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Posted: Sat Dec 21, 2013 10:09 pm
Name: Desdemona Christianson Nickname: Dessie, Dess, or DC Age: 16 Birthday: October 31st.... Halloween Sign: Scorpio Gemstone: Opal Blood Type: AB+ Fav. Food: Mac and Cheese Hated Food: Steak... it has bad memories attached to it School: Runaway so no although she will get her GED Hobbies: Street Fighting/Bare-knuckle boxing- At first Dessie picked up fighting as a way to feel more in control of her life, even when she got the tar beat out of her, but over time she learned how to fight properly with the help of a coach and friends. Now she sees it as a type of exercise, both mentally and physically, as well as a way to release stress. She has also learned that she has her own moral code that she follows… she will not fight someone who is grossly weaker than her although someone larger and stronger is fair game, once the opponent is down the fight is done, and once the opponent no longer wants to fight, the fight is done regardless of what the ‘ref’ or other ‘organizers’ of the fight say. Rarely does she fight outside of one of the back alley rings but it does happen and she has even found that training or sparing with other fighters is fun as well. She is not the best but she does win about half of her fights, providing her with a secondary income to supplement her busking. Guitar- Dessie was taught to play the guitar by her mother and was gifted her guitar shortly before she died. She first learned to play folk and bluegrass types of music at her mother’s knee, The Charlie Daniels Band was one of the many the two enjoyed together. Due to an ‘argument’ she lost that guitar and now plays one that she picked up in a pawn shop. She plays as remembrance as well as a way to make money and loves to just listen as the music bring enjoyment to everyone. And while folk and bluegrass are her staples she has branched out to songs from country and classical, even a few pop songs. She has even written two or three instrumental pieces but tends to favor well known work over original since her personal songs aren’t that good. Whenever she has the spare money she tries to by music books to learn more songs and enjoys sharing her store of music with other buskers in the various citys and towns she had played in. Drawing/Creating Comics- Drawing and creating stories was a form of escapism for Dessie. She loves to create worlds where the good guys always won and where heart ache had a reason behind it. Her work has never gone beyond sketches in a sketchbook but they provided a good way of resting her mind when it seems that even the world had turned against her. When there was no fight to be had or no song in her heart Dessie would sit and draw the world around her as she wished it was; the man at the hotdog cart was secretly a millionaire who passed out money and free hotdogs to the starving kids in the neighborhood while the teacher who dozed on the park bench as a stray dog stole his lunch was so tired because at night he was a superhero who kept the city safe. Much of her art is for herself and few ever see it but occasionally, when it seemed that the colorful pages and interesting plot were needed she would share her made up world with the other strays that she met. Trying to provide some comfort in the harsh reality that Dessie knew the world to be. Virtues: Protector of the Small- It is one thing to fight someone your size and strength but it is something completely different to pick on someone smaller then you. When Dessie sees something like that she can’t help but step in and stop it. There is no reason for someone bigger to be hurting someone smaller or unable to protect themselves. Dessie doesn’t see herself as a protector but rather an equalizer… if an adult is about to hit a child she will take that punch then punch the adult right back. A pack of kids tormenting a cat will likely get a few smacks to the head while the kitten gets some milk. This has resulted in quite a few black eyes, broken bones, and even detained once before the reason behind the fight was confirmed. Dessie knows she can’t and won’t win every fight, protect every child, save every cat… but she will do her damndest anyway. She can take the abuse while those she fights for can’t, even when it ends up with a busted lip for Dessie. Steadfast- When Dessie decides to do something or learn something she is unwavering in her resolve to do it, from learning to fight to playing the guitar to leaving home at 16 and never looking back. Not only is she steadfast in her decisions but she is unwavering in her friendships as well… when given. Dessie sticks by her friends even if it puts her in danger like it did when she stuck up for a fellow runaway when he got cornered by a group of older boys. She might have gotten beat up pretty badly but at least the boys wouldn’t be messing with her friend again. This trait is also the leading reason she picks up random school books when money allows. One of her mother’s dreams was for her to graduate college and although she never finished high school Dessie is determined to get her GED and eventually get her Associates… although both need to wait until she reaches 18 so she can avoid being forced to return to her father, something she goes to great lengths to avoid. Patient- Although Dessie has a temper she has learned to control it and has found an inner patience that is not evident at first. It is difficult to provoke her and even harder to push her into doing something faster than she wants to. Part of this is Dessie has found that most things take time and patience to learn properly and the other half is that the serene and calm façade often annoy others which she finds secretly amusing. This patience has come in handy when dealing with other skittish runaways, sitting hours on end to earn enough change playing the guitar to eat dinner, or waiting for just the right moment to attack during a fight. Street Smart- Even without a high school diploma under her belt Dessie’s knuckles don’t drag