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Candace's face was buried against Dakota's chest. The cold made everything more bizarre, it made the spiders more menacing and every now and then bugs from the past would show up. Why was it always bugs? She'd never been a fan of spiders. Every now and then one would startle her and she would kill it as quickly as possibly, but thousands of spiders crawling all over her and also forming one huge spider bothered her more than she would have ever anticipated. Candace blamed the fever she had had.

"Right, y-yes." She knew. Candace knew they were home. They were home. No spiders. No bugs. Were there even crickets on this island? "I know." She held him tighter. "I know. I know. I'm sorry," Candace whispered, kissing his chest. Ugh. She did not feel well. Candace lifted her head to look up at Dakota. "How are you feeling?"

"...you're a sunken luxury cruise ship at the bottom of the Atlantic?" Candace mumbled tiredly, closing her eyes and just enjoying Dakota's closeness. Her hands rubbed up and down his sides, his abdomen, his chest; normally this would be an action that went along with sex, but Dakota said he felt cold, she wanted to warm him.

Candace chuckled when Dakota figured he was now on spider killer duty. "Perhaps." She pulled him down for a light kiss, frowning slightly as he mentioned Julie. "Baby.." Candace sat up to pull Dakota into a hug, rearranging herself to comfortably hold the young man while petting his hair and swaying gently from side to side with him. "Don't think about it," she whispered, kissing the top of his head. "Go back to sleep." Candace wasn't sure she could go back to sleep.

"Oh, gee, thanks," Candace replied with mock offense, referring to herself as a change in Dakota's life. She continued petting his hair with one hand and massaging Dakota's shoulder with the other, understanding his inability to go back to sleep. She didn't think she'd be sleeping either. Even the brush of her hair against her shoulder had her shuddering with displeasure just now.

Candace closed her eyes and tipped her head back against the headboard with a soft sigh, her fingers going still as she just enjoyed the silence and Dakota's warmth. Dakota's sudden question made her nervous. Where was he going with this? She had said she would be all right with Dakota seeing other women as well, he was hers no matter who he happened to sleep with or flirt with.

...Oh.

She was afraid of that. This was something she needed to be delicate about. "I had a feeling that's why you left so suddenly," Candace finally settled on as a reply. "It was stupid of me to do that in front of you anyway, I really am sorry about that.." Candace opened her eyes to look down at Dakota with a small frown. H hadn't had time for her in months anyway, she was back to adoring him from afar.

Candace found herself less upset about that than she used to be.

"He does mean a lot to me," she agreed quietly, looking away. H had been rather beneficial to her for quite some time..but... "I like that you're honest, if there's anything on your chest I would rather you say it now than let it fester into something bad."

"Because I know it's a joke," Candace replied back with a little smile when Dakota complained about her joke.

She was quiet again, her fingers walking along Dakota's shoulders. Candace let him speak, her lips pursed and her face devoid of any obvious emotion. She was giving her best poker face while she listened to him, not wanting to worry him or get him too excited one way or the other. Oh, Dakota..you and Molly were nothing like her and H, and that was a good thing. Her heart hammered painfully in her chest, but she worked very hard to keep herself calm. Where was he going with this?

Candace quietly cleared her throat when Dakota said he brought up sharing. He didn't want to share her anymore? Even if he said 'less' and didn't say he just wanted to stop all together that feeling would always be eating away at him until they agreed on something that made him happy. Candace didn't allow herself to frown. "I love you, too.." She leaned down to kiss the top of his head. "You're not being a child, you'd be less calm if you were."

