight that broke her aching heart into just a few more pieces. "Oh Otto." It was a soft exhalation before she shut the door behind her, locked it to avoid any unwelcome intrusions, and sank down at his side.

Lightly her hand brushed hair back from his face so that he knew she was there. "Hi."

Dropping her butt onto the floor the moment his head hit her shoulder Cami wrapped her arms around the slight blond, turning her head so that her lips lightly brushed the crown of his head. She hated him. She hated herself. Hated that this felt like home and it made her happy to be home again.

Teeth bit into her tongue lightly to keep back the words that almost always came out when someone said sorry. She'd say 'it's okay' but it wasn't. It wasn't okay and they knew it. The Sun Hunter knew that to ask him why he was sorry would get nothing but a shake of his head and a miserable mutter, so she didn't bother.

Instead she just held him and said, as calmly as she could manage: "I'm here for you." Because Cami was. Always had been. Always would be. Because she was stupid and loved him and love didn't make sense and love was stupid and she was so stupid.

Quiet stretched out as she thought about that question. Her feet tapped together quietly as she stared at them and thought about it for a very long time. Finally her voice shook as she spoke. "A little." A hitch in her breath before she mastered herself, squeezing him a little in the process. "You want space. You want to be alone. But then you don't." Another quiet moment.

"I left because I had to. You were killing yourself over the idea of being alone, of having space, but you couldn't have it with me or Maebe there. You have something you gotta figure out, Otto, and I don't know what it is. I can't help." Again, her breath hitched. "I wanna go home but I can't. Not until you know what you want and tell me." ******** she was not going to cry. The last time she'd cried she'd got cast out of her home and her relationship.

Remembering Maebe, remembering that he was talking about her too, the redhead shook her head. "I refuse to talk about Maebe right now." And that was that.

Sitting with her back against the wall Cami hugged her knees up to her chest as best she could (there was a lot of chest in the way) and looked at Otto while he spiraled. "You didn't make me come. You asked and I came." That was important. Otto didn't make her do anything she didn't want to do in the first place. Her will was strong, stronger than it had been for a long time and it had to do with him.

"Is that really true? So you just want me around to make you feel better and no other time?" Just saying it ached in her chest like an open wound because she'd thought there was more. She'd thought that they had fun watching movies, comparing music, bickering over their tastes. They were both lazy homemakers but he liked her food. She liked feeding him.

He was hers. There was no other word for it. Not family, not love, not a relationship but a belonging she'd felt since they'd pushed the beds together to make one. Her hand reached up to tug lightly at his arm. "Talk to me, Otto. What is haunting you?" Stupid. Stupid stupid Cami.

That was progress, wasn't it? He wanted her around all the time, not just when he was sad, because she made him happy. As far as she was concerned that was all they needed. He made her happy. She made him happy. Why did it have to be more than that? What motivations did it matter?

Otto was more complex than that, she knew. He couldn't just accept things. He had to have a reason for them, had to understand them, had to understand himself and everyone around him. Cami knew it made him miserable and wished, with all her heart, that she could give him some of her carefree nature. If she could remove even just a little bit of that stress...

But she couldn't. Otto was who Otto was and she would love him for it.

Reaching out she stroked his hair, knowing how it soothed him. "Only your happiness matters?" It was not a judgmental question. She was trying, the best way she knew how, to gently guide him through his turmoil. "I don't think that's true. You took me to Disney World because I'd never been. You let me move out of the basement because I was scared. You let me leave the lights on even though you're not afraid. All for your happiness?" He was so hard on himself.

Maebe was so hard on herself. Otto was so hard on himself. She didn't understand it. Would never understand how someone could put so much on themselves that was wrong. Couldn't they see how wonderful they were?

Oh her frown was serious. It pulled at either side of her mouth until it was almost the wrong shape for her face entirely, which it really was. Cami's face was round and made for smiling. A frown looked utterly out of place. "Otto, I love you. Unconditionally. You don't have to do nice things for me to make me like you because I love you." She stressed the word with heavy emphasis so that he understood.

Cami didn't understand or, perhaps, couldn't understand. When people were unhappy with her she either took steps to make sure that the valid unhappiness was fixed or, if it was invalid, shrugged it off. Why should she care if someone was unreasonably unhappy with her? Again, things not so easy for Otto.

"I don't understand. If you're happy when I'm happy, and I'm happy when you're happy, what's wrong?" Genuine confusion showed on her exotic face. She didn't understand and he hadn't really ever explained it. "Is it bad to want to be happy if your happiness also makes me happy?" It was an equally complicated question but was at the heart of her personal problem.

You're the niest thing I have.

Tears welled in Cami's eyes at that single statement. It was perhaps the most wonderful thing anyone had ever said about her and, despite the fact that Otto seemed determined to stay separate, she couldn't help herself. The redhead reached out and dragged him into her arms, holding on tight with her forehead pressed against the hard edge of his shoulder.

Shaking her head she tickled his nose with her hair as she began to just talk in a rush. "You can't hate yourself forever for one thing. Sometimes people stay mad at you and they shouldn't. I'm not gonna say Maebe shouldn't be mad at you but..." Her head lifted, eyes narrowing with a thoughtful moment. "Lets just say that she shouldn't be. What if she was mad at you for no reason. Forever? Would you just deny yourself forever because you accidentally hurt her? Which, hey, hello, you did. Accidentally hurt her." Because if she was sure of one thing in this whole ******** mess it was that he wasn't all that into the guy he'd done the drunken do with.

In her experience if you were into someone, even if you were drunk when you hooked up, you didn't run away the next morning.

"And I'm going to tell you one more thing, Otto Graves. You don't have to deserve me. You just have to want me. That's all I ask for. I decide whether or you deserve me and I say you do." Her chin was up, pride and willfulness in the gesture, arms still warm around him. She wanted to go home. She wanted him to come home. That simple.