a confession, a rant, jus cleansing my soul for a little, feel free to skip and just talk about what do you think about addictions.
i have been exposed to the common sources of addiction. I've smoked legal and illegal substances. I've drank alcoholic beverages in casual occasions and very strongly for periods of high intensity. i eat just like any other human being and i've made diets, but never to an extreme, always within healthy boundaries. my brother is a religious nut, so yeah, been exposed to that other type of coping mechanisms. I've been severely depressed for years.
and none of those got to me.... until now i have to admit it.
I'm an addict. to games and gambling. I have been for a while, and last night had the guts to talk about it.
it gets confusing because i'm also obsessive-compulsive, so i don't know when is just obsession and when i'm just a junkie for the high of gambling.
i had always stayed away from casinos because i feared i would fall for the addiction like I've seen other people do... but i guess gambling found me in the form of GaiaOnline.
i'm all in about supporting the site, my husband has donated since 2003, and i have done since 2006, and very strong in the past couple of years. but this is something different. what we see here lately in gaia is what lure people into casinos and never lets them go.
it starts slowly, and it grows on you and when you realize it's there, i don't wanna say it's too late, but it's really difficult to go back from where addiction is keeping you trapped.
currently my addiction has not caused mayor problems in my family, so i'm grateful for opening my eyes at this point. it has already disrupted a little my life but i think i can work on it.
"it's just pixels" yeah, but the addiction is real.
on rehabilitation treatments you're asked to cut ties with whatever/whoever makes the temptation to fall out of track... i don't wanna let go of gaia... i want to be able to control it.... and now this is my challenge. from now on, i have made a promise to myself and my husband that i won't spend money on RIGs of any kind. i won't play them either. i will support gaia an the community but not through those kind of items. i will continue to let go of my gaian possessions in a slow but certain way, to avoid unhealthy attachment to things.
while i master this difficult objective, i wil make the biggest effort of cutting back the time i spend on gaming to spend more time with my fellow gaians/human beings/pets and to sublimate all this emotions through art.
you might think this all sounds too dramatic, and if it does, I'm honestly happy for you, because it means you have never experience addiction in your life, and that, my friend, is a beautiful blessing.
if you feel you can relate, either because we share the addiction or because you feel the same about something else, like eating or drinking or drugs, i'm really sorry you are going through this, and i hope you find the strength to break this bad habits and live "sober" from now on.
i believe there's no "right" way to live your life, like a defined correct path that you must follow. i believe you have to walk whatever path you choose in life and you'll get to the destination, one way or another. i'm choosing to live free of games and gambling addiction, and as hard as that is, i'm gonna fight to make that happen.
if you wanna talk about this topic, or ask me questions about it, go ahead and post or pm me, we can support each other, and i'll be happy to tell my story as a cautionary tale for anyone who might fear going down a similar path.
Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2014 5:27 pm
If anyone says that this kind of thing isn't serious, kick them where it hurts for me. It can be an extreme challenge, this kind of thing.
I've never been an addict myself, but many of my friends and family have some form of addiction to something in their life. The addiction is something that slowly latches on and has you without you realizing it at first, so it's good that you caught it before it became a serious issue. Honestly, I think this whole RIG thing is very unhealthy. I admit I'm guilty of buying them, but they'd throwing out so much so fast that no one has time to relax and enjoy one before three more are coming at you.
It generates a frenzied experience, one dominated by the rush of the gamble itself rather than enjoying the results of your dice throw, savoring it and then moving on. Instead, you feel 'more, more, more' and before you know it it's gotten out of control. I hate to say this:
That's the objective. If the sole objective was to make gaia more profitable, there are plenty of ways to do that. Instead, Gaia uses this tactic because it hooks you in and almost takes away your ability to choose beyond a certain point. You become a constant customer, one they don't have to worry about attracting back. Because as long as they're selling the drug, the addicts will buy it.
It's rather depressing, and I do hope that Gaia manages to get away from that before it gets completely out of control.
Anyway, congrats on admitting it, and good luck in controlling it. I'm sure you can manage; from what I can tell, you're responsible and sensible enough to know a problem and deal with it quickly. ^_^
Well you already know the rest of how you're going to do it. I guess my unsolicited advice is putting that impulsive energy into a meaningful hobby. ART. Sewing. Researching :>
Things that require a lot of concentration and time, that will occupy you from doing what you avoid ._.
Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2014 9:26 pm
You can do it! You're a very strong person capable of amazing things. You're not alone. It is very brave of you to post and confront this problem.
I just want to say that you're not alone in this. I think it's very brave of you to admit it out loud and actively try to control it. It's sort of inspirational for me. I mean...It takes a certain kind of strength to admit one's flaws, and to do it publicly is even more impressive. I wish you the best in overcoming this. And thanks for giving me the motivation to deal with my own demon.
The rest of this is kinda long and is just my personal confession, so I'll hide it away.
I'm guilty of this RIG addiction too. I spend an ungodly amount of money buying GC for RIGs because well....retail therapy and curiosity about the results. I'll spare the gory details, but I was pretty depressed back in January and dumped $800 or so into GC to keep buying RIGs for a that little bit of happiness. While it's not putting me into debt, it's definitely not helping me fund actual hobbies like drawing and cosplaying. I was physically disgusted with myself from how much I spent; every time I see the email receipts in my inbox, my stomach heaves a little. I tried to cut it down on my own with some limited success. I hid it from my boyfriend too, up until a couple weeks ago. Now we're working on weaning me off of compulsively buying GC when I'm upset. The Loyal's Bazaar is helping a lot too.
All in all, I don't think I'm addicted to the gambling aspects of the RIG. I think it's just curiosity towards the results because once I've opened enough of those monthly CIs to know that I've seen all the endings to that little story, I lose interest in them. I think that might be why opening Philosopher's Caches aren't cutting it anymore. I know the exact probability of getting each result, so there's nothing interesting about it anymore. Which is why I've started looking up those RIG item list threads in the Community Forum. Once the mystery has been spoiled for me, I don't care enough to look for myself.
It's still a challenge for me, though. I don't think I've ever had much self-restraint. I used to get a kind of masochistic pleasure out of denying myself from things that I want (new games, new Gaia items, etc). That all stemmed from my parents refusing to spend money on frivolous things, and I was proud of myself (in a weird way) for being able to look at and then walk away from something I wanted. But once I got to college, I was the only one who could stop me. I think that was the point where what little self-control I had evaporated. Right now, almost all of my control comes from my boyfriend. He's the one with the ironwill, and I do draw my strength from him. I'm very glad that he's been so supportive of my efforts to gain control because I know there are worse ways to react to what are basically virtual shopping and gambling addictions.
In the end, I think I'm still partially in denial about the extent of my problem, but I'd like to think that I'm getting control over it. I will certainly need to get my act together in a couple months 'cause then I won't have the disposable income to support this kind of spending.
Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2014 11:59 pm
MaclauMo
I takes guts to talk about stuff like that so openly. And I will admit I admire your standpoint. I think we are all addicted to Gaia in a way. I keep saying I am going to quit, but then what would I do with all of that free time? Between Gypsy and I we spend at least 500$ a month on this forsaken hole. And that money could be much better used on other things than pixels. I used to say it's just pixels myself but it has turned into a kind of addiction. Though now my addiction has become gold instead of the items.
thank you for your kind words! it's 4am here and i'm awake because i'm restless, and reading this gave me hope. I'm glad you've stayed clean of addictions, and i wish for you lots of strength for you are an example and an admiration for other people like me to be inspired and be better.
It saddens me too that such a beloved thing like Gaia is knowingly taking this path. I'm afraid they are not coming back from it sad
Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2014 2:19 am
Sphyxia
thank you for your words. i used to hate unsolicited advise but in this case it feels comforting to know someone read my story because they wanted to and cared enough to say something, anything. it took me a long time to learn that, so thank you, and don't worry you can always leave any kind of message around here, you can't imagine how much it helps.
oh yes, Sublimation is what i hope to do achieve... easier said than done, but i'm gonna try!
oh you are my rock. i can't thank you enough for your kindness. you're a direct victim of my actions and i can't apologize enough don't stop believing in me, please heart
Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2014 2:31 am
Yami no Sakura
My gods, our stories are uncanny similar! i too grew up with a lot of restrictions, coming from a low-middle class family and i have too gone insane once i started living on my own.
