No, not dead. Free. Released from something you should have never been. You are Insanity, you have no complete core. You are by nature, incomplete, full of swirling fragments, memories, longing, yearning, but by your nature never complete.
You remember bits and pieces now. A little bit of what you might have been. A Horsemen perhaps. Or someone once of Halloween. A warrior, a noble, or even perhaps just a student. You only remember pieces. Faces are lost. Names are gone. Without those, warriors, nobles, students, peons could all be the same.
But most of all you remember this promise. Someone approached you. Ah yes, a voice, that cut right through the haze of yearning. It asked you if you had a wish. Any wish. It would grant any wish, as long as you were strong enough to have one.
You did indeed have a wish. It was to -.
And then you became something more to fulfill it. You were stronger and more whole than you had ever been in your life, and for a brief moment, as others were formed, perhaps you also felt a strange kinship to them beyond the every churning greed of going Home of being incomplete, you felt as if you truly belonged somewhere. You were able to find a new Home, to start one.
Dreams shatter as quickly as they are broken. But you still remember it. It lingers now, your wish. Your wish of - .
OOC
DREAMS AND WISHES
You have died. Or at least merged back with the Insanity. Insanity, a thick seeping fog with no substance or shape. Those who's cores dissolve but not completely, unable to form back whole, unable to dissipate or simply die, stuck in a mass of incomplete memories, a hive of fragments and shapes, the junkyard of Fear. Discarded and scrapped, incomplete.
Incomplete and forgettable.
gaia_crown[ Writing your Solo: ] read the prompt above, and then respond to it accordingly. Write a few fragments of your memories perhaps, and then write a bit of your reaction to everything, what happened, and then of course, write your promise. What did you wish for? That is entirely up to you!.
- Feel free to write in several emotions, reactions, however you please, this is very open style. The only thing you HAVE to do is write what your original wish was and how it was presented to you. After that and how you wrap it up is up to you.
- THIS IS WHERE THE GMS will be judging the rp portion of the prompts a lot as well. Don't feel too pressured: we first of all take priority in newbies over everyone else, even a veteran who has +10000 writing skills. Secondly, we take priority in those who give it their best, who tried and were creative and interacted a lot during the event. If all those are equal, then we look at the solo to make our final decision! Do you best but also enjoy what you do.
- After your solo is completed you have finished the event with your character! Congratulations! After everyone has wrapped up, there will be prizes distributed and then a thread to go to pick up your trophy and minis prizes!
Posted: Sun Apr 07, 2013 7:01 pm
She ached, but it was not a physical pain, the ache was deep inside the core of her being. Sharp pain that pulsed and reminded her that she was incomplete and would never truly be. She had been Vanessa for a fleeting moment, young and fit, a fighter, a proud girl who wouldn't back away from a challenge. Yet she knew it was not who she was because she was no one, nothing, incomplete. She had been this way before, but the false illusion of being made it harder to accept.
Wisps of longing floated through her reminders of fabricated memories, how it hurt to know that they weren't real just as she wasn't real. How vivid it felt to be a ghoul standing on a balcony, dark hair caught by a chill evening breeze. No tears in her yellow eyes, she was a hubris demon and she wouldn't dare let him see her cry. A hand raised, a farewell to someone she longed for, loved...but she didn't.
She couldn't love, because she wasn't real, she was nothing.
Another fragment of memory entered and surged through her She was…no not she, he, He was standing on a sandy shore his face marked with war paint. He carefully surveyed the island, his home with pride. Then he turned and started to jog back inland to teach the visitors how to sharpen a bone knife, but everything collapsed around him and the end came before he could realize it.
He longed for home, but where was home, where was his…no her? Her home?
What was home?
“Home is where your family loves you, home is where your family protects you, home is where you would rather be more than anywhere in the world!”
She smiled at the voice, at the words of her own voice, she had told someone, she had told someone she loved. A little scareling held in her arms, her little scareling!
She tried to hold that memory, that illusion tight, she wanted that one to be real, but it was ripped away soon to join the swirling pieces of hopes and dreams. Longing filled her, the ache pulsed though her and she despaired. She was nothing…
No…
No.
No, not nothing, she was insanity and the pain and longing pulsed within her as strong as ever. Beyond that fragment of a figment of a memory there was something solid. She reached towards it, her insubstantial being floating closer before winding around it like a snake, the promise.
The promise was everything to her, because she had believed it to be the first real thing she had ever encountered. That it was here now was all the evidence she could hold on to, to assure herself it was real.
The other memories, illusions, hers, his, no ones, they all swirled away and soon all she saw was the promise, the wish
She had longed for so many things. She longed to hold her little scareling again, but was it hers? She longed to see home again, but where was it? She longed to have him return safely to her, but who was he? Yet the voice had sliced through all those longings all her yearning, except one. The one strong enough to remain, her wish.