the ground. She learns fast and finds that common sense is a very good thing when you have to live on the streets. You learn what gang tag means what, which spot is patrolled by cops, when to skip town, and when to hunker down and stick around for a while. Such knowledge has come in handy several times like when she broke up a fight between a kid and this gang, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out it was time to move on and fast… or the time in L.A. where a squabble between two dealers meant the imminent arrival of cops and the scattering of the locals. Knowing where the best money to be made while busking or who runs the underground fights were essential when Dessie finally struck out on her own since her meager savings didn’t go far. Learning who she could trust and who to confide it to some trial and error… and quite a few black eyes, but through everything she has picked up quite a few skills. Some good, like the ability to spot a cop, even one undercover… some not so good, like the distrusting unasked for kindness. Too many people see a pretty girl on the streets and want something that Dessie won’t give them. Getting nabbed by the cops is the least of her worries. Flaws:Aloof- If one had no friends one can't get hurt. This is a lesson that Dessie learned from a young age and she does her best to stick by it. She doesn't make friends easy and does her best to not show interest in things around her, this makes her appear cold and aloof. Even those she ‘saves’ when they get in trouble have a hard time becoming one of Dessie’s inner circle. She normally leaves them to their own devises after she does her best to save them, what happens after is up to them. Because of this Dessie doesn't have more than a handful of friends and had difficulties talking to and making new ones. Those that have proven that they don’t want anything from her, are willing to help her without a form of payment, or are just stubborn enough to stay by her side even with the cold shoulder become her friends… not that she really warms up that much more to them either, it just means that she is more open about herself and is more likely to be kinder. Those that aren’t one of the lucky few are watched and judged silently, this means she isn't likely to ask questions because she won't believe the answers given to her by someone she doesn't trust nor would she double check something she finally accepted as true until it the real truth was forced upon her. Caustic Wit- Dessie is smart... it was the only way she was able to make it this far, but sometimes her brain gets in the way in the form of a sharp tongue. Never one to put up with stupidity Dessie rarely keeps her opinions to herself nor are they likely to be kind or tactful in any way. It keeps the majority of people away and the less she has to worry about. She can’t be caught if she doesn’t have any ties and a sharp tongue cuts ties just as fast as a quick fist. Most of the time her comments are used to get a reaction from others, they are aimed to get them to back off or to cause the most damage. Rarely is her own mental balance challenged to the point where she lashes out with words and fists... but it does happen. Normally her family and her past are off limits and those limits will be protected, first with her words then her fists. Don't Touch- Everyone has scars, Dessie has both mental and physical. Due to her father she can't stand others touching her more than a mere brush of the fingers when passing food or the occasional hand shake or hand up. Too many times an offered hand turned into a striking one and a kind smile hid a perverse nature. Dessie never understood why her mother put up with the ‘bedroom’ games from her father but Dessie is damn sure she will never put up with it even if it means meeting a kind hand with a raised fist. A hug takes extreme control and trust on Dessie's part to keep from decking the huger. Any more than a casual glancing touch normally is met with Dessie's fist or biting tongue, the only time when this is placed to the side is during a fight at which time she has no reservations in doing her best to beat the tar out of the toucher/opponent. It’s My Body- Most people have a sense of self preservation that Dessie does not. She knows what it is and does her best to stay out of avoidable situations like a drug deal gone bad or getting hit by a train but when she steps into a fight all thought of protecting herself goes out the window. She doesn’t care if she gets a black eye or a cracked rib. A broken hand is more of a hindrance but only because it made hitting people harder. Disregarded for her own safety is what made her a decent fighter and one of the reasons she has no qualms stepping in to help someone who was getting beat on by someone bigger. So far she has been pretty lucky in the sense of no major bones were broken and by being a fighter in the underground she knows a few doctors who will patch her up no questions asked but luck might not always be on her side. PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION Eyes: almond shaped ice blue eyes. Hair: Something like this but maybe a bit longer and can be spiked if desired. Platinum blond faded to white at the tips. Looking at this color chart I think 28 or 613 should work just fine as the main color Face: A bit pixie-ish with a light scar cutting through the very end of her left eyebrow,a reminder of a fight. Her nose has been broken but there is no real noticeable malformation from it since it was set stright. Body/Height: Tall for her age, around 6 feet. She is well proportioned but a little on the slim side... but with some steady feeding she will begin to fill out a bit. Clothes: scruffy and well used. She is homeless but she is not dirty, her clothes however are worn. Most of her jeans have holes in them, her shirts are dull from washing and she normally wears a old, long coat that has been cleaned to a light brown. Something like this but brown, worn, and maybe a few patches as well as maybe a few worn sewn on patches.
