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Nyx Queen of Darkness Crew
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 Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2014 10:00 pm
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Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2014 10:05 pm
Ashes...
The air had been hot for a long time, it gave her nightmares. Heat always reminded Acacia of the fire that took her family. Sometimes, she could still smell the smoke or the singeing of flesh as though it was happening again. But that had been years ago. She had been young then, old enough to look an adult but stuck in that awkward stage of growing between foal and adult.
She'd grown up quick.
Sweat streaked her body, but the sun was merciless. Her children grew beneath the blazing sun as she watched, but her thoughts were always about another foal long since grown.
She'd found out that out there, her sister lived. How a three day old foal could survive a fire, she'd never figured out--but her sister had. There had been sightings of her, whispers of the foal that survived the burning of her home. But never was a name spoken and never had one been given to her sister.
Acacia didn't know what to call her, not really. The name her parents had chosen for her sister had perished with them in the flames just as her three brothers had. Sometimes, when she looked in the water she thought she saw her twin Aspen's reflection beside her.
Years it had been, and she had never stopped looking for him. She always expected he'd just be there and everything would be a nightmare. It wasn't, it was all...real.
She didn't understand why all of this kept coming back to her today. Acacia busied herself with her son, teaching him some of the herbs and remedies that Arden had taught her.
The burn of tears pinched at her eyes, she blamed it on the heat but she knew that was a lie. Arden had been the one that had healed her after the fire. Someone had saved her, drug her out of the fire, and when she came to that someone had been gone. It made her smile to know that even then it was her Banzai and that fate would throw them together again.
But it had been Bedford who'd taken her to Arden, and it had been Arden who'd made a deal with a terrible man to save her. It was Arden that had given her bad advice, it was Arden that told her to give herself time before choosing Banzai...and it was his advice she'd followed. She'd wound up pregnant having to tell the love of her life that she'd made a mistake, that her making sure she loved him had wound up making foals. She vowed never to speak to Arden again after that, that and the knowledge that he knew her sister might be alive. He had not wanted to give her "hope".
Yet today, the decision weighed heavy on her. She missed Arden who had banded together with Bedford to give her a stable environment. Two bachelors who stuck together to finish raising her. Sometimes, she forgot how much they sacrificed for that.
But forgiveness for the things he had done? Did he deserve that?
No, that wasn't right. That wasn't the question really, the question was could she give him forgiveness?
She searched her thoughts and found that it angered her still, but she loved him for the father figure he'd been to her. He'd made mistakes, she had to but Banzai had forgiven her. Why couldn't she forgive Arden to?
And there wasn't a reason, only the hate still lingering there. She pushed it away and closed her eyes. She needed to let go of that, she needed to forgive and forget.
Tears ran down her chee--NO!
Her eyes flashed open and Acacia saw where the storm had rolled in. The clouds were thick. Thunder rumbled and lightening flashed across the sky. The rain dripped down her face, merely a trickle from the heavens and fell to the ground hissing. It sounded like snakes at her feet, the water sizzled wherever it touched the earth.
Lightening forked across the sky and the whole earth felt as though it was shaking. She saw it hit the earth far away as she stumbled to the ground.
A spark went up, she could see it even from this distance. The spark caught and rolled like a tide. She blinked and then it was everywhere in the distance. All she could feel was the hammering of her heart, and the fear that tore through her veins at the sight of it.
Fire!
Her body told her to run, to flee far away. She couldn't do this, not again. Three feet away, she realized she was running and forced herself to stop. Acacia ground her teeth together and forced her eyes to stay open. She would not run in fear, she would not let fear rule her.
Her son was beside her, but she brushed him away. "I'm fine," she whispered between clenched teeth as she forced herself to look. The fire was everywhere in the distance. They were safe where they were, the ground too parched, and the expanse covered in hardened earth. There was nothing to catch light where she was.
She was safe from the fire. Was Arden or Bedford? Or her other children who where with their fathers? And what of the others? Families she didn't even know, families who would be devastated by the fire as she had been all her life.
It had crippled her for all these years and she had buried it away refusing to confront it. But it had come for her just the same. She watched as the plains burned and remembered the girl she'd saved from the fire--Sakura, was that her name?
She didn't remember.
Acacia watched the plains burn. Even from here the heat was unbearable. Her mate and the children begged her to come further away, to retreat back for just a few days till it burned itself out, but she refused to leave.
She forced herself to watch the fire, even though her body trembled. She wouldn't let fear rule her. Acacia had given birth, she's survived a fire, and the loss of a family--she would not let it rule her.
Fear was healthy, it was a good warning indicator and a way of protection in smaller quantities. But too much was as bad as too little, so she forced herself to watch--to confront her fear and her mortality.
She was terrified at first, she shook so hard when she stood there that she laid down. Still, she would not leave. As she watched the flames with tear filled eyes and wrenching sobs, she discovered that the fear was not as crippling as before.
