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 Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2014 8:03 pm
Heidi refused to let the walk with Tuck to thei--..his room be awkward. They could walk in companionable silence. It was okay. It was totally fine. She stopped at the door, glancing up and Tuck and then just letting herself in. Deep down she almost didn't trust that he wouldn't try to shut her out if he entered the room before she did. It was an awful, terrible thought...but she was perfectly justified in having it.
Heidi took off her coat, looking around the room to see if it'd changed since she'd been thrown out.
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Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2014 8:11 pm
The room was dark and kind of dirty - clothes on the floor - and almost a little musty, even. He hadn't been spending much time in the room at all. He would stop in long enough to change clothes after a shower and a shave, and then leave. The bed hadn't been slept in.
Tuck stepped in behind Heidi and closed the door behind them. He found it more than a little curious that she'd want to come to this room, but maybe it was because she didn't want him invading her space. It didn't really matter either way.
He slipped his jacket off, tossing both it and his scarf across the small chair that sat in front of his desk. Next came his boots, shirt and pants. Tuck didn't really give Heidi a second look as he dug a pair of sweatpants out of the dresser and stepped into them.
"What side of the bed you want? Like normal?"
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Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2014 8:22 pm
This wasn't good. Heidi resisted the urge to frown and instead decided that next time he was out she was putting the key she kept to good use; his room needed to be cleaned.
She didn't think anything of him undressing, it was normal for her. Though she did glance his way. And her gaze did linger. But by the time he looked at her again she was looking away and taking off her sneakers. It was then that she hesitated. Could she get comfortable? Should she keep her jeans on? Ugh, but jeans were so uncomfortable to sleep in she hated sleeping in them. "Normal's fine, I don't see why not!" Screw it, she'd sleep in the jeans.
Heidi walked over to the bed, flopping down on it like she owned the damn thing and pulling the blanket out from under her. "Should I set an alarm?" She asked, digging her phone out of her back pocket.
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Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2014 8:39 pm
"No. If I get to sleep, just lemme sleep, I guess. 'Less you got s**t you gotta do, an' then just set an alarm."
Tuck eyed her.
"You gonna sleep in pants?" His voice was filled with disbelief. She hated sleeping in jeans. "I got some shorts you can borrow, or sweats, or you can just wear one of my shirts an' we can keep the blankets between us."
No kissing. No touching. Nothing like that. His self-imposed abstinence would not last if he pressed for any of that s**t. All he really wanted to do was sleep. Preferably forever.
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Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2014 8:48 pm
"Okie dokie~!" And then the phone was tossed away. No. Literally. She tossed it away. No alarms necessary.
His question came as a surprise. She looked down at herself. Well.. "Yeah, sure. Shorts, please~." Heidi smiled and sat up on the bed, tossing her legs over the edge so her feet could be on the floor again. "So when was the last time you slept?" She asked while waiting for clothes to be tossed at her, already working on getting off what she could without looking like she was trying to bother him. Heidi reached back and under her shirt, unhooking her bra and slipping it off without taking her t-shirt off. Then she stood to return to where she'd left her coat and hide the bra in it. Out of sight out of mind. She'd just wait for the shorts before she did anything else.
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Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2014 8:56 pm
Tuck turned back around to rummage through the drawer again, looking for a pair of shorts for her to wear. "Three days? I don't know. I lost track after forty-eight hours." His eyes felt gritty and he was really ******** looking forward to catching even a thirty minute nap. He nabbed a pair of black basketball shorts and dropped them on the bed next to Heidi before crawling into bed. In order to give her some privacy he closed his eyes and then covered his face with a pillow. "Might'a been longer."
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Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2014 9:01 pm
Heidi frowned. That long? That really wasn't healthy. She hoped he got some sleep with her here. She probably wouldn't let herself sleep until he did. She grabbed the shorts, being quick about replacing her pants with them and then crawling into bed beside Tuck. She laid beside him, tugging at the pillow to let him know it was safe again. Otherwise she was careful not to touch him. Sure, Heidi wanted to cuddle with him but somehow she doubted he'd..allow himself to do that. "A nap will help." Heidi laid on her side, head propped up with her hand and her free hand pulling the blanket up to cover herself. "And, if you have nightmares, I'll be here. I'll do whatever it takes to help you sleep, 'kay? I can sing, we can cuddle, we can just talk and talk and talk until you pass out. Anything."
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Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2014 9:10 pm
Tuck put the pillow back under his head and rolled onto his side. A long, long time passed and he was quiet, his eyes closed. He wasn't sleeping, his thoughts too busy -- and he was tired enough that he really wasn't thinking about what he was saying. "Sometimes I dunno what ******** I'm doin' anymore, Heidi."
