Hobbies: Model U.N: Debating, debating, debating! Her father, Tariq Humayun, was a distinguished and well known lawyer in her hometown on the outskirts of Lahore. Since the first time she accompanied her father in court, Rabia wanted to join him! However, she's had to settle for the next best thing-- Model U.N. She constantly participates in these debates, formulating precise and articulate ideas to go against the other countries and spends hours pouring herself over debates.
Go-Kart races: Ever since she was 10 years old, when she passed by a track on her way home, Rabia's enjoyed go-karts. She'd spend hours watching them as well as riding them, perfecting her craft and knowing how to shift gears, turn the kart just enough so as to not spiral out of control... She enjoys the rush it gives her-- and the fact that she could control it was even better. Her actual driving is definitely influenced by this, and she's just as fast and aggressive on the road as she is on the track. As she's moved in with her mother recently and is not in close contact with her father anymore, she doesn't have sufficient funds to buy her own vehicle. While she has her license, it's not valid in Destiny City, and so she needs to renew it-- But renewing takes green, and she's broke now. She's been planning to move to race cars one day, maybe join a team while she's there, but she's still stuck on go-karts for now.
Virtues:ambitious: Rabia is very ambitious— she has already prepared in advance what she's going to be when she's older and how she will become it. She is willing to put in the most amount of effort to achieve her goal. Since she was a girl, she's known what inspires her-- and that's helping others in whatever way she can! She wants to become their voices, to help and amplify them so everyone can hear and listen to them. She wants people to pay attention to her for their sake, and if it gets her more attention so she can climb the ladder to the top, she'll definitely do it!
observant: Rabia is highly observant of the people around her. She is always looking at the little details and attributes that make or break a person. Rabia can't help looking at someone who is particularly interesting— someone who looks like they have much to say, an aged past, or etc. She finds stories and tales of the past extremely interesting, which is why she enjoys to spend time with the older generation just as much as she enjoys spending time with her friends.
confident: She is overly confident and proud of herself, her nose held high and shoulders back. She prides herself on her appearance, as her family in Pakistan constantly complimented her on her beauty. She's sure of herself and her opinions due to her family, and when she thinks of an opinion that's valid, she's sure to believe in it full-throttle. She is very certain that her ideas are correct or that her decisions are the best or most effective when concerning any matter at hand. Normally these decisions are made with previous research, so she doesn't end up ignorant.
Flaws:opinionated: Rabia always jumps up to speak whenever she can in any conversation, even if someone is already talking, believing her input to be more important than the opinion of anyone else. It doesn't matter what sort of conversation there is-- She'll jump into it eagerly and say what she knows about the topic, should something she knows about not be mentioned. It's easy to get her ranting and talking, and she's convinced that as long as she says something in the conversation, she'll look smart. Most of the times it just makes her look desperate to speak. She will never back down from an argument, and takes every conversation with differing opinions as a fight or a battle. Even if in the end she will lose, she defends what she stands for till her last breath. She gets frustrated when she watches an argument and will always butt into it, as if starting a war. Sometimes she gets so excited to respond, she forgets what she'll say, and she gets extremely frustrated and angry for not having had her way.
attention-seeking: Years of having to do everything in her power to attract her fathers attention has made her very conscious of when people are or aren't paying attention to her. She really loves it when people pay attention to her, and little compliments or small gestures of appreciation go a long way with her. She loves being noticed by others, and craves attention from many, loving every bit of the spotlight on her. Most of the time she is annoying or demanding, sometimes literally asking for others to pay attention to her like a spoiled brat. She loves to participate in activities that will make her gain more attention and be noticed by others. Sometimes, being ignored will provoke her anger and/or sulking. She's someone who pushes until it breaks, so it'd have to be a lot of ignoring to get her to sulk and/or angry.
spoiled: Years of being treated like a literal princess by her family effected her greatly, making her used to wasting things, whether it be a lot of money, or barely any at all. Her father only increased this, as during the time she was neglected by him, she kept asking for more and more things so that she could catch his attention. Spoiler: it never did. He just kept giving and giving, pushing Rabia to keep taking and taking, until she was so used to taking that she thrived on it. She may ask someone for something, only to ask more for it later. It's not that she's being greedy, it's just that she doesn't know hot to control herself! She's terrible when it comes to saving money, and is prone to using it all in one go. She's not used to being careful with her money, and is constantly in a state of being broke or even pretending to have enough money to buy things. Most of what she asks for are things she doesn't really need, but wants anyways. It's a habit of hers that makes her desire and expect from others more than what they can give, depending. While it hasn't happened recently, the last time she was told "no," Rabia became so emotional, the item was given to her in the end.
PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION
Eyes: Rabia has wide, excited eyes with an orange shade: ██████████ - #BD3300. She sometimes wears makeup on them.
