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 Posted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 10:35 pm
Gaia name:
Character Name: Thomas Mc'Donnell
Codename: The Paladin
Age: 17
Alignment: Lawful Good
Skills & Powers:
Skills:
Swordsmanship: A fencer in his high school team, Thomas has skill in the use of a sword. His transformation into the Paladin makes this skill even more deadly.
Weapon Proficiency: As The Paladin, besides being proficient with a sword, he is also able to use shields, maces, axes, and polearms as well as being able to used a bow with pretty good accuracy.
Powers: As Thomas, he is just a normal teenager with no superpowers whatsoever. He has to say a small phrase in order to transform into The Paladin.
As the Paladin, he gains the following powers:
Superhuman Strength: The Paladin's strength is enough to rival beings like Superman, Shazam, or Black Adam, at 100+, though due to being a good guy and not wanting to hurt the innocents he protects, he will refrain from using full force.
Superhuman Durability: The Paladin due to his heavy armor and his shield, both enhanced by magic, has superhuman durability. While so defended, he can go toe to toe with beings like Superman. His arms are also enchanted to be of lighter weight compared to mortal plate armor and shields.
Superhuman Stamina: The Paladin's body produces less fatigue toxins than the average human, allowing him to exert himself physically for longer period of time. The Paladin can exert himself at peak capacity for several hours before fatigue takes over.
Photokinesis: The Paladin has the ability to control light, though his usages are limited so far. Limited meaning he can emit bright light from his body, clad his sword in light, generate blasts of light from his sword, teleport short distances, and project a shield of light around him to bolster his already considerable defenses. The strongest usage though is the ability to call down a beam of light that burns and blinds his foes.
Magic (Potentially): As The Paladin, he is a living conduit of magic, so in theory he can potentially use various spells and enchantments. Due to his inexperience though, he doesn't know he can do this besides the aforementioned Photokinesis.
Weaknesses:
Enchanted Weaponry: Other enchanted weapons can damage and even break through his armor as if it was mortal plate. This means legendary swords like Excalibur, Durandal (the sword used by Charlamagne's knight, Roland), and other weapons.
Magic Beings: Beings of magic, such as Shazam, Black Adam, and the like, can hurt him even though he has heavy armor on. But this has to be powerful magic, like the aforementioned characters and beings like The Spectre.
Losing Faith: The Paladin's magic is powered by the users faith: faith in himself, his abilities, and his cause. They must be unshakable. If he doubts himself, the magic will weaken and eventually with enough despair, he will return to being Thomas.
Bio: Born in Metropolis, Thomas Mc'Donnell wanted to be like the superheroes he saw on tv. He wanted to be the guy who defends the innocent, fight evil, and have the public love him as their champion. But being born with no abilities, and without the income to use to build nifty gadgets, Thomas' dream seemed an impossibility. So he lived his days trying to live a normal life while idolizing the heroes of the world.
Until his junior year of high school, when he began to receive strange visions in his dreams. He didn't tell his parents, for they likely would of thought him to be crazy. But as the school year went on, his visions became more and more frequent. This continued until after another night of these visions, he had enough. Getting out of his bed, he went outside and walked into the forest outside of his home, following a path he had seen many times before. After what seemed to be a half an hour of walking, he came upon a horrible scene: an elderly man in medieval armor, dying from a sword wound in his gut. Kneeling next to him, Thomas pulled out his cellphone and was about to dial a number when the man looked at him and without a word out of his lips, began to talk to him.
Thomas Mc'Donnell. I have waited so long to finally meet you. Now before I leave this world, I must pass this gift onto you. A gift from the gods.
He then grasped onto Thomas' arm, engulfing them both in white light. It didn't hurt, but it certainly felt strange to the young man. As soon as the light shined, it disappeared, leaving Thomas alone. The man had disappeared.
Thomas, remember this: The Light will always protect you. Never let fear or doubt cloud your mind. You are to replace me as Paladin of this world.
Now Thomas was confused by the sudden turn of events and went home after sitting there for a few minutes in silence and confusion. He slept the whole ordeal off as an odd dream. It wasn't until he was witness to a woman being robbed by some thug that he thought to spring into action. Like it was second nature, he uttered the phrase: "En Garde" and his civilian attire was changed to shining white armor. Clutched in his left hand was a glowing sword and in the other hand a shield polished to a mirror finish. Just by this display, the thug ran and the woman looked at him in confusion.
"It is alright my lady. You need not fear. For I am the beacon that shines in the darkness. A ray of hope when the world needs me. I am the Paladin. Let those who oppose me, beware."
