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 Posted: Sun May 05, 2013 7:43 pm
I really enjoy the fact that I don't really "know" any of you...because I can share things that I wouldn't normally share with people. I found myself very happy tonight just thinking about life circumstances. Like, I've never been one to consider suicide or anything, but I think I gave up on life years ago, and have just been existing. But lately, I am excited about life...Things have been fantastic, and I'm actually fulfilling my desires. It is such a neat feeling. It has taken quite a change in perception, and a lot of effort but, gosh, life is becoming the world of opportunity I had always fantasized that it could be...I just wanted to stop and to say to anyone who might see this: Life can be a lot better. It can be the things you wish it to be. You just have to work at it A LOT, but it will change...if you are willing to desire and work towards it.
Seriously, I can't describe how content and anxiety free I am lately. Why it has taken so long to get here, I'll never know...I wish that anyone reading this that has felt the same, can acquire the same ambition I have..It is so amazing!
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Posted: Sun May 05, 2013 11:48 pm
Your weird. Until you reply to me I think you are a weird being who sees black/gray text as a brown shade. Your weird!!!! I never knew this!
But then again I now hold the new philosophy that I THINK EVERYTHING I SEE AND HEAR IS FAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM IN A NEVERENDING DREAM THAT WILL NEVER END!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE TAKE ME OUT OF THIS DREAM!!!!!!!!!!! I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES AND HEARS AND EXPERIENCES ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ALL ARE JUST ROBOTS OR SCRIPTING BEINGS CREATED FOR MY AMUSEMENT TO THINK YOU ALL ARE REAL!!!!!!!!!!!! I THINK EVERYTHING IS FAKE!!!!!!!!! I could end everytihng myself right now if I wanted to. I just hate it. WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE ME TO HAVE TO BE BORN AND TO EXPERIENCE THE VISUAL VIEWS OF EVERYTHING AND HEARING AND EVERYTHING????????????????????????? WHY ME??????????????????? crying I KNOW YOU ALL ARE FAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Posted: Mon May 06, 2013 12:15 pm
I'm so happy to hear about how happy you've been. Happiness is such a wonderful feelin'. I wish everyone could experience it all the time.
Also, you've kinda pointed out one of the reasons why I love the internet so much. Because we have a sort of anonymity, we can be more open and carefree, and usually get thoughts off our chest more easily.
That bein' said, here's some person stuff about me. I pretty much contemplate suicide constantly, though I know I'd never actually do it. I've luckily grown out of that phase. Furthermore, I feel as though life is pointless and has no real purpose. However, it is because life is meaningless that makes it so much fun. Because I have no higher purpose or anythin', I can do whatever I want, with no real consequences (minus breakin' the law and such).
When I realized that we don't really have any true purposes in our existence, it was like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders, and I've been much happier ever since. I have my moments, like anyone, but for the most part, I think I'm a lot happier than a lot of people who spend their life tryin' to find purpose.
I think what matters in life, if anythin', is to just have fun and be happy, and then anythin' else we do we do because we are happy.
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Posted: Mon May 06, 2013 10:24 pm
Semok I'm so happy to hear about how happy you've been. Happiness is such a wonderful feelin'. I wish everyone could experience it all the time. Also, you've kinda pointed out one of the reasons why I love the internet so much. Because we have a sort of anonymity, we can be more open and carefree, and usually get thoughts off our chest more easily. That bein' said, here's some person stuff about me. I pretty much contemplate suicide constantly, though I know I'd never actually do it. I've luckily grown out of that phase. Furthermore, I feel as though life is pointless and has no real purpose. However, it is because life is meaningless that makes it so much fun. Because I have no higher purpose or anythin', I can do whatever I want, with no real consequences (minus breakin' the law and such). When I realized that we don't really have any true purposes in our existence, it was like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders, and I've been much happier ever since. I have my moments, like anyone, but for the most part, I think I'm a lot happier than a lot of people who spend their life tryin' to find purpose. I think what matters in life, if anythin', is to just have fun and be happy, and then anythin' else we do we do because we are happy.
