Welcome to Gaia! ::

Name: Kristopher Chambers

Nickname: Kristof, Kris, Krist

Age: 19

Birthday: November 19th, 1994

Sign: Scorpio

Gemstone: Topaz

Blood Type: A+

Fav. Food: Eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, maple syrup

Hated Food: Lemon sorbet, skim milk, garlic, any sort of grape, pixie sticks

School: Destiny City University

Hobbies:

Fashion:

Travelling:

Photography:

Virtues:


Flaws:


PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Eyes:

Hair:

Face:

Clothes:

Ready for critiques! <3

My first non-staff critique! Thank you so much! <3333

Hi Pidgeons,

I'm not a critter, but I did a quick scan through of your quest (collections seems like a pretty neat sphere) and there were a few things that came to mind.

~ For your 'Might I help you with that?' virtue are there any other limits to Kristof's helpfulness (apart from the not doing someone's work for them). Is it only school work he helps them with or are there other things. Is he more helpful to those who he calls his friends or does he treat friends and strangers exactly the same? Also how would he deal if someone makes it clear that they don't want his help?

~ Currently the 'But I... I thought...' flaw reads more like a character trait than a flaw. Maybe add in a sentence on how it could make other people look down on him.

~ For the senshi attacks right now they're coming across as kind of overpowered. Stunning attacks would leave those attacked at the mercy of the other side (especially for the super attack which currently stuns for 2 mins). For all attacks putting down usage amounts per battle rather than time overall can be useful, as well as adding potential ways that the attack can be avoided/ any limitations too

~ For the base attack rather than as many people as possible, I think there would have to be a limit to how many people the magic net can collect and I'm not sure if it can both trap and stun. The one minute duration seems kind of long to me especially as battles typically run for about 5 minutes.

~ For the super attack, the fisherman net kind of makes me think of fishing rather than collecting. Again I think there would have to be a limit to how many people the magic net can collect and I'm not sure if it can both trap and stun - maybe it can zap them if they try to escape the collection before the attack ends or something. The two minute duration seems really long given the 5 minutes typical duration for battles.

~ Again 3 and a 1/2 minutes would be extremely long for an attack to last, especially given the fact that the attack freezes the target in place which in turn would leave them vulnerable

Hope some of this helps and sorry for the long ramble smile

Quick note that OOCly, battles can go on for a while depending on tags obviously; ICly we consider them to last for about five minutes and that's how we judge powered time limits since powers are all IC. XD <33
/carry on carry on just wanted to make sure you weren't confused by that

ninja

Hey Pidg, sorry for the wait. Let's see if we can get your boy to a full stamp, shall we.

Civilian:

His hobbies look just fine to me and they are very cute and believeable.

Virtues:

For "Whistle while you work!", does it only apply to the office or does it apply to anywhere he is. It seems like he would appear generally happy to be where ever he is at that moment in time? How does this benefit him and why would this make people wish to be around him or befriend him? These are things to note in a virtue, as it should be something positive that would make someone like him.

I think the explanations you gave for the critique for "Might I help with that?" works well. If you could but the information into the virtue itself and edit it so that it flows together as one unit, it should work just fine.

For "Welcome to the neighborhood!", I would apply this outside of his neighborhood, like for new kids at school or new co-workers at work, maybe calling it Mr. Welcoming Committee or something like that. It a very good virtue being welcoming and give helping people feel safe/wanted/welcome in a new situation would definitely draw a lot of people to him. It just needs a broader spectrum.

Flaws:

NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE! reads as though Kristof is an open book and not always in a good way. Does this apply to more than just fear, like with hurt, disgust, happiness? Basically does he wears his emotions on his sleeve. Is he the type to, when having a conversation if someone says something he doesn't like, be unable to keep his opinion off his face/ out of his body language. Does his show of fear make it easy for people to manipulate him or just pick with him.

OH NO YOU DIDN'T! doesnt read like a flaw right now, really it just seems like a natural reaction to the situation. Often someone will ignore teasing, but when it get to be to much you retaliate. Is like maybe vengeful to people who tease and insult them? Is he very verbal in his opinion of them? Is he unrelenting or unforgiving of their past deeds against him.

For, But I... I thought..., the explanation you gave as to why it is a flaw works well to me. If you can add the reasoning into the flaw itself and remove the critique quote, it should be just fine.

Powered:

I like the idea you have for his fuku is very neat. I would suggest maybe keeping the pants white or the paler color since the main color is so dark. The mane color itself may need to be lightened, but your artist when you obtain him will help make sure his fuku meets the guidelines. These are just suggestion/forewarnings.

For his attack I would like to note that using his tiara as a part of the attack is something we wish to stir clear of. Currently only fourth stage senshi can use their tiaras as a mean of attack.

Secondly his attacks remind me strongly more of Entrapment than Collections. The attack of collecting does go along the lines of what you have, but the line between collection and entrapment are a little blurred here to me. I suggest switching out the use of the word "trap" for the word "collect" to correct this.

For his super attack, what are the draws back and how easy it it avoid. Also how many times can he use the attack?

For his eternal attack, it seems like it would be very easy to avoid, just by moving while Bamberga's eyes are closed, since he is focusing on their position. I would just he keep his eyes open or utilize the ground and a radius for the attack. People is x radius of him are collect for 40secs?

Hope I didn't confuse you any, quote me when your ready for a second look.

While I was editing the outfit, the brushes made the colors so dark that I couldn't fix it. |3 Keeping the pants white would be better, I just don't know how to fix the reference to show that. As for the mane color being lightened, I didn't realize that the mane color actually had to be a lighter shade. Oh, well, I'll let my artist fiddle with it!



Okay, no tiara as a means of attack, got it! I'll figure something else out, liiiike...

Could he possibly summon his weapon with his hands?

And, of course! That sounds a lot better! I'll change that ASAP.



Draw backs... I hadn't thought of that. |3 The only thing I can say is that he could fumble or trip while running as he would have to start all over again.

Avoiding the fisherman's net is relatively easy. It requires agility and a sense of direction. Like, jumping to the side just as the net falls around you.

Three times, because battles last five minutes. Actually, please suggest an amount for me, I'm used to a completely different battle system. |3



I understand everything you said here up until you started to talk about "X" "radius." Could you explain that to me, please? I'll edit the post to have his eyes open instead of closed, I just don't know what you mean about "People is x radius of him are collect for 40secs?" <3