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Posted: Sat Dec 21, 2013 10:12 pm
Senshi: Antares, Senshi of Scorpions Challenge: "In the Name of Antares, I'll punish You!" Fuku Colour:Main Color: CC Secondary Color: CC Fuku: Her fuku is nearly completely cc. I'm thinking Egyptian/desert/jedi-esk but no solid ideas so have fun with it. Here are some jewelry and images that might give some ideas: broochresin scorpionring but to be honest i think it would be better as a bracelet scorpion under blacklightAttacks: Sailor Scout Attack: Scorpion Sting When the attack is called out a ghostly scorpion around the size of a rat or a hamster appears and advances upon the attended target. The scorpion can be touched, swatted, hit, and stepped on but it is not recommended since it is able to sting through clothes and armor alike. When it stings, it's target gets severe pins and needles sensation in the limb that was stung... as if their limb had fallen asleep and was just then waking up, this effect lasts 30 seconds. Any residual affects are up to the target if there is any at all. The scorpion can be dodged and after 7 feet it disappears and it can only manifest for 30 seconds at a time. It does not travel in a straight line, rather it will head to anything moving so it could be tricked. The length of the scorpion and the length of the effects of the attack are separate, if you are stung in the beginning you have just as long as someone stung right before the scorpion disappears. This attack can be used up to a maximum of three times in a battle. When the three scorpions have been used no more can manifest until later. Super Sailor Scout Attack: Scorpion Swarm When the attack is called out three ghostly scorpions around the size of a ferret appears and advances upon the attended target. The scorpions can be touched, swatted, hit, and stepped on but it is not recommended since they are able to sting through clothes and armor alike. When one stings, it's target they lose all feeling in that particular limb... as if their limb is still asleep and has yet to wake up. They can still use it but they can't feel it at all. This affect lasts 30 seconds, any residual effects are up to the target if there is any at all. The scorpions can be dodged and after 7 feet they disappear and they can only manifest for 30 seconds at a time. They do not travel in a straight line, rather they will head to anything moving so it could be tricked. The length of the scorpion and the length of the effects of the attack are separate, if you are stung in the beginning you have just as long as someone stung right before the scorpion disappears. This attack can be used up to a maximum of three times in a battle. When the nine scorpions have been used no more can manifest until later. Using all available scorpions drains Antares severely. Eternal Sailor Attack: Scorpion Shadow Strike When this attack is called a giant shadow of a scorpion is interposed over Antares before drawing into her leaving just a shadow over her hand and a slight glassy sheen to her eyes. She then has only 30 seconds from the time the attack is called to punch the target before the affects of the attack dissipate. The punch doesn't have to be hard, even a glancing blow is all that is needed. When the punch lands the target immediately starts to feel the result of the attack. They will feel as if their body is reacting from a highly toxic scorpion sting. The affects will likely be, but not limited to; pain, unusual head, neck and eye movements, rapid breathing, increased heart rate, involuntary muscle twitching or spamming, severe weakness, or even anaphylactic shock DEPENDING on the individual. It will be all in their head and no real harm will come to them other then the punch and any reaction the target will have after the attack has run its course, which is completely up to the target but disorientation is likely. This attack can be dodged, avoid Antares or wait for the time limit to pass, it can only be used once in a fight, and the affects only last 15 seconds. This attack drains Antares severely and leaves her next to powerless. ((http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/library/scorpion-stings/DS01113.html)) ((http://www.scorpionworlds.com/facts-about-scorpions.html))
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Posted: Sat Dec 21, 2013 10:44 pm
Personal History
Father: Frank Mother: Sarah
Dessie was born and raised in a small, poor town in the middle of no where. She was named Desdemona in the hope she would live up to her name... her mom knew it was from a famous play, just not how it ended. Her father worked in the local factory, was paid minimum wage, and liked to drink... alot. Her mother was a stay at home maid... she cooked, cleaned, cared for Dessie as best she could, and was her husbands slave in every way.
