[Open Class] Disguise Surprise (Barth + Zar)

[Toshihiko Two]

Whether you have expressed interest in attempting this class yourself or Batty has singled you out for whatever reason, one day a map and an electronic card key will be shoved until the door of your dorm. If you choose to follow the map, you find yourself standing in front of a featureless metal door sunk into the side of a short, rocky hill. There is a slot to the door's right which seems to be the perfect place to swipe your mysterious card. When you do, the door slides open, revealing a long staircase heading further into the hill, and a cool rush of air washes over you.

it's game time

Mechanics:

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STEP ONE: CHOOSE A COSTUME
Your first stop is Batty's Costume Warehouse. If you want to blend into human society effectively, you have to dress convincingly. Wigs, noses, face paint, uniforms, socks, underwear, earrings, toe rings, tongue rings - Batty's got 'em all.

As you enter the costume warehouse you might feel slightly uneasy, whether because it's your first time visiting the giant underground structure and you don't know what to expect, or because it's your thousandth time in here and you do. You choose a direction and start on the path to your disguise destiny.

Roll 1d100 and match your result to the guide below to see if you have successfully chosen a costume. The results of your roll may change periodically, so please check to make sure there are no differences if you haven't attempted this class in a while!

1-10: You search the warehouse for a while, finding no costumes that interest you. But suddenly... LAB COATS. EVERYWHERE. You pick one out and put it on, mostly because they are the only articles of clothing for what seems like miles. And what's that in the pocket of your new coat? A rubber scalpel and some nitrous oxide! Now we're talking! You are a (bad) plastic surgeon. PLEASE PROCEED TO STEP TWO.

11-15: You have chosen the perfect costume. It fits. You look good. Too bad about that security tag. As you reach the warehouse exit, a row of deadly lasers spark to life and burn your new clothing from your body. YOU FAIL

16-20: Left, left, left, right, left. No, you haven't found an army uniform, but you are hopelessly lost in the warehouse. Maybe if you cry, scream, or rage long enough, some of Batty's bats will come rescue you. YOU FAIL

21-30: You find a sweatervest, a pair of glasses, and a clipboard under
a pile of life-size human dolls. You are a psychiatrist! PLEASE PROCEED TO STEP TWO.

31-40: This wing of the warehouse smells faintly of hot dogs and chlorine. And look! There, on the only hanger in sight, is a tank top, short-shorts, a whistle, and a giant tube of Zinka! You're a camp counselor! PLEASE PROCEED TO STEP TWO.

41-45: The costume you chose is far too large. As you try to exit the warehouse, some of the fabric gets caught on something and begins to unravel. Your costume is ruined! Sorry about that! YOU FAIL

46-50: You have stumbled upon the rockstar section of the warehouse. The outfit you change into here not only leaves you barely dressed, but the little you are wearing is bedazzled beyond belief. PROCEED TO STEP TWO. Your costume is so awesome that you automatically pass Step Three if you make it there.

51-55: The only outfit you can find is made entirely of fruit. As you stroll toward the exit, a handful of hungry bats steal your costume piece by juicy piece. YOU FAIL

56-60: You are an archaeologist! You've got a magnifying glass, a whole bunch of those little brushes, and more khaki clothing than you know what to do with. But you want to be even more convincing. You need treasure. There's a shiny medallion sitting on a pedestal nearby, but when you pick it up, there's a rumbling and suddenly a giant stone ball is rolling toward you! Run! Get crushed! Any way you slice it, YOU FAIL

61-70: A poofy hat, an apron, a big twirly mustache... You are a sous chef! PLEASE PROCEED TO STEP TWO.
71-80: After walking for quite a while, you come to a dead end. But this is no ordinary dead end. The ground here is blanketed with a neatly trimmed carpet of grass and there are golf balls and clubs strewn around the area. There are also several fanboy/girl dolls here, as well as a polo shirt and a pair of plaid pants. You are a golf pro. PLEASE PROCEED TO STEP TWO.