”I wish…”
I wish to be one, with one memory, one truth, I wish I were real. Yet she knew that wasn’t her wish, she couldn’t wish for something like that could she? She didn’t dare to hope, to think it could be done, she was insanity, she could never be one, whole, real. Yet it was all that remained the desire to see the one truth.
”I wish I always knew when something was true or false. I promise to always fight for what is just and true.”
Yes, yes! This had been her wish, her promise; this was what she was, not just insanity but so much more. Yet…yet she felt despair because she knew that Vanessa was gone, the ghoul she might have been, the body she might have enjoyed, was gone. Did that mean her wish would never be fulfilled? Did that mean she would never see her wish granted, had she failed to uphold her promise? She felt the ache again it throbbed and grew within her.
The swirl of memories her own and others started to tug at her, she clung to the promise, to her wish, but she feared it wasn’t enough. She was nothing, she was insanity, everyone, no one, nothing.
Nothing.
[Name:Vanessa Age: 15 Energy: Green Type: Shaman Weapon: Elbow length gauntlets resembling a cats paw complete with razor sharp claws.]
"I would like... I would like to be one with nature."
The girl's legs were swinging slowly as she spoke to the wish offering creature. Her long brown hair hung loosely over her simple sundress, her smile wide and innocent.
It was almost a sweet scene, the brief clip of memory. Joy, optimism. That moment before the wish was actually granted. It was something people said a lot. To be one with nature. What it actually meant though.. it was probably her own fault for asking for something in such a vague manner.
Had she even known then exactly what she wanted? She certainly didn't know now. Everything she knew was bits and pieces of imagery. And emotions. Even without the understanding behind why she felt them she could feel them. Or rather.. more was them, as intangible as she felt now.
The young shaman was alone in what was hardly more then a shack. A tiny home, decrepit but still somehow as cozy as a hole in the wall could be. The girl herself sat on the ground, picking at bugs and burrs caught up in her brown hair.
Basically becoming an animal herself had not been what she wanted. That much she did know and even now angry rippled. Sure honed instincts were great for fighting. Animal instincts made her a great hunter. The creature had certainly gotten a good deal. But those same instincts made her nervous and flighty. Suspicious and unattached. She had always cared about animals and the land sure.. but the quickness in which her regard for humans dissipated to almost nothing was unbelievable. Was it simply that they didn't want her anymore, or had she not wanted them anymore either?
For better or worse it had been her task. She wanted to be one with nature. Well she was and in effect it indebted her to her own. An animal.. a flower. She had to protect it all, with her heart.
Did she have a heart anymore? Maybe.. hearts were where emotions came from, wasn't it? And since that was all she was anymore.. emotions.. pieces. Perhaps she was just a heart without a body to connect to. Without a soul to call her own.
She had done what she was asked. Fought for the creature. Fought for herself and for him. So how had it all ended so uncerimoniously? That was the circle of life though sometimes. Some were the predators.. and some were just food in the grand scheme of life. Maybe that had been her job all along. Hopelessness. It was the real emotion that she dissolved into. Dust in the wind. The final fulfillment of her connection with nature.
Name: Nila Age: 14 Subclass: Shaman - Spirit Assistance natural ability (spirit animal is a snow leopard - Onca) Gem: Green Weapon: Bladed fan Appearance
Posted: Sun Apr 07, 2013 10:14 pm
Memories played out before her. Distant and yet familiar. Triggering emotions of both joy and of sorrow. She could see many faces and yet all were vague. She could have been something. Someone. But she never was. She was but a shadow of what could have been. That's right. She wasn't dead. She was merely set free again. Back into that incomplete form that she had nearly forgotten.
She was insanity.
Nothing more and nothing less and yet... She too had a wish. She too had longed for something. To be accepted. To feel real.
"I wanted to exist." She spoke softly. As if confirming it for herself. "Not just as insanity.... not as incomplete fragments of memories and emotions. I wanted to exist as a single being--a whole one." She wanted to be her own self. What she was meant to be. Even it was just for a short while. She wanted to experience that. To have a taste of what the memories had shown her. Of what those emotions made her experience day in and day out. She wanted to experience it for herself.
It was perhaps the one thing she longed for. A single wish, which had been granted by one who was willing to grant anything in return for strength. Someone to fight for him. To protect mankind.
"I promised."
It may have been brief. But in her lingering thoughts, it was a fair trade and one she had been eager to make. If by offering her strength she could have her wish granted, just long enough for her to experience life, then she could return to her incomplete form, satisfied.
Well, she had obtained what she had wanted, hadn't she? To know what had happened to her. She had been a being that had once existed as a hole entity. Faint images came to mind as she thought this; A warrior patrolling the jungles of the war clan. The moments before a bloodthirsty battle with the insects known as humans, the meditation she preformed to hone her abilities and give her a sense of clarity as she trained her body and mind.
But all this was gone. Gone along with her home in the blast that had almost wiped out the four clans, and what was left of the proud warrior was now just fog and mist. Ever present was the longing of home, and nothing else mattered.
