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Men that beat their wives or girlfriends + Can you forgive?

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Miss_XxAriaxX

PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 5:04 pm


What would be your reaction or what would you do if that men is ...
1) your father ?
2) your friend ?
3) your boyfriend ?

Can you forgive?
PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 5:51 pm


XxAriaxX
What would be your reaction or what would you do if that men is ...
1) your father ?
2) your friend ?
3) your boyfriend ?


1. This is a situation where there is only so much that you can do. You can try to step in and help but if the person being abused doesn't want help then you can really do nothing.. even if it is your mother/step-mother.

2. I wouldn't remain friends with someone that I know is abusive in a relationship.. and I would let my thoughts on the matter be known very clearly. If they claim to care that much about someone and still abuse them there is a chance that they wouldn't care to do the same to you given the right situation.

3. Well, I wouldn't be with a man who was already married. xp
But, if my boyfriend was abusive he wouldn't be my boyfriend anymore. Abuse is one of the things I won't stand for in a relationship and it is a complete deal breaker for me. I will not tolerate being completely disrespected by anyone, especially someone that I choose to bring into my life.


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PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2013 6:20 pm


XxAriaxX
What would be your reaction or what would you do if that man is ...


Since I'm pretty sure you mean only physically abusive (emotional/psychological abuse is harder to prove by an outsider), I'll go with that.

1) your father?
I'd have called the cops on him years ago and pressed charges.

2) your friend?
EX-friend, and I'd call the cops and press charges; I'd also tell his GF to GTFO before he ends up killing her.

3) your boyfriend?
I'd be chief mourner at his funeral! Any man that raises a hand to me had better kill me outright or he will not survive to see the next day.
PostPosted: Mon May 13, 2013 1:19 am


1) your father ?
This...just wouldn't happen.
He would never beat my mother.
If he were a different man, I would contact her sisters and their husbands.
But possibly police first, just so he could live another day and get beat up in prison instead. c:

2) your friend ?
Ex-friend!

3) your boyfriend ?
Hubby-to-be?
I would leave.

A note; I would react to an abusive woman just the same.

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PostPosted: Mon May 13, 2013 10:01 am


1. My reaction to this kind of abuse was to keep quiet, as that is what my mom wanted. My brother constantly tried to get involved and it only caused him and my mom pain. When it's your father/step-father (in my case it was step as my father wasn't a violent man) or even your mother/step-mother, there really is so much you can do. As a child you don't really understand the severity of the situation, at least to an extent, and you're not sure what to do. That can carry on into teenage years, and you can feel pretty stuck. Also, if the abused in question doesn't want your help, or any kind of help whatsoever, that's a real big wall in the way of stopping the abuse. You can call the police as much as you want, you can tell whoever you want, if the abused doesn't want help, they'll deny up and down anything is wrong so nothing happens. It's been done time and time before and it'll continue to happen, which is the sad truth. Sometimes things can get better (my step-father shaped up, became religious, stopped drinking, asked for forgiveness from everyone he had hurt. He still has grumpy moments, but everyone has those) and sometimes they don't, but in this situation you can't always help which way it goes.

2. If I found out a friend of mine was abusive, male or female, I would question why. I'd sit down and talk with them to get to the bottom of it. If the person showed no signs of this before, and it was just with their significant other, I'd ask why they thought they deserved that, what brought on this behavior, what made them so violent toward the person. I'd talk it out with them to try and get them to stop, as no one wants to see a friend go down that path, nor see the abused in question be hurt in such a way. If there really is nothing I can say or do to help them quit it, then I'd tell them that the friendship would be over, that I couldn't consider an abuser a friend. I couldn't associate with someone who thought the best way to solve something was to hurt another person, so I'd leave it at that and walk away.

3. No matter how loving my boyfriend was, if suddenly started being abusive, then I would have to leave. I couldn't say that I'd leave right at the first incident, as like with a friend, I'd try to talk it out and ask why it even happened. I'd get to the bottom of it, but if nothing good came out of that, I'd end the relationship. I'd only be willing to talk it out because of the history between us, but that would be it. It would only take one talk, and if it wasn't fixed at that point, then I know it never would be. It's not worth staying with someone no matter what you had if what you will have is no better.
PostPosted: Mon May 13, 2013 12:08 pm


Yokies
1. My reaction to this kind of abuse was to keep quiet, as that is what my mom wanted. My brother constantly tried to get involved and it only caused him and my mom pain. When it's your father/step-father (in my case it was step as my father wasn't a violent man) or even your mother/step-mother, there really is so much you can do. As a child you don't really understand the severity of the situation, at least to an extent, and you're not sure what to do. That can carry on into teenage years, and you can feel pretty stuck. Also, if the abused in question doesn't want your help, or any kind of help whatsoever, that's a real big wall in the way of stopping the abuse. You can call the police as much as you want, you can tell whoever you want, if the abused doesn't want help, they'll deny up and down anything is wrong so nothing happens. It's been done time and time before and it'll continue to happen, which is the sad truth. Sometimes things can get better (my step-father shaped up, became religious, stopped drinking, asked for forgiveness from everyone he had hurt. He still has grumpy moments, but everyone has those) and sometimes they don't, but in this situation you can't always help which way it goes.