*Hugs*
Semok, you will find happiness in doing the things that aren't fun, and don't make you happy. But when it is all said and done, you will be like, "That is over with? Gosh, that is great, and the rewards of doing that make me happy." That is the lesson I learned..Life should be inherently magical, and it is in a way, but it isn't. Life is kind of like, the book 1984. You have to submit to a life you don't idealize, and when you do, you will find happiness...although, in real life, you don't die after finding the realization. eek
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Posted: Tue May 07, 2013 7:29 am
I refuse to submit. xd I'm a bit stubborn in that way, and it's definitely made a few things harder for myself, but it's been worth it.
I also think that life should be magical, and it really is. The day that we learn everythin' about the world is the day life isn't worth livin'. One of the most magical moments I had in my life was when I was petting my cat, and suddenly realized that my cat, this sophisticated living organism, began as something smaller than a single strand of fur. I find that sort of thing awe inspiring and beautiful.
I think the times when I am at my darkest is when I lose track of the magic spark of the world, and I get really really bored. I don't think I've ever really wanted to die for any reason other than pure boredom with the world. I've made the mistake of imaginin' a magical and fascinating world in my head, a world of which reality could never compare to, so when I suddenly realize that the world in my head is simply an act of imagination, and the real world pales in comparison, I can get some pretty nasty thoughts brewin'.
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Posted: Wed May 08, 2013 1:11 am
1984 is an awesome year. 2012 is also an awesome year. crying I miss those years.
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Posted: Wed May 08, 2013 11:17 pm
Semok I refuse to submit. xd I'm a bit stubborn in that way, and it's definitely made a few things harder for myself, but it's been worth it. I also think that life should be magical, and it really is. The day that we learn everythin' about the world is the day life isn't worth livin'. One of the most magical moments I had in my life was when I was petting my cat, and suddenly realized that my cat, this sophisticated living organism, began as something smaller than a single strand of fur. I find that sort of thing awe inspiring and beautiful. I think the times when I am at my darkest is when I lose track of the magic spark of the world, and I get really really bored. I don't think I've ever really wanted to die for any reason other than pure boredom with the world. I've made the mistake of imaginin' a magical and fascinating world in my head, a world of which reality could never compare to, so when I suddenly realize that the world in my head is simply an act of imagination, and the real world pales in comparison, I can get some pretty nasty thoughts brewin'.
Aoi...you weren't even a thought in 1984, and even so...the late 80's and early 90's or whatever you're reminiscing about, really weren't that great. I wouldn't say there was much to celebrate besides "grunge" rock until like 1995 at least, but even after that, what is to celebrate that is influential other than the internet growing in popularity?... AOL! You will NOT be missed.
Semok, you are absolutely right..when we loose track of that "magic" of the world, times are the darkest. Whenever I feel like that now, I just try to invision how big the world is, like...there are people in Australia..looking at the same sky, the same ocean..feeling the same things, and they come to the same conclusion, that there is something magical about the world..somehow this thought resets my thoughts, and the magic of the horizon comes back, and I forget about the tunnel vision that is life. Life IS magical, and that is a reason why I believe in G-d so thoroughly...but that is another topic..
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Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 9:37 am
GenevieveGautier Semok I refuse to submit. xd I'm a bit stubborn in that way, and it's definitely made a few things harder for myself, but it's been worth it. I also think that life should be magical, and it really is. The day that we learn everythin' about the world is the day life isn't worth livin'. One of the most magical moments I had in my life was when I was petting my cat, and suddenly realized that my cat, this sophisticated living organism, began as something smaller than a single strand of fur. I find that sort of thing awe inspiring and beautiful. I think the times when I am at my darkest is when I lose track of the magic spark of the world, and I get really really bored. I don't think I've ever really wanted to die for any reason other than pure boredom with the world. I've made the mistake of imaginin' a magical and fascinating world in my head, a world of which reality could never compare to, so when I suddenly realize that the world in my head is simply an act of imagination, and the real world pales in comparison, I can get some pretty nasty thoughts brewin'.
