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 Posted: Wed Jul 03, 2013 9:53 pm
Reality blossomed in fits and starts, marred with exhaustion and ephemeral spikes of pain. Realizations. Clarities. Despite his clouded vision, the sun bleached his eyes, and with its unconscionable burning came the understanding that it was high noon. Its onslaught poured through the slats of the hospital blinds, which nary lessened its violence. It spilled across the floor, seeped beneath the starved little IV stand that huddled in the corner. It even dribbled into the hallway just beyond his cracked door. A cacophony of beeps, bustling conversations, and busied utensils accompanied the blinding sun, and with it, the realization that he still lay in the hospital, he still remained heavily injured, and he still existed wholly alone.
With the strength of a starved animal drowning in disease, he hoisted himself up into a sitting position. He carefully wrapped spindly, pallid fingers around his equally lithe IV stand, and used it as a means to assist him to his feet. He remembered his first attempt with the clarity of sharpened agony - his leg gave out without warning and he landed in a pool of three broken stitches and a lengthy berating. This time, however, he prepared himself with the use of his flimsy mobile IV stand.
Walking proved a nearly insurmountable challenge. Each step wrought new jolts of pain, like a thousand bolts cracking through his mind with unfettered fury. He made it to his clothes, freshly laundered and freshly rifled, and his cigarettes still remained present in the bottom of the bag. Even if his matches were confiscated, he still held the possibility of appeasing his addiction.
Sating his shaken mind body.
Alois seized one of the cancer sticks and held it between his lips with practiced ease. Right now his attention diverted to the fine art of walking steadily, of clutching an IV stand without risking a fall or another split stitch. So, he walked. He walked with the determination of the living mourning for the timeless understanding of the dead. He walked with all sense of mortality. And he walked across a thousand fractured epiphanies.
An outlet caught his attention, and with the clever use of a three-prong cord and a cup of water, he simultaneously fried the outlet and lit his cigarette. Finally scraping some sense of relief together, he hoisted himself onto the bay window and slid it open. He desperately needed some faint whispers of the outside world to permeate his drug-addled web of confusion and displeasure. He needed a smoke, he needed something.
Perhaps he just needed.
As he took a drag, the smoke scathed its way into his mind, burning out all sense of uncertainty and leaving nothing but ashen resignation in his wake. As he looked across Destiny City, his understandings shifted to a curious depravity. As he contemplated his future, he realized a certain peculiarity and a sudden clever use for his alter ego Bischofite. Perhaps all of this was for the best. Perhaps he deserved that look into his soul offered by the near-exsanguination from the prior day. He understood that door of limitless understanding was closed with the use of several stitches, but those realizations stained his mind with a permanence that existed only outside time.
After all, what else could he glean from such a beautiful brush with death?
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Posted: Wed Jul 03, 2013 10:02 pm
Had he slept last night? Maybe for a few minutes but he wasn't sure about it, couldn't remember, maybe he'd had little micro bouts of sleep. He couldn't be certain though, didn't care to think on it, his mind was too focused on the sights he'd been subjected to last evening. He'd seen death, he'd killed people, but last night would stay with him as sure as Bazzite's transformation from Captain to youma would (the same for his mothers shooting). Was there some form of fate out there and it had decided that for the murders he'd committed he had to suffer? If there was some form of fate he'd really like to find it and kill it if only to end his suffering.
He'd spent last night wandering the house while questions flew through his mind at a speed which would startle most, and make it hard to think or focus. Had he missed something? Was there some sign, or several signs, which he'd missed? He knew the other had issues, his fair share of them, and even seemed depressed. But he hadn't thought it was to the extent of trying to kill yourself. How had he not seen this? His was good at people watching, or so he'd always thought, he had to be with all the events he went to and got stuck sitting at mostly alone. But he kept reminding himself that he wasn't his father. Reading people and understanding such things as the human mind wasn't something he'd gone to school for, had a degree in, he didn't make a job of this as his father once had. He had to accept that he had missed something, had to accept his own short comings. The whole night and into the morning had been spent like this, his thoughts trapping him as they whirled about in some sort of frenzied manner, while his feet brought him all about the house.
Finally he'd given in to the realization that he wouldn't be sleeping - at all - and he went to shower and dress for the day. Breakfast was made and really only picked at and pushed about the plate, very little actually made it to his lips. After some time, too long, spent playing with his meal he tossed it out with a heavy sigh.
