How many times had she come back here now? How many moons has passed over since she had begun her fruitless search? It seemed like an eternity now, one filled with broken promises and aching regret. How could she have done this, how? And yet, how could she even stand to keep coming back here, hoping that she would walk in and there were her children, waiting for her? A lesser creature would have crumbled under the despair.But maybe she just couldn't help herself. This cave, this one insignificant cave meant everything to her. It was so full and yet terribly barren. There were collections here and there, a few scattered pelts, worn from use as sleeping pallets. Pictures made of fruit stain scattered the walls, some sloppy and near the floor while others grew to her own height, the strokes smoother, more defined. Had one of her children done those? There was nothing artistic about the pictures, they were practical, a history of a life. Coming here... it was like connecting to the ones she'd lost. No, the ones she'd given up.
"Mzaa?" She knew the word, what little powers she had made sure that as messenger she always knew what needed to be said. But this word... This one word was enough to shatter her.
The goddess turned around, her mane floating around her as her body moved, faster than any lion ever could. There, standing in the entrance to the cave was a young male, tall and lithe. His own mane was full and curly, the same blond color as her own. His eyes, they were her own, he even had her messenger's mark wrapped around one paw. He had a swath of green cloth wrapped around his shoulders, a golden necklace with a blood-red stone. But most of all, he had a large medallion on the cloth, one that matched one of the coins around her neck.
Tarishi, daughter of Pleasure, messenger of the gods let out a choked sob before she flew at her eldest son, landing before him so that she could wrap him in a hug and hold him tightly as she cried. She felt his own paws hug her, felt him shudder as his own emotions threatened to strangle him.
Luthe trembled as he felt his mother hold him, felt her tears in his fur. She was weeping, weeping for joy of seeing him. She loved him, his mother loved him, she missed him, she wanted to hold him, was crying over finally having him there with her.Of all the scenarios he had played in his mind, he had in no way been prepared for the feeling of a weight taken off his shoulders and the fullness in his heart. He had loved his nyanya so much, but it hadn't been the same. She had never once denied that somewhere out there he had a mother who loved him. And she really did, his mzaa loved him.
"I'm so sorry, I should never have left you, never," Tari whimpered as she wept, something that might have surprised so many other mortals. A goddess, weeping over a mortal, much less apologizing to one? But Luthe had known, his nyanya had taught him well. Gods were just as fallible as anyone else, they made mistakes and they had feelings.
"I don't blame you, Mzaa," he replied, his voice sounding hoarse even in his own ears, giving her a small squeeze before leaning back to smile at her, his own cheeks wet with tears. Tari's eyes slowly opened to see her son smiling softly at her, something she had started to worry that she'd never see. Her paw rose to touch the side of his face and he sighed.
"You don't hate me?"
"I could never hate you, Mzaa. Nyanya told me you were scared, how could anyone fault you for that?" Tari whimpered even as he leaned into her touch. How could he not? She shouldn't have been afraid, she should have never left her babies, how could she have... done... that...
The sudden realization struck her with a force that nearly floored her.
She had become her mother. She had spent her entire life searching for her parents, her family, anyone because her mother had left her to be raised among mortals. Now, her children were mortal, but that didn't change anything. She had given her babies away, had them be raised by someone else.
But at least they had found one another, she and her eldest. She couldn't keep the soft smile from turning up her maw.
"And the others?" Luthe glanced away sadly and shook his head. They were as gone as he had been for a time. Perhaps now that he had found his mother, they could combine their efforts to find the others.
"I barely remember my sisters and Reginault disappeared when we were young. Nyanya made sure we had our medallions, but... I'm sorry, Mzaa, I've tried to find them, See them, but my visions won't let me See my family..." It hurt Tari to hear that, but she wouldn't give up hope. She knew in her heart that if something terrible had befallen any of them, she would have known, would have felt it. Mother's intuition.
"We'll find them together..." Tari dipped her head and looked sheepish. "I gave your nyanya the right to name you and your brother and sisters... What..."
Luthe smiled at just how mortal his mother seemed, embarrassed that she didn't know his name, regretful of her actions, beside herself with happiness at being reunited with him...
"Luthe, Mzaa. My name is Luthe," he replied, his tone gentle, understanding.
(WC: 1,142)