She knew not how long it had been like this. It may of been hours, or it could of been years. Time did not matter. Just a endless sense of exiting but never fully there. She had tried to remember more, but she could never recall everything. Just a hint every now and then of what her life had once been.
That was until a voice had called to her. Called to her with a question. For a few moments it had stopped the ever constant yearning, and replaced it with a wish. Did she wish for anything. If she did, then she only needed the strength to hold onto it.
Ahh, strength. She missed this feeling. She wanted it back, to be strong again. Strong enough to fully exist as someone and to act of her own will. And it was that wish that gave her that form. And with his form she would be able to create herself anew. Become a warrior again.
Even if that time had been so painfully short.
Now she had known, 'Jessie' felt cheated. Anger surged through what remained of her at how she had so little time to do what she had wanted so badly to do, and now she was filled with longing once more. But it was not her, it was just the yearning for home, but the small taste of that home was what made it feel all the more painful.
Perhaps it would of been better if she had never made that wish in the first place. But then it didn't matter now, did it? It wasn't as if she had changed anything for herself, or anyone else for that matter.
The brief physical pain she had felt before crumbling into a broken mess of what she once was, was there no longer. It was over, everything.
She was gone, she had failed, she had lost the battle. Everything she had wanted to accomplish was gone when her opponent struck her down with that single strike.
What was she now?
But strange as it was, she wasn't scared. She was alive and free in another sense.
"I don't want to be afraid anymore."
Odd that it took her death for her to remember those words. Her wish, which she had so easily forgotten before, felt like it had just been made moments ago. Her wish to surpass the fears that constantly plagued her mind.
She had been a lesser person before that wish. Weak minded, insecure, full of doubt. Her wish changed that; allowed her to view things from a new perspective and overcome her nightmares. She had embraced the insanity.
In return, she had given her promise. Her promise to protect.
It was all so clear now.
In payment for her wish, her promise had been fulfilled, as she was successful in fighting until the end, and without worry. She could at least be proud of herself for that.
((fdgfjkj its 6:30am and I know this is crap, but fdjdgkfgjdk /touches those trophies And I don't care if its tinyfdhxgfkhlf /flips tables))
Quote:
Name: Hanna Age: 15 Colour: Violet - Dedicated Weapon: Thin Ornate sword Race: Reaper - Witch Text Colour: #9a64cc
Total DMG: 22 (round 1) Total DMG: 14 (round 2) DMG to self: 25% (Now DED) Crystal: x1 (Unused)
LividPeas
Tiny Bunny
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Kaiyumi
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Posted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 12:24 am
He disappeared.
Whether he died or had just left ultimately hadn't mattered in the end--the gaping absence of her father had strongly affected each and every member of their household, but especially her mother. At first, her mother had been hopeful--he was on a business trip, she would insist, even after calling his workplace and learning that there had been no travel plans scheduled for the next three months. Eventually, her excuse changed to an elaborate story on how he had gone off to visit a very ill cousin living in a distant and remote place in Halloween. It was so detailed that, for a while, even Thalia almost came to believe it...
But of course, it wasn't true, and for weeks on end, her mother continued to concoct possibly explanations for his disappearance until one day...she just stopped talking altogether.
The gossiping ladies next door were, at the very least, sympathetic. As she took on the chores, Thalia heard plenty of their not-so-hushed whispers whenever she left the house. They would talk about how her parents had known each other and been together for most of their lives, and how difficult it was to be left with four daughters to care for. Under circumstances like that, Thalia had heard one of the reaper ladies murmur, who wouldn't break under the stress?
And so, Thalia had taken it upon herself to do all the things her parents usually did. Unfortunately, she quickly found that her hectic life was becoming too much for her. Between taking care of her siblings, school, working, and chores, both her health and her sanity were quickly diminishing. She would drop into bed every night and squeeze her eyes shut, remembering, longing for how things had once been.
But she had to continue on, no matter how exhausted she was. Although it had taken a few months, her mother had finally been showing some signs of improvement, a little expression returning to her face whenever Thalia dropped by her room to bring her her meals. Things had finally started to look up, and her younger siblings had noticed the change in their mother's demeanor as well. When they questioned Thalia on their mother's condition, she had smiled and told them--promised them--that things were most definitely going to look up from now on.
So what was she supposed to do when everything else suddenly came crashing down?
Her attendance at school had become sporadic over the months, and then almost non-existent--something, the professor had warned her about, could result in her dismissal from the academy. Her exhaustion hadn't gone unnoticed by her workplace either, though her boss' decision to let her go had been partly due to her diminishing performance, and partly out of sympathy.
Caught in a desperate situation, who could blame her for seizing the chance to fix everything in the blink of an eye? When she was presented with the offer of a wish, she barely even gave it any thought before accepting. After all, she had almost been ready to give up, and then...
Looking back on all of it now, Thalia couldn't decide whether or not she regretted it, but nothing could be done about it now. She had made her decision, and now she had to see it through. Besides, Thalia...that person didn't really exist anymore, did she?
No, not anymore--she was one of the pieces of the insanity now.