That was half an hour ago. Cadha was at home fed, let out and brought back in, and Cadha was safely inside. Alexandre though was stepping out of the elevator and headed down the hall. The smell of chemicals and antiseptics stung his nose while the whiteness which clung to all hospitals, was part of what they were, stung his sensitive stormy colored eyes, he was sure he'd even flinched from the brightness when he'd first reached it own on the first floor.
Stifling a yawn his fingers racked through his hair as he checked in at the nurses station, whilst leaning heavily on their little desk. With them motioning to the appropriate room, telling him that the patient had already woken once and might be asleep now, he pushed off the desk and headed that way. The smell of sage and sandalwood clung to him just as much as the signs of a sleepless night did. As he reached the door he opened it slowly and stopped as he saw the other sitting in his window sill. Leaning against the door frame, letting it support his slight weight, he had to cover up another yawn before speaking. "Alois." He didn't sound happy, or angry, but he did sound a bit empty or maybe that was what a tired person sounded like?
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Posted: Wed Jul 03, 2013 10:03 pm
"Alexandre." He almost whispered, words stained with smoke. Alois would've countered with some acerbic retort, but his wit suffered from his exhaustion. He perched as vultures did, gnarled and knotted in the old bay window, surveying the land below in hopes of some morsel of entertainment. Some reason to leave that tried old post. Some nuance to bring a breath of life to an old, faded existence.
Instead, he tapped the cigarette ash into the windowsill's basin, and gestured toward the chair nearest the window. It still angled toward the bed from the last resident's visitor. Idly he wondered if that person died, or if the chair was pushed backward from the bed in some relieved reunion. Maybe both. It didn't matter; the chair now lingered in their strange story, and Alexandre's interactions with it would leave some measure of their past, a slight stain on the wordless history of the room. "Haf' a seat, if you intend to stay." Though every bit as worn out as his blonde companion looked, he wasn't too exhausted to voice their tentative relationship.
Alois knew Alexandre had questions, thousands of unanswered questions. And perhaps he had the same, directed at his companion and savior. Would he voice them? No - he hadn't the energy to engage in such a lengthy, difficult conversation.
Instead he remained curled against the frame, illuminated by the morning sun in a veil of whitewashed hospital gown. The smoke from his cigarette coiled and sprawled about him before finally crawling its way out the window and dispersing. His eyes reflected the hauntingly blank scene, seething with an undertone of turbulent contemplation. Despite the transfusions, he remained pallid and sallow in his appearance. It wasn't far off from Alexandre's woefully exhausted complexion.
"You look as bad as I feel," he offered, before taking another drag. He expelled the smoke through his nose while he watched the blonde. "You haven't slept much, haf' you? Maybe you need a cigarette too, even zough you'd just s**t on zat idea." Just like he always does... That arrogance never passed up an opportunity to rear its head in normal conversation. Eternally judging - perhaps that's what gave him such a distaste for his companion. It didn't matter now; that judgment passed and he still remained, locked within the confines of the hospital.
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Posted: Wed Jul 03, 2013 10:58 pm
Slowly, with no small amount, of laziness he pushed off the door frame and stepped into the room. The door closed behind him with a push, clicking shut softly, as the blond made his way over to the chair which was nearest the other. "I doubt the nurses would be happy with you smoking." He stated offhandedly, he wasn't about to stop him or scold him, it was mere words spoken to fill a void which he didn't wish to let remain.
Turing the chair to face the window, and more importantly Alois, the blond let himself slide in to it with no amount of grace nor gentleness, just a sort of tiredness. Seated lower than the other now he stared up at him as he leaned back in his seat. The book he'd come with, figuring he might be waiting for the other to wake, was still held in one hand as it came to rest in his lap. No surprise it was a book on plants - herbalism to be correct. The title read 2013 Herbal Almanac, no shock he'd have such a book.
"I'm sure I do, though you also look like s**t." He stated with a light smile before his head was shaken. "No, I don't think I've slept at all." Though he really couldn't be sure, he figured he'd say what was likely the truth - he hadn't slept. "I might not s**t on the idea - as you put it. But I might just cough up a lung." He said with a light smile as he moved to kick his feet up onto the window sill, sinking him further and lower into his chair. "You know I'm not letting you leave me. I've already lost one person and almost lost another." He said finally, serious but also gentle and light. His words tempered and measured, his gaze fixed outside. They were due for more rain today, this sun wouldn't last for long.
