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[Q] Cherry Pie/Lt. Piemontite - crits n comments <3

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Graceangel

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 8:31 pm


Name: Cerise Clayborne

Nickname: Pie, Cherry, Cherry Pie

Age: 28

Birthday: August 1st

Sign:Leo

Gemstone: Ruby

Blood Type:O+

Fav. Food:Cinnamon Rolls

Hated Food: French Onion Anything

Job: Coffee Shop Manager. She desperately wants to chase her dreams of being a posh princess. She wants to be a media darling.

Hobbies:

Amateur Photography - She definitely can't invest the money or time to learn how to have her own dark room or anything on that level. However, she does feel like she has an eye to catch situations or landscapes that might look nice if it were on someone's wall. She likes taking these. She mostly just takes them to a nearby store to get developed. Her dad is a photographer.

Baking Pies - She doesn't bake a lot of things. She's not everyone's favorite baker for all their baked goods; However, she makes a killer cherry pie. If you eat a whole one in a single sitting, you're guaranteed a food coma. Her apple cobbler is also pretty dreamy. She aspires to make other warm tasty things with cherries at some point.

Virtues:

Hard Worker -- Pie had to leave what little time she spent in college after her mom became disabled. Neither parent was able to work anymore, so she went off to get a full time job. Despite the fact she often feels held back and wants to chase her own dreams, she works very hard. Even if she's not overly ambitious, she'll do whatever it takes to get what she wants. Definitely not afraid to get her hands dirty.

Quick on Her Feet -- She might not be necessarily either book or street smart to the word. However, in the heat of the moment, she seems to almost instantly either know what to do or a path to take to arrive at a self serving solution. Her ability to be so sharp in touch and go situations can make her valuable to have around in a pinch.

Diplomatic -- she can meet others where they are at. if someone has to take the high road and put their feelings on hold to arrive at a better outcome; she'll do it even if deep down she'd rather be running her mouth off. Even though her choices and behaviors have an established pattern of inappropriate magnitudes, she often doesn't like to get carried away too far. She likes being able to maintain as neutral environment as possible.

Flaws:

Promiscuous -- While whenever she is ever ready for a really emotionally driven relationship, she would go after a guy. In any other situation, she is more open to anyone who would adore her. She is fast and willing to get down and dirty with not anyone. She does require that there is at least some kind of energy or something going on there. She secretly dreams of one day being wealthy enough to have a mansion that's her own personal harem full of guys. She'd allow them to do whatever they want when she doesn't need them individually.

conceited -- She definitely thinks very highly of herself. She will spend hours looking at pictures she takes not only because of the beauty in them. Part of the beauty comes from the fact that she took them. She feels her ability to just zero in on this stuff is amazing. She's amazing. Don't try to understand it. Sure, she has her flaws and shortcomings. If you ask her though, it's all just game. Her inability to see where her puffed up ideas about herself hold her back; she just would refuse to even listen to it.

She's on her own side! - While the world might be split between the negaverse and those goodie two shoes, there's only one side she's truly completely and a hundred percent loyal to. That's her own side. For this reason, she will whenever she feels like it cross some lines in being friendly to those on the other side. She might toe the line to what's acceptable. She will always do whatever it takes to serve her own purposes. To this extent, in her civilian life, she also tends to remain neutral and out of confrontation whenever possible. However, if push comes to shove, she'll ultimately side with whichever benefits her the most. Even if this means betraying someone close to her. She will always throw someone under the bus if it means saving herself or getting something else she's long wanted.


PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Eyes: blue. not sure about shape.

Hair: brunette, long and flowy but with body and a hint of wavy/curls

Face: no freckles, average ears, heart shaped face

Clothes: still deciding but i'm thinking a cream/red/brown set up.
can't decide between a dress or capris + nice top, maybe a partial apron around her waist with a pocket on it since she would be working in a food service environment? sure, a coffee shop isn't macdonalds, but she probably needs to wear it.

shoes - a mountain climbing style boot with socks that barely come a little higher than her boots.