A brilliant flash of light. That was all that Kaimari could see. The golden glow came like a wave, cresting high above her head only to engulf her body with the warmth of life; making her vision explode with galaxies of stars and filling her mind of past memories long forgotten. The life energy seemed almost… alive. It sought out the darkness that had poisoned her, expelling it away and filling every dark corner of her mind and heart with sunlight. “But I failed.” She told the light. “I didn’t keep my promise.” The energy paid no attention to what she had said, instead, it gave her new memories. Ones that seemed all too familiar:
Kai looked up at her mom, her face lit by the summer sun. Her dark hair tickled the six year-old witch’s nose and she giggled with happiness. Her mom was smiling as well, but Kai hadn’t seen that smile reach her pretty blue eyes in a long time. Her dad’s back was turned away from them as the wizard tended to their small garden, his short, brown hair ruffled by the light breeze. That was what worried her. Dad was never this upset…
“I thought they had some sort of fight.” She told the energy. “But this was from before Mom got sick.”
The memories came in a blur: a very hungry Kaimari trying to shake her mom awake, while she stared at absolutely nothing; her dad screaming at her mom, a knife in her hands; things being thrown every minute of every day; moments where Kai never got any sleep and almost always going to bed hungry… and then the night the zombie firemen found her in her closet, crying. “Where’s my Mommy? Where’s Daddy?” She asked them, but they ignored her. Instead, she met a nice lady who told Kai that her dad had passed away, and her mom was going to a hospital so she can get better. “She’ll come home real soon.” The lady promised.
The tears came before she could stop them. “She lied. My mother would never come back, and neither would my dad.” Kai wiped the tears away. “Because my mom was sick.She killed him, and they were never coming back for me…” Once the news broke, she remembered how the kids bullied her at school for having a Mom who had gone completely crazy. She could remember every foster home and orphanage she’d been thrown into as she grew up, never staying in one place too long. The way she would hide within the shelves of the library, the music coming from her headphones drowning out her own thoughts, further cutting herself off from everyone else. The various times she ran away, only to get caught and brought back to her true nightmare. Kaimari could only sob, the feeling of loneliness giving the darkness power to return with sharp teeth to swallow her whole. The golden energy fought back furiously against the poison, its promise of warmth and happiness once again breaking the icy thorns of the darkness that destroyed her. It gave her one more forgotten memory, one with a strange ‘cat’…
She was alone again. The young witch clutched her Alice in Wonderland book to her chest. Why? Why did she have no one? Why didn’t anyone come to rescue her? Where was her family? She wished it with all her heart: to have a family. People who would protect her and who she would protect in turn. People who cared , who worried… “You have a wish?” A voice said behind her. Kai whirled around to find the source of the sound, only to see a small monster she hadn’t seen before. It was a cat-like, with long… tufts of fur? And it had strange red-colored eyes, as if it might’ve been an albino of its species. “Y-yes?” She answered warily. “Then I can give you your wish. That is, if you’re strong enough to have one …”
Kai gasped. That was why she fought! That was the reason she was here! And she failed. “I promised… I promised myself that I would find a new family. And I couldn’t keep it.” The golden glow of life stirred, and pulled itself away from her body in a swirling cloud of magic. She shivered as she felt the beautiful warmth slowly leave her. “NO!” She cried to the energy, “Please… I’m not done yet! I have to go back!” She watched in horror as the color drained from her body, sliding down her arms like wet paint, and then disappear into fog. The life energy floated around her in brilliant gold dust, leaving her feeling empty once more, incomplete, nothing... Then that’s when Kai heard a very familiar voice: “I never broke my promise. I kept up my end of the contract.”
The vision came to her last: what had happened during the fight. She saw herself attack the monster, but then she saw the other girls. In life, she thought they were all alone, each of them fighting separately to keep their promises. But in… insanity, she could see it more clearly now. They weren’t fighting alone, they fought together. They protected each other, helped each other, they formed bonds…
The Others, they were her family.
And Kaimari’s spirit was happy, hopeful, in a way. One day, maybe she would become whole.
Omg, that took forever.... +10000 writing skill? biggrin
Character: Kaimari/'Kai' Gem: Orange/Hopeful Class: Witch Weapon: Scythe Personality: Might have been somewhat of a loner, a little shy, but she's not going to back down now! Appearence: On the taller side, deep blue eyes, brown hair, wearing a black and orange schoolgirl's outfit, has an ornate black scythe with thorn-like markings on the sides.
It was a boy's voice, younger than her own. Who was he? She couldn't see his face, but she felt the urge to hug him. Perhaps this was.. her younger brother? A sense of love welled in her chest, and she instantly knew that he was her world. But it came with a blossom of darkness; something was beginning to go wrong. There was a sense of intense fear emanating from his very presence, evident from his pale pallor and trembling hands. He was living every day in fear, ever since that last Halloween. She didn't know why.
