Ever since returning to Hunter's herd and his own foals, there was one thing that had been nagging at the stallion - one thing that he had neglected that was utterly important. He had made things up to Hunter, he was working on establishing himself as one of the herd, he... still had a long way to go to mend fences with Deirdre and Fianna - if he ever saw her again - but even above that, Ethan sometimes found himself with an ache in his heart for the first mare in his life - and the one to whom he owed his very existence - his mum.
He had left home years ago, and never seen her since. He didn't know if she ever expected to see him again - and a part of him worried that maybe he was holding her back - with his - he now knew - frightening kalona features. But... did she worry about him at night? Did she miss telling him stories of her homeland? And... the more time he spent with his own young foals - NEW foals - the more he wished that his mum were there, telling those same stories better than he ever could. Letting them know the importance of the family that cared for you.
And so, as worried as the stallion had been about leaving again - worried that Hunter wouldn't believe that he would really come back this time - it was something he HAD to do. He had to find his mum - Rosemary. To see if she were Okay. To let her know what he had seen - the places he had travelled... and of course, the family he had made.
Each step on his trip back seemed like stepping back in time. The nostalgia tugged so hard at him it must have been what was bringing tears to his eyes.
The spindly trees.... the clover-covered hills... Ethan didn't know /how/ he knew how to find his way back to the same plains his mother had raised him in, but he found that the less he thought and the more he just remembered and let his feet do the thinking, the easier it was.
He longed to see her face again - that warm smile that made everything better. The kind words that soothed any pain.
He just... he hoped she was still there.
The summer sun made the clover fields seem even that much greener. Pompom like purple flowers decorated the meadows against the verdant carpet, and the small copses of trees offered little respites of shade in the otherwise open plains. There was one in particular - though the leaves had come and gone many times since Ethan last saw them - whose branches backlit against the summer sun were ultimately familiar. As he got closer he could see the familiar herbs tied up to dry and hanging from the low limbs: woven trinkets made from dried grasses in intricate and beautiful knotted patterns decorating the little isolated thicket. Old, healed over animals were carved into the trunk of the tree; some expertly put there by a mare who had decades of practice behind her, and others -ragged and messy - put there by a rambunctious and imaginative young colt so many years ago.
Just past, a bit off the plains, Ethan spotted a familiar form. Head buried in the clover as she rooted around, copper hair caught the sunlight and signaled to him like a lighthouse; a familiar, warm green blanket flapping in the wind like a welcoming flag.
Ethan froze in his hoofsteps, his heart seeming to seize in his chest for a moment. Memories of years spent cavorting through these fields, ignoring his mother's cries to be careful.... his painstaking attempts to mimic his mother's beautiful carvings with his own unsteady cloven hoof or sharpened stick. The imagery was powerful, and swept the stallion back in time to what seemed like now to be another lifetime.
BUt when he caught sight of the coppery hair that, in the right light of the setting sun, seemed like it was aflame, he felt a tear carve a path down the short fur of his cheeks.
Ethan had grown a great deal since the day he left home, though he still often thought of himself as the same narrow-shouldered, awkward and skinny colt. He no longer had stood against a tree to compare himself to the notch he made the previous moon, or passed through famliar trails and noticed how his shoulders no longer would squeeze through tight passes he had easily darted through as a foal. His horns had grown longer and there was muscle in his flanks.
Finally, he started walking again, closing the distance between himself and what could only be his Mum, his hoofbeats soft but audible against the verdant ground.
Rosemary heard someone approaching, her ears swiveling back as he approached. She lifted her head, not used to company way out here. The sun caught in her her emerald eyes, and for a moment, backlit by the sun, a flash of fear went across her features. The strong body, and long spiraling horns - was this Dyson coming back to haunt her?
But the figure lacked his grand weight and steady, intimidating thundering hoofbeats. A heartbeat later, her expression changed from fear to surprise, then melting into pure joy. "Ethan!" her voice rang out, familiar and velvet to the stallion's ears. She quickly closed the gap between them, burying her face into the crook of his neck, under his jaw. He was taller than her now, and she seemed almost -small- in his grown up, stallion body.