Aoi...you weren't even a thought in 1984, and even so...the late 80's and early 90's or whatever you're reminiscing about, really weren't that great. I wouldn't say there was much to celebrate besides "grunge" rock until like 1995 at least, but even after that, what is to celebrate that is influential other than the internet growing in popularity?... AOL! You will NOT be missed.
Semok, you are absolutely right..when we loose track of that "magic" of the world, times are the darkest. Whenever I feel like that now, I just try to invision how big the world is, like...there are people in Australia..looking at the same sky, the same ocean..feeling the same things, and they come to the same conclusion, that there is something magical about the world..somehow this thought resets my thoughts, and the magic of the horizon comes back, and I forget about the tunnel vision that is life. Life IS magical, and that is a reason why I believe in G-d so thoroughly...but that is another topic..Ah, religion. A lot of people don't know it, but I'm very religious. However, when I was searchin' for a faith that made sense to me, while there were many aspects I loved from many different religions, none of them fit me perfectly, so I made my own! xd I could never view somethin' as almighty and all powerful and better than all other things, though. In my own personal views, there is no one creator or powerful being or such, but rather every single thing is equal to everything else around it, and all things are connected. whee I could go on for ages, but, as you said, that's a whole other topic.
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Posted: Thu May 09, 2013 4:33 pm
I try to live my life with the goal of happiness.
It's why I'm pursuing the career that I am.
It's why I just moved in with my boyfriend.
Sure, I'm stressed about money with no real job currently lined up. But.. I have faith that I can make it work.
Life has thrown me a lot of curveballs and I'm sure there are more to come. I've lost both of my parents and paid for both of their funerals. But life goes on, and so must I.
I'm finding enjoyment in the little things, though for the last few days as new apartment purchases rack up, a ball of stress has been growing.
Every time I've felt really truly happy & like things were going well something bad has happened. Oh well. Ups aren't ups without downs.
I like my apartment, love the neighborhood. I've been keeping busy around the house and just need to get out & hand out resumes.
I'm happy with where I am in life, where I'm going. Keeping my goals in mind. Dreaming big. Trying to get out more as well...
Happiness should be everyone's goal.
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Posted: Fri May 10, 2013 8:17 pm
But but 1984 is like the year where music sounded scary in that year with all their creepy synthesizers and scary stuff in stuff. sad Kinda like what 2012 was, with all of their creepy dance songs that sounded like people were preparing for the world to end.
And now ever since it's been 2013, most music now sounds like it sounds like the world has already ended and it was created in an underground society with limited resources in stuff. Sounds like stuff ANYONE can make.
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Posted: Fri May 10, 2013 10:08 pm
KazeRin I try to live my life with the goal of happiness. It's why I'm pursuing the career that I am. It's why I just moved in with my boyfriend. Sure, I'm stressed about money with no real job currently lined up. But.. I have faith that I can make it work. Life has thrown me a lot of curveballs and I'm sure there are more to come. I've lost both of my parents and paid for both of their funerals. But life goes on, and so must I. I'm finding enjoyment in the little things, though for the last few days as new apartment purchases rack up, a ball of stress has been growing. Every time I've felt really truly happy & like things were going well something bad has happened. Oh well. Ups aren't ups without downs. I like my apartment, love the neighborhood. I've been keeping busy around the house and just need to get out & hand out resumes. I'm happy with where I am in life, where I'm going. Keeping my goals in mind. Dreaming big. Trying to get out more as well... Happiness should be everyone's goal.
Somehow I knew you would still be around..I am so glad to see you. I can't even begin to imagine the pain of losing a parent. I have considered what I might feel like when that happens, but I just don't know..it is too alien of a concept. I do know, that I have seen someone lose a parent(s) and they completely gave up on life. I also have seen people that lost their children and have made a life for themselves. Everything is so relative. Kaze! You can do it! Do whatever it takes...
It is strange to hear a grown up Kaze talk..Come back again!
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