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Posted: Wed Jul 03, 2013 11:01 pm
Alois offered an exhausted grin. "Keep talking like zat and I'll drop my cigarette in your book." However, he didn't feel any humor. Didn't laugh, didn't exhibit mirth in his eyes, didn't return the same even tones. Instead he only sighed and returned his gaze to the disheveled blonde. "I guess you're not missing anysing."
An ageless sadness festered within him. It threatened his composure, his stoic appearance, his exhausted and listless demeanor. It pervaded his thoughts, tremored slightly in his fingers. He shifted his position just slightly to hide it, though it did little to stave off the welling emotion. He broke eye contact with the blonde by casting his gaze downward, toward the bleach-washed tiles. Despite his efforts, despite his shifting his gaze outward, toward the hollow city, that same ancient sorrow streaked his face defiantly. It ate through what meager resistance he had, as if it amounted to nothing.
He considered that he was mourning his failed attempt. He considered that he was mourning some loss of connection to the rest of the world, that he never even had. However, as he rifled through the infinite reasons behind this wracking sorrow, he finally understood it - he mourned his loss of ignorance. Since his bold venture to understand the universe he resided in, he transcended the idiocy afforded by mortality, and no longer could he view the world in such simplistic forms. No - everything overwhelmed him now, from the molecular structure in a pane of glass to the way Alexandre's hair danced in the lackadaisical breeze offered by the fan. All these things, all these infinitesimally tiny things, furnished such a painful inspiration within him now.
With such knowledge came tragedy. Could he even articulate that?
No, so he sat silent in his mourning. Aside from the occasional jerk of his shoulders, that melancholy was such a private affair. He could afford no company but his own right now, and so he smoked, hoping it would burn away what tears still remained within him. However, even his vices provided little comfort. Now they amounted to nothing - just some means of urging along the tines stretching the strings of his lifespan. Just some effort to pull those strings toward snapping.
With all these realizations he felt horrid and beautiful at the same time. He felt such a heavy dichotomy, like his body split apart beneath the weight of all those blessings. "I don't know what's wrong wis' me." He finally managed. He pressed his cigarette so tightly between his fingers that the filter crumpled and threatened to tear. "Ever since I woke up, sings are different now."
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Posted: Wed Jul 03, 2013 11:02 pm
"You wouldn't." And he knew it, his tone said as much. He liked to think that by now they were past certain things, such as the other burning a book of his. He didn't doubt the other would stop putting his cigarette butts into his plant pots, he was sure that would never stop, but there relationship was getting better - till last night at least. Watching the other closely he let his eyes travel over the others form, take in everything he could.
It seemed like the other morning when they'd sat at the piano, when Alois had played, was this what he hadn't fully seen then? This sadness which seemed to just seep out of the other and envelope the area around him? Had he seen some of it and misinterpreted the rest? Thought it was something else. It was possible; more than possible even. How long this sadness been there and what had caused it? He had known Alois was damaged, hurt, but hadn't known the cause. Maybe he could broach the subject finally and find the answers he sought. How could easily remember being told to ask the other about his family life. He hadn't - till now - as it had seemed an impossible thing to broach. As if there was a barrier between them which made sure he couldn't ask.
Now though he was possibly beyond that barrier, had slipped through, and could ask and maybe find those answers and try and help. Sitting up straighter in his seat he shifted as he brought himself, and his chair, closer to the other. "I wish I could help but I don't know enough. I could ask you to tell me why, to help me understand you more. We could start from there and maybe work this out together." Biting his lip he waited for the others response, to either be rebuffed or to be allowed in and given access to information on the other. But he felt a few more words slip past his lips, uncontrolled, and whispered. "I'd like to think of you as a friend - a close friend." As he didn't go and sleep with normal friends or even those he worked with.
"Tell me why...tell me about you and tell me what's changed as best you can."
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Posted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 4:48 pm
"I just needed to know somesing. I'f seen deas' before, even as a child. We lif' in a world full of it, you know zat." He paused for a steading breath. He swallowed, but it remedied nothing. "But I guess... It's not really about dying. It's about understanding ze world, and all ze infinite machinations wis'in it. No, zat's not right eizer..." He sighed, and wiped his face briefly. "How am I supposed to explain zis when I couldn't even do it in my native tongue, eh?"