"Mum!" Ethan exalted, tail swishing in excitement as their eyes met and all the time that they had been apart seemed to melt away. Eagerly, he tucked his own head over the top of hers, resting it in her nest of red curls and breathing in her familiar scent. "Mum.... I missed ye so. I cain't believe it's been...." he chuckled, shaking his head, "I dun even know. As long as it's been." She was so short it seemed now! He used to have to buck up to reach her mane.
"Ah'm sorry it's been so long, mum.... I... I, well, theres so much ta tell. I feel like I've been jus' about everywhere. I... I Should'a come home ta see ya again a long time ago."
Rosemary blinked back tears of her own, nuzzling and taking in Ethan's scent; both familiar and alien all at the same time. She couldn't believe how much he's grown… it was obvious he was Dyson's child: large and strong with an impressive set of curved, intimidating horns. But yet, at the same time, while Dyson commanded an air of intimidation and power, Ethan's warm smile and loping, casual gate was wholly different: welcoming, friendly.
"My son…" she whispered into his fur. "I've thought about ye everyday. I can't wait to hear about it - everything."
She paused, as a thought occurred to her, looking up at him seriously. "Ye have time, right? You're stayin' aren't ye?"
"I've thought about ye too, mum." Ethan gave her another squeeze between his chin and neck before parting and smililing at her. "I can' believe yer really here... in front of me. I... I mean I'm not sad I left, I jus..." He stopped, taking a breath and trying to recompose himself. Something about being there in front of his mother made Ethan feel like an awkward foal again. He gave her his lop-sided smile.
"I wanna tell ya all about it. But.." An ear flicked back and his tail swished, and he scuffed his left hoof in the grass. "I... I didn' come ta stay stay."
Rosemary did her best to hide the wave of grief that washed over her. It was so hard to watch Ethan go last time, she didn't know if she could handle it again. Not knowing when he would come back…
She blinked back a few tears and took a steadying breath. There would be time to worry about that later. "Ah," she choked out, heading back towards her home tree, looking behind her shoulder to make sure he was following her. "Well, it seems you have a lot you want to talk about. Where do we start? Can I get ye anything?"
Ethan missed the impact he had had on his mother when he announced he wasn't going to stay. She turned her back before the remorse broke her sunny facade.
"Mebbe some o' that thistle flower ya used to have? Do... do ya have any about?" It was a sweet treat he often had thought of fondly when he was gone - so tied to her and cheering him up.
"But... wow, where ta start..?" He leaned against the tree and looked over the scrawlings that had been made into its bark with a fond smile. "You... you know I was lookin' for muh dad... right?" He didn't disguise the wince on his face.
"Of course, m'dear," she said. As they got back towards the tree, she nosed around the base and through some woven wicker baskets until she found the thistle she was looking for. She happily held it over to him in her mouth, her eyes warm, despite the tears that threatened to come.
At the mention of his dad she frowned and adverted her eyes. She had been very adamant about keeping Ethan away from him, and that, in part, is one reason the departure of her son was so hard. "Aye…" she hedged cautiously.
Excitement danced in his eyes as he burried his muzzle in the basket and gingerly took a few sweet clover blossoms, chewing happily. His mom bringing him a treat, the taste and smell of the flowers, it all sent him right back to foalhood. He chewed happily for a few moments, letting his eyes slide closed as he just lived in the moment for a bit.
"I'm embarrassed ta say," He finally spoke, pulling his nose out of the bag, but still talking with food in his mouth, "th' world is a much bigger place than ah thought it was." Ethan smiled sheepishly. "I thought ah'd jus' be able ta ask a few people 'bout his name, and before I knew it there I'd be. You prolly knew how foolish that was."
"But... as I'm sure ye know, it weren't that simple." His ears lay back. "I.... I get now... why ah didn' hae' any friends growin' up. I... I know why you were scared ta' talk about 'im. An' why you were so worried fer me." He eyed her for a moment. "You... you didn' ever want me ta think there was nothin' wrong with me growin' up, didn't ya?"
Rosemary listened intently, her ears pressed forward and her eyes soft. "Because there's nothin' wrong with ye," she said earnestly. She frowned, knowing, however, that wasn't exactly true. "But, I guess ya understand now that not everyone might not think so right away with how ye look sometimes. Not evty'thins so simple as it here in this little meadow of ours," she said gently, and kept listening, wondering…had he been successful in finding him.
