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[Q] Sailor Vela / Chibi Senshi of Sailing [CRIT PLZ]

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Sunflower-Seeds

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 03, 2013 7:26 am


Name: Enlai Gāo (first last, of Chinese Descent)

Nickname: Enny (like Penny without the P)

Age: 9

Birthday: January 22nd

Sign: Aquarius

Gemstone: Turquoise

Blood Type: Type AB

Fav. Food: A bowl which consists of Mash Potatoes, Gravy, Corn, shredded cheese, and popcorn chicken.

Hated Food: Olives

School: Knightside Elementary

Hobbies:

Sailing: First and foremost, this boy is a sailor! During Holidays, his birth parents used to take him to Shanghai, for shopping and to visit his aunts and uncles. While everyone else partied and had a grand ol' time, he would sit out on a balcony in one of the many hotels, and gaze out at the harbor. There were so many different boats, but his favorites were those with the enormous sails. He never had an opportunity to even see one up close until he was adopted, and he was immediately smitten with the activity. As soon as he was able, be began to plead for sailing lessons, and within his first year of living in America, he was sailing all on his own, in his little Sunfish sailboat. He dreams of becoming the youngest person to sail around the world alone.

Sewing: The earliest memories he has comes from remembering his birth mother going at her sewing machine for hours on end, mending the clothing that was brought into the little shop that they had earned before the landslide. The mechanical parts of the machine entertained him, though his mother tried to keep him away from it, to keep him from breaking the old thing. When she figured that he could not, she decided to teach him, being very slow and methodical with her teachings. After her death, the only thing he brought with him after he was adopted was her old sewing machine. with it, Enlai continued on with what his mother taught him. Needless to say, this thrilled his older sisters, and they constantly bother him to make them shirts or dresses, to which he happily complies. He can go hours and hours at a machine, completely content to watch that needle go up and down over and over again.

Sculpting: For the first few months after being adopted, Enlai had a hard time coming to terms with the finality of his parents no longer being there. Worried, His adoptive parents went ahead and allowed a child psychiatrist to speak with him. The first thing that came to mind was that he needed an outlet, something he could always carry around with him, and that's when she pulled out a little ball of clay. It became a good stress reliever, and at first, all he did was fiddle with it in his pocket. When he began to get bored in the house alone sometimes, he decided to pull it out, and actually shape something. Before he knew it, he made little people, little animals, and little boats out of the ball of clay. He soon began to actually actively bake the clay, turning his creations into something more than just little pieces of play things. Enlai regularly runs out of clay, and now ventures out into town to gather more materials. He's recently became entertained with the idea of painting the things he made as well.

Shaolin Kung Fu: The traditional form of martial arts from his homeland was always something he's obsessed with, even before he was adopted and taken to America. He can remember seeing the monks come down from their Monastery, and giving demonstrations. He adores the discipline the monks have, and has even been to Shaolin Summer camp up in New York for the past few summers he's been around the States. As much as he loves to practice, he finds it hard to find a sparring partner, especially since his parents thinks he's so sickly.

Virtues:

Independent: "Thank you, but no worries, I got this!" Little Enlai finds himself with little need to ask for anything from anyone. If anything, it would be a bit of "I'm a big boy now" syndrome, where he doesn't feel he needs to be walked through anything. He's not quite stubborn, as if it is clear that he needs help, he'll ask for assistance, but the level of maturity he has about many situations makes everyone in the household see him as one of the more well-off kids in the household.

His tutors feel a sense of pride with any accomplishment he makes on his own, and often brag to his parents about how well he is doing with little assistance, even with learning something as difficult as a new language. He feels he doesn't need his hand held the whole time, and loves to take it upon himself to get things done.Children his age and younger might see him as the cool kid, the kid who does everything without training wheels (of course he's not THAT little!). His teachers, once he attends public school, might even think that he would be a good leader to the other students, since he tends to need little in the ways of guidance for assignments and he tends to keep calm in stressful situations.Being as independent as he is, he might not realize his own limits right away, and it gets him into situations where he might need to be saved. He won't be ashamed of it, no, in fact, the person who helps him out ends up having his adoration for quite some time, whether it is something big, as if he had gotten stuck in a tree, or if it is small, like they let him borrow more clay when he was running out.