It was easier to breath, her chest wasn't as tight. The anxiety and concern were still present but had lessened. By the time the fire burned out three days later, she was exhausted but still sane.
The rain poured down from the heavens and mingled with her own tears. She took one step forward and then another. And another.
Stopping at the edge of the ash, she stood there hesitant with a foot in the air. I am alive. I survived the fire. I can do this. I can do this. I have to find the ones I love. I have to make amends. I will not let fear rule me, not ever again.
Acacia put her foot down on the simmering but mushy ashes. It took several minutes of deep breathing before she could step again. Each time she convinced herself that she could do it over and over, until she took a step without hesitation.
Before long, she didn't have to think about walking at all.
The acrid smoke made her cough, and her heart would thud so loudly she couldn't hear. Breathe through your nose, exhale through your mouth. She made herself keep moving.
The first thing they encountered was bodies. She passed them quickly, trying not to think of her dead siblings and parents. But soon she came to a village, and there were humans crying in fear. There were soquili in pain, and there not thirty feet away was Arden helping the injured and the sick.
She ran to him, surprising him and wrapping her neck around him before he could speak. She knew what he wanted to ask, if she had forgiven him but he didn't need to. Acacia clung to him, "Arden, there's nothing to forgive." She looked into his sad, noble eyes. "Let me help you heal them."
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Nyx Queen of Darkness Crew
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Nyx Queen of Darkness Crew
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Posted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 9:08 pm
His mother had been distant at best today. Several times when he spoke to her, he'd had to repeat his questions or prod her for an answer. She was somewhere far away.
It was the girl--his aunt. That far away look came into her eyes when she was thinking of her, thinking of that old life. She didn't talk about it--at least not with him and his siblings but he knew when she thought of them. It was odd to think about your parents past.
But parents had a life before children--family, lovers, and friends. Some remained and some were only memories. It was the memories that haunted his mother. She'd had a twin, identical down to every patch on her fur and sometimes, Zatarra knew she still looked for him. He had been dead for four long years at least, and yet she still looked. Sometimes, she looked at him and he wondered exactly how much like his uncle he looked and acted.
He couldn't imagine losing his mother as she had lost her parents, to have them taken from him...and by fire. She feared it, was terrified of it and she had chastised each of her children about the dangers of it.
Fire kills. Fire burns. Fire takes everything.
And somewhere out there, her sibling had escaped the fire only to be lost in the swamp never to be seen again. She was probably dead, but his mother would not give up--not now that she knew she'd lived past the fire.
When the fires came to the Kawani lands they were far enough away to observe without it burning him. His mother trembled though, and she was gone to that nightmare that she sometimes relived. She did not hear his voice., she was lost to that nightmare.
Her body shivered and shook as she kept her eyes out to the horizon. The fire swept the grasslands and even from here they could feel the heat. Tears ran down his mother's face. Gently, he wiped them but she did not respond. Banzai told him that she just needed time.
Neither of them left her as she laid there her wet body drying from the rain by the heat of the flames. All she would say is "I'm fine." As much as he begged her to come further away, as much as they all did, she would not move.
Zatarra saw the strength in her. Fire had ruled her life, held her as an eternal victim but she was facing it now--facing everything she feared. He could only stay there with her as she sobbed and stared.
For three days, he watched her and barely slept. He knew what this was doing to her--what this was meaning to her. And he admired her for it, for facing it--it was almost unbearable to watch it without having had a past with fires. The screams...he could hear them still.
But when she walked towards the embers, they came with her--moving through the ashes. His mother kept her head high and took each step at a time. It was the first time he'd really seen her as something more than just his mother--she was a bright, intelligent, and courageous mare and he loved her for it.
She spoke some, not much as they moved on. He'd never seen so much desolation in his life. He could only imagine what the forests had looked like after her family's death. Had she gone back to bury them? Had she gone back at all?
The village was nothing but ashes, but people were there because this was where they had lived once--where maybe they would live again. His mother stopped suddenly, there across the way was a green stallion. He had horns of soft pine coloured wood and there were leave patterns on his back.
His mother rushed to the stranger as he followed and he heard her words, heard her greeting the stallion who had practically raised her--who had saved her. This was the stallion that his fathers had told him were responsible for his birth. Had his mother not listened to his bad advice, had his mother not made mistakes...he wouldn't be here.
She'd never talked about it before--only Banzai had told him. He wondered why it had taken his mother so long to forgive Arden? She loved him and his siblings, loved them dearly, she told them frequently they were the best things that ever happened to him. And yet...she had not forgiven Arden his advice.
And then he heard his mother's next words, "This is one of my sons. If it was not for you, I'd not have them. Forgive me Arden, I've been a fool for so long. You helped to give me the best thing I've ever had in life. All you did was love me like your daughter, and I blamed you for my faults. I couldn't see the bigger picture--that this is how things were meant to be."
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