When she was 12 her mom died in a car accident leaving her father Dessie's only care taker... one that was not terribly caring. After years of abuse, stretching back to before her mother's death, Dessie finally left her home shortly after her 15th birthday when her father told her to 'get out and never come back'. Since then she has been traveling the country making a living fighting in back alley street fighting, busking with a guitar she picked up in a pawn shop in NYC, and doing odd jobs under the table like waiting tables and cutting grass.
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Posted: Sat Dec 21, 2013 10:53 pm
^.^' any suggestions for her?
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Posted: Thu Jan 02, 2014 6:45 pm
just dropping this off but thanks to luforce's horrible hobby i noticed this and thought of your quest - it might give you design ideas. Vesuvia
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Posted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 4:59 pm
Fiction1119 ^.^' any suggestions for her? I'd love to leave you more detailed crit, but since this thread has been inactive for a while, I want to check with you first - are you still questing for Dessie and looking for feedback on her? smile
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Posted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 5:14 pm
Silverah Fiction1119 ^.^' any suggestions for her? I'd love to leave you more detailed crit, but since this thread has been inactive for a while, I want to check with you first - are you still questing for Dessie and looking for feedback on her? smile both ^^ im waiting on official critique/stamp which is why its been quiet although im up for unofficial critique too XD
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Posted: Wed Jan 22, 2014 6:43 pm
Great! Okay, so, just as an introduction, I try to be super thorough in my critiques. If you at any point feel like I've gone in the wrong direction, feel free to let me know! "Silv, you're full of s**t," is completely acceptable feedback. GeneralStake is the thing you attack vampires with or tie witches to to burn them... or use to help hold up a tent. Steak is the cut of meat. How does Dessie avoid truancy cops and/or being picked up and sent to Saint Magdalena's? (Compulsory education laws vary by state, you might want to ask what age students in Destiny City schools are allowed to drop out at.) Hobbies Street Fighting/Boxing: You've put a lot of thought into this and it's already in really good shape. I have a few really simple logic questions that you might have sorted out in your head but never made it onto the page. Does Dessie usually fight against other people similar to her in age, size, and gender, or are her opponents more mixed? Will she take on anyone, or does she draw the line at someone whose strength varies too much from her? Is she entirely self-taught, or does/did she have some kind of coach? Guitar: Again, this is super good already and I'm just going to ask some detail questions. Does Dessie write any of her own songs, or does she mostly play covers? What genre of music does she like to play - country? classic rock? more modern pieces? folk? Does she have any guitarists she looks up to as artists (besides, as you have already indicated, her mother)? Drawing/Creating Comics: I love this and I have nothing to add. VirtuesProtector of the small: While this is a really good base for a virtue, I think you might want to think more about the consequences involved in a trait like this, and possibly add a flaw to counterbalance it. What kinds of trouble has Dessie's selflessness gotten her into? Has it gotten her hurt? Arrested? (And this ties into her boxing hobby, too-) Does Dessie ever lose a fight? Steadfast: It's great that you're taking into account how her traits interact with each other! These are just some flavor questions. What is some of Dessie's reasoning behind sticking to a decision once she makes it? Does she ever regret a decision and push forward with it anyway, or is she not too proud to recognize when she's wrong? The examples you give of Dessie being steadfast - learning guitar, running away, and learning to fight - are all in the past. What are some current goals she might be working towards that exemplify this trait? Patient: Looks great to me. Flaws: Aloof: This might conflict with Protector of the Small, but i'm not sure - Dessie will come to the aid of anyone helpless who needs help, but she has no interest in other people and doesn't like other people to take interest in her - is that correct? Does Dessie rescue people and then leave them to her own devices, or does she make friends through protecting people and everyone else can go hang themselves? How does one gain entry into Dessie's inner circle? The two traits don't have to be mutually exclusive, but detailing how they interact might help you out! Other than that concern, this looks great. Razor wit: This is a good start to a trait, but it seems like it has a few holes in it. As a nitpick, saying someone has "cutting" or "razor" wit is typically has positive connotations in my experience - it means they're funny, in a slightly mean way. For what you're describing here, "Abrasive" might be the better word, since she says mean things in order to get a reaction. Also, what is Dessie's limit before she is personally offended, and how does her lashing out in that situation differ from her usual cattiness? Is Dessie only rude to people she considers stupid, or is she rude to everyone to keep them from trying to get close to her? Don't Touch: If you want, I think you could go more in-depth into why Dessie doesn't like being close to people than just "mental scars." It would make her backstory clearer and the trait more specific to her. Beyond that, This looks good. Appearance-What do you mean when you say her eyes are "normal"? -Broken noses don't scar so much as they heal crooked if they aren't treated correctly. Do you mean to say that her nose has been broken, but healed straight? PoweredMost senshi attacks can only be used once per battle, and especially with something as strong as her scorpions, you might want to stick to being able to use it just once/summon a single scorpion. Once she levels up, you might want to make the venom more powerful, rather than increase the number of scorpions she can summon exponentially. Maybe since the first attack is a numbing sensation - inconvenient, but not painful - the second attack is a burning sensation that actually hurts? I'd wait for staff to give a final call on her last attack if I were you, but it seems like it might be way overpowered, to do all the things that it does. Just a tip, in their most common usages, affect is a verb and effect is a noun. IE, The effect of the attack affects everyone in different ways. This is a super easy thing to mess up, I do it all the time, but you've got a few mix-ups here and I figured it wouldn't hurt to let you know. Anyway, Dessie looks really well-thought out already, and like she'd be a blast to play! Depending on how the staff decides about homeless characters/truancy, you might have to make some adjustments, but on the whole I think that my questions are largely pretty minor detail issues. Good luck on your quest and if you have any questions about any of the above, just quote me and I'll swing back around.
