|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sun Jun 30, 2013 7:28 pm
Sickness was gone. And thoughts remained. Nevada had long troubled over what her thoughts led to. It was like debating on confessing to Tuck that perhaps she liked him more than just casual lovers, more than just friends.
It would put her up into vulnerability again. She had told Otto those feelings and it turned him to another woman. Could she suffer through the same thing again?
Stormy's words came back to her and she sighed, knowing that the girl was right. If feelings were out there, then there was nothing to stress or worried about.
Like usual since she met him, she just went to his room, knocking on the door.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jun 30, 2013 8:02 pm
Tuck had been cleaning his room. There was a load or two of laundry to be done, fresh sheets for the bed, a few small bags of trash that needed to be taken out. He wasn't sure if Heidi was going to be sleeping over more or not, but he didn't want to look like a slot. He answered the door, dressed in sweatpants in a t-shirt. Upon seeing who it was, Tuck grinned broadly and held the door open for Nevada. "Wasn't expectin' company. Everything okay? Come on in."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jun 30, 2013 8:14 pm
"Hey there Handsome." She beamed up at him, regardless of their talk, she was happy to see that he wasn't mad at her. The happiness, eased the nervousness that she felt. The dread of rejection that hung heavily over her. Part of her wondered if she was using Tuck as a replacement for Roland and Otto altogether.
The other part knew it was just her fear and denial that maybe she was attracted more than she admitted? Because honestly what wasn't there to like about Tuck? He was sweet, caring, strong....Chivalry was hard to find nowadays. Plus with their own connections to twins, she felt compelled just to....stay with him. Learn more about him. What else made him happy, what else made him sad. Maybe if she convinced him, she could show him that she wasn't just some easy woman...
She leaned up, resting her hands on his chest to press a cheek to his lips and suddenly felt shy about it. Once done she moved into his room and looked around. "Wow...Spring cleaning?" She blinked, "What's the occasion Tuck?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jun 30, 2013 8:30 pm
Tuck hugged Nevada and obliged her with the kiss to her cheek before he let her go to wander into his room.
"Nothin' special, really. Life's good. I just haven't cleaned since I got better, an' I don't like livin' in filth, so I decided today was a good day to clean."
He moved the laundry basket that was on the bed and took a seat.
"How're you feelin'? After.. well. Since the last time I seen you."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jun 30, 2013 8:46 pm
Oh that was a bit Chaste? She studied him but with nothing more to go on, she followed him to the bed and laced her hands together in front of him.
"Much better....I talked to Roland. I told him the truth." This was important to say, to him. So that he knew. "We forgave each other...I think. there's no hate...just..." She shrugged, "It felt better. I feel lighter. I feel lighter knowing that someone on the Island won't hate me because someone else gave me the courage to go and face it. You know?"
She looked at him again. "You're...You're a really good friend Tuck. And I appreciate everything you've done..." and now she was biting her lip, nerves. damn nerves. "And you've been there through a really rough time you know? You've seen the worse of me..." She joked, running her hand through her hair. "And I don't want to push you or anything...But I was thinking...um..." She laughed again, "This sounds stupid, like i'm some giddy little girl or something." She reached over and rested her hands on his shoulders, "Do you think...Do you think you'd give me a chance to show a better side to you? Like...take dates and stuff? we don't have to label or anything...but just you know..." She started to flush, "like boyfriend and girlfriend things?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jun 30, 2013 9:05 pm
Tuck was watching Nevada closely, taking note of the teeth against her lips, the hand movements, the laughter. He wasn't entirely sure what was going on - the last time they'd talked, she hadn't been sure what she wanted from him. She'd wanted some time to clear her head. Tuck had left her alone. Her friendship meant more to him than time between the sheets. He wasn't going to ******** up things with one of the best friends he had on the island just for sex. Nevada knew things about him that nobody else did. She knew about his past, the things he'd seen. Nobody else could really lay claim to that, not the specifics.
