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 Posted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 2:44 pm
So, I was wondering.
I don't normally write sad posts dealing with something like suicide (murder yes, suicide no). Actually, I've only ever written one. I wanted to gauge how good or bad it was and I wanted to ask ya'll what was your saddest post?
Care to share? :3
Sadness is always a weird emotion to try and get across for me. The others, I think I can get just fine, but sadness is a weird one cause it's always mixed up with other emotions. Any tips on writing for that emotion?
Are there any emotions that ya'll have a problem writing for or don't feel like ya'll do a good job writing for? Any tips to give or that you've found for writing for those emotions?
I'm all up for improving my writing abilities and getting feedback on both my writing and the characters that I play.
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Posted: Mon Jun 17, 2013 2:46 pm
 NPC Nelson
Fraternity Treasurer &
Ricky's Personal Secretary
Aka: Neal, Neil, Neel, Nel, Neill, Neale, Neo, or Natan
------------------------------------------------------ ooc: play this while you readNelson sighed upon seeing Damien fall asleep on the couch and had to smirk with what the blond girl was doing to him. Still, he was one of the people he was suppose to be watching. He usually wouldn't be able to leave until he made sure that the other boys had left unless Ricky came over here himself, which he was almost hoping for. He noticed Crimson leave and Alex was on decent enough behavior. He just couldn't stay here anymore. It upset him too much.
It'd only be a little while longer before he could just go back to his room. Alcohol and hurt feelings don't go together. Or maybe that it's they go too well together. He managed to stay for a few more minutes before he just couldn't take it anymore.
His short walk back to the Fraternity House was an uneventful one. If anything, he just didn't want to be seen anymore. While in the shower, he couldn't count the amount of times he sighed or the amount of times that he glanced to the mirror to see how pathetic he looked. He'd been able to keep up his cold b*tch look until he got to his room and had the door closed and locked behind him. Now his emotions were just getting to him and he turned way from his reflection to turn off the shower and get ready for bed.
His sleep wasn't any better.
It was now halfway into the semester and Nelson couldn't take it anymore. Despite knowing that it was pretty much Ricky's duty to be married to Bridgette, it didn't make it hurt any less. He'd woken up and felt like he couldn't even make it through the rest of the year knowing what was at the end of it. He'd worked hard all throughout college and had managed to maintain a straight 4.0 GPA - even with his soft cream colored pillow catching his tears or his fists almost every night. But now... It just hurt. So many things felt too... finalized.
That he wasn't going to get Ricky.
That Ricky and Bridgette were going to marry.
That he'd be the only one this upset and depressed about it.
He didn't count Bridgette's feelings about the situation even though he knew what she wanted to do most because he knew that Ricky would take care of that for her so that she could still fulfill her dream. He was that kind of guy to take so many burdens off of other people and take them onto himself. Nelson didn't think that Bridgette would understand that. Even if she refused, Ricky would slowly starting taking the responsibilities from her because he'd want to make her happy. If that meant that she was happiest dancing her little heart out, then Ricky would let her.
But where did that leave Nelson in all of this?
Honestly... he didn't see himself anywhere in the picture. Not even in the background as a measly little accountant watching from afar. Both companies had their own people and seemed to only hire from a certain pool of people. Even if he was qualified, there was no way for him to get in other than Ricky. Nelson couldn't stand just being on the side though. He wanted to be in the front, even if it was only to be shoved over a desk and f*cked senseless Ricky had to acknowledge him even for that small amount of time. But since that wasn't going to happen... what was he going to do?
Those thoughts lead to where he currently was. With a rope around his neck and standing on a chair next to his desk. It was the middle of the night, so who would bother walking in? Certainly not anyone that cared. Not Crimson, not Damien, not Jackson.... not Ricky. So he stepped and the chair fell over with a quiet thud on the soft floor. It was only after he was hanging there that he realized that he hadn't made his perch nearly high enough to snap his neck. But suffocating was ok too he guessed. While he fought himself to keep his fighter's instincts from saving himself, he thought back again to what lead him to this decision. What exactly had started the chain of self-destructive thought to lead him to biting his lip hard enough to make it bleed and wringing his hands together so hard they hurt – to keep himself from saving himself? Was it that he'd finally found something – someone - worth fighting for only to find out that he couldn't fight for them at all? Was it that he didn't want Bridge to be happy in his place? Was it that he didn't want to be alone anymore?
Things were getting hazy and he felt like he was crying. He was always one of those people that couldn't seem to cry and breath at the same time, like it took too much effort to do just one so his body just couldn't possibly do them simultaneously. Funny that was. He compared this feeling to the overall feeling of the first time he found out that Ricky and Bridgette would be getting married. This suffocating feeling... this feeling of substantial loss in a way that was detrimental to one's life... they felt the same. He remembered the way that his chest constricted in pain that night, the way that his eyes burned, how wet his pillow had become, how constricted his throat felt and how much it hurt – oh wait, that last one was just now.
His legs were starting to kick around now. He was still fighting it. His hands were bleeding from digging his nails into himself though he hadn't even known that he was doing it. He remembered reading on the internet once that when you suffocate, if you last long enough you'll loose consciousness. For a while your body will simply swing in silence. A quiet pendulum as you fight yourself to save your life. That you might still be able to think somewhere in your mind despite the lack of oxygen and the tight feeling in your chest that throbs somewhere you're not sure of anymore. You feel kind of dissociated from yourself.
