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 Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2014 12:38 pm
Zia wasn't sure how long she'd been shuffling her feet around the closed carnival grounds, debating approaching the ring master's office, but she knew it had been long enough for the take out she'd brought as an offering to have gone cold ages ago.
Instead she procrastinated uncomfortably.
She hadn't seen him since she showed up on his doorstep injured and deliriously rambled about past and present crimes and darker eras like the Blood Moon Court. Eventually she did end up needing the hospital and for a while could excuse being in recovery, but she never went back. She ceased the late nights of checking up on him and roaming the carnival in the daylight hours. There weren't any more dinners or pointless texts sent his way.
Out of shame and embarrassment she had more or less abandoned spending time with him, and that feeling only grew when she spent some weeks fooling around with her ex.
But things were changing, and she had resolved to try to be better, and that meant not falling back on toxic vices, and most importantly on Xanthus' prodding, not cutting people out and running away from her problems.
It didn't help the absolutely shitty feeling of having to face someone she felt she had mistreated, especially someone she was gradually starting to accept she might have feelings for.
So Zia spent some time avoiding his office before finally concluding that tonight was not going to be her night. She could go home, steel her nerves, and come back later. She turned and briskly left, only barely rounding the corner when she collided right into the Pluto squire.
"O-oh... Hi!" She practically squawked as she grabbed onto the bag she was holding. Staring at his face for an awkward amount of time she lamented creating this situation in the first place, at least for a moment and then realized she was just giving him a silent and wide eyed stare.
And while she had rehearsed several things to say to him on the way over, her mind was blank.
"...Hooooow are you?"
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Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2014 1:38 pm
 Luxor was just returning from a long night of patrolling. He had managed to only find youma tonight, no Negaverse soldiers to give him trouble, and though he felt a small amount of accomplishment in getting rid of the monsters he found, he wished he had encountered a better target. There would always be more youma, after all, if the Negaverse remained.
Every night he returned from patrol he stopped at the entrance to the carnival. He still spent his time here, rather than his real home, and mostly considered this his home now. A little emptier now, without his usual visitor and sometimes guest. Though he had not seen her in some time, he always waited outside for a little while, maybe hoping she would feel his energy level, and come back.
So far, no luck.
He turned to enter the compound and stopped short when Zia crashed into him. He did not look surprised, he never did, but he did stare at her for a long moment before he nodded his head in greeting. Inside, his heart was hammering against his rib cage.
"I'm fine," he said after a silent beat following her question, "I've been patrolling... how are you?"
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Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2014 5:43 pm
Zia responded with a long, drawn out nod followed by drawn out words as if she was stalling.
Which she was, at least until her brain could figure out what the hell to even say to him.
"Patrolling's... good." Which she was positive was the lamest thing to say to someone you hadn't spoke to in almost six months. "Keeping busy... and... stuff."
She pursed her lips to the side and glanced back and forth awkwardly, and she felt like the butterflies in her stomach were about to explode in some gory, Alien-esque chest buster fashion. The guild was difficult. Navigating awkward emotions was worse.
"Ah, oh, um... my leg's all healed," Well obviously, after all the time that had passed. "And uh..." She looked at the takeout bag in her hands and then ended up making a dramatic shrug that hit it against her leg when she let her arms go slack at her side.
"Luxor, I'm sorry," She finally heaved out in a sigh. "And I was going to bring you this as some shitty 'I'm sorry I'm such a terrible friend' gift but now it's cold and probably crushed and can we just... take a walk... maybe?"
She felt all the wind go out of her at the request and suddenly regretted making it, having set herself up for a possible rejection that she suddenly realized she'd find devastating. Suddenly her face flushed and her pulse quickened in the crushing anxiety and rapid delusions of 'no's and 'not tonight's.
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Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2014 6:19 pm
Luxor watched her, quietly, his expression placid. It did lack its general air of annoyance and bitterness, though. He was not angry, and he was not upset. He was glad to see her, and though he could not openly say that or show her that in an easy way, he hoped she could understand it, without words. She knew him rather well, after all.
If anyone was going to get his complicated expressions and vexing silences, it was her. She always had been able to figure him out before. Or at least, she did not bother to point out how frustrating he could be, if she did notice it.