She fell quiet again after that, petting Dakota's hair and thinking hard on how to handle this. It made her nervous. Could she give Dakota monogamy? What if she messed up again? She loved Dakota, he had gone from just some annoying kid who didn't know when to quit to a charming young man who made her happy, special, cherished. Finally Candace broke the silence with a soft sigh. "The thing about H is.." How to put this... "When..when I first arrived, I hated him. I couldn't stand even the sight of him, he pissed me off with how he spoke to me. He wanted me before Jerry even know who I was." She shrugged. "I went from hating him, to intrigued by him, to wanting him. Only him. He was all I thought about, I was...obsessed with him.." At least she could admit it. But all of this was past tense, she didn't even realize she was speaking in past tense. "He was a very beneficial part of my life. For awhile he was what I needed, someone who would take away my control, overpower me, break me and...put me back together...I loved him as much as I also feared him. I felt..stressed by him, it was all my own doing. I was obsessed with trying to make him love me, I wanted him to want me as much as I wanted him, but I knew it would never happen. I had to accept he would never be mine...and it hurt. I worked at keeping his interest, I feared he would get bored with me, and the very thought of it drove me insane."

Candace paused, taking a deep breath and rubbing her lips together.

"Until you started using those stupid pickup lines on me again," she said with a warm smile. "Dakota, Molly loves you. She loves everyone. She has the biggest heart of any woman on this island, she's as selfless as she is precious. She's..a goddess. H, he is nothing like that. He's generous, but he isn't benevolent, he's more selfish than he is giving, and he doesn't love." Candace slid her fingers under Dakota's chin to guide his face up to look at her, giving him a smile. She was nervous, so nervous, but she was going to pretend like she wasn't. The light tremble in her hand and the racing of her heart told otherwise. "You are as generous as Molly. You're kind to everyone, even if they may not exactly deserve it. You don't play mind games, you don't..take pleasure in my tears," her voice cracked as she remembered that day in particular. "You make me feel important, cherished. I love your kindness, your warmth, your humor. I love how important your family is to you, that you loved them so much you made the impossible decision of leaving them to protect them. I loved the look in your eyes when I gave you those pictures on New Year's Eve. I love how you want to protect everyone, and want them to be happy. Your interests, how you were going to be a medicine man? That's so awesome." Candace leaned in to kiss his forehead. "Even when I'm feeling vulnerable, you don't point it out or make it worse, you don't ask uncomfortable questions just to see how I'll react to them."

Candace tipped his head back enough for her to catch his lips for a kiss. She had more to say but she just couldn't not kiss him right now.

Candace blinked. "They?" Did he mean Jerry and H? Why? What made them stupid?

She played with his hair, combing her fingers through it and massaging Dakota's scalp. The petting stopped when Dakota began to speak, her hand dropping to his shoulder. Well, yes...he needed to be happy too. Her eyes widened. Everything? There was so much to not love about her, don't do that. You don't know what you're saying. She wasn't a good person like you, that wasn't fair. "I..I don't love everything.." Candace admitted quietly, desperately trying to think of something. Anything. What did she not like? "Your pickup lines. Just terrible, simply awful." Yeah that was all she had.

He didn't want to share her.

Oh god. No. Dakota. Don't do this.

Her heart raced almost painfully. He didn't want to share her. The thought was in his head now and it would never go away the only way to change his mind would be to break his heart. Oh god. Oh god. She didn't want to do that, she wanted to keep him! He was hers! She was his! And...and it wasn't fair! Why couldn't they keep doing what they were doing? This wasn't fair..

He wanted her to be happy, that was all he ever wanted from her. Well, that and now monogamy.

Could she give him that?

Her hands trembled as she held Dakota against her. He really had not been with another woman since she had given him a chance? She felt bad. Candace had been with other men--

...

She had been with..one other man.

Only one? Really?

There was a strange look on her face, it was something like a mixture of anxiety with a bit of confusion tossed into the mix. That couldn't be it, she had to have been with someone else. She had cuddled with Jerry but only because he had asked, but was Tuck the only person she had slept with outside of Dakota since..

...November?

It sounds as if what he wants is something the two of you have already been doing without even thinking about it. Candace cleared her throat.

"Dakota...I.." Candace wasn't sure what to say. She held him tighter. "What if I mess up again?"

He would just..forgive her. Just like that. Would he be angry? Candace wasn't sure if she deserved forgiveness if she messed up again. Dakota was too kind, too generous, he was a genuinely good person.

He was everything she wasn't. How could he love her that much? It was too perfect. She didn't deserve him. All of her fears hit her like a pile of bricks then.