81-85: You wander through an area of total darkness. Even if you can see in the dark, you find your vision impaired by some strange force. You feel many tiny pairs of hands strapping you into an outlandish outfit. When you can finally see again, you find that you have been dressed like Lady Gaga. There will be no blending for you. YOU FAIL

86-95: Your costume marks you as one who hails from a long line of asbestos abatement experts. Congratulations, you are a hazmat worker. PLEASE PROCEED TO STEP TWO.

96-100: You wander through the warehouse for a while, finding no outfit that really speaks to you. Eventually, however, you feel a wave of knowledge wash over you and you know that for the duration of this challenge, your connection with the animal world will help you along your journey. You are a zookeeper, and this costume grants you the ability to pass Step Two no matter what you roll. PLEASE PROCEED TO STEP TWO.

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STEP TWO: CHOOSE A PET
Humans love animals. There's no easier way to blend into the human world than to take your pet sloth out for a jog after work.

Once you have changed into your new outfit and nothing seems to have gone wrong, you are free to continue into the "kennel" where toy versions of some of the human race's favorite pets are available for your use.

Roll 1d10 to choose a pet. These results may change periodically as well.

1: You picked a dog. Some form of collie, it seems. PLEASE PROCEED TO STEP THREE.

2: You have chosen a manx cat. PLEASE PROCEED TO STEP THREE.

3: Your elephant doll is too heavy to carry. Too bad, so sad. YOU FAIL

4: A flamingo! How nice. PLEASE PROCEED TO STEP THREE.

5: You have chosen a charming, slimy slug. It brings out your eyes! PLEASE PROCEED TO STEP THREE.

6: What's that? A unicorn? You're so lucky to have found one! Not only may you proceed to Step Three, you may also have another life.

7: You pick up an alligator plush and it explodes in your arms. YOU FAIL

8: A beaver! How woodsy! PLEASE PROCEED TO STEP THREE.

9: You probably have no idea what possessed you to pick up the Human Toddler Doll(tm), but now it won't stop crying and asking questions. You'll never hide in plain sight now! YOU FAIL

10: A quagga? Seriously? Those are extinct, fool! YOU FAIL

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STEP THREE: CHOOSE YOUR NEIGHBORS
You're finally ready to try your hand at blending. You won't be meeting any real humans in this next phase, but these human simulators (robots) are close enough.

Upon exiting the kennel, you are faced with a long hallway. At the end of this hall is a four-way crossroads, the door at the end of each path marked with a different direction. Roll 1d4 in your next post to see which door you choose.

1 (North Door): Everyone on the other side of the North Door loves hats. Sure, you might stand out a bit at first if you don't have one, but either way they'll find you a fine chapeau soon enough, no questions asked. PLEASE PROCEED TO STEP FOUR.

2 (South Door): All of the people behind the South Door are psychiatrists. If you're not a psychiatrist, they will sniff you out and YOU FAIL. If you are a psychiatrist, you may proceed to step four.

3 (East Door): These "people" don't speak any language you've ever heard of. They're scaly and they walk on four legs and they might remind you a little of home, depending on who you are. You've invaded a den of robotic komodo dragons. Luckily for you, they don't seem to care what you're wearing or what toy you're carrying. PLEASE PROCEED TO STEP FOUR.

4 (West Door): A sharp-eyed kid sees you as soon as you pass through the West Door and promptly tells the authorities. You catch a glimpse of the community you might have successfully infiltrated, but that is all you see before you are ejected. YOU FAIL

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STEP FOUR: ASSIMILATE OR DIE
You have dressed like them, adopted their domesticated wildlife, and been accepted into their midst... for now. Will you pass The Final Test? Roll 1d20 to find out.

1-13: You're pretty good at this human thing, but something's still not quite right. While hanging out with these faux fearbags, you make some form of unforgivable error which alerts them to your presence. YOU FAIL, unless you still have one of your lives, in which case, lucky you.

14-20: Your human act is flawless! Congratulations, you've passed!

Bonus Mechanics:

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Doppelgangers get an extra two chances to pass Step Four if they make it that far.
Y2 students get two lives.
Y3 students get three.

If you fail a step and still have an extra life, you must use it to retry that step, not bypass it.

You complete the class when:

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You pass Step Four! Yay.