He understood perfectly well that Alexandre wanted to help, but he had no way of making a difference. Nothing he said or did would impact, influence, or reverse this new, wholly striking change within him. Nothing reversed its flow or staunched its effect. He irrevocably viewed the world in an entirely different light. His mind churned with the inspirations and revelations yielded from the change, and Alexandre had no way to halt its progress.
Or maybe he did.
Distractions, even minute interactions, led his mind astray. If he could seize on this one little flaw, it may prove to be his salvation.
"I'll start wis' a story instead. When I was a kid, maybe ten or some s**t, I had a best friend who I always ******** around wis'. We'd get into all kinds of trouble doing stupid s**t, like pushing kids down and lighting fireworks from zeir noses, or daring people to eat a spoonful of cinnamon. Stupid s**t like zat. Anyway, his parents were divorced, and his dad didn't take it so well. He got into drugs, so my friend spent most of ze time at my house. Sometimes we'd come over because Duncan, my friend, had to gif' his dad some kind of medicine. I never understood it, but now I suspect it might'f been messadone.
"One day we come over, and his dad is completely ******** passed out. I'm guessing heroin, but anyway we raid his closet because we're stupid little shits, right? We find zis gun of his a Ruger somesing-or-ozzer, and we sinks it's pretty ******** cool. So we decide to go to his room and play wis' it like we're in some idiotic movie." He took another drag, and crushed the filter into his palm. Somehow the pain felt relieving. "So we decide we're going to be mafia. And we're going to do an initiation. Now what do mafia do for initiation? We didn't know, so we decided on russian roulette. Spin ze barrel, take turns, you know ze drill. So Duncan takes ze first turn, and I find out afterward ze gun was loaded. Now I only know zis because I'm staring at a wall splattered wis' blood and steaming brain matter.
"I guess ze point of telling you zis is zat I'f never fully understood deas'. Or maybe I have, more zan anyone else. But it always felt like... Mortality never applied to me. Zat all ze sings I'f seen couldn't possibly happen to me, and I felt like I'f always been stuck on zat. So I had to know." Finally he shifted his bloodshot gaze to Alexandre again. "But... I don't know if zat even matters now."
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Posted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 11:50 pm
What could a person need to know that had them trying to take their own life? What couldn't be figured out, thought of, and pondered by the mind without such drastic a venture? Philosophers all around the world for how long had pondered and wrote of so many topics just out side of human grasp adn outside the range of being able to be proven. And how many of them had attempted to take their own life in order to further their work? He couldn't think of any, though perhaps he simply didn't know his way around the subject and the people involved in it all that well. But he'd like to think not many. Was Alois of the same deep mind as them? Seeking answers to things which no solid answer could be had? Alois wasn't of a shallow mind, that was for sure, but to go to this length for some answers...to see and understand things better?
"Yes, we dabble in dealing it and we dance with death often. I'd like to say every time we go out at night we dance with it and yet we are smart enough not to leave the dance floor with death. To dance with him is one thing but to leave the dance floor together..." He said trailing off as he doubted he needed to say everything he meant, Alois wasn't an idiot.
"You sound as though you are trying to understand life and what makes up everyone...maybe even everything? Why everything works as it does perhaps?" He was trying, searching, for words to help the other and to help him understand what Alois had been searching for and seeking to understand, and even know. Maybe he should somehow convince the other into DCU just to take philosophy and psyche classes, they seemed like topics he might enjoy and do well at even. But that wasn't a matter to be brought up here and now. When Alois was released he'd bring up the idea.
As Alois brought up a story he fell silent, intent upon listening and gleaning some insight into the other. This, he felt would help him to know the other. It had to be important, right?
As he listened he found himself mortified and shaken. At a young age to make such a mistake...and to kill yourself. He hadn't even had a chance or time for shock or pain. but Alois had seen it and how would a ten year old react to that? He couldn't even begin to picture how he'd have handled such a thing at ten. he knew he'd handled it poorly only a few months back with his mother, and she had lived. How had Alois handled it, he wanted to know, but the other was still speaking.