Hair: Rabia has dark red hair in a high ponytail, usually pulled away from her face with a pomp on top.
Face: Rabia has a round face with a large nose and thick eyebrows. She has large ears that she shows off proudly and they are pierced— three times on each side. She has a silver septum piercing she loves to use.
Other: Rabia is 5'6, with a fairly curvy body that is used to working on the race cars she drives. She's not thin, having fairly filled hips and a chest size she enjoys to flaunt. Her body proportions are well distributed. Her skin color is a nice #DBA47A, and her eyebrows are fairly prominent, something Rabia enjoys heavily.
Clothes: Rabia's clothing style is very casual, with a dash of punk. She always wears her steel tipped combat boots, and more often than not are her clothes ripped in some way. She always wears a lot of accessories. Here's an album with some ideas!
Fuku: I'd love it to be traditional pakistani clothing with one or two pieces of battle armor! I love creative freedom though, so if you have any ideas, please give theemm!! <3
Collar -- AC Bow -- AC~ Bodice -- AC Sleeves -- AC Brooch -- I'd love it if it somehow incorporated bellona's symbol in it! Bottoms -- AC~~ Tiara -- Drop forehead tiara think think Choker -- AC! though i'd love it if it was a part of the bodice, and the gem was embedded in the outfit! Shoes -- AC! Gloves -- AC! Accessories -- AC~
Attacks:
Sailor Scout Attack:Bellona Needling Nettle! Bellona summons a flag made of energy. She then starts twirling it, the flag glowing in her main color. In the end, the flag turns into a small ball of energy and she throws it at the target. If hit, the target is normally thrown into a frenzy, usually pushing the person in question into such an intense anger that they have trouble focusing on fighting, and depending on the situation at hand, tempting the target to attack anything and anyone around them in a blind rage. It lasts for around 30 seconds, and can be used three times per battle.
Super Sailor Scout Attack:Bellona Animus Abrade! She grabs two energy flags and throws them in the air, grabbing them when they fall and throwing them at the target(s). This move, she can use twice, and works the same as her first attack. It lasts around 35 seconds!
Eternal Sailor Attack:Bellona Raving Rage! Bellona spins an energy flag before slamming it hilt down, creating a large circle with a 10 feet radius(20 feet in diameter) around her, affecting all enemies in the circle. This normally renders those in the area so angry or frustrated they have difficulty concentrating on the fight at hand-- Should there be more than one target, it might pit them against each other, or end up tempting them into attacking anything within sight. It lasts for around 45 seconds after they leave the circle.
reserving for ONE MORE thing and then done oh yeah HERE'S HER ART ALBUM if you want to see more rabia goodness also here are some stuff she wears because why not
oppeeennn for critsss!!! <3
Posted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 7:47 am
Quite Uneventful
QUITE!!! <3 It's so good to see you here. I remember this babe! She is still a babe. Since you asked so nicely in your thread title, I'm going to leave you a round of crit - remember, nothing I say is official, and if you disagree with any of it, please go right ahead and tell me to go to hell. wink
General stuff
It's spelled Meadowview, but other than that you're all set up here.
Hobbies
Model U.N. - ahahaha back in the day I had a character who was in the Model U.N. at Meadowview and crap that was five years ago and she's 22 now. That anecdote down, I don't really have anything to add to this section, as it looks good - though if you do have a prior town picked out for her, go ahead and add it! Clear and specific details are what make profiles shine!
Go-Kart races - Does Rabia own and maintain her own car, or does she rent or belong to a team? What is holding her back from moving up to real cars? Does she have her driver's license? Does her kart racing translate into her actual driving style at all?
Virtues
Ambitious - Looks good!
Observant - Looks good!
Confident - Some of the wording here is a bit clunky, but this is me being super-nitpicky. "She prides herself on her appearance, as her family in Pakistan constantly complimented her on her beauty." may flow better than what you have now. I'm also a bit confused by "even though she may not be beautiful to others" - what's your intent here? Is it to say that Rabia is unconventionally pretty or deluded somehow, actually ugly or plain-looking and vain, or just to acknowledge that not everyone has to find her pretty? Clarifying your wording here may help. smile
Flaws
Opinionated - I feel like this is lacking a sense of actual conviction that you would need to label her "opinionated" - right now she's reading more as "aggressive." Does Rabia have closely-held personal beliefs that lead her to barge into conversations? Is she convinced that she is right and everyone else is wrong? What if the people talking are already saying things she agrees with? Or does she just think that she HAS to have some kind of input when other people are talking, even if it contributes nothing and she doesn't actually care about the subject at hand?
Attention-seeking - You might want to look more at the specific ways that Rabia tries to be the center of attention. Does the sulking happen after she has exhausted all her options/been dismissed? What are some tactics she employs to make herself the center of attention? Does she participate in activities (like school service days?) only in order to reap praise?
