Welcome to Gaia! ::

I've been told I seem like the blogging type.

I don't know what that type is, but apparently it's me. Doesn't everyone blog these days, though? I did keep a journal for a while. Still write in it from time to time. Never really thought about doing anything public like this, but apparently it's the thing to do, so why the hell not?

I can't promise anything of interest (or relevance), and I don't expect much of a following. I'm pretty bad about opening up to strangers, but I've been encouraged to try and be more open with people. We'll see how that goes.

So. Introductions. I'm Paris, 20 years young, 5'4” tall, measurements of 32-24-31, A cup, and I weigh a grand total of 98 pounds. Too much information? Deal with it. You'll probably be getting a lot of that. Some of you might know me as Mrs. Christopher Gallo. Yes, I married that really cute pitcher from Destiny City. And yes, those Gallos. I promise I'm only a little bit of a snob.

Otherwise you might recognize me from the stage. I'm currently an apprentice with the Destiny City Ballet. But next year I imagine I'll be in the corps. I want to make soloist by 2016. Fingers crossed!

There's a chance you might know I'm a transwoman. You didn't? Now you do. I prefer not to discuss it much, but if and when I have something to say on the subject, you'll be the first two know. Well, you'll be the third. The first would be Chris. The second would be my therapist.

What else? I like the color pink. I collect Disney memorabilia, especially figurines and ornaments. I like tacky decorations. I have a minor obsession with shoes. I listen to a lot of music, mostly classical and pop. I don't have any talents outside of dancing. Except Chris taught me to play the guitar and I can sing alright. Once someone told me I sound like Miley. I'm not sure if they meant it as a compliment, but we'll pretend it was. Someone else once told me I sound more like Natalie Maines. I like that idea better.

Prepare yourselves for a lot of pictures of food, my cat, and yours truly.

Shut up, I'm gorgeous.

I wish I could wear a posh fascinator without looking like I'm trying too hard.

P.S. My life's ambition is to out-dress Kate Middleton. A lofty goal, indeed.

P.P.S. Do I at least rank in Destiny City's Best Dressed??

Should I go back to bangs? I keep thinking about going back to bangs. It's been... I don't know, two years? I like bangs. Should I go straight? Side-swept? I usually do side-swept but a while ago I did straight and I looked super cute if I do say so myself.

Stay tuned.

In case anyone was dying to know, I've decided to hold off on the bangs for a while.

I bought a 12 oz bag of Peanut M&Ms to make Peanut M&M brownies but ate the whole bag before I even got around to it.

No regrets.

I'm told I never seemed like the type of person who liked Christmas.

This probably has a lot to do with how much I complain that Christmas takes over everything before we even get the chance to have a decent Halloween. And also probably the fact that I'm not really that religious to begin with. I mean, I go to Mass, but I'm not Catholic because I don't believe in the things that Catholics believe. But I like the structure and the routine, and I like that I have some downtime to work on clearing my head while I'm there. Plus, Jesus seems like he was a pretty cool guy and the Virgin Mary gets some serious props so... you know, girl power!

If I had to describe my beliefs I really wouldn't know how to do it. Do I believe in God? I'm not really sure. I think there's a big cosmic power out there, sure, but I don't think it has much of an effect on our lives besides the fact that it oversees our souls. Praying to it doesn't make a difference, and it doesn't matter if someone believes in it or not. It's there and it's always going to be there, and there isn't a damned thing we can do about it.

I used to call myself spiritual, and I guess in a way I still am. Or maybe “soulful” is the better word. I appreciate those little moments that brighten the soul, like snuggling during a rainstorm or listening to a baby laugh, making someone smile through their sadness or witnessing the positive results of an act of kindness.

Anyway, I like Christmas not because it means presents, but because the true meaning of it is soulful. I like the Christmas season even more now that Chris and I have a special day three days before the holiday. I like the music, and the decorations, and spending time with my friends and family.

I can remember my dad singing me Christmas carols in French. He didn't believe in God. I don't even think he believed in a soul much. But he must have found something to like about the holiday, even if it was just the music. I think it reminded him of home, which he didn't ever talk to me about, but which I knew he missed. Mom pretends she doesn't like Christmas, but I remember how we used to decorate the house every year, and how we'd make ginger bread cookies and write a letter to Santa Claus.