She could try, right? Being with Dakota was so easy and she never even thought about other men when she was with him, the only exception having been at the same table as H. What if someone else came along and tried to tempt her? What had been what ruined it last time? Fear? She didn't feel wanted...those kinds of things.

Tears welled up in her eyes, escaping and rolling down her cheeks before Candace could even attempt to hide them. Oh god. Oh no. Not now. Not in front of him. "I..I.." She sniffed, shaking her head and rubbing her eyes. "Oh god I don't deserve you.." Candace managed to get out, clinging desperately to Dakota and hiding her face against his shoulder. In her attempt to fight off the way her body wanted to just break down and sob she let out a long, low whine deep in her throat. She didn't deserve him. She didn't. He was too good.

"I love you," she choked out. He trusted her too much. If she messed up he would forgive her. Did he mean it? He wouldn't yell? He wouldn't scream and shout and tell her to stay the ******** away from him? He wouldn't run off to some other little girl and ignore any attempt she made to try and make amends? How could any of this be real? Candace was sure she'd fallen asleep and was having a fever dream now. "I love you so much. I need you. Pl-please don't let me go." Candace held him tighter. "I d-do-don't know if I can do it, I messed u-up so badly la-ast time a-and I justIdon'twhatifIcan'tdoit.."

She shook her head when Dakota even thought her settling for him was a funny joke, not saying anything and instead just holding the man tighter. It was a relief that he wasn't just going to roll over and forgive her if she messed up but..he would forgive her. He wouldn't leave her. He loved her. The first time he had ever said he loved her she felt uncomfortable, she had gotten scared, but now she felt joy. When Jerry had said he loved her she had gotten so terrified of it that she had run off to another man entirely. Dakota saying he loved her made her want to hear him say it all day, to just lie in his arms and fall asleep to it. He did make her happy, he made her want to be selfish and never share him again. He was hers, she didn't care.

Candace sniffed and tried to free her face from his hands. It wasn't that she didn't want Dakota to hold her, it's what she wanted more than anything right now, but she didn't want him to see her crying and being weak. She closed her eyes and very nearly sobbed when he promised not to let her go, choking out a laugh when he called her heaven. "God where do you even get those lines.." Candace managed to laugh out, finally hiding her face against his chest when he held her. Anything. He would do anything for her. He'd wait, he'd be here even if he wanted her to himself, he would let her continue to just..

He was putting her before himself. That idiot.

"O-only if I'm your everything and anything," she finally spoke up, sniffing and lifting her face into those kisses. "I.." Candace looked up at him. Could she? Could she give up Tuck? Kisses with Molly?

Could she give up H?

That was the big thing. H. Could she let go of him. Her heart felt too tight in her chest and she lost her breath, holding her head and looking away. Her head was starting to hurt, it felt light and empty. He didn't have time for her, though she could have made a larger effort to go and see him..

She could have...but she didn't.

Well, let's start with the easy one. You have been with Tuck all of twice, can you let go sex with him? Candace blinked. The sex with Tuck had been pretty amazing but...she didn't need sex with him to enjoy his company. She could let that go. Atropos made a pleased sound. Molly? Molly, yes. She could let Molly go...not..literally, but she could stop kissing her. The younger woman probably would not be bothered by that. She would still love Molly, but Molly was not the kind of person she should be tangling with. Molly deserved someone better than her, someone who could be faithful to her and her alone.

Candace knew who was next, and it scared her. Now. Can you let H go? It had been something Atropos had been wanting since that first visit. Atropos had never wanted Candace to even get involved with H to begin with, she had protested the entire time, mocked her and done anything within her power to try and make her feel guilty. Could she let him go? He would never love her, she had accepted that so long ago. He would never be hers. Dakota was hers already, and she hadn't thought about H in a long time because of him..

"...I'll do it." Candace said quietly, leaning in to brush her lips against Dakota's. "I love you. I'm yours, you know I'm yours already." Her arms wrapped comfortably around Dakota's neck and she pulled him in for a kiss.

"Just yours, no one else's."