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Posted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 2:49 pm
ok Im pretty sure i covered all questions... athough maybe not nessisaryly in the section you were thinking. Ive added 'Street Smart' but need to add the coresponding Flaw but forgot what it was... Ill add it tonight. I tried to leave 'Dont touch' clear and yet abiguous as to the reasoning behind it since I know the reason is a pretty touchy subject so kinda need to keep it 'cant say it but you know what i mean' i didnt really think the scorpions were that powerfull but ill ask around. untill then i didnt really tweak either first or second stage much, just added a few words. as for her final attack i didn't realise that i didn't mention that any reaction was up to the target... the list was for refrence. so added that, and hope it was clear this time ^^' it might still be op but ill ask around as well to double check
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Posted: Thu Jan 23, 2014 10:14 pm
Fiction1119 ok Im pretty sure i covered all questions... athough maybe not nessisaryly in the section you were thinking. Ive added 'Street Smart' but need to add the coresponding Flaw but forgot what it was... Ill add it tonight. I tried to leave 'Dont touch' clear and yet abiguous as to the reasoning behind it since I know the reason is a pretty touchy subject so kinda need to keep it 'cant say it but you know what i mean' i didnt really think the scorpions were that powerfull but ill ask around. untill then i didnt really tweak either first or second stage much, just added a few words. as for her final attack i didn't realise that i didn't mention that any reaction was up to the target... the list was for refrence. so added that, and hope it was clear this time ^^' it might still be op but ill ask around as well to double check I'm not the best person when it comes to powers, so definitely seek a second opinion there. smile I think your changes all look very good! I'm too tired right now to give you a full second round of crit - if you want me to go through again tomorrow and see if there's anything that I think still needs work, let me know. smile
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Posted: Fri Jan 24, 2014 1:10 pm
ive talked to several people and the all agree that the powered side is not op and unless the mod overrules it, it should be ok to play it that way. ive added the fourth flaw and would love it if you read through everything or atleast the extra virtue and flaw XD atleast help me out with my affect and effect ~^.^~
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Posted: Mon Jan 27, 2014 3:04 pm
Hey Fiction! The profile looks really good to me, her civilian looks like she will be a very interesting character to interact with! Her powered side seems pretty good to me, at least with the effects that the attacks have, but I think that having four summons of her second attack is a little much, considering that each time she uses it it is three scorpions at once. If you could knock that down to only three uses, I would be much more comfortable! One other thing is that the way you have her being able to use the first two attacks in the different ways, (the single use or the bursts) it seems more like how a knight would use their magic, as opposed to the way a senshi uses theirs. I am fine with her rapidly casting her magic, but there should not be a choice of using it one way or using it another! Please quote me with your changes! 8D
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Posted: Tue Jan 28, 2014 11:32 am
o.O i thought i tweaked the amount on the second one already ^.^' and i didn't know that the break down on the amount was more knight like XD it doesnt matter either way so i pulled it out ^^
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Posted: Tue Jan 28, 2014 11:58 am
hey any ideas for a badass challange? i couldnt come up with any ^^'
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Posted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 8:04 pm
These changes look good, so here's a stamp! I don't have any idea for a challenge but good luck coming up with one (and winning her!)
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