When she apologized he waited, watching her, and then nodded his head after a long beat. He did not have to think about it, he was just hoping to give her a moment to calm herself down.
"Okay," he said quietly, "let's walk." He offered her his arm, and with his other hand he offered to take the food bag she was clinging rather desperately to. It was nice of her to bring some food, as he knew that food was one of the ways she explained her emotions. It was a little strange, but Luxor always found that when she wanted to tell him something or something important was happening, she either ate all his food or brought him food to make up for it.
There was no chance, in his mind, of rejecting her, though. He wanted her to be there, and more than that, he wanted to be near her. Any request she made he would likely say yes to, if only because it was some small connection to her. She had already left him out of her life for more time than he really liked, and he'd been worried she would never come back. He just wasn't the kind of man to go and find her, or force her to be near him if she did not want to.
She had to ask, so he could say yes.
"Are you alright? I mean... really?"
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Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2014 8:09 pm
Zia was purposely seeking out small glimpses of anger or upset, but for all her efforts, she found none.
After a second it made her relax and loop her arm around his. She was less eager to give up the food. "I mean it when I say it's probably cold and gross by now, I bought it forever ago." And nevermind the fact that she spent the interim thinking about maybe possibly talking to him at some point that night.
"Not really," She mumbled. She hated being so close to him, lusting and wanting him, when she felt like she'd been unfair to him. She looked at her feet as she thought about how she'd looked for self destruction, about how she abandoned friendships, and her choices over the last six months. Wolframite's mission to eliminate the DMC had taken a heavier emotional toll than she expected it to, and even though it had been two months since her relationship with Pascal had been downgraded to just friends, it still felt like a fresh wound.
And all her new connections and allies gained were gone. And those were Negaverse connections, and she could only squirm as she wondered if he would think less of her for that.
"I guess it just feels like the world's kind of falling apart," She admitted, and then tightened her grip on his arm as if she was afraid he'd try to get away. "And I know this makes me sound selfish, but I miss you."
It was at least selfish in the context of her own mind where where she had confessed to being an awful, ruthless human being and then proceeded to cut ties in order to go back to being an awful and ruthless human being. And now she was asking for his time again.
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Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2014 8:28 pm
"If it is falling apart," he said after a moment, "you can always come here to escape it."
Luxor was not an idiot. He was a quiet and sullen man, and he had difficulty sharing his emotions at the best of times, let alone when he was struggling to understand them himself. But he did know when he was being used, and what his roles in the world were. He felt he understood the people who had somehow managed to break through his usual barriers, the ones he could call friends, and he wanted to be there for them in the ways they needed of him.
"I'm always here for you," he said, taking a breath. He must have been planning to say a lot more than usual, if he was prepping his lungs for it. "I won't go anywhere, either. If you need me. I'll be here. I don't think you're selfish."
Well, it wasn't as much as it seemed, but to him he was saying the things he needed and wanted to say. He hoped she would understand him, like those people who were always determined there was writing between the lines. Usually it frustrated him to no end when people decided they could read more than what he said, but today it was actually something he wanted.
He just wanted her to know that he didn't blame her for anything she had or had not done. As long as she remembered him, sometimes, he could settle for that.
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Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2014 1:17 pm
Zia ended up rolling her lips and watching the edge of the sidewalk as he spoke, just silently focused on keeping pace.
When she did speak up, it sounded downright sullen. "I think you deserve better friends than people like me," She muttered, and after a second decided to toss in. "Well I guess you've got Eli. You deserve better friends than Eli too," She laughed.
But she slid her arm further around his and moved close enough to rest the side of her head against his shoulder.
Physical contact with Luxor was comfortable. She didn't feel the need to dominate the situation or jerk away. There was no instinctive tensing or defense mechanisms. Luxor didn't manhandle or grab, he didn't tell her to sit down and stop playing war or stop pursuing her goals.
He was respectful of her cause and her space, and offered safe escape. It was a difference she wasn't entirely consciously parsing out, but the easy comfort level was noticeable.
"Thank you, though..." She mumbled and squeezed his arm in a sort of hug.