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Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2014 9:16 pm
When he closed his eyes Heidi settled to just watch him, refusing to let herself sleep until she knew he was asleep. She waited, watched, and listened. And then he spoke.
She frowned again, reaching out to rest her hand on his neck. Her thumb stroked against the underside of his jaw and against his chin, trying to calm and sooth him if he'd let her. "A lot of people don't know what they're doing. Heck, I don't. And..that's okay...even if sometimes it is a little bit scary." She forced a smile. "That's when you remember you have people who care about you, who will be there for you when you're scared and confused. Not because they feel obligated to but because they care about you and want to see you happy and safe." She kept her voice soft but encouraging, almost worried that if she spoke too loudly he would wake up from whatever sleep-deprived, dead tired state he was in and stop talking to her.
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Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2014 9:20 pm
He was silent, again, for a long time. Tuck's breathing evened out, and when he spoke his voice was a little slurred from exhaustion.
"Feel like I can't have nothin' nice. Don't deserve it." His eyes didn't open, but he kept talking. "Pushin' everyone away 'cause what if I lose 'em. I didn't never mean to hurt you but I did it anyway."
Her fingers felt so nice against his jaw and chin.
"Been havin' these nightmares where my boys are alive an' they're talkin' to me but they all hate me for what I done. An' then I wake up hatin' myself even more."
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Posted: Sun Oct 12, 2014 9:31 pm
"You can have nice things. You can have lots of nice things," she assured him quietly. Her speech was fine, not even the slightest bit tired, so it actually pleased her to hear the slur in his. It meant they were getting somewhere. "I know, Tuck. I know." Her hand shifted to hold the back of his neck, massaging it with her fingers instead of just stroking his face. Anything to ease him to sleep. "Letting us be here to support you will help you figure yourself out, though. You can't sort yourself out if you just think nothing but the negatives. You'll never get anywhere. Y'need to like..remember all the really awesome things there are about you. We'd be happy to remind you, too." She smiled. "I'm still here even after all that. There's gotta be something you did good, yeah? Obviously I see something in you~. I don't think I'm just some crazy obsessed white girl stalker chick."When he spoke of his nightmares her smile fell. The same ones as before, but worse just like he said. Oh, Tuck. She wanted to hug and hold him, to wrap herself around him and protect him from his own nightmares, but she refrained. "I doubt they hate you. I'm sure if they could have they would have run with you. People get scared, it's perfectly natural..if you could have, would you have gone back for them?"
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Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2014 5:50 am
"No man leff behind," Tuck murmured softly. He'd broken that code when he'd left the others to die. No man left behind. He'd taken an oath, and he'd broken it. And even though Heidi's words were sweet and his fatigue-soaked brain knew she was being reasonable, and he knew she was right... it didn't stop him from feeling guilt. He had so much guilt. Heidi's fingers felt so nice against his neck. Her voice was soft and sweet and familiar and safe. "Why you so good to me, Heids, never gonna understand why you so good to me."
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Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2014 9:10 am
"Because I care about you," Heidi answered easily. She smiled. "And I know you're not in a good place right now, so you need all the positive encouragement you can get, and I'm happy to offer it. Because I know that you are awesome, you're a warm, friendly, loving man, who protects everyone and would do anything just to make me smile, or to make Stormy happy." The temptation to get close and cuddle up to him grew stronger and stronger. Heidi wanted to be in his arms but..last time she did that he had wanted to have sex, and as wonderful as that would have been it wouldn't have been fair to either of them. But she missed him so much. "I know you're trying to sort yourself out, but don't forget to be happy, okay? There's a ton of good about you, don't forget about it."
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Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2014 5:41 pm
Tuck grunted and threw caution to the wind as he drew Heidi in close to him. It felt good and it felt right and she smelled as good as he remembered. He let out a tired sigh as he situated her against him, pressed to his side with her head on his shoulder. She said there was good in him, but he didn't think there was. He used to, but not anymore. It was something he'd have to work through, and Tuck knew it, but the worst part was that he didn't want to bring anyone down with him -- which was exactly why he kept pushing everyone away. "I love you," he exhaled tiredly, eyes closed.
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Posted: Mon Oct 13, 2014 5:45 pm
He pulled her in with a soft gasp of surprise, one hand trapped between them and pressed against his chest and the other still holding the back of his neck. She blushed. She could feel his heartbeat under her hand, the firmness of his muscular chest, the warmth of being in his arms. Her heart skipped a beat or two. She'd missed this. Heidi tucked her head under his chin, restraining herself from completely wrapping herself around him like she used to.
"I love you," she whispered to him. She did. She loved him so much, why couldn't he see there were people who loved him and wanted to be there for him? Heidi frowned, nuzzling her face against Tuck's throat. She wouldn't fall asleep. She wouldn't fall asleep...
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