Ethan rolled his shoulders. "Ah know," He conceded, knowing all the more now how lucky he was to have a mother that had cherished and loved him despite what he now understood must have been a traumatic conception. "There were a lot 'a people who weren't too sure 'o me to start with. But... Ah'm lucky that there were others that were willin ta look past that... ta get to know me." He smiled.
"I... learned a lot. Made friends... and... I think I got real close to muh dad. I.... I found another one o' his sons... 'parently." Ethan's ears subconciously laid bak against his head and his eyes flicked to a couple healed scars. But.... by the time I got that far... well... I, well, I guess I realized I didn't need ta meet him. Or even really want to. Learnin' who he is wasn't gonna change me. And.... an I am pretty sure it wasn't gonna make me a better person." He smiled at her. "You did that all by yerself."
She blinked at the mention of another one of his sons. She didn't know that didn't occur to her before - obviously Dyson had probably forced himself upon other hapless mares, but… well, she never really imagined those paths ever crossing. Her heart sunk with sympathy for this unknown stallion's mother - had she had to go through the same ordeal she had? "I'm so glad you made some friends," she said quickly, not wanted to dwell on his father, through she was exceptionally happy he hadn't actually met him. No telling how that would have gone - if Dyson even knew he existed or, if so, would have allowed him to live.
She nuzzled her son again. "Of course, yer as good as they get, m'dear. I've always been so proud of ye. Yannow that's why…why I was cautious, right? I wasn't ashamed of you, Ethan, I just didn't want you getting' hurt."
Ethan's lopsided smile was back and there was a color to his cheeks. "Muuuuum~" He whined, flustering.
Ruefully, he stuck out his tongue after she had nuzzled him and tossed his head, trying to shake his hair out of his eyes.
"But yeah... I did make some friends... and uh... some real good friends..." The blush stayed on his cheeks and his eyes wandered back over to Rosemary's.
Rosemary raised her eyebrow. "Oh…?" she hedged. She cleared her throat, but there was a slight apprehension on what kind of mare (or stallion) may have caught Ethan's eye. She didn't provide him a good role-model for a healthy relationship.
The blush deepened and one of Ethan's fangs slipped out as he gave a bashful pucker of his lips. "I... yeah.... I... I hope you can meet 'er someday... soon would be better o'course. 'er name's Hunter Brown... and... well... she's wonnerful. I don' know how I got so lucky that she likes me like that. She's got a painted coat in brown and white... and huge wings..." His eyes shone. "Like an' angel."
Rosemary listened intently, smiling. In all honestly, she was impressed, if not a little skeptical. Not because she didn't believe Ethan didn't deserve it, but because she was always, since he was a colt, scared that others may hurt or use him. Ethan was so damn trusting. "She sounds wonderful," she said with a supportive smile and a nuzzle to his warm cheeks. "I would very much love to meet her. Why don't you bring her here, soon, and we can get to know each other."
"She is." He said with a dreamy smile. "An, well... that kinda leads in ta what I was gunna ask ye, Mom... I... well.. what're you doin' out here still by yerself? Ye... ye are still by yerself, right? I mean... ye don't got to hid-er, protect me anymore."
The older mare's eyes narrowed a bit, wondering where Ethan was going with this. "I like it out here," she said, pawing at the emerald green clover under her hooves. "This is exactly the kind of place we - Sean and I - were looking for when we made our way 'ere." She looked around at the secluded tree, the bobbles hanging on the branches. "Its quiet…" She tried not to show the anxiety in her voice. It was true it got very lonely out here on her own, and with Ethan gone it was highlighted even more. However, she knew if she tried to move on, she would probably be successful; and that's what scared her. She was ready to move on from her now deceased life mate, however… she didn't want to be ready.
"Why do ye ask, Ethan?"