And if truly no one comes, and you last long enough, that you'll swing quietly into death. Not a sound will be uttered. Not a tear for your departure. And your soul and your body will have this quietness to disappear into the night without a single cry. Even as the tears still rolled down Nelson's face and the blood from his hands hit the cream carpet on the floor, everything was silent and nothing made a sound. Not even when he was still swinging and slowing gently to an eventual stop. His heart wasn't pounding anymore, his tears weren't falling anymore, and he wasn't on this plane anymore.
Silence would encompass him until the morning when Ricky would be looking for him to speak to him about the accounts from yesterday.
Come morning, he noticed the tears on his pillow and the way that his chest had constricted during the night as he cried. He may have died in his sleep, but awake, it didn't make a bit of difference in what was going on with the world now. Nothing had changed and Nelson turned to weep into his pillow with the silence of the room borrowing into his ears. ------------------------------------------------------------ I gotta do what I gotta do. And sometimes, I don't like doin' it.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- That's my one sad post. It was interesting to write, but I'd like to know how I did. Feedback?
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Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 5:19 pm
I'm sorry- I haven't read your post yet. I promise I will at some point and will even offer feedback, but I just had to ask...
Why do you have a (rather distracting) fan art of Luke from Tales of the Abyss in your post? o.o
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Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 5:39 pm
Kairi Nightingale I'm sorry- I haven't read your post yet. I promise I will at some point and will even offer feedback, but I just had to ask... Why do you have a (rather distracting) fan art of Luke from Tales of the Abyss in your post? o.o
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Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 8:16 pm
Helaku Hai Kairi Nightingale I'm sorry- I haven't read your post yet. I promise I will at some point and will even offer feedback, but I just had to ask... Why do you have a (rather distracting) fan art of Luke from Tales of the Abyss in your post? o.o Okay... One more question, then: Is this a role play post? (This will affect what advice I give in my feedback.)
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Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 8:17 pm
Kairi Nightingale Helaku Hai Kairi Nightingale I'm sorry- I haven't read your post yet. I promise I will at some point and will even offer feedback, but I just had to ask... Why do you have a (rather distracting) fan art of Luke from Tales of the Abyss in your post? o.o Okay... One more question, then: Is this a role play post? (This will affect what advice I give in my feedback.)
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Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 8:49 pm
Oh, okay then! That's good to know. wink Different media have different sets of criteria. Some things in role plays just don't translate well in fiction writing (pictures, for instance, are used in role plays so that new players know what other characters look like without looking back at all the previous posts or having the old players describe them all the time. In fiction writing, pictures aren't needed for obvious reasons.) Now, the problem is that because it's a role play post, everything is taken out of context. There is no buildup to Nelson's problem, making his emotional troubles less of an impact. There are also multiple characters introduced that we have no previous knowledge on whatsoever. And no previous relationship built between anyone reading just this post and Nelson to make his potential loss suspenseful or tear-jerking. By the way, did Nelson die? He went from legs kicking, choking on a rope, to crying on his pillow again with no transition. Kind of confusing. Anyway, with that said, and this is just my personal opinion, but dying just because someone can't/won't return your love always seemed ridiculous to me. It's a stupid reason to take one's own life, and I can't feel sorry for someone who does that. However, if there was some lead-up to it, where Nelson went through a lot of pain and suffering every time he tried to accomplish a dream or do something good, and if at every turn he was brutally denied either by making a mistake or by others; if he was at his lowest point, only to find that Ricky getting married to someone else was the last straw on top of every other bad thing that's happened to him over the course of the story and that he literally had nothing left at all to live for... THEN it could work. But like I said, it's almost impossible to get that level of connection and emotional impact from a role play, especially just one post in a role play. With that said! It was a nicely written post for the most part. A few run-on's here and there, and I feel that some parts could have been more concise, but all in all a nice post, and one that I believe would induce a good bit of sadness and loss in the average role play, particularly with the other players who have a better understanding of the character and situation. So, good job. Hope this was helpful and good luck with your future role play adventures!
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Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:53 pm
I gotta say I really loved this.
Being a Roleplayer myself I've really envious of how you could bring such emotions to words.
Astounding.
Frankly I really loved the ambient ending. It doesn't really give a clear definition on Nelson's fate, which gives the reader almost a wanting feeling.
Does the reader think he died knowing his pain?
Or does Nelson live on with the pain in his chest?
On a side note I would love to RP with you sometime, not that many literate RP'ers these days.
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Posted: Fri Jun 21, 2013 5:26 am
Thank you both for your feedback!
@Kairi
I completely understand about the lack of context, so thank you for taking the time to critique! I agree with you on the reasons for suicide you've stated. Nelson isn't someone that would actually kill himself over something like that. But it doesn't stop the thoughts or dreams about it.
@Ecchimaru
It was honestly difficult. o3o; so I'm glad XD
oh, you should join this rp I'm in! I'll have an invite sent to you when I get home :3
@Both
The whole suicide is actually a dream.
It begins at "his sleep wasn't any better" and ends with "he may have died in his sleep, but..."
It is, however, meant to feel ambiguous.
He actually dies later in the rp o u o
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