Note: she's also very curvy. I'd like her to have slightly larger boobs and little curvier hips than normal. :3 Voluptuous would be pretty accurate.

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 6:15 pm


Negaverse Alias: Lieutenant Piemontite

Challenge: If you'd just come and let me show you something...

Uniform:

Top -- Cropped with someting under? puffy short sleeves? What's the collar like? Could even be a dress? I'd like something that's a mix between a dress but also fairly scantily clad? Dunno if that's ok for a lieutenant.
Bottoms -- was hoping for no skirt just um.. either liek swim bottoms or part of a leotard She finds pants to cumbersome.
Gloves -- CC
Belt -- CC
Shoes -- heeled boots that go to the knee, with straps on the side
Shoulders -- CC
Accessories -- CC
Weapon --
Basically a 'bow and arrow' type but more like a 'blowgun' type. The actual weapon are her darts.

stage 1 - straw + paper = spit wads lmao
stage 2 - bamboo chute with 'darts' gotten from rose thorns or cacti n eedles
stage 3 - special darts - at this stage she takes on darts that have a cocktail of side effects. The effect, it just makes someone in a similar state as if they were drunk off their a** and in no conditon to "drive home". They get into a stupor that mixes upset tummy, food coma, and a little confusion as to what they're supposed to be doing or doing it with.

Each battle, she gets 8 darts. (8 because slices of pie? can reduce to 6)
Each dart has a lasting effect for 3-5 seconds.


PICK A MAIN COLOUR FOR YOUR UNIFORM THAT IS NEUTRAL- gray

YOUR SECONDARY COLOUR - cherry red

something to draw her style and ideas from:
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Graceangel

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Graceangel

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 3:23 pm


Family blurb-
so i'm gonna start coming up with some background information.

As people look at her background, they might wonder. She's coming into this game far older than other people. How did she end up never going to college or pursuing her own goals? Why does her income have to support her family?

Still working on ideas but here's what i got so far~
-father, William Clayborne. Was once a traveling photographer. He did lots of wilderness photos for some newspapers and magazines. He also from time to time would publish coffee table books full of photos.
While on a safari photo trip, he was severely injured, and he hadn't been able to return to his life's work anymore. Being unable to do that one thing he was alwasy driven to do; he got very depressed and gave up on the idea of him wanting to do anything.

-mother, Louise Chantilly. She was the daughter of a french immigrant. Her father had worked very hard to bring to life a french pastry shop. She never developed the propensity to bake or cook like her father did, but she worked for him helping him until she was a senior in high school. She went on to waitress for one of her father's friends at a high class French restaurant. It was there she met a certain handsome photographer. She continued to work until she was pregnant with their first child. Then, she became a stay at home mom. Then, after William's accident, she went back to working in her father's old bakery. However, she a few years later developed into the early stages of Parkinson's. Due to the shaking in her hands that grew worse and worse, she could no longer work like she used to.

When Cerise first went off to get a job and help her folks out, she did it with happiness and enthusiasm. She was too happy to chip in and do what she could for these parents who were amazing people to her all her life. However, many years down the line, she came to a place where she began to want more for herself. It became a war within her heart. Does she continue to take care of her parents? But then, what about her desire to wanna do other things? She feels guilty for thinking of and wanting things that don't include taking care of her parents despite their needing her.
PostPosted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 6:22 pm


-list of custom attempts for personal reference-
blue - oct 2013
bee's first ever solo customs
blue november 2013

pose number:
civilian temp 3, powered temp 7

Graceangel

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Orangeish Sherbert

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 20, 2013 5:26 pm


Hi, Graceangel! Sorry it took so long for me to get to you! Work and life has been kind of crazy!

Most of this profile looks really good to me so let's try and get you a stamp!

Firstly, her hobbies look okay to me!

In virtues, you have -insert name- which I think needs to be changed to her name!