A few years ago, if anyone had asked, I would have said I hated Christmas. And maybe that's why people think I do now. Something bad happened to me on Christmas Eve one year that I later thought was going to change my life for the worst.

It didn't. I wouldn't say it changed it for the better, but as long as I can find something worthwhile in it, I can face it and make the most of it. I can make it my own.

I think I managed to convince Chris to head to the party being held at the Umbre Hotel tonight. I mean, it's for charity, right? He's a sucker for charities.

I may or may not have already gotten us a room. It may or may not be the honeymoon suite. It could be that I have ulterior motives, but Chris doesn't need to know that yet. Let's let him wait in anticipation. He always gets so frisky when I make him wait. It's adorable.

He probably wouldn't like that I said that where anyone could read it, but what he doesn't know won't hurt him~

I look gorgeous if I do say so myself. This dress was a wonderful choice.

I probably could have gone with something shorter, but if I'm going to spend the night at a black tie event, I'm going to break out an evening gown. My goal is to have Chris wanting to go up to that hotel room early. Maybe I really should have gone with something a little more showy in that case, but less is more, as they say.

Happy New Year! I love everyone the world is an amazing place hearts and hugs and sparkles for all!!!!!!

I MIGHT BE A LITTLE TIPSY RIGHT NOW WOOPS CHRIS IS TRYING TO TAKE MY PHONE AWAY FROM ME I THINK HE'S WORRIED I'M GOING TO POST A PICTURE OF HIM GOD I WISH I COULD HE IS SO HANDSOME

STAY SAFEE EVERYONE!

Oh you know what it's not even midnight yet whatever I've been drinking so meh. I'm at that charity party thing I mentioned at the Umbre Hotel and the alcohol is free. FREE. WHO SERIOUSLY PROVIDES FREE ALCOHOL I MEAN REALLY.

I'm so tired. I keep trying to get Chris to call it an early night and head up to our room or something since we are conveniently at the hotel for the evening, but he's being stubborn about wanting to wait until midnight. I think he's just tired and cranky. He gets a little moody when he doesn't get enough sleep.

He says he'll make it worth my while later though, so <333333333333333333

I don't know what's going on, but I'm sooooooooooooo exhausted.

Maybe it's the heat???? I think I heard someone say other people were passing out from the heat, but it doesn't really feel all that hot to me. I mean, no more than you'd usually feel at a club, and I'm always plenty hydrated. One would think with so many people being affected they'd take a look at their air conditioning. Or, I don't know, maybe cut the party short??

As soon as I feel able to, I'm going to make sure Chris and I call it a night and head up to bed.

Stay tuned. ;D

Speaking of New Year's Resolutions and baby stuff, some of you may be wondering how that's going. Prepare yourselves for some information I only halfway understand. (Chris would accuse me of not paying attention, but really the tiny details don't matter to me as much as the end results. Is that bad??? It's probably bad.)

So... sperm met egg about a week ago. When day five of embryo growth rolled around, we did this testing thing to determine whether they were normal or not. I'm pretty lost on what all the different abnormal stuff means, but I know the abnormal ones would have been at a higher risk for miscarriage or birth defects and such, and none of us really want to risk something like that. Traumatic for us, traumatic for Olivia. I'm trying to lessen some of the trauma in our lives these days.

We did the test and the results came back and there were three highly graded normal embryos. Excellent, you might think. But then came the hard part—the decision making. Do we transfer a single embryo and take our chances? Do we transfer all of them? Do we really want to run the chance of having triplets? Olivia insists she's okay with whatever the outcome may be, but that just seems like a lot to put on a person when they're already doing you a solid by having your kid.

In the end we picked two. And I felt a little shitty about it because it's like, sorry potential baby #3, you're the odd one out.

So yeah. Stuff is moving along at a nice brisk pace. Stay tuned for more soon!