He cleared his throat when she put her hands on his shoulders. Tuck's mouth went dry when she spoke about dates and stuff.
He cleared his throat again.
"You.. I don't." Tuck slipped off of the bed and put some distance between himself and Nevada.
"Last time we talked you said you wasn't sure what you wanted from me. You said you needed time to think - an' that was a week ago. I don't hear nothin' from you for a week because that was what you said you wanted. I even asked you what you wanted and you wasn't sure. I even told you about Heidi an' how things was going there - an' now here you are an' I .. Nevada, what?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jun 30, 2013 9:16 pm
She blinked, moving back when he stood up. Confusion flickered through her eyes at his words...
"You're right. I'm sorry." She bit her lip, feeling something not quite with her confession. She'd messed up again. She seemed to do that a lot. "I didn't want to admit that...I was jealous you know, we didn't say we were exclusive. I didn't want to admit that I was jealous of this Heidi. Because you were worried about stuff about her. And I kept thinking about how Roland felt when I slept with you and since Roland reminds me of Heidi...Innocent you know? That I should back off...That I didn't deserve to ask you anything..." Oh god now she sounded like she was some piece of work. She wanted to tell him she was just a normal girl. She just had normal feelings of like for him. Like like.
"I talked to Roland...I had too you know, to move on somewhere? To get some things right? And I talked to Stormy." The confusion was back, "Stormy and I, we talked about you...about how I felt about you. She told me to be honest. That I had to tell you because keeping feelings to myself wasn't good. Like you told me about Roland and stuff." She laced her hands together. "I just couldn't come muster up the courage to come and ask you." She laughed pitifully, "The last guy I confessed to, he chose another girl. And then Roland...And I cheated on him. I thought you'd see that as bad...That I wasn't that type of girl. The kind to ask for a relationship....too keep one. Once a cheater...always a cheater you know?"
"I'm...right huh?" That was probably it, he'd seen her in a relationship. It hadn't worked for her the first time, she went off with Tuck the moment they thought it was okay. "I messed up really bad?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jun 30, 2013 9:45 pm
Tuck felt like a caged beast. He started to pace as he ran his hands over his hair. What the ******** was even going on? He stopped so that he could listen very closely to what Nevada had to say. It was hard to soak it all in, but he was doing his ******** best.
"I put the pace in your hands, Nevada. Like I said, I wasn't proud of what happened, you know? I ain't the type to poach, but there was that connection with you .. and then you said you wanted to be friends after that, an' ... I wasn't real okay with that but I didn't want to push. Your friendship was important to me. It is important to me. But then, when we was sick -- you left an' you said you wasn't sure. An' then a day goes by. Three days. Five. A week, Nevada. A week goes by an' I don't hear from you, not even a text, a note, nothin' - but I left you alone because it was what you wanted."
Tuck cleared his throat.
"An' so I talked to Heidi, because it wasn't fair for her, neither. Keepin' her in the dark, knowin' how I felt about her, an' how I felt about you - but you wasn't interested, or least I thought -- an' this ain't about takin' second to someone, or nothin' like that so you best not even be thinkin' it -- an' Heidi said she liked me just like I liked her, an' so now we're ********. What the ********. What the ********' you knew I was interested in Heidi - an' you never once let on that you wanted somethin' more from me, Nevada, an' this is all kinds of ******** up now, because I do care about you an' it's killin' me inside." He thumped a broad fist against his chest and then pointed his index finger at her.
"I ain't one to judge you. I don't give two shits if you cheated - hell, I was a part of that mess. But you never let on that you was into me like that. A partner in bed, yeah - but other than that, I had no clue, Nevada."
Tuck stood rigidly.
"I ain't a bad man. I care about you, I do - an' I never stopped, I always will. You one of my best friends on this ********' Godforsaken rock. You know things about me nobody else do."
