Welcome to Gaia! ::

the foil to order huehuehue
Real senshi name- Arthur?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/430_Hybris


Name: Dorian Mill

Age: 16

Birthday: April 19th

Sign: Aries

Blood Type: B-

Fav. Food: Jicama

Hated Food: Coconuts

School: Hillworth

Hobbies:

Tetris- It's been proven to calm the mind and help focus. It's also a game that Dorian can play on for hours. He likes the techno music. He also owns a tetris shirt. And a tetris themed bookbag. And a pen that lets you play tetris, (which sits in the teacher's desk).
Mystery Novels- The ones with broken spines and cost $1 at the dollar tree are the best. Dorian loks reading about the PI who goes against the grain. (He is also a fan of Film Noir)
Gardening- He grows herbs. Special herbs. Legal ones. Ones he can use when he's too poor to go shopping.
Watson and Holmes: His pet rats. Holmes is female. This was due to a mistake on the seller's part. Dorian likes to take his pet rats on walks in his hoodie, and this is not allowed in food stores and depresses Dorian considerably.


Gemstone: Diamond


Virtues:

Self-Sufficient- He doesn't depend on his parents now, and vows to never depend on anyone. Why? To many problems. Dorian thinks by doing stuff on his own, he's a better person. He tends to work with others well enough, but he prefers not to. It's just easier for him.

Never back down- You have a problem? He will ask you, up front, and he will deal with it. He's not blunt in sense he asks at the worst possible moment, but he does ask. He does confront, just in the shadows where they won't make a scene.

Motivated- Dorian has one life goal besides living until he's 30. And that is be successful. He still gets up and does his full on work day. He still does what he has to do. He will live, he will survive. Even if the sky is a black cloud he will move on, because he can't give up. It's just not his nature to do so.

Positive Thinker- When things get tough the thought get going and Dorian is going to not only go, he will go smiling. He tries to find the silver lining on every storm cloud. When he can't find one, he will find something else to be positive about. Out of everything he does, he truely thinks that if you are alive there is hope, that in some way, things can always get better.

Flaws:

Overly critical- Living on his own and being self reliant has made Dorian very critical of other lifestyles, mostly of his peers. He can't understand why people need to rely so heavily on each other, and also, why they are so darn whiny~ So you lost your money? Make more. This also goes into cleanliness, organization, and tends to go with...

Prideful- He has a full time job. He has his own place. He has a (very old and half dead) car. Dorian is better then you. He will tell you why. He might tell you how to get as good and him but as stands, he is still better then you.

Jealous- Dorian, for all his pride, all his self reliance, hates feeling lesser and that he is somehow left out. He might SAY he is better then you for earning his car ALL ON HIS OWN, but inside, he REALLY HATES THE FACT YOU GOT THAT BRAND NEW TOYOTA FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY. But he won't share this. He'll just make grumpy faces at your new car and say his is better because it's HIS.

Lonely- Always moving forward and making the best of things while not wallowing in the past has one draw back Dorian keeps encountering. The fact that for all his independence and bravado, he is terribly lonely. He has friends and family, but he always keeps them at arm's length. While he says it's a good thing, something needed to achieve his goals, he is rather lonely and often finds himself at home on a Saturday night with no one around. Part of him desperately wants to find someone to be close to, but he can never bring them closer then that brick wall he puts up around himself.


PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Eyes: Gold

Hair: se ref below cuz thats who its gon b for color only the style is of a messy bun with a few stray tendrils

Face: idk man normal face

Clothes: Scrappy Hillworth uniform thank.

Hey Vamps, here we go!

The Civilian side looks sound to me!

As for Galaxite however, Chaos isn't really going to work. While I see where you're going for the sphere a bit too OP in the current setting as a whole and would need to be changed, but based on your attacks some good alternatives might be Anarchy, Disorder, Helplessnes, or Paralysis.

They might fit the attacks and your goals with those a bit better, although your eternal will need to be altered to fit.

As for your first two attacks, those look fine to me, although you can probably get away with bumping use up to 2-3 times per day, as they are short and based on the nature of what they do, short duration = good. I also don't think the skin to skin requirement for the Basic stage would be a requirement - physical contact seems fine enough without additional stipulations.

once you address the sphere ETC drop me a quote and we'll work on rolling towards stamping, and if you need more sphere ideas, feel free to ask!