Extra: To transform, he has to utter the words "En Garde"
As a normal civilian, Thomas is kind, mild mannered, and honest. He would prefer not to fight if need be. It's when he becomes The Paladin that he becomes confident and valorous, ready to stand in the way of evil to protect the innocent.
Picture:
The Paladin
Thomas Mc'Donnell
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Posted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 11:19 pm
Huh, this is... actually not that bad. But I do have a few questions.
First: I get the fencing, but how exactly does he know how to use those other weapons you mentioned? Is it because of whatever magic allows him to transform? Because I have a similar character (sort of) that I'm going to bring in soon, and she knows multiple fighting styles because they were basically implanted in her brain by a goddess.
Second, uh... What exactly was it that caused these visions of his, and why did he find a guy in medieval armor that wanted to meet him? Who was this man, some sort of time traveler? Without a sufficient explanation as to why he himself was chosen, it seems a bit... contrived. If it was the work of some gods, like with my character, at least say that much. Not only that, but why was he speaking like a knight after his first transformation? Is it just a side effect of the magic?
Third, why such heavy armor and a shield? If he can literally go toe-to-toe with Superman, which is no small feat, then he shouldn't need these in his transformed state, as they would only slow him down.
Finally, and this is just my opinion so you don't have to really do anything, but... "Let the Light guide me" (which doesn't need to be capitalized)? For one thing, it sounds tacky. But more importantly, what's stopping someone from just shooting him in the head in the same amount of time that he has to say that phrase? I think that's why Billy Batson's magic word is just that-- a word. Or rather, an acronym spoken as a word. Anything longer would be too long, and he wouldn't be able to transform right in the middle of a battle without being in danger of being cut off and killed before transforming.
Apart from these questions, I don't see a whole lot wrong with the character. You're literate, his strength cap is reasonable and he doesn't seem totally overpowered. If you can edit what I pointed out, I'll be all set to approve him. And if you would like any help, don't hesitate to ask me. Thank you.
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Posted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 11:30 pm
Oncaro Huh, this is... actually not that bad. But I do have a few questions.
First: I get the fencing, but how exactly does he know how to use those other weapons you mentioned? Is it because of whatever magic allows him to transform? Because I have a similar character (sort of) that I'm going to bring in soon, and she knows multiple fighting styles because they were basically implanted in her brain by a goddess.
Second, uh... What exactly was it that caused these visions of his, and why did he find a guy in medieval armor that wanted to meet him? Who was this man, some sort of time traveler? Without a sufficient explanation as to why he himself was chosen, it seems a bit... contrived. If it was the work of some gods, like with my character, at least say that much. Not only that, but why was he speaking like a knight after his first transformation? Is it just a side effect of the magic?
Third, why such heavy armor and a shield? If he can literally go toe-to-toe with Superman, which is no small feat, then he shouldn't need these in his transformed state, as they would only slow him down.
Finally, and this is just my opinion so you don't have to really do anything, but... "Let the Light guide me" (which doesn't need to be capitalized)? For one thing, it sounds tacky. But more importantly, what's stopping someone from just shooting him in the head in the same amount of time that he has to say that phrase? I think that's why Billy Batson's magic word is just that-- a word. Or rather, an acronym spoken as a word. Anything longer would be too long, and he wouldn't be able to transform right in the middle of a battle without being in danger of being cut off and killed before transforming.
Apart from these questions, I don't see a whole lot wrong with the character. You're literate, his strength cap is reasonable and he doesn't seem totally overpowered. If you can edit what I pointed out, I'll be all set to approve him. And if you would like any help, don't hesitate to ask me. Thank you. 1) Yes, it is because of the magic. It's like how Neo knew all those fighting style in the Matrix, it was downloaded into his head. Similar concept, but magical in nature. 2) That is the mystery Thomas has to discover himself. Though your whole 'work of the gods' thing works out. And yes, speaking like a knight of the era is a side effect. 3) The reason for a shield and armor? The image of a Holy Knight is usually clad in heavy armor and a shield. I should be more specific and say it is because of the armor and shield that alllows him to go toe to toe with someone like Superman. And similar to The Shining Knight (the other half of this character's inspiration), it is enchanted to be flexible and light enough for mobility. Like mythril in some fantasy games. 4) Now that I think about it, you are right. It does sound tacky and needs to be shortened. Maybe something like "En Garde" or something like that.
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Posted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 11:38 pm
Groganofthewasteland 1) Yes, it is because of the magic. It's like how Neo knew all those fighting style in the Matrix, it was downloaded into his head. Similar concept, but magical in nature. 2) That is the mystery Thomas has to discover himself. Though your whole 'work of the gods' thing works out. And yes, speaking like a knight of the era is a side effect. 3) The reason for a shield and armor? The image of a Holy Knight is usually clad in heavy armor and a shield. I should be more specific and say it is because of the armor and shield that alllows him to go toe to toe with someone like Superman. And similar to The Shining Knight (the other half of this character's inspiration), it is enchanted to be flexible and light enough for mobility. Like mythril in some fantasy games. 4) Now that I think about it, you are right. It does sound tacky and needs to be shortened. Maybe something like "En Garde" or something like that.
