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The bitter winds of Aisko cut through even the thickest clothes at their worst, and Lithian shivered as he trudged on through the snow. The sun dipped low on the white horizon, lower with every passing breath. They needed shelter. Soon. For the moment, he kept his map tucked away.

Nearly a month had passed since he kissed Casseth that day, but his memory of it still burned bright and hot, teasing him like an unfinished song. It had taken him longer than he would have liked to work up the courage to break the news to Vyren and, as he had feared, the information had not gone over smoothly. Unfortunately, neither had his interactions with Casseth immediately cleared up. Quite the contrary, ever since the kiss, Casseth seemed more different still than he had been previously. A show of his former self — smiling and joking when necessary but rarely getting fully into the moment — and Lithian blamed himself, though he wasn’t sure what for.

They had not discussed the kiss.

Lithian didn’t know how to bring it up. He assumed, over time, that Casseth had been caught up in the moment but regretted it in retrospect, and it hurt to think it, but he didn’t dare push the topic. Casseth — if he was interested — would breach it again. Otherwise, Lith would do his best to let the moment die a quiet death, no matter how it pained him. This trip was a part of that. Just over a week back, when going through his things, Lithian had happened upon a long-untouched map, frigid and still iced over thanks to whatever spell it was laced with despite the circumstances it had been through. After thumbing over it and pulling it carefully from his things, Lithian had decided, in a fit of inspiration that perhaps a good ‘adventure’ would help get himself and Cas back on the right track.

They had always gone on such things when they were younger, and Lithian, despite his uncertainties about many such outings, had always followed Casseth through virtually anything. Casseth loved the thrill of the unknown. Danger. Excitement. Even if they would never likely forge a romantic relationship at this point — despite Cas’ in-the-moment confessions (that still left Lithian’s heart in knots) — he wanted desperately to, at the very least, salvage their friendship.

He wanted to see Casseth happy.

So, he had proposed the idea to Casseth, and to his great relief, Cas had seemed enthused enough about it. Together, they set off, and now, three days into the ice and snow, they were trudging along side by side, still, trying to ascertain where, precisely, the map began and how to go about finding its ‘treasure’ at the end. At this hour, though, Lithian knew their exploring — at least for the day — was up, if they wanted to last the night.

“Casseth!” he said, voice louder to compete with the wind. “The sun’s getting low — we should find shelter for the night, don’t you think? Have you seen anything promising?”

Saving his breath, Lithian simply nodded at Casseth’s discovery, and together, they approached the cave opening. The instant they made it through the mouth and inside the protective niche of its walls, Lithian’s posture eased, and he took a deep breath in relief. Everything was quieter inside — the wind still howled from the opening, naturally, but it was less deafening to the ears, and it was easier on a person in general. No gusts battering a body to and fro. No thick snow to wade through. Beyond the entrance, in fact, the cavern floor seemed miraculously dry for the most part.

Lithian traced gloved fingers along the wall, his brow pinched in thought as he ran his eyes down it. Something struck him about the formation of the rocks. The shape. The shade. Familiar, almost, in a way he couldn’t pin down. After a moment of staring, though, he shook his head and dismissed the thought. They would need light, and space to set up for the night. This in mind, Lithian worked off his gloves, plucking at the tips and then tucking him at his waist before shivering and rubbing his hands together as he stepped forward and flicked his them outwards, palms down.

“Asilthtir aervi ugvulm…” With a flick and twitch of his fingers, glimmering red sparks began to ripple outwards, the forward tunnel lighting up as warm embers, like firebugs, illuminated the it for some distance back. Once satisfied, Lithian turned, drawing a spell circle in the air and murmuring another incantation to build a brighter glowing ball of light directly above his palm. He set it up, reaching high over his head as he could and leaving it to float above both of them and light the cave before he turned to Casseth. After opening his mouth, though, he debated.

There was no way they could find tinder out of nowhere, here. Some ways back they’d been lucky enough to find some dry brush managing to survive in Aisko’s climate, but that was a rarity, and it hadn’t been storming. So, instead of asking, Lith moved forward again instead, stepping to the widest part of the tunnel and a convenient dip that looked to be naturally formed near the center. With his boots, he scraped away at whatever lingering layer of frost and grit clung to the stone and then stooped. After rubbing his fingers together to warm them, he dipped them down again, tracing another spell rune and pushing magic forward as he spoke the long-practiced spell words.

“Isilir iarim…foirei belluim…”

Moments after finishing and giving a last pulse of his spell energy, the temperature in within the walls of the cave began to rise, warmth rolling outwards from the center point like a wave. Lithian’s posture sagged, but he tossed a smile Cas’ way, suddenly tired from the heavy expenditure of magic.

“What do we have left for supper?”

