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 Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 8:35 am
Name: Azrael MortisAzrael - The angel of death Mortis - latin meaning "of death" Blood colour: Gender: Symbol:Personality:At his core, Azrael is curious about how things work. He spends most of his time either tinkering, reading or out studying local wildlife. He loves to dissect and study creatures of many shapes and sizes when he can. Of course, he's not going to chop up anything that comes wondering through his neck of the mountain. Heavens no, he's not that kind of psycho. Azrael would sooner invite trolls in for a cup of sweet leaf water and send them home with a gift than he would chopping them up. He has something of a respect for his fellow trolls, even the lowbloods. This is especially if they have traveled that far up and survived. What he catches for his lusus and himself to eat or junk he finds here and there, are what Azrael uses to state his morbid curiosity of biology.
Largely due to troll media, Azrael has come to the conclusion that a blueblood must be a certain way and bases this on a stereotype promoted largely in propaganda. The stereotype being that an ideal blueblood must be cunning and ruthless. He’s simplified this down to emotionless and intelligent. This leads to him believing that anything other than perfection towards this idealized standard deems him as broken and a failure.
Azrael enjoys a very peculiar art form, he enjoys abstract and brightly colored portraits over the often suggestive higher art. He takes a lot of to paint these pictures when he needs to wind down. These paintings are often hidden in his room out of sight because they are emotional and fanciful in design, this doesn’t in with his idealized model. Even mentioning his artistic interests is taboo.
Azrael is an avid tinkerer. Taking machines apart and trying to put them together or make something new out of it. He also experiments with the use of technology on the creatures he captures. Thus far none have been successful in living, but he's pretty sure he'll figure out how to keep them alive eventually.
Concerning his fellow trolls, he views them as separate from himself. He views the trolls of his society as fitting cogs in a place he’s not sure he fits in. Through this he has an interest in the psychological and sociological aspect of his fellow trolls. He loves learning how they think and what makes them feel the way they do. Things such as the quadrants; the exploration and philosophy of them fascinates him. He has written many a pages on this subject and these pages can be found in a thought journal that he keeps by his bedside. In a sense his curiosity comes from the fact that he doesn't quite understand it. He doesn't quite understand what makes his fellow trolls act and think so differently from him and he loves any chance he can get to dissect this subject so it makes sense to him.
Azrael likes to host parties. Often times, he'll invite guests of many hues to visit his abode. Other times he'll rent someplace easier to get to in order to host a party. This is simply because he adores his fellow trolls and has that fascination with watching them interact. He is not ashamed to admit to this. As a matter of fact, he prefers to be bluntly honest about his actions. He believes that lying and cheating to get through life is dishonorable. He personally can't stand when he's lied to and finds trolls going behind each other’s backs detestable and cowardly.
Azarel feels the need for balance and organization so he can function in the world around him. This shows in his feelings for the hemospectrum— He believes that it must be upheld at all costs, because society is based on the principals of what is already there. He believes that if those principles and order disappear, the world would devolve into unnecessary chaos. He's not the troll that would stop all cross spectrum relations, but he'd be the one that wants to ensure things are kept in an appropriate manner and conduct.
Strengths:
Creative – whether it's his secret artistic fancy, inventions or the unique ways he attempts to study his subjects through: Events, general meandering or even humble invitations, he always has a new idea to offer to the table.
Motivated - Azrael is a doer. He will not sit around doing nothing while there are things to be done, inventions to create, social norms to understand and a self to maximize. On the go and eager to just do things.
Flaws:
Self-critical – Based entirely on a fictional premise he has on what a blueblood should be like, Azrael holds himself up to an impossible idealized standard and will do just about anything to live up to this standard. Including but not limited to: hiding parts of himself, pushing himself to impossible limits, treating himself as an unfitting and broken cog etc
Restless - in watching the world around him and realizing there is much he should be and doesn't understand, he is in a constant state of unease over the fate of things around him in society and his own nature which puzzles him.
Weapon: Two sickles that can connect to make one longer double bladed weapon. Appearance:Azrael is not the largest troll in the world, as a matter of fact he's a physically tiny creature so he uses large coats to make himself look a bit bigger and tougher. The coat itself is lined with fur to make it suitable for the cold mountain climate. his hair looks as though he had been hit with a gust of wind from the back and it froze that way.
His canines grow past his lip. His horns have two branches, The main branch shoots up and ends in a scythe-like upward curve. The second branch pokes out just above his hair. It's mostly just a fat lump sitting on the horn.
He often leaves his coat open or off in warmer climates to reveal a shirt colored in his blood color with his symbol in black.