Empathetic: Enlai, deep down, feels as if he owes the world a debt after being given a second chance after the death of his mother and father. He can remember all of the people in his neighborhood making sure that he was safe and sound after the incident, and does everything in his power to help others in order to repay that kindness he had experienced. With that comes a strong sense of empathy, and an ability to understand the best ways to deal with someone else who's hurting, or anything that's hurting, honestly. He's very much the kind of child who would come home with a stray dog, and think nothing of it. Along with being rather empathetic to people, he tends to very quickly develop affections for anyone who treats him kindly as well.

Humorous: Little Enzai's mind has a wonderful ability to find the humor in almost any situation, even if it's not a the most opportune times. Most of the problems he faces, he laughs it off, wanting just go about and continue being happy. He jokes and always does his best to cheer others up when they feel down too, since others tried so hard to help him in his most stressful of times.

Flaws:

Blabbermouth: Can this boy talk! Anything and everything mentioned can spark up a conversation with him, and not in the best of ways either. He is a gossip, and will tell your secrets to everyone unless you have dirt on him as well. This whole situation just cannot be helped, and he has yet to discover what has triggered his non-stop word vomit. He feels terrible about it at a later time, and ends up constantly apologizing for his actions.

Ability Envy: Though he will never say it, it doesn't take much to make Enlai jealous of something someone else can do! Sure, he is a rich kid, who can basically get what he wants, but money can't buy talent. He will quietly find burning holes into others with his eyes as they display their talents to others. When someone asks him about how they did, or how something they have done looks, he will instantly say that he's seen better. He absolutely dislikes show offs and those who fish for compliments about what they can do, and more than likely, he'll leave in a silent huff.

Guilt Complex: Having realized how often he tends to say the wrong things at the wrong times, Enlai finds himself apologizing for every thing that happens. It has come to the point where he even apologizes for things that aren't entirely his fault, such as when he is sick, or when he needs help with the littlest things. He has been called overly apologetic on numerous occasions, and has even been called annoying because of this habit he has developed. Once he feels guilty to someone, he'll do everything he can to make it up to the person, from gifts, to trying to help them in any way he can, doing anything.

Quick Bio After the death of his birth parents in a landslide when he was 6, he found himself adopted by a wandering couple, and brought back to the states. He also has an older brother from India, a younger sister from Mexico, and an older sister from Norway, however, unlike them, he wasn't adopted as a baby, hence he had some difficulty understanding them for some time. He's very well loved, and encouraged by his parents (an interracial couple, the mother Mexican-American, the father Polish-American, the father gaining riches from investments, and the mother is a Computer scientist, though really didn't make all that much) to embrace his culture, if he chose to do so. He has very much so, and has become very proud of heritage, and brags at the fact that he knows his homeland's tongue.

Although he spent his first few years in Dengfeng, Zhengzhou, Henan province, China, he as relocated to Maryland, near the sea, and from which, he learned to love the ocean and sailing~ However, his parents noticed that more and more recently, he had been complaining about headaches. Taking this as a hint that the environment that he was growing up in was negatively affecting him, they decided that they should o move further south, to a mountainous area. However, their lovely new home had no real schools around it, and the closest city was Destiny City.

He currently stays at home with their parents, having a private tutor to help improve his English before being allowed to join a regular school in the area. His parents figured that with a tutor who focused solely on him and worked with him at his own pace, he could get to the same level as his other siblings faster. So far, it seems to have worked perfectly! Soon enough though, he'll be enrolled at Knightside Elementary!

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Eyes: His eyes are a light brown color (light enough to see his pupils clearly, and looks almost half closed most of the time, as if he is sleepy. He is of Chinese decent as well, so his eyes are more almond shape.

Hair: Gray, or more specifically, Davy's Gray Colored, and styled as number 23 from this link, with the bangs in the front longer than the hair in the back.

Face: He has a roundish face, with a pale skin color, with a yellow undertone.

Clothes: Elementary School Uniform! <3 Cute as a button! Other than that, his normal clothing consists of simple Sweaters with turtlenecks (to protect his so called sensitive throat) and shorts. He loves his shorts.
PostPosted: Wed Apr 03, 2013 7:35 am


Senshi: Sailor Vela, Senshi of Sailing

Challenge: "I'll take the wind right out of your sails!"