"I'll leave the nightlight on, just get some sleep. You know how the saying goes, there's nothing to fear but fear itself." The Anua made of memories said to the boy, a concerned smile on her face. His expression remained the same, however, unconvinced and scared. Her hand reached into a pocket, pulling out a small, antique key, "Here, you can even hold on to my good luck charm." He gave her a weak smile and took it as she kissed his forehead. She could feel his fearful eyes following her as she left his room.
The boy who had once brightened her world.. The fleeting existence that was the Anua of now would have shed tears if she could; she never knew that she was capable of emotions such as love, optimism, and support of others. All she had ever known was fear. A little boy that was as scared then as she had felt over these last few hours. How confident her tone of voice had been back then in her memories. Did she even know what fear was then? It was incredibly different from how she was now.
Suddenly Anua was standing outside in broad daylight. The boy's hair was a bit longer now. How much time had passed? They were walking home from school when he abruptly cried out and hunched over. His eyes were wide and darting, his fingers clutching the sides of his head, hair pulled taut as he screamed words that she couldn't discern.
Anua cradled the wailing form, cooing and shushing to no avail. It was getting worse.
A weight settled across her heart, pulling her down. She dreaded what was to come; yearned to make things right again, but knowing she couldn't. But no, no she wasn't afraid back then. She knew things would get better, so there was nothing to fear, and she would be brave through it all. Right?
She was standing in front of a door, peering in through the thin slot at the whitewash room. Her brother was in there, laughing to himself, huddled in the corner in his neatly pressed white dressing, rocking aimlessly back and forth. She couldn't understand his paranoia, the fear that became his very being. He was her world, but he had left her for a world of his own.
I don't understand your fears. And her shoulders shook with silent tears. With her brother taken away from her, there was nothing left.
Anua could understand it all too well now. She could see how bearing that weight with no respite could affect a person. Why couldn't he just face his fears and overcome that chaos? Why couldn't he get better? What more could I have done? It was hard to understand unless one felt it themselves.
Anua stood alone outside in the moonless night, visiting hours having long since expired. She wrapped her arms around herself in a hug, kneeling to the ground and hiding her face between her knees.
"I wish I could understand your nightmares, that I could've taken it in your place. I would have taken it and molded it into something different for you. I wish I could show you how to be brave in spite of it, that we can feed and grow from fear." Filled with yearning, the tears came unbidden, warm on her cheeks against the chill of the air. "I wish.. I could've been different."
There was movement in the distance, and a small creature glided out from the shadows, illuminated only by the lone lamppost. Its eyes reflected the iridescent glow, giving the appearance of large orbs, gleaming in place of the absent moon. It was smiling at her, and she felt as if they were calling to one another. And then it spoke.
<< If you're ready to accept a life of fighting for that wish, I can give you the strength for it. >>
Some strange feline-esque creature had just spoken to her, and all she could do was stare at it. Anua wiped her tears on the back of her hand, willing away her shock and tumultuous emotions, readily acknowledging its existence for that small sliver of hope. "You can grant me any wish?"
The silhouette nodded in affirmation, and Anua glided up to her feet. With every ounce of courage, she turned and faced the foreign shadow, unafraid of her decision. "I wish to be a part of the world of Fear, to understand it, manipulate it, and push it out of others. Give me that, and I promise I'll fight for it."
The creature's smile never wavered. For the sake of a boy whose name and face she could no longer remember, she was willing to give up everything.
My wish. My promise.
It hadn't been just a promise to the creature, but also very much a promise to herself. That she would rule over fear as much as fear ruled over others, presenting a counterpoint of bravery. A balance she never had the chance to achieve.
Her life had been that of a human's, but she never knew fear then, not truly. Her short life as a Reaper, however, enveloped her in fear. It became all that she knew, stunted her thoughts and movements. That sense of never knowing what would happen to her, how her actions would effect others. The future was as scary as the present. Even the past betrayed her to the fear of the unknown with her memories having been stripped away.
The irony would have been enough to make her laugh, had she been able to.
Anua had to watch her brother's slow descent into insanity, helpless. She had been unable to stop it. What would happen to the other girls she had left behind? She had met so many amazing, strong girls and wouldn't have the chance to watch them grow. Too late.. everything was too late..
She felt incomplete; a swirl of of memories and emotions, a part of insanity. Perhaps on some level she had always been a part of it. It must be inherent to humans, so it was only natural. Perhaps everyone was a little insane. Wasn't this where she belonged? Wasn't this her home? Perhaps.. at least now she could join her brother.
Name: Anua Energy: Red/Brave Subclass: Sorceress (Resolute Blitz; Enchant projectile objects, use magical girl wand to launch)
Oman, never grow attached to magical girls, darnit!
Her being a sorceress is tied to her making trinkets for luck/whatever effects and giving it out to others 8D Her wand launching things is a salute to how her wish was to "push" fear. And going from human > Halloween goer would be a nice way to explain the memory loss 8'D
Her past and present self are the opposite of two extremes, a result of her choices and decisions, but never getting the chance to complete herself until this final moment when her memories built that bridge. TOO LATE NOW, SUCKAH! 8D *drinks in all the tragedy*
I had too much fun with this ;-;
Posted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 1:05 am
Not whole.