Home:
His home is a hive that is embedded to the side of the mountain. It's kept at an even level by supports bolted into the mountainside. This part is mostly for show. The hive connects to a cave that was naturally there and is used as a backroom where Azrael's personal things are done. Things such as his work room and bedroom are here out of sight and out of mind.
Lusus:
Azrael’s lusus is a small winged, long bodied, draconic creature. This creature is lovingly nicknamed Scarfettle. Feathers cover every inch of the creature's body in order to retain heat. Heat is gathered in his body through the chemical reaction of what this creature eats, if properly fed. He prefers his food to be warmblooded and alive when he eats, if not fresh then a cooked meal is the next best preference, for nothing more than to absorb the heat of the meal. Other ways it gains heat is by lounging in heated surfaces such as: sun heated stones, heated or overheated tech and warm bodies.
On the tips of scarfettle’s wings are three claw like appendages used for grabbing onto things. It’s long body and strong muscles are used as rudders when it flies as well as to constrict fresh prey when found. It's back legs are thin and tuck away easily for when he's in flight or snuggly wrapped around Azrael's neck. Scarfettle has a gland at the back of his throat that allows him to spray a sticky and mildly toxic substance in order to blind or distract his target, whether it’s prey or it’s something he needs to run away from. The toxin is not very strong and usually only leads to temporary blindness. The effects of the chemical usually leads to a blindness period that varies per target, usually sight returns to 100% after this time.
When sprayed on a dry surface it becomes an opaque sticky substance. Useful for clouding up safety goggles. This has been used on Azrael a handful of times to get him to stop doing things, usually when he hyper focuses on one of his many hobbies. Scarfettle only uses this as a punishment when Azrael does not respond to his warnings.
His system goes like this: loud noises > biting > toxic substance that leaves you blind for many hours. This system is not used when he is out on adventures with Azrael as blinding the troll could lead to both their deaths, but at home it is the preferred method this guardian uses.
Personality wise, Scarfettle is an inexperienced and doting parent to Azrael. He wants to see his trollboy succeed and strongly believes that Azrael could potential do great if he sets his mind to it. Scarfettle optimistically tries to be an involved and supportive part of Azrael’s life. He believes that Azrael should experience as much as possible and will drag Azrael outside if he thinks his trollson is not getting out enough. He can be particularly strict towards Azrael’s eating habits, his observance of danger and how well Azrael can defend himself.
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Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 10:45 am
ohey! quick note - the 'revision' tag is used for accepted trolls with journals and art who are revising an already approved profile!;; if you could change the title to avoid confusion, that would be perfect. thanks! 83c
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amicableAggressor Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 1:43 pm
amicableAggressor ohey! quick note - the 'revision' tag is used for accepted trolls with journals and art who are revising an already approved profile!;; if you could change the title to avoid confusion, that would be perfect. thanks! 83c ok yeah I got it. thanks for telling me!
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Posted: Mon Jan 26, 2015 1:49 pm
I love that you've given him specific hobbies! I would like to see these expanded on. How does he pursue his interests? Does he go out star-gazing? Does he read up on biology or is he more of a hands-on kind of guy? With technology is he more of a historical buff, interested in the trends, or is he mostly interested in how things function?
Does Azrael welcome random strangers into his hive? Does he enjoy to play the role of a host and show off his sweet lifestyle? I'm just a little confused where you're going with that section and how it relates to his cantankerous attitude.
When you say he's stubborn about admitting that his fear of enclosed spaces might be a problem, do you mean he tries to swallow his fear and play it cool? If so, how successful is he?
The bit about being a good conversationalist doesn't seem to fit in under "knowledgeable". I would describe that as charismatic more than anything. The rest of that trait looks fine though.
I really like his self-conscious trait!
Cantankerous to me just seems to kind of summarise what you already have. Is there a way you can specify and build on it? You mentioned that he is impatient. Perhaps you could use that?
How does Scarfettle interact with Azrael? Also does it have a gender?
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Posted: Tue Jan 27, 2015 7:28 am
Okay, I think I answered your questions and took into account that it seemed to be contradicting the way I worded it.
I re-worked scarfettle just a bit and added a gender
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Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2015 10:55 pm
Hey hey – time for a Sypon crit. First off, you’ll want to do a quick pass for capitalization and spelling! There are a few errors in this application that I notice at quick glance. I would suggest reading the profile aloud, as there are also some run on sentences that make reading the application a bit tricky at times.