Shaking his head he sighed. "I think...I think mortality applies to us. Perhaps us two, and others like us, more than most. But it applies to everyone at some point. I think we should each live how we want each day. Recently I met someone who told me to live life without regrets and I think it applies to us best." Tilting his head to the side, blond hair scattering across his face, he let out a puff of air and sighed softly. "Perhaps this was something you needed to do, so it did matter. Even normal people dance with death though. Eventually he leaves the floor with us each, it's something we cannot escape. I guess all we can do is continue on. If we let it bother us...we become dead right then - we stop living as we should." Did that help? Did it make sense to what the other said? He felt like his words, even as he said them, were insignificant when compared to the others - as though they couldn't help and wouldn't. They felt to hold less depth and thus less importance.
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Posted: Fri Jul 05, 2013 10:45 am
Alois tried to slip from his spot in the bay window, but even fine movement caused his leg to ache. Still, he persevered through the pain, and with the help of the IV stand, lighted deftly on the floor. He couldn't stand for long, and for the breadth of a moment, he considered sitting on the blonde. However, he doubted the slip of a boy could tolerate any weight. He was as china - elegant and appealing, but unbelievably fragile. But perhaps that was just him superimposing traits onto the poor boy, now fraught with worry.
Perhaps that wasn't quite accurate. Distraught, concerned. Some mix of the two. No, melancholisch. And in such a condition, could he bear any more of the misanthrope's intents? Any more of his marred past? No, this was no longer the time for such meanderings into times long gone.
The trek to the bed felt unconscionably long, stricken with the possibility of missteps. The nurses already impressed upon him the necessity of staying in bed. However, such idleness failed to bear any wisp of an experience. He gleaned nothing more than a seething dislike for his current predicament by lounging in a hospital bed. So, he moved, and with each step came the experience of fresh agony, of the possibility of a split stitch. Perhaps that's all he was looking for - another chance at mortality.
Another fleeting dance with death.
Finally he reached the tangled sheets and sat with some measure of relief. Still, he clutched the IV stand with white knuckles, transferring some of the pain in his grasp. "Alexandre," he started, though his words carried breathlessly. "You don't need to speak. I know it sounds callous, and maybe it is, but..." But what? "Zere aren't any words left to speak of ze subject. So many times it's been talked about, so many people broached ze subject zat words no longer carry any meaning. Maybe zey never did. But... An experience explains ceaseless volumes about it. You get to know deas' intimately, and it's an exciting sing. It felt sinusoidal - for every moment spent standing on ze brink of an epiphany, anozzer moment is spent wholly encompassed by pain and fleeting mortality."
And every moment he spent reflecting on it yielded a throbbing sensation in his leg. Perhaps his body didn't appreciate such deep reflection over it. He sighed, and eased back against the bed. Somehow his time in the hospital left him feeling caked with grease and sweat. "When I first woke up here, zey sent someone to talk to me. Evaluate me, I guess. Zey wanted to measure my stability. Afterward I was told I haf' two choices - I can eizer consent to be committed, or zey would force it on me. If I agree to go, I'll be gone maybe a week. Ozzerwise... Over a mons', zat I know of."
A month spent among the mentally ill... And for what? A perspective on life so far removed from the norm that he was considered every bit as sick as the rest? What could he possibly glean from residing among shattered minds? He didn't know, but he'd inevitably find out.
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Posted: Sat Jul 06, 2013 6:52 pm
From his seat he watched the other try to walk and while he wanted to help, even jerked forward to get up to assist him, Alexandre watched the other use the IV stand for help and thus relaxed back in his seat. Watching the treck, slow as it was, that Alois made to the bed he wished to get up and assist him - it had to be painful. At least Alexandre thought it must be painful; having never suffered such an injury, self inflicted or otherwise.
It was when he was going to ask about what the doctors, or nurses, had said to Alois that the other started to speak and his mouth snapped shut. Listening he really wasn't sure how to respond and thus settled for nodding his head, choosing to remain silent, as he remained seated. But the urge to speak, to say anything, gripped him and he felt his lips moving before he even heard his soft reply. "I understand, I think...but I trust your words." And Alois' assessment. Maybe he did indeed understand but just not in those terms? Could he compare it to the pain, and other things, felt and experienced when he'd been corrupted and his following power ups? Maybe, though it sounded deeper for Alois.