It was the first words that sunk into her mind. She had not been whole in her broken body, in the vile corruption of what she had been. Now she was...nothing. She was...nothing.
But no tears came to her eyes, no pain like before. It all seemed to have faded away into oblivion. How much of any of this was real? Was this going to all be a dream?
Even though she asked it, Phaedra knew that this was real. And she had...died. Was this what dying was? Losing what little you had left of yourself? Falling into more nothingingness than the nothingness before? Was someone crying for her?
Had there ever been anyone to cry?
Memories floated around in the stillness that existed despite the turmoil within. But there really wasn't a within or a without anymore, there was just a...this.
She hadn't existed and now she really didn't exist.
The memory of the graveyard floated up like a old black and white film, and something ached for a moment.
It wasn't real. There was no grave.
No grave?
Why had she thought it then if it wasn't real? Why had it existed in her memories?
It was part of your wish.
Part of her wish? She wished for death? It felt wrong on her tongue, that wasn't it...What was it hen?
She felt the hot sting of something slamming into her face. She felt her hand touching the skin as it bruised beneath her fingers. It was in the shape of a hand.
Dirty clothes. Empty stomach. Empty. Aching.
Alone.
There was this pain all around here, like a floating mass of pain and misery as it came back to her. It all crashed into her harder and harder.
But that couldn't be wrong.
She thought back to the graveyard, but the edges faded and folded in like a sheet of paper on fire. The ashes of it blowing away in the wind. The truth was even more painful. There was no body, no funeral...there was nothing.
Most importantly there was no one.
It felt worse than the pain of dying, worse than the disintegrating aching pain she had experienced. Before she had had some kind of longing, some kind of looking. She had had hope...but now, what did she have now?
She had faint, painful memories and the memory that had existed most fully was not a memory but a wish. A wish that she even had someone to mourn when they died.
The truth was worse. It would have been better not to remember, it would have been better to fight or close her eyes or whatever. It would have been better if she hadn't been so damn curious as to the before.
She hadn't felt pain like she did now.
Her wish, it ached in her as true now as it was then. The aching pain of emptiness overcame her. She wished she didn't remember.
I wish I had a family, I wish someone loved me.
She was still alone.
The sad irony of it was that she had chosen to leave the only ones who had ever treated her kindly. Ones that could have become friends....or a type of family. She had left behind her wish without knowing it.
Tamara...
Orina...
Tilly...
Ridley...
They could have been her family, but now she would never know.
Fighting was what Ridley knew, the one aspect of her fleeting existence that she had come to understand. Even when this great understanding came upon her, grabbing hold of her and embracing her to what she really was; a small piece of Insanity and incomplete. All she ever did was fight, it seemed. Throwing the punches and blows, but mostly simply to be noticed.
She could remember flashes of a family, so great and beautiful and bright. Powerful and successful in everything they touched, expanding and embarking in so many ventures. Known and loved. And within it, the dull ache of a child unnoticed and not special. Who tried but went unnoticed. Shadowed by those who came before and after her, the voice lost in the crowd. All she ever wanted was to get something in edge wise. To be great like her brothers and sisters, but everything she would ever try just fell on death's ears.
She had just wanted to be great like the rest of them.
So she fought. Even physically, because it was the only way for those eyes to turn upon her but they would simply just shake their heads and turn away again. All she ever wanted was the be like one of them. But that didn't stop her, she could keep going until it hurt. And it did hurt. Even with the forced smiles and the laughter choked with tears.
And she had gotten this wish, even as convoluted as it turned out to be. She had been seeked out, her. And only her. A wish granted, a promise made. Something fulfilled so she could stand out in the darkness and be heard. To be seen upon the earth as she was and not just a face among the many of her relations.
"I just want to be great." She smiled to herself, lips able to tug at least as she thought of the words. Because at least hopefully she had been in this short filled life, with the friends she was able to make, to feel like she had belonged somewhere and actually had a purpose. To fight a fight worth fighting for.
Anything better than the few fragments she was able to recall of a lost and lonely life.
Though, it did kind of suck returning to nothing. An incomplete piece of a greater whole. Perhaps, though, she could be with her friends there. That she could find Tamara, Maria and Tilly like Orina had wanted. Pieces of Insanity together.
Posted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 6:33 am
Death didn't bring any earth shattering revelations. For a twelve year old girl, most of life was already a haze of misunderstanding as it was. As Jocelyn's life, whatever this life had been, cracked and shattered, each piece spun like a broken mirror. Each shard showed her a memory. Each memory was a fragment that led her to this, her wish, her end.
Species. Faction. Color. Creed. As a little ghoul none of that mattered. She had a baby sister and mom and dad. She adored them all. The spinning memories of childhood were full of warm breezes and pumpkin moons. Picnics and parties. But in the way that 'grown-up' things happen, too soon came the news that her parents were divorcing. Did that mean mom didn't love them anymore? She left with a pile of luggage. With some other man whose smile was so white. All she could remember about him were how white his teeth where. They were white like those horrid picket fences you read about in the bedtime stories about humans.