Well, I'd say all you have to do is clarify your points within the profile, and-- Oh wait, I forgot one thing: Weaknesses. Is there anything that can go through his armor and damage him, like specific types of enchanted weaponry, or just plain brute force (or both)? Is he vulnerable to magic while transformed? And what about his powerset can potentially be a drawback?
So, if you can clarify your points in the profile, and possibly try to expand upon weaknesses he may have in his transformed state, I think he'll be all set to go.
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Posted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 11:41 pm
Oncaro Groganofthewasteland 1) Yes, it is because of the magic. It's like how Neo knew all those fighting style in the Matrix, it was downloaded into his head. Similar concept, but magical in nature. 2) That is the mystery Thomas has to discover himself. Though your whole 'work of the gods' thing works out. And yes, speaking like a knight of the era is a side effect. 3) The reason for a shield and armor? The image of a Holy Knight is usually clad in heavy armor and a shield. I should be more specific and say it is because of the armor and shield that alllows him to go toe to toe with someone like Superman. And similar to The Shining Knight (the other half of this character's inspiration), it is enchanted to be flexible and light enough for mobility. Like mythril in some fantasy games. 4) Now that I think about it, you are right. It does sound tacky and needs to be shortened. Maybe something like "En Garde" or something like that.
Well, I'd say all you have to do is clarify your points within the profile, and-- Oh wait, I forgot one thing: Weaknesses. Is there anything that can go through his armor and damage him, like specific types of enchanted weaponry, or just plain brute force (or both)? Is he vulnerable to magic while transformed? And what about his powerset can potentially be a drawback?
So, if you can clarify your points in the profile, and possibly try to expand upon weaknesses he may have in his transformed state, I think he'll be all set to go.I research a lot, XD And I'll need to add weaknesses. You brought up a good point
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Posted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 11:46 pm
Groganofthewasteland Oncaro Groganofthewasteland 1) Yes, it is because of the magic. It's like how Neo knew all those fighting style in the Matrix, it was downloaded into his head. Similar concept, but magical in nature. 2) That is the mystery Thomas has to discover himself. Though your whole 'work of the gods' thing works out. And yes, speaking like a knight of the era is a side effect. 3) The reason for a shield and armor? The image of a Holy Knight is usually clad in heavy armor and a shield. I should be more specific and say it is because of the armor and shield that alllows him to go toe to toe with someone like Superman. And similar to The Shining Knight (the other half of this character's inspiration), it is enchanted to be flexible and light enough for mobility. Like mythril in some fantasy games. 4) Now that I think about it, you are right. It does sound tacky and needs to be shortened. Maybe something like "En Garde" or something like that.
Well, I'd say all you have to do is clarify your points within the profile, and-- Oh wait, I forgot one thing: Weaknesses. Is there anything that can go through his armor and damage him, like specific types of enchanted weaponry, or just plain brute force (or both)? Is he vulnerable to magic while transformed? And what about his powerset can potentially be a drawback?
So, if you can clarify your points in the profile, and possibly try to expand upon weaknesses he may have in his transformed state, I think he'll be all set to go.I research a lot, XD And I'll need to add weaknesses. You brought up a good point
Well, get this done, quote me, and I'll critique him again.
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Posted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 11:55 pm
He is edited. Weaknesses and clarifications have been added.
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Posted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 12:01 am
Groganofthewasteland He is edited. Weaknesses and clarifications have been added.
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Posted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 12:04 am
Oncaro Groganofthewasteland He is edited. Weaknesses and clarifications have been added. Well the I.O. strike would be too much for him at this moment. He is a new hero (like really brand spanking new) and thus would be ill prepared to be thrusted into a large scale attack like that. So while I am playing Oliver Queen in the Main RP, The Paladin is pointing his sword at the Reboot RP.
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Posted: Sun Sep 22, 2013 12:07 am
Groganofthewasteland Oncaro Groganofthewasteland He is edited. Weaknesses and clarifications have been added. Well the I.O. strike would be too much for him at this moment. He is a new hero (like really brand spanking new) and thus would be ill prepared to be thrusted into a large scale attack like that. So while I am playing Oliver Queen in the Main RP, The Paladin is pointing his sword at the Reboot RP.
XD Sounds good man. Can't wait to see what you bring to the table.
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