You say “he does not like talking to much of anyone” and then in the very next sentence says “He does however love to talk”. These two points are a big contradiction, and you’ll need to expand to get this to work. Does he not like to talk to strangers because of this, and then finds himself opening up and rambling to people who know him? Does he prefer talking to a captive audience rather than in an informal setting? Think about how to bridge the gap between disliking the sound of his own voice and loving talking to others.
I’m interested in how Azrael’s hobbies connect to each other, and how they might have come to be. How does his interest in learning how things work affect his appreciation for astronomy? Biology, astronomy and technology make for quite the spread of interests. Is there any reason he doesn’t branch out to other sciences in related fields? What spurs his interests?
“He is rather easy to aggravate and has been known to lose his temper a couple times” – a nitpicky note, saying “a couple [of] times” might denote that he’s not particularly easy to aggravate. This sentence is a bit awkward.
The paragraph on the hemospectrum is one long sentence – please rework this! Some things I notice off the bat: “it's only used as a means to bolster and get away with certain actions and attitudes he thinks are appropriate” – like what? There is no mention of Azrael being anything other than somewhat temperamental, and based upon this sentence it makes it seem as though he more regularly utilizes his place on the hemospectrum in questionable ways.
Strengths/Weaknesses: First off, you’ve got 4 strengths and 3 flaws. These should be an equal number.
How does Azrael’s knowledge help him on a regular basis? He has very specific interests that will be situationally very helpful, but try to think about applications that contribute very frequently, even when he’s not invested in his hobbies.
Organized: This could be seen as a flaw (OCD) if spun that way, and currently it’s reading very neutral. How does his organization assist him? This could be the same about the “conversational” strength, which is also reading very neutral. What about his conversational nature makes him more appealing to others, or is a boon to him?
Azrael’s stubborn flaw needs a bit of work – you say that he keeps items, but then turn around and say that he doesn’t keep everything. While this may be a good trait to incorporate in his personality, it is not reading very strongly! I would suggest elaborating on his argumentative nature: does he truly believe he is right or is he being stubborn out of pride, not wanting to appear lesser?
Does Azrael’s self esteem issues come solely from his lisp? That’s the only source of his concern for himself you mention earlier. Your mentioning of “less murderous attitudes” seems to come a bit out of left field, as I am not aware of any regular murderous intent that Azrael possesses.
“this also makes him very conscious about his problems and leading to him "trying harder" than he should to be appropriate in the way his blood color should. “
This is quite confusing to me! I’m having a hard time understanding what this sentence means. Do bluebloods need to try harder? What is the way his bloodcolor should act to be appropriate? I don’t have context and I’m not quite sure what you’re going for here.
Appearance:
“His horns look like one big horn, however it is one the point at which the two branches leave off is hidden by his mess of hear. The longest branch looks like a scythe while the other curves in and just slightly behind the longer branch. “
I might suggest drawing a quick reference of this, as I’m having trouble with the description.
Scarfettle is so cute.
“ though he is pretty young, being only about 11.5 sweeps old compared to the 1000 sweeps that it could be.”
Unsure what you’re intending with this. I’m not sure if there are any in-shop guidelines concerning lusus age, as it’s fairly vague, but nevermind if this is rather insignificant!
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Posted: Mon May 11, 2015 11:36 pm
Thanks for your patience! I took a look through Azrael a way back and I must say, you’ve done some really great work on his profile. I’m glad you kept going with him because he’s turning out nice. I’ve got a few comments, but no glaring issues now.
First off, you’ve got some capitalization and sentence flow issues here and there, so take a look through and snip those:
“of course, he’s”
“Heavens no, He’s not that kind”
(Et cetera; I won’t list all of them here so just take a scan through the app for ‘em.)
What about art interests Azrael? It seems to me as though he’s largely based upon finding out how things work and the logic of things, so I would normally not expect someone to collect or cherish art (specifically that is only for aesthetic value). You mention he likes beautiful things, but what (to him) is beautiful? The more scientific/practical art side or something else? This is hugely subjective and could say a lot about his character, especially considering traditional “Alternian high art” has a rather lewd connotation.
I’m interested to know what you mean by Azrael’s “bias” when it comes to his belief in honesty. I feel as though honesty would be a way to examine psychology rather than inhibit it, and stopping gossip wouldn’t necessarily bar him from doing so.
Hemospectrum beliefs seem great! I enjoy his motivations for self-improvement being rooted in a casteist attitude. It’s a really nice take on the hemospectrum.
Inquisitive: How does his inquisitiveness help him regularly? Make sure you’re including the benefit in the description. I can see where you’re going, but make sure it’s explicit. You should also do this with “artistic”.