"How's reconstruction going? Are you close to reopening?"
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Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2014 5:39 pm
"I don't think I would have any friends, if not for people like you," Luxor said thoughtfully. He did not mind Eli, and did consider him a friend in his way, but his relationship with Zia was much closer. There were probably other factors in there, of course, but he was always doing his best to ignore the obvious. He was watching her now, though, and thinking about it.
"You're welcome," he said gently, though he was not sure he was owed any thanks. He was not this person, not to everyone else. Whoever this was, only Zia brought it out in him, and he felt he owed her for that.
At her question, though, he got a little tense and his gaze shifted toward the ground. He frowned at it every seriously, as if reading something printed just before his eyes, but impossible to focus on.
"I think we could open any time... but I'm not ready yet. I'm not strong enough. If anything bad were to happen again... I need to be able to better protect it. I didn't know anything then, but I know a lot more now. I just... want to make sure it will be safe."
He hadn't told that, in so many words, to anyone. He'd mostly kept his thoughts to himself and manufactured excuses to keep extending the date of re-opening. It was just something he was not ready to face head on yet, and maybe he was taking the cowardly approach, but he had the time, money, and will to do it that way.
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Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2014 10:16 pm
"Right. People like me," Zia trailed off, attributing her own unflattering versions of 'people like her' in a silent lecture, but she saw the opportunity for a joke and decided to go with nonchalant snort. "I thought I told you when we met there's no one like me," She laughed.
But still, more the subtle tones of gentleness over actual words spoken, made her tap her fingers over her lips and watch the sidewalk again. Te corners of her mouth faintly hinted to a smile as she flushed a brighter shade of pink and pondered.
She had to pull away from her hand to look up at him when he admitted he wasn't ready and her heart almost dropped. She couldn't say why, nothing else really stirred up any equitable empathy in her. but to hear him express feelings of inadequacy was unexpected, especially when she had never considered he could fail.
"You can do it," She said, decided she wanted the opportunity to make amends for abandoning him, and putting herself in a supportive position seemed like the quickest route. "Nothing like that's ever going to happen again, and you have all the time in the world."
Which was naively optimistic but she was trying to create a moment. She was going to support him, and be good, and damn it, she was making her move. She stood on her toes and made a genuine attempt to kiss his cheek as the final touch to what she thought was very well done and calculated move.
Either the fact his armor's covering required better aim than she had or she didn't account for the slightest bit of movement out of him, she missed.
She missed hard and ended up smacking her nose and bouncing back and grasping both hands over her face with an embarrassed wail and she decided to just go into the motion that made it appear she'd only tripped into him and fall backwards.
"Well ******** nose was bleeding, too. Smooth operator, Zia.
She pinched it and tilted her head back. "Crap. Craaaaap. I'm sorry. Ow. Crap."
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Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2014 10:40 am
Luxor looked at Zia and wondered how she could not know how special she was. She acted like she was a dime a dozen, or that her being so unique meant that she had to be alone in the world forever. Either way, he felt like she was wrong, if she just took a moment to look at all the people around her, who wanted to be near her. Who chose to be there because they wanted to do just that.
Well, he did, anyway. He knew he did not mean much in the scheme of things, but he was okay with whatever place in the world she gave him.
He was surprised when she stopped their walk and moved to lean against him. For a moment he was not sure what she was doing, and though he tried to be careful when he turned his face toward hers, he quickly realized his mistake. She must have run into his head plate, presumably because she was trying to give him a kiss, and he could only assume his turning had made her run into the metal.
And now she was bleeding.
She tried to kiss him, and he broke her face.
"Oh, Zia," he said stiffly, awkwardly turning to take her arms and guide her to a nearby hedge so she could sit down. "You're bleeding. I'm sorry. We could go to the office, clean that up." He looked like a small, kicked puppy, for all his muscles and apparent strength, on top of his generally grumpy facial expressions. The last thing he ever wanted to see was her hurt, and he felt terrible thinking he was responsible for it, even in a secondary way.
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Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2014 7:12 pm
So hindsight was 20/20, even if your eyes were watering from a hard smack to the nose.
