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 Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 11:36 am
She remembers the time Nevada fell into a coma. Hours in the infirmary talking to her in whispers as if it was a sleepover (boys, her day, that mission, her boys, whatever came to mind), touching her hand, holding it, smiling (crying), DVDs and the converted Blu Ray player Nevada had presented her not long before the incident, and questions, always questions, because that meant she would have to wake up and answer them. What are you thinking right now? What did you dream of last night? Should I grow my hair out like you? Are you still angry at yourself? When you wake up can we take a nap together? Every day, at least a few hours each time.
It is the same and yet different with Tuck.
She is afraid and guilty with every movement. Next to her, Evan is a solemn statue, and she is scared of so much as breathing too loudly in his presence. Their vigil is her last chance to prove what they both mean to her, and she cannot afford to mess this up.
But the silence kills her. The seriousness of what she has done weighs too heavily on her as it is, but without the comfort of human voices it hangs over her as heavily as Nevada's arms. Tuck isn't in a coma, but that doesn't impede her need to reach out and remind him that beyond the barrier of machine and glass are people waiting for him to come back. So sometimes, Stormy pipes up a small conversation for both him and Evan and Heidi whenever she is there, and it doesn't matter to her if they answer or not just as long as they listen.
Maybe he can't hear her, but the point is maybe he can.
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Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 12:22 pm
She cracks stupid jokes. One day a mom took her son to church. Halfway through the service, the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee." The mother told him, "'Pee' isn't an appropriate word in church. Instead of saying that, just tell me you have to 'whisper'." On the following Sunday, the dad takes his son to church, and during the service said, "Daddy, I have to whisper." And the dad leaned in and said, "Okay, just whisper in my ear."
(She remembers how sad she was the first time Tuck left. She did not text in case it came across as too clingy, or in case it distracted him from his work, because he is the strong army man and she is the little sister that stumbles and never has anything to talk about except her new problem of the week, things he didn't need to worry over when he had his own issues to think about.)
What did 0 say to the number 8? Nice belt. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work. Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people... and then it exploded.
(Then she remembers how angry she was the second time he left. She did not text just to spite him. And then, later, she did not text because she was afraid the only reply she would get was this number is no longer in service. Just like Nevada.)
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Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 1:58 am
The Sahara had been grueling, but a hard floor is still a hard floor. A sleeping bag does little to prevent the aches on the unlucky side she decides to sleep on for four or five hours, the dull pain in her spine when she tries to compensate and attempts to sleep on her back, the pangs in her neck becoming part of the morning routine.
She doesn't complain, but she actively combats it. When the sleeping bag isn't enough, she adds blankets. When they aren't enough, she throws the pillows on and curls atop them and keeps her mouth shut about it all.
Evan can sit for hours and watch without protest, and she deeply admires his commitment. But she does not believe in needlessly suffering for someone anymore. If bedsores and stiff joints are what would earn her keep with them, then there is a bigger problem to think about than simply Tuck's podding.
She is selective in her moments of sacrifice now: she will gladly die for her family, but she will do it without a crick in her neck.
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Posted: Sun Sep 28, 2014 3:29 pm
She tells them she loves Gale. Evan can protest all he wants, but she does, she loves him just as much as she loves them, and if they don't get along then they don't get along but it wouldn't ever change that fact. They can hate her or they can hate him or both but she would love them all regardless.
She tells them about the Ortegas. She tells them about María Lucía, her older sister by two years, who skipped over a grade because she is so smart and is probably probably going to be the doctor who cures things like cancer and the common cold and then probably world hunger too just to prove she could; Mateo, a year younger than her, bright-eyed and excited and a little too gullible for his own good, who wants to travel around the world as either a world famous fútbol player or football player, either or; Papi, whose acceptance into the medical school at Northwestern University in Chicago allowed them to all be born as natural citizens, who was often out and working hard but who always tried to find time for them; and Mami, who she only calls The Last Rose of Summer because she is still hard to talk about even after all this time.
She tells them her real name--Ursulina María José Cortez-Sevilla de la Vega Reyes Rendón Ortega--and dares to laugh because it's ridiculous that her family kept up old naming conventions. She tells them she used to go by just Lina to save everyone the trouble, but that she left even that behind when she joined Deus in hopes of starting anew. Tabula rasa. She tells them that she still doesn't really know why she chose Stormy other than because it sounded cool like a superhero's, and that maybe one day she'd grow into it: transform from a little girl into a force of nature no bad guy could hope to stop. She admits that she hasn't yet. She is the adjective, not the noun, a description of what could be. But maybe that's enough for them.
She tells them they are her family now. She reminds them: I love you. Whether they are awake or away, she says it and texts it: I love you. And only when they are all asleep: Please don't leave me.
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