Ethan frowned and scuffed a hoof again, a little disappointed, but maybe it was premature. "I jus'... well... the herd she's in, well, it's nice. There are some interestin' soquili there... They're real friendly, an' well... I was thinkin' - it has a lot of stuff like here - nice plants, herbs, rollin' fields o' clover... maybe you could come back with me. I could help ya bring yer stuff..." AN ear canted forward. "You could use the medicines ye know to help people there... and, well, we both could tell stories o' Ireland... the traditions, we could teach them to the foals...." His eyes hesitantly strayed up to hers.
"It….sounds nice, Ethan." Wow, he was really serious bout this mare. But when the mention of foals, her eyes grew large and her heart fluttered - in both excitement and apprehension. "You're… you're thinking about foals already?" she said, a bit taken aback. Suddenly all those years apart seemed so short! He was just a colt himself!
It suddenly seemed so WARM to Ethan. His face felt flushed, and he was having a hard time lifting his eyes from his front hooves. He was a grown stallion, but here with his mum, and knowing he was going to say something that she very well might be furious with him for, he felt like he was in his first season again.
"Well.... mebbe more'n jus' thinkin'" He mumbled. Slowly, wincing, he lifted his head back up and tried to meet Rosemary's eyes.
It didn't even register at first, her head tilted in confusion. What was he saying? But then it hit her like a ton of bricks. "You mean? Ethan, you're a father?!" Her voice was high with incredulity, it was hard to decipher just yet if she was furious or ecstatic. She wasn't sure yet herself.
The wince stayed plastered on Ethan's face, though there was a tightening around his eyes. He was a deer caught in the flash of a lantern. "....yeeeeaaah..." He finally remembered how to move his mouth. ANd once he did, the words began to tumble out of them rapidly, "Yeah, mom, tha's why ah think ye need to come - a' leas' ta visit! Ye gotta meet them, they'd love ta'meet their gran! An' ye can stay as long as ye like-"
"Bless ye, Ethan," she said as an exasperation. She leaned into him again, burying her muzzle in the side of his neck. "Of course I'll come. I'll come right away." Suddenly every minute away from them was one less minute she had with them. "What are they?" she winced, realizing the connotations of that statement. "I mean, lads or lasses? What are their names? How many?" Even as she was talking, Rosemary began pulling the herbs and knot works from the trees, piling them into some baskets
Ethan held his mother for a moment before she busied herself gathering her things. But his heart rate didn't slow a lick. The other horseshoe still had to drop, and that was the hardest one of all. It crossed his mind to NOT tell her about the mistake... not that they were mistakes! - but... how he met Hunter, and his first children, but it was going to come out - sooner or later. ANd Ethan had a TERRIBLE time - always had - keeping things from his mum. Even when it was something he wasn't supposed to do.
"Well, there's to little colts an' a filly-" He beamed, tail alternating between swishing and wrapping anxiously around a hindleg. "-Fiacha Dunne and Dunchad Herne are th' colts, an' they got great wings like their momma. ANd little Donnfhlaidh - well, she looks a lot like me." He smiled his lopsided smile again.
He sucked in a great lungfull of air. "But then there's alsa Fianna an' Bronwyn an' Deirdre..... they're... ah... older." HE knew the scolding was coming. He DESERVED it. But he needed to face it, get it all out in the open and rip it off like a bandage. "We met a while ago... but... I was still lookin' for mah da' then... an'... an' I didn' know then... an.... an..."
"They sound beautiful," she gushed as Ethan talked about his two sons and daughter. She couldn't believe she hadn't met them yet, and her heart was already aching being away from them. But she stopped what she was doing when Ethan mentioned the older kids. She turned back to look her son in the eye. "Older? You mean, you've had others and didn't tell me?" She couldn't help the pain in her voice. "Wait, what are you saying? You didn't know?"
Ethan's ears drooped and all of the excitement fell from his voice, taking on a serious tone that Rosemary had not often heard from her son. It was full of regret and pain. "Y... yeah, tha's wha' ahm sayin'. Ah met 'er on muh journey an... well... one thin' led ta another'... I never even thought tha' it mighta led ta somethin'.... not till much later. An' as soon as I learned it... I went back ta' try to make things' right. I... Ah'm real lucky she forgave me. I"m... still tryin' ta work with th' foals, though. It ain't fair to them... an... an I know how bad it is what I did... Our new ones... they're still real young... an' tha's why I came here when I did. I want 'em to know their gran." He took a breath, it was out, he said it. He just had to hope now, that his mother could forgive him for it.