Again he wanted to help the other, help him onto the bed, and even moved to get up and aid him. But it was, once again, for naught as Alois got himself up into his bed. "I see...and what do you wish to do? Option one or two...or make up some third option?" He questioned while getting up and moving his chair closer to the side of the others bed and retaking his seat then. Slate eyes sought an answer from the other, sought an answer to so many things, as he looked the other over as if he could learn a great many things from simply observing the other. Alois was no shallow minded person, not that Alexandre had thought that in a very long time, and he wondered why the other didn't put that mind to use somehow...
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Posted: Sun Jul 07, 2013 11:30 pm
Alois smirked. "Perhaps if you were in my place, you would opt for zat sird option. But..." He drew a breath through his teeth. "I sink I can get somesing out of zis. Besides, you might want a break from finding spiders in ze fridge." He laughed.
Unfortunately that meant he wouldn't see Alexandre for the length of a week.
He understood what his choice entailed. For that week he'd be subject to psychological examination, most likely coupled with pharmaceuticals. They would pick apart his ethics and notions and opinions and try to reshape them into some ghost of a widely-accepted personality. And once they felt they succeeded, once they manufactured yet another brokenly correct patient, he would earn the right to leave. One final dismissal, and he would bid farewell with a host of new intuitions born from observing the patients there.
But staying for a month yielded regular visits.
He could see Alexandre on a near daily basis.
But what if that changed him somehow?
Was the practice of sanity akin to sarin gas? Was he subjecting himself to another dose of zyklon b? Would there be anything left of him to visit?
No - he possessed a strong mind. A sharp mind.
Even if they melted his skin off, charred his bones, broke his fingers... His core remained the same. Virulent, ever turning, ever changing, but fixed in its basic principles. Though he understood himself with certainty, the doubt continued to plague him. It perplexed him: what if, through some strange machinations, they warp his personality into a shell of himself? What could he become, if left to rot in this place?
After a pensive spell of silence, Alois announced his decision. "I'm going to stay for a week. It means you can't visit me, but as long as I play zeir games, I should be out soon enough." But what would change in the mean time? Without someone to anchor him to reality, where might he go? "But... if a certain general were to visit during ze night, I don't sink anyone would notice." He flashed the blonde a tired smile.
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Posted: Tue Jul 09, 2013 2:10 am
"Yes, I'm fairly certain I would go with a third option." He was sure he would power up and get himself out of a padded room, he had no wish for being in a colorless place that he was fairly certain carried the same smells of a hospital. No, he didn't think he could handle a place like that, for any length of time, without loosing it and doing something which would cause some form of trouble. "I think I'm still having nightmares from the last time you did that." He stated while pulling a face. He still couldn't believe the other had found out, and he still didn't know how, about his sever arachnophobia but he really wished he hadn't ever found out. Ever since Alois had found out the amount of spiders in the house had picked up...only they were all plastic. And really he couldn't tell the difference at first glance, so the initial freak out and panic would set in, and then he'd finally realize it was fake - somehow he always realized. But it never stopped the panic attacks or the nightmares.
Letting out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding, relief flooding him, he nodded his head. The idea of the other being gone a month bothered him, greatly. Would he be able to visit? What kinds of medications - useless as they were - would the other be on and what would they do to him? Would they alter and change the person who called Alexandre's home the same thing? What would happen to his Captain, the one who enjoyed killing and was oh so interested in starseeds. It worried him what they could turn the other in to, even if he told himself the other was stronger than some white uniform wearing civilians. Drugs though were strong and could do so many things, especially when mixed, and that didn't sit well with him. Using them on a person who wasn't ill made him wonder if they would do something even worse as well. No, he didn't like the month long stay idea at all. So with Alois deciding to do the one week stay he felt relief, even as the other told him he couldn't visit. He could deal with that as opposed to loosing his Captain and housemate to a combination of head shrinks and drugs.
Standing slowly he reached out, laying a hand on the others shoulder. Concern etched into his features. "Can you play their games and win?" He asked before smiling and nodded his head. "I do believe I could arrange for that, I'm sure no one would notice a friend...popping in for a visit and quiet chat." It would need to be very quiet so as not to alert people or have people thinking Alois was talking to himself, and perhaps also using a second voice for the voice he was speaking to aloud. He didn't want to make things worse for the other.
"Perhaps I'll sneak you some food in as well, maybe something to drink as well. I doubt there food will be an better than the tripe they server in hospitals." He stated, that snob that he was rearing it's head at that moment.