i guess reading it from you gives me a tiny comfort to think that it is a common reaction to this situation.... what depresses me is that i'm old enough to have gained some sort of control over it, and yet here i am, all messed up all over pixels sad
my husband is my support system right now, the poor soul taking the load of such a big responsibility. i don't wanna depress you with this answer, it just the past 24hours have been difficult for me...
thank you for daring to leave a message and please do come back and share your thoughts any time. this is a long journey we're starting to beat those demons, and i'm sure we can use all the help we can get!
thank you for your words. i used to hate unsolicited advise but in this case it feels comforting to know someone read my story because they wanted to and cared enough to say something, anything. it took me a long time to learn that, so thank you, and don't worry you can always leave any kind of message around here, you can't imagine how much it helps.
oh yes, Sublimation is what i hope to do achieve... easier said than done, but i'm gonna try!
Welcome, I also share the feel of hating unsolicited advises. I only give advice when I've been in a similar situation because I've experienced it enough to know (I do gamble and lose more, not on gaia but on other virtual games where there's currency, it even came to a point where I can't sleep until I bet this and gain that after a lose or a game). I hate being told by people who think they know but never experienced it. What degree did they get to have expertise on subject matter when they only read or heard what is ideally the right thing to do? For all I know, the advice they give is just a paper diagram of what to say yes or no to this and that.
._. strayed off topic I know. XD
Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2014 2:41 am
masticated marshmallows
thank you for your kind words. it is difficult to write it down publicly because it does hold me accountable in front of an audience that i'm committing to a better way of experiencing this website, and you all will witness if i make it or i fail.
yes, sadly i guess we're all addicted to this site and its ways. it's ******** up because to deal with the addiction i created the guild and now i can't leave not just because of the items i have gathered, and the money spend on the site, but also because now i know people i care about.
i know the people still exist outside the website... but would we have anything to bond over if it wasn't for gaia, or more specifically for Alchemy?
on the other hand, the guild keeps me occupied and hopefully i can help some people through it... i guess it's time to invite more people and try to help more! ... not so easy but anyway... thanks for reading and answering, if you want to come and vent anytime you are very welcome to do so!
Welcome, I also share the feel of hating unsolicited advises. I only give advice when I've been in a similar situation because I've experienced it enough to know (I do gamble and lose more, not on gaia but on other virtual games where there's currency, it even came to a point where I can't sleep until I bet this and gain that after a lose or a game). I hate being told by people who think they know but never experienced it. What degree did they get to have expertise on subject matter when they only read or heard what is ideally the right thing to do? For all I know, the advice they give is just a paper diagram of what to say yes or no to this and that.
._. strayed off topic I know. XD
I feel exactly the same way. sometimes i think is a childish reaction i have to growing up with over controlling parents that were always telling me how to live my life... and life was like "wish granted, now no one is gonna get their nose in your business" and it was great, because who needs advise about trivial stuff... but then it all became so lonely... so yeah, don't wanna sound like a whiny b***h, but now i'm really happy to see any kind of reaction from a fellow human being, even if it's unsolicited advise xD
anyway, feel free to vent and show your opinions on this or any other subject at least i will be reading... even though i'm not the greatest crowd sweatdrop
Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2014 3:17 am
today was a difficult day. i tried to be mature and stay clean, and i did, but it brought me great misery. i still spent ridiculous amount of time lurking in the Project Creative forums, watching other people open those bundles, and checking to see if i could make a gold offer to someone who got a ticket.
piggyzhou pm me about this being supportive and i replied like a dirty junkie asking if she wanted to join efforts to get a ticket... not very proud of that. \\\\ i'm sorry piggy sweatdrop\\\\\
i guess i'm going through withdrawal. i had some moments of joy, and others of sadness... i made my poor husband very sad, and that makes me feel the worst. like a dirty junkie again, i talked about wanting to buy gaia cash, while the odds were x3 for the project creative bundles... i'm not proud of that either \\\\\ i'm sorry 2000man crying \\\\\
i'm lucky my SO stayed strong for me and didn't fell into my cries for it, and kept me "clean"
today was not a good day. just have to remember i'm just human, and bad days are expected to come, and the real deal is staying strong through those bad days and not giving up because of those moments of weakness.
i know i should move this to my journal because people might get sick of reading about my journey, but i don't know why i'm still doing it here... i hope i figure that out eventually...
if anyone is still reading, thank you so much! and don't give up on me just yet, i hope tomorrow will be a better day.