Lithian glanced over at Casseth’s question, surprised to have his silent musings voiced. “I…yes, actually,” he said, giving Casseth a puzzled look. “It does…though I can’t imagine why.” He shucked his heavy winter cloak, folding it on a dry patch of stone before beginning to remove some of his weightier traveling packs and belts, too. When most of his bulky luggage was set aside, he rubbed at his throat, eyes turning back to the now glimmering, dark cavern walls as he sat on the bundle that would be his bedding furs. “It just…stirs up vague memories, but I’ve spent so little time on Aisko that it makes little sense…”

Settled, he reached for some of the meat in their stock. Not much left. Casseth was right: they would need to hunt tomorrow. He sighed, frowning.

“Why do you ask me, though? You must have known of several caves, having lived here for as long as you did. What would this one have to do with…?” ‘Me.’ Lithian’s sentence trailed off, ending only mentally as it occurred to him why a specific cave might stand out to Casseth as something he might remember, and he looked sharply up. “Is it really?” he asked, flushing inspite of himself.

If it was, the thought satisfied — and hurt — Lith in a strange way. Made him think of how far they had come, what they’d become over the years — and now, what they had seemingly lost, or at least tainted. He dropped his eyes to the floor, shutting them and setting his food aside, hungry, but no longer of a desire to eat. After wiping his fingers clean and washing them with the barest splash of liquid, manipulated with his magic to do a thorough job, he dried his hands, and then busied them with his hair. It helped, sometimes, to distract his fingers when his mind was busy, and plucking through his braids, unraveling them and letting the long strands come down in loose waves — that was a familiar task, and one he could easily devote himself to.

“Strange,” he murmured, “…that the gods should lead us here, now…”

Lithian flushed at Casseth’s grin, a familiar bubble of happiness gathering in his gut at the look. He loved Casseth’s smiles, his own lips always tempted to mirror the look. He dipped his lashes instead, nodding, though the corners of his lips did curve up. Then came Cas’ next question, and Lith’s eyes darted back, wholly startled. Before he could do more than open his mouth, however, Casseth was at his back, and Lith felt his pulse pick up, stuttering in his chest when Cas’ fingers caught his.

“Casseth…”

His lashes flit shut, and he swallowed back an unwanted sound as Cas’ fingers carded through his hair. He felt hot, and tense, as though his entire body were blushing, and he wanted to lean back into the touch but swallowed instead. In his efforts to keep himself still, his fingers shook, and when he folded them in his lap, trying to tame his breathing, his eyes stung. All of this was his fault. Casseth’s upset. The strain on their friendship. The confusion. Everything was his fault. Before he could censor the words, they started falling out.

“Are you angry with me…? I know I shouldn’t—I never should have…not…gods…” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I would do anything for you to be comfortable around me again, Casseth. I am so sorry I upset you, but you said that you cared for me, and it had been something I had never dreamed of hearing you say in all my life, and when you kissed me back, I thought…” He shuddered, and shook his head. “It doesn’t matter what I thought, Casseth, please just…whatever you want, if there’s anything I can do — if it would help that I promise never to touch you again, I’ll do it — I just want you happy, and comfortable around me. You are the best friend I’ve ever had and it…”

When his voice fractured, Lithian bit his tongue, squeezing his eyes tighter shut to urge back the dampness there. He was not going to cry.

“It hurts…me…to think of—of you hurting, and what I’ve done to our friendship, and I—” He fought it, not wanting to scare Casseth off further, but the words came out anyway, brittle on a broken breath: “I love you…so much it makes me shake, and for so long I don’t even know when it started, Cas, I’ve loved you since before I knew what it meant to feel such a thing, and it scared me so much I…I still don’t know what to do with it, but please—please—please, gods, don’t drive me away because of it. I’ll find a way to stop, somehow, if that’s what you need of me. I’ll find someone else, eventually. I’ll try and I won’t…do anything you don’t want me to…just please…” His voice dropped to a shaking whisper, lashes damp in spite of himself. “Please tell me how to make you comfortable with me again…”

Lithian blinked rapidly, surprised, but mostly desiring to clear away the dampness there before Casseth could spot it. He gave a quick, subtle pinch of his fingers, stealing the tears from his cheeks while his back was still turned and shaking his head.

“I just…I don’t…you kissed me back, so I thought you did, but then I left Vyren and you…” He schooled his breathing, fighting the quiver there. “I thought…you would want me after, but you never touched me again, you never said anything, you seemed upset, so…I thought I’d misread. Or that you’d changed your mind, or that…I had scared you from me, somehow…that I’d done the wrong thing…” Fingers shaking, Lithian closed them into fists and tucked them into his lap, trying to keep his full body from quivering. “I just don’t want to hurt you anymore…I want whatever will make you happy…”

Lithian opened his mouth to insist that of course he loved Casseth. Hadn’t that been made painfully obvious over the years?

But then Casseth was guiding him around, fingers catching his chin, and Lithian’s pulse was a wreck in his veins: his breath hitched, lashes low, and attention locked on Casseth’s lips. When Cas kissed him, Lithian squeezed his eyes shut. He groaned — a breathy, desperate sound as he twisted his body further around. Yet, although he pressed into it, his fingers still shook. Even when he made it fully to facing Casseth, scrambling and half fumbling over the bound up luggage, half his heart was still terrified that somehow, someway, Cas would pull away again.