Mom was gone and sister was still small. Jocelyn's next memory twirled away from her. Visions of crying herself to sleep. Crawling into her dad's bed for comfort. Hearing him cry too. And then the memory spun away again. More shards of her life, cracked with spiderweb lines, fragile enough to blow away on the wind. Whatever remained of her emotions were dulling it, buffering her childlike sensibilities. The nightly visits became different and sometimes she was scared. Sometimes it hurt. Dad would say sorry and kiss her eyes and cry. She'd cry too and then feel guilty because she loved her dad. He needed something and she didn't understand that it wasn't okay. It wasn't normal. She just wanted to be there and help. She loved her dad. She needed to keep their home together and she was too young, too delicate, too clueless to realize that things like abuse and manipulation were becoming the reality of her life.
Days were normal. School and friends and her sister happy and safe. Nights were confusing. Worrisome. Guilty and sad and wrong and right. She was barely more than a scareling. She didn't know any better. She just wanted everyone to be happy. She wanted everything to be okay.
Reliving her life through a mirrored reflection didn't help Jocelyn. She didn't understand it any better now. She was still just a ghoul. Or a shadow of one. Perhaps it was never real at all?
That would be nice.
The last part of her broke away, hurtling into oblivion with what remained of her pantomime identity. A voice telling her that she could fix everything. She could take control and right all the wrongs. The rambling wish of a twelve year old ghoul, "I wish my mom would come home and we'd be a family again."
If only... come home.. together..dad would be happy.. just.. together..
Like it used to be.
OOC
Name:Jocelyn Age: 12 - and short Gem: Pink Race: Reaper - Mage (Dark) Weapon:Wand
The fog of Insanity instantly enveloped Alice's entirety. All the memories she had seen, and ones that were still fragmented in her mind finally cleared into more recognizable ones.
A small memory passes by. It flickers in the distance before revealing a story of the past: Alice had loved to help her mom bake sweets. She was constantly in the kitchen helping create some sort of cake or chocolate. She would share them between her friends and families. There would be times at which she would urge her mother to go with her and run out in the middle of the night just to grab ingredients for a new recipe she had learned. There was never a dull moment when she cooked.
A small cake with crumbly nuts surrounding the bottom is the last thing one can see before the memory dissolves into the miasma.
However, Alice searched.. and searched. She had to know what her wish was before she could completely allow her self to cease existence. Alice needed to know what her wish was.
And then another memory comes floating by: She's at the doctors. Not, not the doctor's it was the dentist's office. She had just been told that her teeth were all rotted from the constant consumption of sweets. Unfortunately she was advised to stop eating and baking sweets, else see lose all her teeth to pain and suffering.
Alice pushes the memory away quickly.
It finally makes sense, her outfit. Her power. Why she uses a big Lollipop as a weapon. Her wish was that she could forever consume sweets without any possible consequence.
Some may find this wish to be silly. It may have been the most selfish wish a person could make too. However it didn't matter to Alice she remembers enjoying her life, even if it were short. Nothing mattered any more, after all. Everything and everyone is now part of the Insanity. All her past memories had quickly dissolved and left her to herself.
But it's fine now. Because she's part of something bigger, she's with everything else that has left. In the Insanity of sweet desire...
Posted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 10:13 am
Free.
Freedom was something she had been born with, and it had been a part of her ever since. She remembered now, drifting without a care, dancing about in the air, laughing--
That was why when her skin-- not really 'her skin' in all honesty, considering what she truly was -- had started peeling, all that was beneath was only darkness. Pitch black and wispy, and it all made sense now because that was truly what she was. And yet she had been terrified when she had first seen it because with the loss of her memory, it had seemed as though it was something unexpected.
But she remembered now and she remembered it all clearly and she was absolutely fine with what she was now because it was something so natural--
She had been a maiden of the air. A spirit, an air elemental, a sylph, yes that was the proper name for it, but it wasn't exactly right... or was it?
But yes, being of the air meant that she was adaptable, to put it in nicer words. They could use their abilities to twist around the clouds, shaping them with puffs of their breaths. She had especially loved it when the storms came, ducking into them to give herself a darker cloudy appearance even it would never last. Zooming around with the lightning, clapping along with the thunder, using her ability to manipulate the clouds-- there was a time when Kleio had loved it all.
As the years passed, she had grown dissatisfied with this carefree life, and realized that freedom wasn't as simple as it seemed. There was always a catch, a price. She was just something incorporeal. It was so easy to look through herself; her arms, her legs, her stomach, her wings, and not see any distinctiveness of herself. Even chasing storms began to lose it luster and Kleio had thought that her life was meaningless.