I'm going for more the concept of the abyss rather than a physical representation of it. While most media gives the imagery of a pit or a chasm, the actual concept is just one of pure /nothingness/ and the fear of everything while also nothing at all. So what one person has as a representation of an abyss can fluctuate and vary depending on other factors! So while i get the idea of adding the notion of falling or some kind of hole or crack, I feel it doesn't actually represent the sphere very well, and lends more towards an iconic trope than the concept which is meant to vary target to target in that personalized way- the thing that makes it so genuinely terrifying in how it is so sudden or comes in such a way that you don't realize it until it's too late.

So if it's okay I really would like to avoid the imagery or falling sensation sort of things, since the attacks are made to be more flexible and personalized in how they affect the target.

For fall and crash they're vulnerable in the sense they have no idea whats going on around them, but they still have the ability to lash out, cast, etc. From external standpoint there is no visual cue to mark them as being effected, as they physically appear normal. If while hallucinating, they cast their attack- it's still cast. If they swing out they're still swinging out and able to attack. So while indeed, vulnerable, they're also a wild card, because if they do anything, it's hard to predict what they'd do or who they'd hit. A double edge'd sword in that sense.

Collapse it's that full vulnerability, and it's a direct double edge sword for Galaxite as they have to remain fixed and undisturbed while the effects are taking place. So while the target can't cast or lash out, neither can Galaxite.

EZ enof, done and done

Hi, Vamps!

This is a really neat profile; I only have a few questions before I can drop a stamp!

Firstly, for the basic and super attacks it says that the target cannot touch into any of their senses and hallucinations; this could be particularly dangerous if others around them can still attack them but they are trapped for thirty seconds. If the target is attacked while Galaxite's magic is in effect, does it pull them out of the hallucination/deprivation? (If not, do you have something else in mind that would allow them to defend themselves from outside attacks for the thirty seconds they are trapped?)

For the eternal attack, most of this is fine but it might be a bit much to expect that in addition to the mental affects of the attack, characters should also suffer such physical extremes. Cracked bones for first stage characters is incredibly powerful; while players may be allowed to play up to that if they liked, I don't think it should be expected that such a heavy physical toll should be taken on their body. As long as you are all right with that, I think the attack looks fine!

If you have any questions, comments or make any changes, please let me know! Give me a quote and I'll be back as soon as possible!

Hey, Vamps!

What I mean for the basic and super attacks is directly related to the mind no longer detecting its surrounding; if hit, does this mean that the hallucination will reflect being hit so that the target has a chance to defend themselves? My concern is only that they will be trapped in a hallucination and will not be able to react to being attacked around them. For example, if this magic was used on a character, they would have a detachment from this world in place of their hallucination; what if a Negaverse character stabbed them in the stomach during this time? What if an accomplice began beating them mercilessly for the 30 seconds the magic is in effect? I am just trying to understand how external stimulus affects the target while they are undergoing the hallucination; if the hallucination reflects the external stimulus while also still mimicking their worst horrors, that's fine, but if the hallucination is completely different from what is happening around them, how would they know to defend themselves from a brutal onslaught? Sorry for the questions! I am just concerned that if they cannot infer what is going on around them then it means they cannot defend themselves, in which case I don't feel like it is fair to give the enemy thirty seconds to do whatever they want to the target while they are completely detached from the world around them and are undergoing extremely traumatic hallucinations.

For the eternal attack, I am just worried that breaking bones of any first stage character within twenty feet might still be too much. If all characters within a ten foot radius become immobilized for the duration of the attack then it doesn’t seem unreasonable to expect that she would be able to complete the magic. However, provided communication is met with every person who could be within this radius/wants to be involved in the attack, I am fine with it; I think to be more within the realms of fairness considering radius and strength, it might work better if the attack read 'up to' the listed damage, just so players know that they can work with you on the damage. If in an ORP and the player of a basic character is concerned that the magic is too strong (as in, their character will be forced to receive either major damage to their muscles or cracked bones—injuries that will take at least a few weeks to heal in both cases) they may elect to avoid the attack altogether to avoid the lengthy repercussions that would come with being involved in the attack. This is only a concern because this is not just a strong attack that harms immediately it is also an attack that forces characters to take damage they will retain for up to weeks afterwards. By lessening the damage or allowing more of a range in what players can select for their characters, it means that player will be more inclined to have their character take damage rather than avoid the attack all together; if you want the attack to specifically be so damaging to characters then there are players who cannot have their character get hit without affecting their character's playability for a time afterwards. If you are adamant about your attacks remaining as is, that's fine, but please make a note when using the attack that players will have the option of working with you to discuss damage or give them an opportunity to avoid it.

All right! These changes seem fair based on what was discussed over PMs; as long as whenever the eternal attack is used players are specifically informed that if the effects of the magic are too extreme and they are unable to compromise on damage alterations they have the option to avoid the attack, then I am fine with it!