What sick individual decided the best thing for atrophied muscles was a gazillion-stair descent into pitch darkness? For what, to 'find his weapon'? Admittedly, the secrecy was pretty damn sweet. If this had been the opening sequence to a MMORPG, he'd have been psyched to be playing it. Only... it was a hell of a lot easier when you could just press 'w' on the keyboard and send your puppet stumbling down an endless, dizzying flight of stairs. He was really hoping there was some other exit down there, cause if he had to make the return climb, only carrying some buster sword, or AK-47, he was not going to be a happy newblet.

"Euch." he grunted. "This is made of Euch."

Several spirals later, he felt something. Like a low hum, like someone was had just barely flicked the deepest chord on their bass guitar. It resonated through his body, and began to build the further down he went. Which turned out to be not too much farther. Jacob stepped onto flat ground, feeling his back teeth vibrate from the hum and buzz around him. There was a distinct lack of anything weapon-like down here. Was this some sort of hazing ritual? Jacob would've figured the test he'd been through to wake up was hazing enough!

Then again, he hadn't signed up to fight in the Army. Jacob reminded himself. If you were going to fight shadows, you needed something that could cut shadows, or bludgeon them. That logic, and the hum in his head suggested that a weapon that could do that was going to be far from ordinary.

"Oooookay" he said to the room at large, getting the distinct feeling that something was listening to him, or several somethings. "I'm here to find a weapon and chew bubblegum, and I'm all out of bubblegum. So, if there's a weapon that's going to suddenly appear in the middle of the room, now would be a great time."

No weapon appeared. But, all of a sudden, the hum seemed to have a direction to it. It was louder over... this way? Jacob followed his instincts and walked over to the wall where the hum seemed the loudest. Tablets lined the walls, and runes brightened at his approach. Stylized weapons glowed at him from floor to ceiling. Jacob reached out and placed a hand on one, the hum remained steady. So, he slid his hand over to another. Was the hum louder now? He continued, hunting the sound until he was down on his knees, examining the very bottom row.

And then his hand touched one particular tablet, and the timbre of the hum changed. It was loud, eager, and brooked no arguments. Jacob pulled the tablet from the wall, and stood up, looking at the rune on its front. It looked an awful lot like...

With a flash, the tablet fluctuated in his hands, reshaping itself into...

"A crowbar?"

Wrong. Way.

What? Was that in his head?

Wrong Way. I am Wrong Way. Your weapon. We will 'kick a**.'

Jacob grinned. <******** yeah, we will."