Rosemary was silent for a few moments, looking at her son solemnly. She was still, except for a twitch in her tail, which Ethan would know was always a sign she was angry or upset. She pawed at the grass, trying to figure out what to say. She had tried so hard to raise him right - she wouldn't go as far as saying he did they same his father did. Far from it… he was nothing like his father. And while Rosemary had to take some responsibility - she never really did teach Ethan about healthy relationships since he grew up so isolated - she couldn't help but feel very disappointed in him. He had seen the pain she had gone through being a single mother, alone. "Oh, Ethan…" she said with a sigh, not knowing what else to say. "Well, it seems you're making effort to fix it," she settled on.
"Ah' know.." Ethan answered quietly. "An' I know ah don't have much'a an excuse. I'm... I'm not proud'a everythin' I did out there... but... I learned a lot." He finished with a small smile. "An' yer right... I'm doin my best ta fix mah mistake... make up fer lost time. I know I can't go back and be there when she needed me. But I can be there now... I can do right by our young foals... and mebbe Fianna, Bronwyn an' Deirdre 'll fergive me some day."
"Maybe," she said, with a heavy heart. "I hope so, for their sake more than yours. Its not easy out there alone." She took a deep breath and continued to pack, "But you're right. We should focus on the young ones while they are young. I can't wait to meet them."
"Ah do too, mum." He answered sadly. "Ah know it ain't any kinda' excuse, but... I'm happy they at least had a herd ta grow up in. But... yeah, that ain't an excuse. And... I wanna be there for 'em all now.
Hunter... I'm so happy she fergave me. I... I Don't think either'a us were expecting what happened. But bein' back with her makes me remember jus' how hard ah fell for 'er the first time... I think you'll like 'er, mum." He smiled.
"If you like her, than I'll like her," she said in a placating tone. "What is there herd.. like?" Rosemary hadn't been part of a proper heard since her journey to the New World, and was a bit anxious about suddenly being thrown into a situation that could turn out to be political.
"They're nice," Ethan smiled, "Ah don' think a lot'o them have left their herdgrounds - or at least gone verra far. Ah heard their alpha left recently, an' well, most o' 'em can fly. Raven - he's the big black one with wings like Hunter - he traveled for a while apparently, too, but I think he mostly jus' likes to keep to 'imself. I don' know if he likes me verra much ... yet." He pursed his lips and thought, "It ain't a huge herd... but.. it's more than I ever had before... and it's a good place to raise a family." He finished with a smile.
"You did get proper permission. right? Before I just show up there uninvited? Do you think I'd even fit in - not having wings 'n all?"
"O'course!" Ethan blustered. "Ah tol' Hunter where I was goin. An ye aren't the only one without wings."
"Yes, but I don't have the benefit of a, ah, intimate relationship, do I?" she said with a bit of an impish smile and a nudge.
"That don' matter!" Ethan protested. But still, the mental image was there, and he blushed as the though of his mom knowing about what he did in his private time with Hunter was a little disturbing - but not as much as the thought of his mother doing the same with another stallion. It shouldn't matter, in fact, he hoped she'd find a way to be happy again, but she WAS his mom. "'Sides... I want you there. An' so will the kids."
"I… I want to be there with them," she told her son with a warm smile. However, her heart did sink as she looked over her tree and meadow that had been her home for so long. She pawed one of the drawings with her hoof, a sad, nostalgic smile settling over her features. She would miss this place and all the memories that happened here but…
..she looked back at her son, and the gleam of happiness and paternal pride was impossible to deny.
Sabin followed Rosemary's eyes to the pysical memories of his foalhood and smiled at her, offering a supportive nuzzle. "Someday, when they're old enough ta travel... mebbe we can take them back here to show 'em where their Pa grew up." He smiled.
"We can... stay th' night if'n ye want a last night here, Mum."
"That would be nice," she said, blinking back a few tears. She knew going with Ethan was the right thing to do, but at this moment nothing sounded better to her than snuggling under this old familiar tree with her beloved son, one last time.
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