 

[Baneful]

Zar looked over the truly numerous outfits with a keen discerning eye. The aim was to fit in amongst humans and to most certainly not eat or seduce any of them. That was important. He wasn't sure which of the outfits would be the safest to keep himself truly incognito.

Eventually he came across the perfect suit, one that would conceal his rampant attractiveness as a predator and also mean that he was safe from accidentally touching anyone.

His breathing audible and peering out smugly from behind glass, he was suited up.

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86-95: Your costume marks you as one who hails from a long line of asbestos abatement experts. Congratulations, you are a hazmat worker. PLEASE PROCEED TO STEP TWO.

 

[Toshihiko Two]

Once they had started the long and arduous path of prereqs, it seemed like they had actually drawn the staff's attention, and Barth was beginning to regret the puzzles and summons they had received on a daily business.

At this point, with graduation looming, it felt a bit like junk mail.

Still, they had paid for an education. And occasionally they learned...something sort of useful.

Barth looked grimly at the door.

He had not personally carried the map or the key card (a bit heavy). And the door was even heavier- but at last they descended into some sort of...warehouse?

"Er, are we supposed to put these on?" Barth asked. Barth's frame, which had always been slight, was also definitely not suited for the section he was in....which appeared to cater to enormous, barrel-chested monsters. "They've only got a single number," he marveled. "How can clothing only have one number? What in hell does it mean?"

He had also apparently never worn something that wasn't specifically tailored to and for him.  

[Toshihiko Two]

He looked at Zar's...decidedly enormous choice, and supposed...yes. This is what- they were supposed to do.

"A little help, please," he asked, because otherwise they were going to be at this all day.

"I hope this isn't going to be another one of those walking ventures. If I'd designed this fabric rack I would have had moving walkways installed.

After some finagling, the pants stayed on, although the hawaiin shirt sleeves dangled nearly over the end of his wrists, and the sandals clomped with strange sucking nosies at the floor. Barth could barely walk in them. He needed structure to keep himself upright at all.

"This," he said miserably, "is quite awful." Fortunately, the room agreed, and destroyed his clothing immediately. Left in underwear, Barth turned several shades of several colors, then crawled sort of pitifully back towards the fabric...only to end up completely disoriented.  

[Toshihiko Two]

"What are we even supposed to be doing," Barth complained glumly.

"You pick out something."

Zar did.

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46-50: You have stumbled upon the rockstar section of the warehouse. The outfit you change into here not only leaves you barely dressed, but the little you are wearing is bedazzled beyond belief. PROCEED TO STEP TWO. Your costume is so awesome that you automatically pass Step Three if you make it there.

 

[Baneful]

Zar found it fairly amusing that Barth did not really comprehend the concept of shopping for clothing and said so with just a bit of playful derision. It was also entertaining to see what he actually estimated as his potential size. Despite having a bit of hilarity at the other demon's expense, he still helped him willingly with donning the clothes he wanted to wear, he wasn't averse to a bit of butlering. The first choice however was a bit unfortunate to say the least.

When he was consulted on what clothes would blend in, something in the demon's eyes seemed to light up eagerly.

"I have just the idea." he said.

His idea looked exactly as satisfying as he'd hoped it would. It was positively demonic, but in the way that humans would no doubt pass off as acceptable. It was the perfect disguise.

"Wonderful." he said with a satisfied nod and dragged Barth off to the next step, which was apparently choosing some sort of familiar was important to their disguise. He chose one which caught his eyes beneath a pile of various others. It reminded him somewhat of Calder except that it was sporting a huge dangerous looking horn.

"This one, I think." he said eagerly.

 

[Toshihiko Two]

Barth, of course, chose the first available one.

It happened to be a dog, which he was rather fond of.

Handsome had grown altogether too large for carrying.  

[Baneful]

His unicorn deftly tucked under one arm, Zar set out off along the path to the next room, it was with reluctance that he left Barth's side given how delicious he presently looked. But classes demanded sacrifices, so needs must.

He chose the south door out of the available ones and found himself in a white room. Clustered humans all dressed in either assortments of formal attire or threatening white coats turned to look at him as he entered.