So he clung to Casseth’s hips. He buried his fingers in the cloth at Cas’ waist, tugging and pulling himself in so that all of him was tucked against Cas’ body heat as he shuddered. He opened his mouth, a thousand questions on the tip of his tongue, but all of them were laced with his insecurities:

‘Are you sure you want this?’

‘Where is it okay for me to touch you?’

‘I’m different than a girl, you know…’

‘Have you ever been with a man before…?’

Eventually, his shut his lips again instead, saying only, “I love you…I love you, I love you…” in a whispered mantra. ‘Please don’t change your mind…please don’t go…’

Lithian shuddered. For several, long moments, he let himself savor the safety of that pose — the warmth, the scent of Casseth all around him, and the shelter of his wings. Then, determined that he needed at least a couple questions answered for the night, he leaned back, kissed Casseth’s lips once more, and withdrew. Silently, he unfastened the straps on his bedding, unrolling the thick winter furs and stretching them out. He removed his boots, and the remaining outer layer of his clothing — fur-lined jacket and cloaked waist sash — to leave himself in a thin tunic, simple belt, and leggings. He kneeled, and notched his head, hair rolling loose over his shoulders and down his back as he motioned Cas over.

“Come here?”

Casseth blinked, but complied all but immediately, matching Lithian’s pose, kneeling on the furs and facing him, though his expression was undoubtedly curious. “Lithian—”

Lith reached out, lacing his fingers gently behind Casseth’s neck at the nape and leaning in. His kiss — soft, and explorative at first, then slightly more adventurous, and open-mouthed — shut Casseth up. When he nipped at Cas’ tongue and earned a growl in response and two hands at his hips, Lith flushed and let the kiss break, silently pleased.

“I believe that you care about me, Casseth, but…unless you’ve been up to things I’m unaware of…” He watched Cas’ face carefully as he spoke, weighing his friend’s reactions, “ …you’ve never…shared the company of a man…?”

Casseth’s eyes narrowed a fraction. “That doesn’t mean—”

“I’m not trying to entail anything,” Lithian blurted, cheeks warming further. “I don’t care that you have, or haven’t, only that…I don’t know what your interests are…and I’m not saying you have to touch me tonight!” he hastened to add. “Or that we have to do anything, tonight, if it makes you uncomfortable, only that…” He swallowed, lashes dipping, and threaded his fingers into Cas’ hair as he shivered. “I would like to know what you want, whether that be you touching me…” With his spare hand, he trailed his fingers down, following the length of Casseth’s arm and then guiding his hands up, a fraction, dislodging some of Lithian’s tunic top. “Or me touching you…” He let his hand drop from Casseth’s hair, slipping down his clothed chest and touching hesitantly to his thigh before thumbing inwards. “Or neither, for now. Or both. You could hold me, do nothing else, and I would be pleased, or…even sleep on your own, if that’s what you are comfortable with…”

He watched Casseth, intent.

“Do you know what you want? If you don’t…” Lith’s lashes flit back low, trailing down over Cas’ body even as his face burned, “…I would be happy to help you find out…if you like…”

Lithian’s lashes fluttered, lower lip disappearing between his teeth on a whine as Cas nipped at his ear. “Ah…I—”

Lith swallowed and gripped to Cas’ hips as he shivered. Still hesitant, he tempered his body’s immediate urge to grind up and drag all of Casseth’s clothes off at once. Instead, he arched gradually, rocking into Cas and pressing their bodies close as he thumbed his fingers in.

“You’ll…let me touch you…?”

When Casseth gave nothing but a breathy, groaned exhale in answer, Lithian slipped a hand in, cupping at the clothed mound there and feeling his cheeks warm in satisfaction. This, at least, was an encouraging first step. He kissed Cas’ lips, and then dropped back to the furs. Edging himself down, he kissed at Cas’ chest and lifted his lashes to look up at him.

“Turn over, for me…? I’d…” He flushed hotter. “I’d like to do something for you…”

“Lithian—”

Persistent, he nudged at Cas’ side, encouraging him over, and after only a moment’s resistance, Casseth conceded, moving onto his back and eyeing Lith intently as he rolled atop him. Lithian kissed Cas’ throat, chest, and stomach. He edged his fingers up Cas’ sides, working his top out of his belt as he moved lower and brushing his lips over skin. It seemed a dream, almost — something he never would have imagined he would experience in his lifetime — and as exhilarating as it was, it was equally terrifying. Any wrong move could break such a fragile spell, and he wanted Casseth happy.

Before he lost his nerve, Lithian gave a last, fleeing upwards glance towards Casseth from beneath his lashes, and then dipped his head, kissing the cloth of Cas' pants as he watched his friend’s reactions.

“Let me…?”