Suddenly I'm so nervous, I think I'm going to puke. Chris thinks I'm having second thoughts, but that's not it. It's just... today is a big day, and I really want it to go well but I don't have any control over that, and I hate it because if I don't have control then a bajillion things could go wrong.

s**t. God damn. ********. Sweet Jesus.

Sorry, I just really needed to get that out of my system.

Finally, an explanation for my vague posts this morning.

Today was... dun dun duuuuuuuun. Transfer day!

So we are officially on our way to baby. Not that we weren't before, but there isn't really any going back now. Scary, right??? I think Chris is still nervous (and maybe I'm a little bit nervous, too), but he's been pretty into it the last couple of weeks. Says he doesn't want to miss out on the opportunity.

Isn't he sweet??? I love him so much.

Not that I don't feel the same way about the whole lost opportunity thing, which is how we found ourselves here in the first place.

Now we wait. Olivia says she's going to take an at-home baby making test in about a week just to see, but the official testing won't happen until the 13th of February. Kind of late in the game, since it's usually done about 10-12 days after, but that's the only time they could squeeze us in unless someone else cancels. Chris and I might have a lot to celebrate this Valentine's Day!

Continuing from my previous post...

God, there's so much crap involved just to feed it. Feeding pillow (something tells me this isn't really necessary but merely a product of our “I am entitled to comfort” culture), boob feeding things, boob pump plus accessories, burping cloths (the app says six to twelve but I kinda feel like it should be a billion), bottles (another billion), bottle brushes, formula, bottle drying rack (because, what, a regular drying rack isn't good enough??????), dishwasher basket for bottle parts, and a bottle warmer.

Do babies really need all of this stuff????????????

I guess we'll find out.

The diaper decision turned out to be easy. We're going with cloth diapers. Chris's reason was, naturally, his concern for the environment. My reason was, “********, look at all the cute cloth diaper options oh my god I can get floral and polka dot and striped and chevron and argyle, ******** argyle, and little frogs and chicks and owls and ladybugs and monkeys and whales and s**t look at the cute little sailboats it's like they know I want to do a boat themed nursery, ******** I am going to be cleaning up so much s**t but I don't even care.”

One day you're all going to get annoyed by baby talk if you're not annoyed by it already.

Ask me if I care.

Go on, ask me.

DON'T TELL CHRIS BUT OLIVIA TOOK AN AT HOME PREGNANCY TEST DURING A BREAK IN CLASS TODAY

(We were like school girls giggling in the bathroom, it would have been embarrassing if we weren't so ******** cute. Then I cried. Shhhhhhh, don't tell anyone.)

BUT ANYWAY s**t SON s**t JUST GOT REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I should tell Chris.

I don't know how he can look at my face and not know. s**t, I'm going to give myself away before I'm ready to say anything.

I just want to wait for the official word from the doctor, you know? 'Cause there is such a thing as a false positive, and I really don't want to be getting our hopes up for nothing (not that my hopes aren't already up). Damn it all, Friday cannot come fast enough.

BUT THEN THE NEXT QUESTION IS: do I tell Chris what the results are on Friday or do I wait until the next day to make it a Valentine's Day surprise (provided it is not a false positive)? I mean, he knows the testing is Friday so there's always the chance that he'll remember and ask about it, but Chris is also not the best with dates so he could have just as easily forgotten. He doesn't even realize Saturday is Valentine's Day.

He's so lucky he has me around to plan these sorts of things.

Either way, I should buy some champagne for the potential impending celebrations.

And if there are no celebrations... well, then we can drown our sorrows.

Obviously I'm trying to distract myself from the things I really want to talk about.

Ugh, tomorrow is Friday and it cannot come fast enough.

If they ever invented a time machine, I would travel to the future before I went to the past.

I mentioned it a couple of posts ago, but the nose ring and the tongue ring just don't really feel like me anymore.

I kind of wonder if they were ever really an accurate representation of who I am in the first place. But then, thinking that, I get to thinking about how I am compared to who I want to be. I also start wondering if that's something we have any control over. Can we really turn ourselves into the type of person we want to be, or will there always be something inherently us that we don't have any control over?

Deep thoughts. Deep thoughts.