So Zia had an easy time seeing that trying to force making her move right then, in that awkward physical position, when he wasn't expecting it, was a very bad idea, just in case the nasally swears and the fact she had to tilt her head back to avoid a bloody nose wasn't enough of a hint.
"Noooooope, nope, nope I literally have no idea what I was thinking,. Ow. Crap. Sorry. ******** she unclenched her eyes, her hands clasped over her nose and nose of her face served a secondary purpose of hiding her mortified when everything from her cheeks to her ears to the back of her neck flushed with heat and color.
"So--" Whatever she had to say, she decided, should probably wait until the combination of nose injury and the way she was holding her hands over her face didn't make her voice resemble Donald Duck's.
Well, that happened.
"Office is good."
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Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2014 12:07 pm
Luxor watched her, anxious for a moment, but his expression never waved and he nodded his head obediently as she said the office was good. He guided her there like she had smashed her face completely, and also broke her arm and back and legs and just needed to be babied. She was lucky he had not just picked her up and carried her there.
Though he was thinking about it.
He powered down to open the door to the office, and walked her inside. Once there, he grabbed a clean towel and an ice pack, so she could take care of herself if she had smashed her face hard enough to cause too much damage. He tilted his head and offered her both items, concern glimmering in his eyes.
Sometimes, he did express his emotions. He was always feeling them, though, and tonight was a bit of a doozy.
"You can rest here for a little while... if you'd like to stay..." But he would understand if she were too embarrassed. He certainly would be.
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Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2014 3:37 pm
It was moments like these that made Zia very aware spring was here and her attire had switched to layered tank tops again thanks to the warmer weather, mostly because she suddenly felt like she had lost a limb when she realized she couldn't pull her sweater hood over her head and pull the drawstring until it covered her face.
She ended up just fiddling with the towel and sniffing hard a few times.
"Chester, I'm... really sorry I ditched. I guess I just do that when things get complicated."
She shuffled and kept looking down at it as she twisted it and moved it in her hands, but her face kept shifting through varying degrees of complexion changes the harder she looked for words.
"I really like you, you're a really good friend, and I miss you when I don't visit and I shouldn't have stopped so if you could just... hold still for a minute and..."
It took a few glances to look up at his face and maintain eye contact, but after a moment, she reached up and moved a few strands of his hair around before she slid her hand around to his jawline and held it there for a moment, and with very careful consideration, stood on her toes and leaned into the motion shoulders and all to press her lips to his.
It was a small and mostly innocent gesture, especially by comparison to her wilder endeavors of the past, but she could feel her heart pounding in her ears as she pulled back to frantically examine his face, her own completely flushed and looking concerned until she managed a small smile.
"...Okay?"
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Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2014 12:55 pm
"You don't have to keep apologizing."
Chester looked at her thoughtfully. With her he almost made discernible expressions, complete with emotions. He did not like seeing her so upset about things, and in his mind he could not see a reason for it. She had to react to things her own way. For his part, he shut down and got very drunk, and he doubted that was any healthier than ditching, in the long run.
He did as she told him, though, and remained where he was. When she touched him he did not flinch, though he was expecting too considering how he generally avoided all physical contact with people that did not involve his fist or boot in their face. He closed his eyes when she kissed him, however fleeting it was, and was slow to draw himself out of that tiny moment, until his lungs started kicking his brain to remind him to breathe.
At length, he smiled at her.
"Okay." He touched his hand to her face gently, his hand large and rough and not looking like it was capable of being tender, but he was as gentle as he knew how to be as he brushed his thumb across her cheek.
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Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2014 2:06 pm
Zia was positive that his hand reaching out to brush her cheek had some sort of electrical spark reaction that shot through her whole body, jump starting her pulse all over again.
She thought he was plenty gentle, but she was mostly focused on the action of reaching out, something she kept careful score over.
Small gestures seemed to generate world stopping impact whenever he made them.
She grabbed his hand and held it there as she nuzzled into it trying to keep her smile repressed enough it didn't reach 'beaming idiot' levels and not quite succeeding. "I'm apologizing because I don't want to be that person who's always leaving and moving on. I mean--... Moving on is just my style, I guess. But I don't want to be that person to you. I want to make you happy."
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