In flaws, I think 'she's on her own side' is pretty good but I think it also is a little too specific to her powered side. She toes the line between order and chaos, but how does this affect her civilian life? Is she willing to step over friends to get what she wants? Is she willing to abandon them in their time of need because their interests conflict or don't blend with hers?

Her powered side looks pretty good though I am a little worried about her general weapon. I think as it's written, it has too many variations and I suggest cutting it down to having only one effect instead of having to randomize between the four. I think poison, charm or the 'cocktail' would be the best bet since attacks that force sleep can be a little too dangerous (it leaves the opponent totally defenseless).

If you wanted to keep the effect as just poison, I don't think where it hit a person should depend on how long it effects someone and you would just have to determine how long after being darted would they feel sick?

If you wanted to keep the effect as just charm, this could work but might be more useful when facing multiple opponents but if you are fine with her darts just making it difficult for her opponent to tell that her enemy is their enemy, it could work!

If you wanted to keep the effect as just the drunken cocktail, this would also work well! Making an opponent sort of druken/disoriented seems like a great effect!

Also for the weapon, how long would all of these effects last for per dart? And how many darts does she have? (the darts would magically replenish every time she powered down and then back up so how many could use in a battle?) If she has unlimited darts, I think the 'magical effect' of her darts should be very short lived, but if she has only a set limit I think that they could last for a little longer. For example, if she has five darts that she can use per battle, the effects might last for 10-15 seconds per dart, but if she has unlimited darts, the effects shouldn't be able to last for very long (maybe only 3-5 seconds per dart).

Please let me know! If you have any questions or have changed anything, quote me and I'll be happy to help however I can!
PostPosted: Wed Nov 20, 2013 5:36 pm


Orangeish Sherbert

Well see, my original idea for her weapon was.. she sort of had a cache she'd go into every battle with a set limited number of darts of each of those effect types. but, i've had SOME people tell me privately that they think it should just be made into one kind of dart that can give off one of either of those effects. x3

The point to having the different effects is kind of like I don't know if you play gw2 at all? But the elementalists in that can change between elements back and forth to open up different set of abilities? Or even for a good explanation, if you've read Mockingjay from Hunger Games series? That quiver of arrows she gets that has different things they do? It's kind of like that because primarily she will not be an offensive army type. I'm aiming to get her into pr where she does sneaky sneaky things. xD

oh yeah. I'll go insert her name because when i wrote that; she didn't have one yet.

Thanks for pointing out the lack of how her for her own side plays out in civilian life.

edit: and the point of sleep darts aren't for blatant attacks. it's to put someone to sleep, so she can sneak by and get in and out retrieving information or if they were gonna set something up.

Graceangel

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Orangeish Sherbert

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 22, 2013 3:26 pm


Sneaky sneaky things sound fine! And it's fine if she will not be an offensive officer, though her weapon will still need to be offensive enough to protect her or assist her in battle. It doesn't have to be lethal, but to stick with the rules for the Negaverse weapons, I'm afraid you'll have to pick between the magical enchantments since Negaverse weapons can only have one.

I think the best bet might be to use the combination one so you can apply all the desired effects.

If you don't like that idea, though, you could select between any one of the single effects you had wanted instead!

Graceangel
PostPosted: Fri Nov 22, 2013 4:02 pm


Orangeish Sherbert


Ok. I've updated my first post with her name, fleshed out her 'on my own side', and I went with a cocktail dart for her final weapon. is 8 too many? I guess I'm too unfamiliar with how battles go here to know how long would last and would realistically anyone take something into battle. I kind of chose 8 because classic pie slicing would put it at 8 slices. since her cherry pie is her overarching theme into everything.

Graceangel

Benevolent Phantom

17,750 Points
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  • Cool Cat 500
  • Person of Interest 200

Orangeish Sherbert

Rebel Millionaire

PostPosted: Fri Nov 22, 2013 4:43 pm


Graceangel

The changes look good to me! =)

Here's a STAMP for you, and the best of luck with getting her!

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