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 Posted: Fri May 03, 2013 7:49 am
Shenja (or he guessed he had to call himself Sh'en now, at least while Diedre was still there to hear him) and Kalteth watched as evening fell on their first day together. Kalteth was finally growing tired, after a race and a precursory exploration of her surroundings and maybe a bit more food. "Sunsets?" he asked, smiling as he munched on a... well, it wasn't quite pilfered so much as 'lifted'- sweetroll. "Yeah, pretty much. Always a new one every day. Sunrises too." he petted her soft hid with his- admittedly sticky- hands, "And we'll watch them all together." a thought occurred to him, "And maybe from the air, too! Won't that be great?" said Kalteth enthusiastically. Her wings were too small to fly with just yet, but she couldn't wait to fly around in the air! Shenja laughed and watched the darknening sky as the stars unveiled themselves. It was beautiful, but he couldn't help a growing apprehension. He and Kalteth were here in this prime viewing space alone, and there was a reason for that. He was waiting for Didi. They had to talk, and sooner was better than later. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what she had to say, but it was clearly a load on her mind, and he may be Sh'en, but he was still Shenja, her little brother. And he wanted that load off. She had enough to deal with. "Don't worry. I'm sure things will be fine. We'll just talk and clear up a few things." he leaned against his dragon gently, glad for her presence. He was worried.
"I told you, Kal, you can call me whatever you want." he said, sitting down and giving her a thorough skritching and a kiss, "And I don't know. Asleep?"
They both laughed.
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Posted: Fri May 03, 2013 6:51 pm
Diedre was not looking forward to this meeting, this talk. How could she? All day since the hatching, she had given him his space and prepared to leave for the caravan as soon as possible.
She was not looking forward to it- the talk or the leaving. But in a sense, she was. It had been weighing on her since the hatching, and she needed to clear her mind. She had to talk to him.
She saw him and his green waiting as the sky darkened. Her heart sank. Somehow, on some strange, twisted, jealous level, she had hoped that it was all a dream. But no. Shenja... Sh'en... had impressed green. She was afraid of what that meant.
"Sh..." she caught herself. She had to respect propriety. And tradition. Propriety and tradition were what would hold her up and keep her through this life-changing event. "Sh'en." she said, moving until she was a few paces behind him. She didn't know what else to say.
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Posted: Fri May 03, 2013 7:01 pm
Shenja turned around and smiled, though his eyes were calculating. Why did she want to talk? Why did she seem so unsure? What the shaff was his sister's problem? "Hi Didi!" he greeted her cheerfully and scootched over, closer to Kalteth, and patted the ground, inviting her to sit with him. He was not cheerful, but he was a good liar. chirped Kalteth playfully. He hadn't but it was good to know. She gave him a reproachful nuzzle.
"Sit down. You wanted to talk, right?"
Kalteth had no idea what was going on, but she wanted to be involved because it was interesting!
Shenja wasn't sure how he felt about Kally speaking in other people's heads, but he was catering to Diedre. She seemed so upset, and he had no idea why. Politeness might help, from both him and Kally. Because he needed to make sure Kally wasn't the problem.
Kalteth twisted her head to look at Diedre, her head falling into Shenja's lap, which was very comfortable.
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Posted: Fri May 10, 2013 9:17 am
"Yes, I..." Didi froze, startled at the voice in her head. What was...
She turned to the dragon looking at her. Had it been the dragon?
"I..." she wasn't sure what to say. Already she was uncertain and off her feet.
She closed her eyes. She would ignore the dragon.
She sat down next to Shenja, feeling more awkward and stiff than she had ever felt.
"Yes. I did want to talk... about what happened. This morning. At the hatching." she gave Kalteth a nervous glance before continuing. She had never been as smooth with words as her brother. Her thing was numbers. And she couldn't make this equation equal something that made sense.
"You impressed." Of course he did. He is sitting here with a dragon. "And... That means a lot of responsibility is on your shoulders now, Sh... Sh'en." Which wasn't the issue, but she didn't want to address her real issue.
"Are you sure you can handle it?"
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Posted: Fri May 10, 2013 4:29 pm
"Then talk, Didi." Shenja kept the smile on, but inside he was frowning.
"Yes. I'm a dragonrider now Diedre. Kalteth and I are going to have many adventures together. That includes Thread, I guess..." he said it as if he had been thinking about it all day. In truth it was only now that he realized just what responsibilities he now had, which his sister had gone on and on about.
He was suddenly very happy she hadn't impressed.
She picked out a memory from Shenja's skull. She knew, deep down inside, what the silver rain that Shenja had glimpsed briefly once before was. Instinct knew ancient enemy... and Kalteth was psyched. She couldn't wait.