He fell silent and just watched her for a moment, arms crossed over his chest. His ribs still ached from his spar with Roland.
"You didn't mess nothin' up. I just. I wish you'd have been more honest with me. Maybe call me or text me, let me know you was thinkin' about me. I didn't think you wanted me. Not after the last time we talked. An' I can't do this to Heidi. I won't. I care about her. I care about her a lot."
Tuck held his arms out.
"I didn't think you wanted me no more. That's all it was. I coulda called you or texted you, but."
He cleared his throat.
"I was givin' you the space you wanted."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jun 30, 2013 10:13 pm
Nevada watched Tuck tense with her words, feeling the dread drop right into her stomach where it butterflied all around. So much that she thought she might've been sick. Maybe.
"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..." She held her hands together. She couldn't offer anything more than that because that's all she had. She hadn't talked to him. She had been too scared and too confused and unsure of what she wanted. For a week, she had left him to figure out what she did really want. But not talking to him was her biggest mistake. "I'm sorry Tuck..."
She didn't move from her spot, her hands tightening together. Her head sort of reeled and she was starting to feel like this was a repeat of Otto and her. Except Tuck had Heidi.
"You and Heidi....are dating...." She whispered. She shouldn't be surprised but she was. Surprised like a bucket of ice water was dumped on her. This was her luck. This was her doing. This was on her. She had been too late. Again. But It wasn't about her, she wouldn't let Tuck see that she just ripped herself apart from the inside out. Every self esteem issue she had spilled out and over through her mind and then settled back down as she took a breath. She wanted to be happy too, but she wouldn't let that ugly beast inside her punish Tuck and Heidi for something they didn't even know about.
"You...Yes..." She didn't quite have the words to really put out what she wanted. She was sort of choking on it. Lodged there right where she didn't want it to come out. 'You aren't a bad guy Tuck...You aren't the bad guy." She repeated, uncurling her hands to reach out and touch his arm gently. "I wasn't as honest with my thoughts as I thought I was. I thought that maybe....because we were together that but...I should've understood casual sex...." She laughed at herself, "I wanted you. I was happy when you opened up to me...and I like talking with you and holding you. I like knowing about you things about you that others don't." She let her hand dropped, "I just didn't want to face the fact that I did. I didn't think I deserved happiness after what I did. I didn't think I could even ask the right for commitment." She cleared her throat, "And I've only made a fool out of myself." She sighed.
"You don't have to choose between me and Heidi, Tuck. That was not my intention when I came here, I just chose to be honest too late. And I've been selfish enough over it. No one else has to pay for it, Mostly not you." She wouldn't cry. God she wouldn't cry. Just give her a moment of silence.
"I care about you alot." She began carefully, "And I'd rather be your best friend then....nothing at all." She wouldn't cry, she wouldn't let misery show on her face. She wouldn't let him see that this just further put her thinking of second place in her mind. It wasn't his problem, it was her own. "So...." She masked the pain behind a smile, "I'll just have to channel how I feel into being a good best friend to you. I'll support you as best as I can okay?" She turned now, walking around his room and picking up stray things because it gave her something to do. "And if Heidi hurts you, I'll kick her butt...but if you hurt her too, I'll kick yours harder." She teased, trying to get back into that friend zone. "I hope you guys we'll be really happy in the future."
This was wrong, this was so wrong. She couldn't stay here and keep a smile on when all she wanted to do was crawl to her room and lick her wounds.
Just like she had done with Otto.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 7:44 am
Tuck stood there for a moment and watched Nevada pick up his clothes, and his heart felt like it was being mashed into paste. "Nevada. Nevada, stop." Tuck reached out and drew the Mist into a hug, holding her tightly so long as she didn't pull away. If she pulled away, he'd let her go - but part of him selfishly wanted to console her. If he could read her thoughts, he'd probably have felt a million times worse than he did. Then again, he deserved to have some happiness in his life - a life that was far too short to waste time, a life where he never really knew if he'd come out of a mission alive. "You would never be nothin' to me, Nevada." He really wasn't sure what else to say, and so he pressed a kiss to her forehead and fell silent, hoping to take some of the pain that she was burdened with.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 9:05 am
Nevada's breath hitched, casually picking up another shirt that escaped from his basket of it. They dropped into a pile when he pulled her into a hug and for a moment, she didn't know what to do.