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Posted: Wed Jul 10, 2013 10:52 pm
Alois breathed a sigh as he felt the touch of his roommate. He closed his eyes; somehow normal tasks felt unconscionably draining. Even speaking his mind seemed like a chore, and he struggled to come up with the energy to seize on his roommate's gullibility when it came to his conniving tricks. "Maybe..." His response sounded toneless, almost automatic. "I don't know what zey'll put me on, or if zey'll expect to check my mous' afterward to make sure I swallowed it. I suspect not; zis isn't an involuntary admittance." Finally he opened his eyes and glanced tiredly at the blonde. "But I don't sink it's just ze drugs you and I are concerned about.
"I can't tell you zat I'll remain unaffected by zeir practices. Especially not when it comes to ze patients." He shifted his gaze toward the window, fixating on a flag waving lazily in the wind. "I suppose if I come out a senshi, zen you know it didn't work." He grinned, though he understood Alexandre wouldn't appreciate the joke for what it's worth.
"I'm tired, Alex.
So tired."
Whether it was from physical or mental exhaustion, he didn't know. Perhaps epiphanies strained the mind heavily. Either that, or arterial repair proved an immensely taxing activity for his body to overcome. Idly he wondered how many corpses were involved in his narrow rescue. Who did they harvest from? What were they like when alive? Was it one of his victims? The irony of his final contemplation brought a quiet smile to his lips, along with a ghost of relief. He wore the scraps of his victims like a badge of honor, and in turn they saved him from an uncertain fate. He found poetic justice in that, though he understood it as a passing fancy.
It wasn't so different from what transpired between the two.
Finally he reclined from the blonde's touche and laid back against the abysmally flat pillows. He hated sleeping on his back, but he lacked any choice in the matter. The doctors would just as soon assume he tried to kill himself again. "If you plan to stay, do me a favor - don't watch me sleep." Nothing proved more unnerving than being watched when unconscious and vulnerable. Even though their iconoclastic relationship grew stronger over the past few days, he was still loathe to expose his weaknesses. "You could read a magazine, or piss off ze nurses, or... better yet, get me some cake to wake up to." Alois closed his eyes with a sigh; falling asleep to thought of confections promised dreams worth repeating.
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Posted: Fri Jul 12, 2013 9:31 pm
"No, I doubt it'll be just drugs as well, though I admit I fear them the most. I think, and am sure i'm right in it, that you are stronger willed than their shrinks and their tactics. Medications however are strong and can turn a mind against a person." He spoke, the concern and even fear for the other lacing his voice. He worried for the other and the fight he'd have to win. He didn't even take into consideration, at least not much, the others who would be there for help. Alois, in his mind anyway, was stronger than those people. Alois was a brilliant minded person and strong willed; as far as Alexandre was concerned.
"You would come out a knight - and lets hope that doesn't happen." He spoke giving a soft smile and shook his head. He wanted to tell him how much that idea bothered him, how much it would bother him if the other become one of them but he refrained, hoped the other knew from his tone of voice, from the look on his face. "But in all honesty I can't see you falling into their way of life and prancing about playing the super hero." No, that didn't seem like something which suited the other at all, it didn't seem right for Alois. In another life, if the others life had been different, would he have made a good knight? Was it just a series of events, incidents, in his life which had destroyed whatever super hero image he might have had and replaced it with this darker image? Likely so, and he hated to admit it but he was sort of happy for those events - whatever they were.
Tired...of what? He wanted to ask that, it seemed like one of those important things which could turn tides, move the heavens, and reveal some whole new universe. And yet the words - the question didn't pass his lips. Was Alois tired of life? Was he simply tired, in it's most innocent of forms (as unlikely as that was), or was it something else? He doubted it was the simple answer, Alois didn't seem the sort to voice such a simple thing. It always seemed he had a deeper meaning behind anything and everything he said, a master of it really. But he watched the other and listened to the suggestions for how to spend his time while Alois slept, had his thoughts moments before been wrong? Was it so simple?
Cake...a nice idea. Maybe he'd take a trip to a bakery he knew and pick him up some treat, it would be a week without cake or sweets for the other after all, and then he could wait and read while the other slept. It sounded like a good idea to the blond so with a smile and nodding of his head he reached out to brush the others hair from his face. "I get it, being watched while you sleep creeps you out. I'm going to go for a walk. I'll be back before you wake." With cake.
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