"It doesn't matter whether I'm sure, Didi." He decided to tell her the truth, "It doesn't matter whether I'm ready or not." He wasn't sure about that either, "Thread will fall and..." he put a hand on Kalteth's hide "Kalteth chose me. So, We'll fight it." And it might even be fun he thought, but it wasn't the time to say such things.
said Kalteth privately, already excited about something that wouldn't happen for a long time yet.
Diedre had ignored her, and so Kalteth had decided that she could talk to this lady. She didn't know why Shenja's clutchmate was upset, but she shouldn't be! Shenja was the best, and she was pretty good herself, and together they would be the best adventuring pair ever and she couldn't wait to start... Oh wait. She was tired.
"... So you see, whether I'm ready or not, I have it, and I'll 'handle' it, just like you always told me to do." he ended with an emphatic smile before leaning in, his eyes narrowing as he regarded his sister. She was truly upset, something was bothering her, and it definitely wasn't this wherryshit about responsibility.
"So what did you really want to talk about?"
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Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 5:48 pm
Diedre bit her lip and looked away, from her brother and from those softly whirling dragon eyes. She hadn't wanted to invoke Thread, she hadn't wanted to say it out loud. It was one more thing to worry about.
Shenja impressing green aside, it meant that he would be in danger. He might even die. Her little brother might die in the air, on the wing, on the ground. She looked at him again. She would not cry. This was their duty as Pernese citizens- to stand for Hatchings, to impress, to risk their lives fighting Thread so that others may live in peace.
But... Did it have to be Shenja? Maybe he could handle the responsibility, maybe he would be able to fly and fight. But why him? He was still so young...
And why Green?! She couldn't shake it, and clearly he wasn't buying her lame start to their conversation. She would have to say what she needed to say, or... or something. But could she say it when she felt as though she would never see him again?
"Shenja..." Was it really that important to ask him? To her, yes. "Shenja, what haven't you told me? About yourself?"
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Posted: Sat May 11, 2013 7:38 pm
Diedre really was worked up about something, and Shenja couldn't puzzle out what was the matter. She seemed unwilling to ask straight out, and was being so evasive that he couldn't read her intentions in her face and body language. This was very unlike the Didi he knew. Normally she would be polite, or shouting, or politely shouting. Shenja did not like this nervous, scared, unsure Diedre.
Kalteth wasn't at all miffed about being ignored, in fact, it didn't even register.
And that's what worried him. He had never seen her like this before, . Which was scary, which was why he was eager to fight it. Yes. Eager... now that he thought about it. With Kalteth, it seemed like it could be fun. Dangerous though. Perhaps too dangerous.
But he was in it, and he was glad to be in it, because... Well... Because of Kalteth.
<... I want to fly>
"Diedre..." What did she think she was doing with that cryptic comment? What did she think she was getting at? What was she trying to ask?
"What do you mean?"
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Posted: Sun May 12, 2013 2:31 pm
"Well... Uh..." Shards, was she really asking this? "I mean, you impressed Green and... They aren't... Um... Manly colors." She fidgeted, biting her lip. This was harder and far worse than she had imagined it would be. And she had imagined it would be pretty bad.
"So does that mean that..." She stopped.
She felt worse and worse with each word, even a little dirty.
"Shenja do you... are you..." how would she say this...
"Shenja, are you attracted to men?" There. She had blurted it out.
She wasn't sure what sort of answer she was expecting, or how she felt about any of them.
What if he did? He was her little brother. Could she feel shame about him? Was she capable of such a thing? She hoped not. Shards, she hoped not. She also hoped he didn't say yes, that this was a green that went to a straight, normal, young man.
But she started to wonder. Had she seen anything as he was growing up that would have told her if he was gay or not? She didn't know. She didn't think so.
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Posted: Sun Jun 02, 2013 5:02 pm
What.
Was that why she was so upset? Was this what this was all about. Kalteth said, puzzled. Suddenly hers was not happy, and she didn't know why.
"Diedre" he said, staring at her, his expression very serious. He wasn't sure what he had thought it would be about, this awkward conversation, but this felt like it came out of nowhere. He stroked his dragon's head, glad for her presence.
"What the hell?" he said, feeling anger, unaccustomed anger, blooming in his chest. He took a deep breath, trying to piece together his thoughts. He swallowed.
"Why would you ask me that?" he was trying to be calm, really he was.
But he couldn't figure out if his sister had just insulted him or Kalteth, and he wasn't sure what she was trying to imply.