"Tuck...." She laughed nervously, don't do this. It just hurt and she wanted to cry again. Don't comfort her when at the end of the day, it wouldn't be her that you'd be with. But no matter that her brain told her to pull away, she wanted to have this one last hug. This one last hug to herself before she had to step back to the sidelines and watch him be happy with another woman. Her arms wrapped around him, holding him tightly. Her head rested on his chest. Just one last moment. One last time to listen to the soft steady beat of Tuck's heart.
And then tears flowed at his words and that was it. She tried to chuckle, pull back and wipe the ones that spilled away. "That's good! After all I know about you, I better be something like the friend you never want to piss off!" She teased again, wiping the wetness from her face. She wouldn't cry. She would not cry. The kiss to her forehead, while innocent to Tuck made her yearn for more. SHE wanted to kiss him all the time. SHE wanted to be the one to sleep with him at night, comfort him when he had the nightmares about his friends, about the things that go bump in the night. And after a mission, SHE wanted to be the one to talk and try to make light of another day they came back alive. The ugly truth that it'd be Heidi instead and that she hated it shamed her and had her stepping back now.
This time the space was to remember that in the end, she'd just be a friend and to support her friends happiness. Not ruin it.
"Do you...need help or anything? With stuff in here?" She gestured, looking away from him so he didn't have to see her face.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 9:46 am
Tuck took in the sight of those tears, tears that he'd caused even though he'd never meant to. Each one hit him like a physical blow that left his gut cramping and his lungs aching. When Nevada pulled away, Tuck let her go. He wasn't sure what he could say to make her feel better, what he could do to ease the pain that was so apparent on her face. Tuck couldn't bring himself to laugh when she teased him. "No, I got all this," his voice cracked and he cleared his throat. "I don't want you pickin' up my mess, Nevada."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 2:33 pm
She sort of chuckled, wandering the room a little more. "You really let it go in here..." She was still teasing, just to make it easier for him to see that she was trying too. "It's no problem! I haven't been loving in my own dorm and share with Stormy. I think we've mastered cleaning things...though I'm sure she might have some of my clothing. Did you know she was dating someone?? Our little Stormy, all grown up and dating boys." Distraction, talk about Stoemy. Talk about anything but what happened between each other. "He's next on my list to talk to."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 3:27 pm
"I been sick," Tuck replied with zero defensiveness in his voice. He offered Nevada a slight smile. "Why ain't you been in your own dorm? An' sharin' with Stormy, I'da thought you'd be with Alas-- did you say Stormy was datin' someone?" Hold up. Wait a minute. He crossed his arms over his chest. "Who she datin'? She ain't even tell me. I wonder if she told Evan - I bet she told him first, that ********, an' he didn't even say nothin' to me."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 7:04 pm
"I'd've stayed with Alaska if it didn't feel so odd. We haven't seen each other for a couple of years...I want her to adjust before I just dive into living with her again. Especially if she doesn't-" Oh who was she kidding, "I love living with Stormy, she's fun and adorable and she's my best friend." She smiled, "She's the one who told me I should come talk to you about stuff. if not for her, I'd be still flailing around." She shrugged, bending down to scoop up the pile and pull back up, giving Tuck a look. She dropped them there, the least she could do was put it in the basket.
"I'm not gonna tell you~" She said with a sing song voice, smiling at Tuck. "Just know that he is a proper gentleman and you don't need to go all gung ho brother just yet..." She crossed her arms, "Plus I found out first so I get to talk to him first."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