Prepared and forgetful seem to be at odds with each other right now, in that Azrael’s forgetfulness is negating his preparedness to the point where it doesn’t seem to be helping him (past how being generally prepared helps your average troll). You may want to shift either flaw or strength so we can see beyond certain circumstances why it’s beneficial.
Self-critical: Does this affect how Azrael tackles situations? What does it take to snap him out of this, and is there something specific (beyond falling short) that he dislikes about himself?
Curious: Azrael may get away with being awkward around other trolls (I’m assuming due to asking personal questions or being eerily observant) due to his caste, but does he notice his awkwardness? Is this the cause of his embarrassment, or does he lack self-perception? Also! How does he try to get himself out of trouble?
Competitive: You’re softening this strength by adding in the last line – if something simple like “a separate task” can make him to turn down a challenge, it doesn’t seem like his competitiveness that big of a deal whatsoever and certainly not something that negatively affects him.
Lusus:
I’m not sold on Scarfettle’s personality yet, because in one sentence you say “his biggest activity is to promote and push Azrael’s curiousity” and then just a short while later you say that he tries to make him not overextend his curiousity. Keeping their trolls safe is something that essentially all lusii do. What does Scarfettle think about Azrael? His hobbies, his views? What does Azrael think about Scarfettle? Do they share views – perhaps Azrael picked up some traits or thoughts on the world from his lusus? Keep in mind that the lusus is the sole guardian of the troll and is around them 24/7 during childhood, so this kind of information about their relationship is especially important to establish now.
Woot woot! Lemme know if you have any questions.
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Posted: Sun Jun 07, 2015 7:48 pm
First thing I wanna mention: I noticed that when you addressed my crit, you took out a lot of the content that just needed some fine-tuning and swapped it out completely! I want to make sure you know that if I mention something, I usually mean that it just needs to be expanded on, clarified or cleaned up. It’s totally cool if you felt you couldn’t make those personality traits and strengths/flaws work, but don’t feel pressured to start over or cut it completely. Azrael has a solid foundation, so these comments are all about working with what’s there. So, my comments this time are essentially concerning what has been added since last crit.
Once again, please check your app for capitalization issues. Right away I noticed the titles in his strengths and flaws, but there are enough within the body of the application that it’s distracting.
@Knowledgeable: I mentioned to bring up some specific instances of how Azrael might apply his skills, but you may have taken it a bit far. He’s only a kid – he can dabble in it, but he definitely would not be proficient in robotics until he was at least in his teenhood.
Azrael’s strengths/flaws section was a place where I noticed you removed some of his older strengths. Perseverant and straightforward work, but I think you’re losing some relevancy to the body of his personality section (his preparedness reminded me of his logical approach and organization, for instance). So, if you will be keeping perseverance as a strength, I might incorporate this more into his personality so we can see where it comes from and what drives him to keep going. Straightforward seems to come through in his dislike of lying and gossip, but I’m not totally convinced of it as a strength. Bluntness is tough because it can either be a flaw or strength, so consider how this is more regularly beneficial to him (ahh, Sypon’s favorite words).
I didn’t mention this earlier, but please go ahead and write in his weapon as we don’t technically check and re-accept teens and it would be good to have that information at this stage.
Finally, I have a couple of big questions about Scarfettle. First, how does Scarfettle protect Azrael? Lusii should be able to take care of their charges during their childhood, not the other way around. If they are too weak then he doesn’t stand a chance on Alternia.
Second, I am really not sure where Azrael’s belief concerning his lusus and him being one being in separate bodies comes from. It’s pretty out of left-field, not mentioned elsewhere in the application, and has some pretty serious implications! If Azrael is so interested in biology and finding out how things work and dissecting wildlife, why does he believe this really unorthodox idea? Does it translate to how he perceives science as a whole? How about other lusii and their charges – does he think that they too are a single entity? It seems as though it originated from Scarfettle’s presence as he is always hanging around Azrael, but would that really be enough for him to jump to the conclusion that he’s actually a literal extension of his lusus and vice versa? I’m just not sure about this addition because it’s essentially changing a fundamental belief of your character, which should affect how he perceives the world. It’s a cool concept, but it really deserves expansion if you are going in this direction.
Edit: It was brought up to me that you may have meant that Azrael's feelings towards his lusus aren't a literal interpretation of being the same person with separate bodies, and is more metaphorical. If this is the case, then it's obviously totally fine to have him feel incredibly close to his lusus; you'll just need to make that very clear.
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amicableAggressor Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Jul 26, 2015 7:36 pm
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