Wasteful - I would like to see more about how this trait affects her in the present. Is Rabia so used to having things given to her that she doesn't know how to respond when she doesn't get what she wants? Is she bad at budgeting? Does she ask for things that she doesn't actually need, just to have them? (You might want to rename this "greedy" or "spoiled," tbh!)
Physical description
I know it is not on the form, but you may want to add a section about Rabia's body type! How tall is she, is she thin, curvy, muscular, chubby? Also, I see your art, but you don't list her skin color anywhere on your form. Could you add it? Also, what's her preferred fashion style, other than dressing like a "teenager"? Is she very girly, a little bit punk, etc?
Other than that, A+, what a cutie.
POWERED STUFF
Love this fuku. She's gonna be so cute.
How long do her first two attacks take to cast? Can the spell be interrupted while she is throwing/spinning the flags? Is she actually burning her targets, or just making them "feel as if" they are being burned, in which case, how long do the burns last?
Typically, at super stage, you can use your super attack once and your sailor attack twice, but don't quote me on that.
For her eternal attack, you may want to add that she can allow her allies to use their base-level attack or a small pool of knight magic again if they have already exhausted themselves?
ANYWAY, Rabia's a cutie, good luck winning her, and let's play together when you do!!!!! biggrin
Rabia's civ side looks good to me! She sounds like kind of a spoiled brat, which, awesome.
However, I'm not really seeing a connection between her attacks and the sphere of "Strife" - they're not really about disagreement or conflict? Something that fostered aggression in the area around her, or drew power from conflict, might work better, as sort of off-the-cuff suggestions!
Quote me if you have any questions or once you've made changes and I'll be back~
Posted: Mon Sep 12, 2016 9:47 pm
Silverah
Noir Songbird
hiya you two!! sorry if you didn't want to be quoted, but i figured i should quote both of you to know i've switched up some stuff! i know noir said her civ side looked good, but i've added some things silv mentioned that i thought were really good points!! sorry i've taken so long to address these crits, i've been quite busy the last year OTL ;; so here we gooo hehe
all the edited parts are in red! except for the powers-- those i just redid entirely! i hope these attacks are better than the last ones! i'm currently reworking the fuku, so it won't be up now, but i hope that things look better/clearer now!!
Hey, Quite! Welcome back, and I'm happy to continue working on Rabia so she can get a stamp!
So, her new attacks look great effects-wise; however, her times are too long, sorry! Battles in shop are generally clocked at lasting around five minutes, so attacks generally last under a minute -- I'd suggest thirty seconds for Basic, thirty-five for Super, and forty-five for Eternal!
I also think you can give her more uses - 3 at Basic and 2 at Super, per battle, should be fair!
Quote me and I'll be back around again!
Posted: Mon Sep 12, 2016 10:41 pm
Noir Songbird
oh man, no probelm! i shouldve read up better on batts, then! thank you for clearing it up, ive edited the attacks to reflect what youve suggested!! thank you so much!!
The civilian profile looks absolutely great but before I can stamp, the attacks might need a little tweaking! While attacks that force a character to have a certain emotion are great, but attacks that force a specific response can be a little too limiting. For example, not every character might react violently when overcome with intense anger, or some characters might be constantly angry and still capable of acting under those emotions, so it would be out of character for them to behave in such a way (and is sometimes a little less fun to RP when you're being told what your character should be doing).
A really quick fix (that hopefully doesn't detract from the attacks you had in mind) might be to make a few minor word tweaks! For example, in her basic attack it says, "rendering them unable to fight"; instead, you could say that the magic might manifest in a number of ways, such as making them so angry that they have difficulty focusing on fighting, or that they might be tempted to attack anyone--or anything--around them in a blind rage.
This could be applied to all three attacks (all of your durations, radiuses and usages look great!), just adjusted to be a little less rigid in what their character must react with. The characters can still be engulfed in blind anger that compromises their ability to function, but it will help in an RP environment if the players are allowed to interpret what that means/how that would affect their character.
If you have any questions or make any changes, please quote me and I'll be back asap! (sorry for the wall of text! Rabia looks great and only needs really small tweaks to be stamped, I am just wordly!)
hiya!! wahaha thank you SO MUCH for your input!! i totally see what you mean, it makes a lot of sense for the rp enviorment and leaves it up to interpretation, which is honestly way better u wu <3 i've tweaked the words in the attacks, hopefully that makes things clearer and allows people ti take it as they will. If not, please lmk and i'll try to phrase it better!!!
thank you once more for reading up her civ profile!! Im really excited to get her in the shop some day, she is my Literal Child and i love her spoiled butt very much u Au <333
Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2016 10:09 am
quite uneventful
Your tweaks looks awesome!
Reading her profile was my pleasure! Good luck winning her; I can't wait to see her in play!