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Posted: Sun Jun 30, 2013 5:23 pm
"Because I... I..." she couldn't look her little brother in the eye, couldn't look at his dragon, couldn't look at anything but the sunset. It had been a stupid thing to ask. She shouldn't have asked. The right thing to do would be to just pretend that she hadn't said it and walk away.
But she couldn't.
"Shenja... I mean... Sh'en..." yes, he was Sh'en now. She had to remember that. "I... look... It's just that... you've never had... uh, girlfriends, and..."
She knew she was digging herself deeper with each word, with every thought she put to voice. But she had to ask, she had to know. It had kept her from enjoying the day, and it would keep her up at night. She knew it.
"I just... want to know... I'm worried. About you."
She closed her eyes tightly a moment, taking a deep breath to still the tears she felt beginning to rise.
"I'm just worried, all right, Sh'en?"
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Posted: Sun Jun 30, 2013 5:48 pm
"What."Shenja just looked at her for a moment. He was angry. He was annoyed. He couldn't let any of it show. She had just insulted him. She had insulted Kalteth, which was even worse. asked the sleepy dragon. He pat her head.
He would have to get used to not having private thoughts,
Kalteth tilted her head in Shenja's lap,
"Whats the point of any of that, Didi?" he used her nickname in an attempt to lighten the subject, but it felt an awful lot like the darkening skies around him- not good, and about to get worse.
"I didn't like any of the girls around... whats the point? I could say that you don't have a boyfriend, but I don't care. You told me. The Boys in the caravan aren't your type." he tried to keep his tone light and conversational, but his anger showed not in the quality of his voice, but the quantity of his words.
"I don't particularly care what you do about that, and I haven't walked up to you and asked you, 'so didi, do you like girls' because I don't care." He clenched his teeth.
"I don't care because you're Diedre, you are my sister, and I love you."
Kalteth raised her head, looking at Shenja with yellowing eyes.
he stroked her neck and gave her a kiss on the cheek, forgetting he was trying to stare down his sister.
Kalteth let herself relax, fatigue letting her eyelids droop,
It was hard to stay angry when Kalteth was in your head.
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Posted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 8:40 am
"W-well... I..." She couldn't say anything, "But..." He made so many good points. She could feel herself shrinking down, down down. If she could only dissappear into her own shoes, that would be great. Just great. Right about now.
"I don't...?"
Was he right? It didn't matter? No, it did matter.
"It... it does matter, Shenja, because..." She couldn't let it go, "Because, if you're sick... in that way... I want to know. I want to help you... get better."
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Posted: Wed Jul 17, 2013 8:15 am
Sick?!
On some level, he knew this was not easy for Diedre and, rational or not, it was causing her great distress. He didn't like his sister being upset- that was, in a sense, a crime against the universe.
He knew he should just ignore what she was saying. It would be best to do that.
But he could feel a boiling wave of irrationality and anger building inside him.
"I'm not sick." Was this wherryshit all because Kalteth was green? There was nothing wrong with her! She was his everything!
He stood up, a hand on Kalteth. "I'm not sick, and there is nothing wrong with Kalteth. She is whatever she is, and She's mine, and I don't know or care what you are getting at but you know what? I'm done." he started to walk away, Kalteth scrambling to stay by his side.
"Come on, Kalteth, lets go meet our roommates." he gave Diedre a sharp look before turning away and moving quickly towards the dorms.
Kalteth looked back once, her eyes whirling in concern. Why were they so upset? She didn't understand. The look was brief- she followed her rider away.
He smiled, breifly.
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Posted: Wed Jul 17, 2013 10:12 am
"No, Shenja, I meant..." She protested, then stopped. He was walking away. He was right to walk away. This was a terrible idea. She was soon alone. It was getting dark. She knew she should start to head back to the candidate barracks and await news of the caravan's return before it got too dark, but she didn't really want to move. She didn't want to do anything, really, but sit there watching her brother and his dragon fade into sillhouettes and out of view.
He hadn't said he like men, but she knew now. It was so clear, with the clarity that emotional strain can bring. He was sick. In that way. She shouldn't have asked and maybe he didn't even know, but she was sure now.
She rubbed her temples. What was she going to do? What would people say? Well, nothing. She wouldn't tell anybody. If she didn't tell anybody, then she had a chance. Then he had a chance.
He was her baby brother and she would save him from... from... this. There had to be a way to make him right.
In the meantime, she had asked him it all wrong. She should have waited, not confronted. And now, now he hated her, didn't he. She certainly hated herself.
She rubbed her eyes and sobbed. Tears did not stream down her face, but she was crying inside as she buried her head in her arms.
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