Fuku Colour: ONLY IF SENSHI OR KNIGHT. Main and secondary. Give us a hex if you'd like. The bodices of senshi will always be white, except for in the case of parallel senshi -- those will be black.
Main Color: Dark Navy Blue
Secondary Color: A nice complimentary shade of yellow

Fuku:

I really want him to look like a little sailor~

Collar -- Collar with stripes~
Bow -- A Happy Bouncy bow in the back, maybe that stems from a belt/sash around his front. I don't really want him to have a random bow, something that comes from somewhere. XD
Bodice -- A white top like above~.
Sleeves -- Short ones~
Brooch -- A nice Round one, shaped like a Ship's Helm
Bottoms -- Shorts! Shorts with Little Suspender things like above~
Tiara -- He has one, a rather simple one with a blue gem, but he has a hat! Sailor hat!
Choker --Yes!
Shoes -- Go crazy?
Gloves -- Yes~ White gloves with Blue trim!
Accessories -- He has his hat, of course~ But other than that, none come to mind~


Attacks:

Sailor Scout Attack: Feel the Luff! Turn windward!
Vela calls out his attack, pointing to an enemy. The enemy is forced to turn away from him if they are moving to attack, if they are within 7 feet of him. If an enemy is the same level as they are, they slow down to a near crawl for about 20 seconds, completely about faced, as if sailing into the wind. Someone at the second level would slow down slightly for about the same time, and veer slightly off track from him, perhaps turning 90 degrees, and someone who is at the highest level could easily continue to move forwards, ever so slightly slowed down.

This move is ineffective if the enemy isn't moving, and if he's not easily accessible (say, high up on a wall. This attack can be used twice per battle. It is a primarily defensive attack, giving Vela time to flee, or to have his partner in battle attack from behind.

Super Sailor Scout Attack: Even More Luff! Turn windward!
Instead of a 20 second time limit, it increases to 30, as well as a new radius of 11 feet away from him. Enemies of a lower level than he is are stopped from moving towards him, forced to face the opposite direction and move away, those of equal level slow down to a near crawling speed, though still forced to move atleast partially away from him, and those of higher move ever so slightly Slower, not changing directions at all. This Can still be used twice per battle

Eternal Sailor Attack: Boom Stick Bash!
Vela calls out his attack, pointing to a surface near to his enemy, and from there pops out a magical sail, about 7 feet long (measurements based on a Sunfish personal boat). It swings towards the enemy, as if the person controlling them let the ropes go during strong winds, and it gives them a nice whack upside whatever part of the body it makes contact with. This Summoned Sail only lasts for the time it takes to swing, about 3 seconds unless there are true winds to assist. It is more of a stunning attack, to knock the wind out of the enemy, rather than one to cause damage, however, due to it's stationary manner, it can be easily avoided. Also, it can only be summoned on a flat surface, and must have enough room to move about. This can be used twice per battle.

Sunflower-Seeds

Friendly Friend


Sunflower-Seeds

Friendly Friend

PostPosted: Mon Apr 15, 2013 9:58 am


Open for Crits!

EDITS MADE:

1. Elaborations made on Independent.

2. Tender-hearted renamed Empathetic, and an explanation about why he feels indebted to the world.

3. Humorous trait slightly reworded

4. Blabber mouth trait filled out more

5. Envious Further Explained and renamed to "Ability Envy"

6. Doormat Dropped, replaced with Guilt Complex.

7. All advice for attacks has been considered and applied!

8. Independant has been tweaked a wee bit more~
PostPosted: Tue May 14, 2013 6:01 am


Cooro Cooro


Hi hi Cooro. Read over your boy and he's so super cute, lets see if we can get him stamped huh <3

Civilian Side:

His hobbies are all so cute and very unique. I love them. They read well and make sense for him.

Virtues:

Independent is reading more like a flaw to me right now. It reads like stubborn to me and I think a bit of expanding can fix that. Firstly, how does his independence help him? How might it make another person like him more a person or want to be friends with him? Also it says he'd rather work on something he 'loves' on his own, so does that mean if he hates it, than the opposite applies? It doesn't seem like it does.

Out of curiosity, why does he feel he owes the world a debt. Even though he was adopted he still lost his biological parents, so this statement makes me very curious. I like the virtue itself, but I think it should be titled Empathetic, as this mostly what the virtue encompasses. I can see how it will endear other's to him, if he's always helping out and being thoughtful.

