Welcome to Gaia! ::

Lithian’s head swam with stray, unasked for thoughts as he navigated the now-familiar streets of Taliuma towards Casseth’s no-longer-new permanent residence. Vyren. The events which had transpired on Serenia. “Tutoring” that little dovaa girl, Isolde. His meeting with that strange statesman — or politician, whatever he was — the mage that Ysette had thought so important. What was his name again? An…Ando…something.

Lithian shook his head, frowning, and subconsciously brought his shoulders closer together, posture tight knit and tense as he ushered the messy string of concerns out of his head. The man had unnerved him in ways he found difficult to put into words. But that wasn’t what he’d come here for.

Casseth.

Speaking to Casseth, simply spending time with him, regardless of what it was they got up to, always helped to shoo his other concerns away, and that was certainly what he hoped for now. On the one hand, he knew it wasn’t something his family — particularly Ysette, who’d seemed so genuinely pleased that he was interacting with another pureblood — would approve of. But he couldn’t help it. He knew that in some respects, turning his attention towards Vyren was supposed to ‘help’ him focus less on Cas, but in other unnameable ways, it only made him think about him more.

During his entire time on Serenia, he had missed his best friend, and he looked forward to seeing him again, even if the interaction didn’t involve speaking of all the things on his mind. He need not pile all his concerns on Casseth in order to feel better. Simply sharing time with him, Lithian knew, would help in and of itself.

It was with these thoughts in mind that Lithian left the main portion of town, hedging along the outskirts of the port until he reached the Fedele house. He barely hesitated before rapping at the door.

Lithian blinked, jerking around at the sudden inquiry of voices at his back. Upon spotting Kilian, though, he relaxed, and then tensed again as his eyes flit between the now-obvious couple. Cheeks hot, he shook his head, feeling as though he was somehow intruding unasked for on their time together.

“I—I…ah…” He cleared his throat, and diverted his gaze, fingers reaching instinctively up to thumb over one of his horns in uncertainty. “Not—no. I was just hoping to find Casseth is all, but if he isn’t home…do you know where I might find him? I can come back later, I’m sorry to bother you, I should have given more notice, or contacted Cas ahead of time, I just…ah…” He pinched his lips together, flushing brighter still before eventually mumbling a final, “Sorry.”

At ‘We need to talk…’, Lithian felt his pulse stutter on a beat, nerves bunching in his gut and a thousand potential concerns bursting to the forefront of his mind. He swallowed. Before he could open his mouth, though, Kilian started immediately into it, and as the speech progressed, Lithian’s expression shifted: anxious, to confused, and finally to wide-eyed, red-faced bafflement.

“How I…feel about…? No, no, you…I don’t—Casseth is my friend,” Lithian insisted, already tripping over his words as heat threatened to take over the entirety of his face. “I would never…I—what I mean to say is, I care about him, obviously, and I know you worry, and I wouldn’t dream of hurting him. I’d do anything for him, but I’m not—he doesn’t—I can’t—” Lithian looked everywhere but at Kilian, fingering the cuffs of his sleeves and resisting the instinct to take a retreating step back.

Had he been that obvious? Did Casseth suspect too? Would he judge him for it? Leave? Mock him? Think him disgusting?

Finally, much quieter — barely audible, even — Lithian said, “How did you…? Since when have you thought…?”

I just think your caring carries over a bit more than his does.

Like having a dead weight dropped on his chest, Lithian felt his breath knocked from him: stomach sinking, gut knotting, and an invisible force cinching like a noose around his throat. He blinked rapidly, turning his face away with a jerk in hopes that Kilian wouldn’t see how ill-prepared he had been for the assertion. How much it hurt to hear the words aloud. More than he could have imagined, though he knew, logically, it was something he ought to have been ready to hear. Ready to think about. Ready to accept.

He knew Casseth was not like him. Had known it before he’d known for sure what his own interests were.

And yet it still felt like a punch to the gut, and he had to close his eyes, briefly, dipping his face and swallowing hard as he willed back the sting behind his lids. He was seventeen years old, and he was not going to make a fool of himself in front of Cas’ father. After drawing a slow, paced breath, Lithian opened his mouth several times with the intention to speak before giving up — his tongue incapable, or unwilling — and eventually, he simply nodded.

When he did find his voice, it was barely a whisper as he said, “I won’t hurt him. I won’t touch him, I promise. You have my word.”

Lithian nodded at Kilian’s words, shoving his previous feelings away as roughly as he could — with limited success. The subject change, though, was more the welcome, and he took the excuse for it eagerly. He ought to be thankful, he reminded himself, that Kilian wasn’t more upset. The conversation could have gone down far worse in any number of ways, and he was beyond fortunate that the older man was so open minded on so many fronts. He wasn’t sure that even his own parents would be so forgiving.

They likely wouldn’t be, as far as he could tell.

Thus, Lithian was more than happy to quit speaking of it.


Continues directly to here →