It had become even more awkward in Amityville when she met so many other species with fur, tails, claws, that all looked so interesting to touch but she really couldn't. And that everyone could stare right through her and she wasn't used to that. And she had tried, but she hadn't known what to do to fix the gaping hole deep in her --
But she hadn't even had a heart, right? One could stare right into her chest and see nothing, only air. Was that why; in that body when she was Kleio clutching a lance, when her heart started hurting at the very end, her hand had not left her chest when she had pressed her palm to it to feel her heartbeat?
Perhaps so. A heartbeat had been something she had never been accustomed to but it had been so warm and welcoming and--
Kleio the Sylph had never possessed that. There was only coldness in the air and winds. Never ending coldness. It wasn't as though she was a proper ghost either, and she had never fit in with that crowd either...
The promise. Ah yes, that. The wish.
"I wish I was corpore--"
"I wish I had a hea--"
It was essentially the same wish, the one she had yearned for with everything she was; air, breath, wings and all. It was this hope that she had clung on to, when that offer had been extended to her, and she dared not even think ever going back on their wish because why would she...
That wish had been everything. It filled her with a purpose, and with all the others who had placed all their hopes into wishing as well, for something they once thought they couldn't have--
It had been comforting. The feeling of warmth was unlike anything she'd ever dreamed of; it was nothing like the adrenaline she had once gotten from weaving in between lightning bolts. It wasn't cold, it had fuzzy tinges to it, and even as she worried and grieved, it had all been worth it.
I wish I-- I...
In the end, at the very least, she wasn't just part of the air. She was part of something, and perhaps it was incomplete, but she had tasted freedom and this... even if it wasn't true and real, it was enough for her.
Thin fingers slid through fingers, tangling together in a way that felt so familiar. A touch, warmth from a hand not her own. It was such a simple sensation, but one she knew that she desperately longed for. Jamie--was that her name? No, she realized. That wasn't her name. She was not a reaper. She turned, her mind barely grasping the idea of not being a reaper—it didn't matter, she told herself. All that mattered was the hand that held hers--
Shadows. She could feel the warmth of his touch, but she couldn't see his face. Her hand tightened on the hand holding hers—only for it to dissolve at her touch. She turned, reaching with both hands for the shadowy form. A horseman, she thought. She could see in her mind's eye waving something that tangled around his form--
Then it was gone. Her heart was aching, breaking even as she knew that she had no heart, really, not anymore. She moved forward, her hand touching the remnants, her fingers sliding through the shadows, ripping it apart with the most gentle touch she had. Another form came into view in her mind, then two, three—a parent—she thought. Two of them. A sibling--
Who was it? Who was the one that she longed to touch so badly?
“They're dead.”
Jamie –no, she was not this Jamie!! turned, finding herself standing in front of the white creature that had cheerfully tossed her and the others to their death. She stared at him, a part of her mind knowing that this was just a memory, the other part acting as if it was happening now.
“I will have them back,” she said coldly. Her tone—it wasn't what she had expected. It was cold and haughty, as if talking to someone far below her. “Give me back my loved ones!” she demanded.
“I can,” the white thing said. It was speaking into her mind, she realized, inwardly recoiling from the sensation. “But you have to do something for me, first.”
Her hands fisted at her sides, her body trembling imperceptibly. This was the promise. This was what she had died for. But her mind moved without her brain's permission. “You really presume that you can do this?”
“You can have that wish—any wish. As long as you're strong enough to have one.”
“You're not telling me what I need to do!” she said.
“Be strong,” the creature said quietly. “If you are strong enough, you can have your wish.”
“I will,” she said. “With all that I am. As long as I get my family back.”
The world around her jerked, pulling her out of herself, pulling her away from the white creature. She found herself standing at a table. It was simple, but large, and she turned, looking at the ones that stood around her. There, she thought, Mother, Father, older brother--
She turned to her right as a hand slipped into hers, fingers tangling together, palm against palm, the same warmth that she had felt when this started. She looked at the shadow—but it was not a shadow. Her heart started pounding against her chest as her eyes looked into the deep black pools that reflected her image.
“Fai,” she whispered, her breath stopping as the one single name escaped her lips. He was so beautiful, she thought, reaching up and touching his cheek.
“You're to open the presents first, beloved,” Fai said, bringing the hand he held up to his mouth and brushing a kiss over her knuckles. “Although I would not argue against some alone time,” he teased.
She took a deep, shuddering breath, her eyes starting to well with tears. This—this was her family now. The promise. She would be a part of this family with the joining of their lives--
She leaned down slightly, pressing her lips to his, feeling that old, beloved sensation of his lips against hers--
Then it shattered. The heat of his hand holding hers, the gentle warmth and tingle of his lips against hers, it was all that she had left. But it was more than she had had before, the insanity thought as she slowly sank back into the rest of the seething mass. A small part of her would never forget it.
Goodbye, beloved.
Quote:
Name: Jamie Age: 15 Color: Blue Type: Sorcerer Weapon: 4' long sword Damage done: 19 Damage Taken: she ded
Name: Anua 
Name: Jamie