"This one looks like a freudian nightmare." it mused. Another nodded. "Most certainly, displays self image issues in it's present attire, perhaps some trauma in childhood." Zar stopped and frowned slightly. Another imitation spoke up in a strained and horrid accent. "Vat is the meaning of this? Tell me vat you see in zis pikture!" It brandished a black and white ink blot at Zar which put him in mind of some of the ties he owned.

"I - " he tried to speak up before looking confused. "It looks like a v****a." he said, a little dazed.

"JUZST AS I SUSPECTED." the strange creature cried, echoed by all the others who began to slowly chant "As suspected" in various intonations.

"No psychologist would ever answer with anything other zan A RORSCHACH TEST. GET HIM."

He turned and ran back out.

What the hell was wrong with this school?

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2 (South Door): All of the people behind the South Door are psychiatrists. If you're not a psychiatrist, they will sniff you out and YOU FAIL. If you are a psychiatrist, you may proceed to step four.

 

[Toshihiko Two]

Barth unfortunately draws the attention of the cops.

Fortunately, what they want mostly seems to be his autograph.

Bewildered, he obliges.

(Rockstar PASS)  

[Baneful]

Making sure the South Door was very firmly locked behind him, Zar moved onto the door furthest away from it. He did not want to run into those imitation humans again - they gave him the creeps. And that was, as a rule very difficult to do.

Through the next door he found himself in a frankly bizzare room littered with hats of all shapes and sizes with not-quite-humans leaned over them humming and hawing and talking loudly about how RIBBONS WERE SO IN DARLING and that THE TALLER THE HAT THE BIGGER THE MAN. He exasperatedly hoped he could sneak past them without their notice. Unfortunately as he tried to edge around one of the stacked shelves he nudged an enormous stack of fedoras which triggered some sort of avalanche on trilby hill and made most of the customers and shop assistants stop and look at him.

"That man over there! The one with the little horse!"

He held his breath.

A few clustered around. "He's not wearing a hat." they said, eyeing him like hungry wolves. "No hat." one echoed, equally scandalized.

He tensed to run.

"Well you've got to have a hat darling." one said forcefully and turned to rummage in one of the piles, no doubt for some unspeakable horror. She raised her hand and he closed his eyes.

"Much better." the clustered creatures murmured and dispersed back to what they'd been doing. "Suits you sir."

He didn't think a mitre went with a hazmat suit, but what did he know really?

Life 1/4

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1 (North Door): Everyone on the other side of the North Door loves hats. Sure, you might stand out a bit at first if you don't have one, but either way they'll find you a fine chapeau soon enough, no questions asked. PLEASE PROCEED TO STEP FOUR.

 

[Toshihiko Two]

The police, in fact, were so impressed that they wanted him to come to their ice cream social. Barth looked melancholy. There was not any ice cream in the immediate area.

"It's...it's rather a distance away, isn't it?"

Fortunately, the moodiness fit his rockstar persona, but unfortunately, declining ice cream socials was the very height of rudeness.  

[Baneful]

Sporting their native headgear and accepted into their midst, Zar realised that this human acting thing wasn't so hard after all. He moved through the area peering at people and occasionally plucking the hat from their head they were trying on.

"Uh darling." he mused. "You are clearly an autumn. Do yourself a favour and get some complimenting colours, your features are gorgeous and you don't want to hide them from the world." And then in a bustling way he would hurry on, overwhelming the shoppers and assistants alike with charm and confidence.

Eventually he exited with some robot's number written all in binary to meet up for a chat later. He tossed it over his shoulder and headed off to get out of the stupid suit.

Life 1/4
 

[Toshihiko Two]

He leaned back towards the door he came from.

"And, err, I really....prefer milkshakes- lower err. Effort, you know, I'm sure the social is very nice."
 

[Toshihiko Two]

Barth was thrown out. They even tore up his autographs. Why were rockstars such jerks?  

[Toshihiko Two]

Barth had not wandered very far in the barren warehouse. He had, instead, completely given up and waited for Zar to find him.

"You managed," Barth said when Zar finally did, and it wasn't really a question. He had been always been rather sparsely gifted in the charisma department. Worse, it was his only marginally redeeming quality.

Well, if you weren't counting intellect.

Which he had also started to question as of late.