Humorous, reads well and work well with the other two virtues. I think though maybe rewording "wanting to avoid stress" as most 9 year old dont active try to avoid stress.

Flaws:
I love blabbermouth, seriously this would make me dislike a person. I can imagine other's aren't very trusting of him to keep secrets. Since he is empathetic, would this be something he can't help? Like something he doesn't do on purpose, it just repeated happens? Does he feel bad when he spills someones secrets. It seems like a trait that could give him a guilt complex.

Envious I think clashes with Tender-hearted and what you have for humorous. The two virtues to me seem like humbling things and make it seem like he wouldn't be one to get jealous very easily. He always tries to help people so I dont see him hesitating when interacting with people. If he is jealous of his peers for there talents he doesnt have and is trying to outdo them, how does this make him feel, being a tender-hearted person? Im not entirely sure but this also seems like something that could give him a guilt complex.

Like he wants to help people and he always tries his best to but he's constantly blabbing secrets and getting jealous so he often feels very guilty which makes him maybe try harder to be helpful and understanding. Maybe appologizes a lot, feels insecure about people like him even when they seem too, is possibly clingy to people/friendships?

Doormat conflicts with blabbermouth and envious as well as his independent virtue I'd say. If he is independent I can't see him latching on to other's and waiting for directions. Also if he is a blabbermouth and talks to much about everything I dont see him holding back his opinions. If he is trying to be better at something directly because someone else is better at it than him, he is definitely going to tread on some toes and possible hurt some feelings.

Just a note:
I do believe most public school, which Knightside is, offer ESOL classes (english as a second language) for students who first language isnt English and are learning or struggling with the language. So while he could have a private tutor, it probably not really necessary for him to be kept out of school. If its a personal decision from his parents that understandable, just wanted to let you know that.

Powered side:

Seriously his fuku is just going to be the most adorable thing. I simple adore his concept and want to cuddle him.

Basic and Super:
For his attack I'd actually suggesting uping the time 10 seconds for the first two. So 20 seconds for basic and 30 seconds for super. I would however lower the distance that it can reach though, so it last longer but cant reach as far away. Maybe 7 ft for basic, 10-11ft for super. 20 ft is a very large distance especially, for a chibi, and most battle are going to take place in closer ranges. How many times can he use these attacks?

Vela represents windward yes? That makes sense but if they are moving to attack they are probably already facing him so maybe the attack might possibly make them turn away instead (or just in the direction they are not facing), the could possibly resist turning fully, or fight it, and would have more success the higher their rank or more willpower. It could also be a good moment for Vela to make a dash since they are slowed.

I like the buffs for the attack and that it only works if the other goes to attack or isnt on the same plane as Vela. Making himself a target might not be necessary, as this seems like it would be or should be an escape tactic.

Eternal:
I think maybe 13ft is a little excessive and maybe 7ft would be better, so taller than most men. Other than that the attack looks just fine to me.

Kaori_luv

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Sunflower-Seeds

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PostPosted: Thu May 16, 2013 12:30 am


Kaori_luv


Rightie O Rightie O! All Things have been changed, as suggested! biggrin I think I like him a bit more now too~ heart
PostPosted: Thu May 16, 2013 12:49 am


Cooro Cooro


The changes look really great and I think it reads really well. I really like him, he is adorable.

There is just one thing small thing, than I can give you a trial stamp.

His independent virtue currently applies inside his household and while you mention his tutor, it doesn't explain how it applies outside of his home and basically family. How would his teachers, friends, acquaintances see this as a good thing, be impressed by it, like him more for it? How would he be in school? On the playground? In the library? Mall? Just try to make it apply to more situations and more people.

Kaori_luv

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Sunflower-Seeds

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PostPosted: Thu May 16, 2013 7:07 am


Kaori_luv


Alrighty! He's been all fixed up!
PostPosted: Thu May 16, 2013 8:32 pm


Looks great to me dear <3 I love him and wish you the best a luck getting him. Here's a trial stamp!

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Kaori_luv

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Kyuseisha no Hikari

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PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2013 2:08 pm


Cooro Cooro


This looks good to me! Best of luck winning him!

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