2. If I found out a friend of mine was abusive, male or female, I would question why. I'd sit down and talk with them to get to the bottom of it. If the person showed no signs of this before, and it was just with their significant other, I'd ask why they thought they deserved that, what brought on this behavior, what made them so violent toward the person. I'd talk it out with them to try and get them to stop, as no one wants to see a friend go down that path, nor see the abused in question be hurt in such a way. If there really is nothing I can say or do to help them quit it, then I'd tell them that the friendship would be over, that I couldn't consider an abuser a friend. I couldn't associate with someone who thought the best way to solve something was to hurt another person, so I'd leave it at that and walk away.

3. No matter how loving my boyfriend was, if suddenly started being abusive, then I would have to leave. I couldn't say that I'd leave right at the first incident, as like with a friend, I'd try to talk it out and ask why it even happened. I'd get to the bottom of it, but if nothing good came out of that, I'd end the relationship. I'd only be willing to talk it out because of the history between us, but that would be it. It would only take one talk, and if it wasn't fixed at that point, then I know it never would be. It's not worth staying with someone no matter what you had if what you will have is no better.
sad I don't think your mom should let a man hurt her.

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PostPosted: Mon May 13, 2013 12:43 pm


XxAriaxX

I didn't either, but like I said, not much could be done about it since she didn't want anything done. He doesn't do it anymore, hasn't for years, but for most people it doesn't change the fact that he did.
But since he doesn't anymore, we don't hold it over him, since he actually tried to stop and did. He knows what he did was wrong and bringing it over him would only turn back the progress he's made.
So we've just left it alone now. Things are better now and we're thankful for that. My mom is happy and that's really all we wanted.
PostPosted: Mon May 13, 2013 2:12 pm


my dad? PUNCHBUG GREEN NO PUNCHBACKS! is the worst it gets
a friend? tell 'em off, force them to stop if i see it happening
boyfriend? what boyfriend? User Image

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PostPosted: Mon May 13, 2013 2:41 pm


Forgive?

*Will Smith voice* Aw HELL no!
PostPosted: Mon May 13, 2013 3:30 pm


Yokies
XxAriaxX

I didn't either, but like I said, not much could be done about it since she didn't want anything done. He doesn't do it anymore, hasn't for years, but for most people it doesn't change the fact that he did.
But since he doesn't anymore, we don't hold it over him, since he actually tried to stop and did. He knows what he did was wrong and bringing it over him would only turn back the progress he's made.
So we've just left it alone now. Things are better now and we're thankful for that. My mom is happy and that's really all we wanted.
Then, that's perfect smile !

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PostPosted: Mon May 13, 2013 3:43 pm


XxAriaxX

Yeah, I'm glad he decided to change himself for the better. I still don't like him all too much, but it's because his personality doesn't mesh with mine. He's loud and and thinks all his jokes are hilarious. But I'd rather him laughing at his own dumb jokes than going back to the way he used to be. If my mom was willing to forgive him and now they're both happy, that's what counts.
PostPosted: Tue May 14, 2013 1:04 am


I can easily say for all of these that the situation would never occur, but if it were to, here are my responses.

1. My Father
If my Father were to get abusive I would scream at him until logic finally came back to him; my Dad is a very spiritual man, he learns from the Buddha and the such and rarely ever gets angry. A long way back he served in the war and upon coming back he had suffered mentally from the things he'd done and seen, easily angered, violent but still self aware to keep himself slightly under control ( well, at least from what my sister's tell me, I wasn't around at the time because I live with my Mom ), and in realizing his mistakes he's started to study and become a much better person. Everyday before work he rereads his Buddha... list thingie, and even when he's not in the happiest mood he controls himself from taking it out on others. He does still get angry, everyone does, but he's no longer violent at all, and he never stays mad for more than a few minutes when he learns he's doing wrong and apologizes.
So yes, I'd forgive him.

2. My Friend
If my friend were to get violent and hurt me, I'd be very angry and would defend myself, not enough to hurt him too badly but enough to smack some sense into him. He has very bad anger issues, but they're never directed at me; I've seen him get mad at other people and though he's never hurt anyone, he's thought about it, and I was always the voice nearby to keep him under control. If by any chance his anger is for some reason directed at me, I would literally smack sense into him. But yes, I'd forgive him if he learned his lesson, and I know he would. He's my little teddy bear~

1. My Boyfriend
Now this would be an interesting case. My boyfriend is capable of anger, but when it comes to me he tries to hold his tongue, and if he were to ever hurt me I'm sure I'd be pretty disoriented because he's strong and I'm small, strong, but small. xD Anyway, so if I can get up, I'd probably be crying and trying to talk him down, and depending on the damage I may or may not give him a second chance. I love him, but if becoming abusive was something that happened to him somehow, if I can't save him I'd have to let him go.

But like I said, these things would never happen to any of them.

JUST HORRlBLE

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PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2013 5:43 am


User Image User Image

      No, never, to all 3 of them. No one has the right to beat up their partners, no matter who they are.
      All of them deserve to rot in all if they ever do that. Plus, if ever I have a boyfriend that bosses me around, I'd dump him the moment he start showing those tendencies.

      User ImageUser Image

PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2013 9:26 pm


It depends on how far they go, and if they eventually get help. I'd have a hard time forgiving someone that allowed the abuse to escalate, and continued to do it without remorse.

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07. ✿ - - - Chatterbox [COME SPAM!]

 
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