The most important thing to me over the last few years has been finding happiness. For a while I wasn't even really sure what happiness looks or feels like. I still kind of wonder from time to time. You know, like, “Am I really happy or am I just deluding myself?”

I don't think I'm deluding myself, but what if that's all part of the delusion?

When I think about the kind of person I want to be, I think of a lot of bright colors and tacky knick-knacks. Bright colors just scream happiness to me. They're inviting. They make a person seem open. I like pink because it's bright and happy. Like turquoise and sky blue and lavender. And yellow. I like yellow, even if I don't think it looks good on me.

Anyone who knows me even a little bit knows I like tacky decorations. I like collecting little figurines to scatter around the house, too.

From the outside, you'd think our house would look pretentious on the inside. There are definitely a lot of extravagant features, but there's also a lot of color, and little touches to make it feel more like a home instead of a show piece. We could have just as easily left things white and beige and totally monochrome and colorless, but that's not really the type of person I am. Stuff like that just seems cold and boring to me. I'd much rather have something with a lot of character.

And thus Friday dawns.

You know, I didn't realize it was Friday the thirteenth until I woke up this morning.

Like, ******** we have picked a worse day to get potentially bad news?

Chris and I are going to dinner tonight. We're not going to read the test results until we're there.

Test results in.

I keep looking at Olivia's face trying to see if she looks happy or bummed, but she's being frustratingly blank.

I could use a drink right about now.

Brb, heading to dinner. Results will be posted whenever Chris and I are brave enough to open them.

AND THEN THERE WERE THREE

BABY GALLO WILL ARRIVE IN OCTOBER 2015!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

brb sobbing

Saw Chris off at the airport today. I think I'm going to spend the rest of the day in bed crying and drowning my sorrows in another 12 oz bag of Peanut M&Ms.

Being a baseball wife is hard.

Ugh, spring training, why must you keep my Pooh Bear from me???

I need to stop thinking about how lonely I am without Chris all the time or I'm going to spend the next two months accomplishing absolutely nothing.

So I've been checking out new cars at Chris's insistence. He says I can get whatever I want so long as it can fit him, a baby, all the necessary baby junk, and Anna (who for those of you who don't know is the dog).

I purposefully started looking at super expensive s**t just to see how far I could go before he put his foot down. The only thing he's put his foot down on so far is my bug.

Sad face.

Right now I'm considering a Lexus because I enjoy the pretentious beeping it makes when you lock and unlock it.

Sometimes I like pretending to be a pretentious snob, okay?

The first person who questions whether or not I'm really pretending is going to get a nice swift kick in the shins, just like my daddy taught me to do when dealing with assholes.

I miss Chris so much I don't know what to do with myself most days.

Enough moping around.

Today Olivia and I went to our first prenatal visit of many to come. It wasn't very eventful. Nothing really very fun. Just a physical, and a lot of talking about medical history, birth defect history, and prenatal genetic testing. We also both got flu shots, Olivia because the doctor suggested it and me because I figured it would show solidarity and moral support and things like that. Plus, I've missed enough dance this year without suddenly coming down with the flu.

But! We now have a due date!

Baby Gallo will be here around October 18th!!!!!!

One of my phone apps informs me that Baby is about the size of a blueberry, but blueberries come in a lot of different sizes. I assume they mean a small or average blueberry considering how early on it is.

My little Blueberry. ;;

Our next doctor's visit won't be until after Spring Break, but by then we'll be able to hear Blueberry's heartbeat!!!!!!!

Tomorrow begins week 8! Only 32 more weeks to goooooo!!!

I've decided that I'm going to Florida for Spring Break. I miss Chris so much I just can't even. It wasn't this bad last year, but with everything going on now I just hate being away from him for so long. There's only so much loneliness frequent facetiming can resolve.

So I'm heading out next Friday and spending the week down there. I told Mom I was going to bring Lilah with me so I could take her to Disney World while we're there (one, because I think she'll have a lot of fun, and two, because I want an excuse not to go alone while Chris is playing ball). Mom laughed in my face.

I'm pretty sure she still doesn't think I can handle Blueberry.