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 Posted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 10:08 pm
It had been a few days after the wedding, enough time for Marcus and Cassandra to have had their honeymoon and seal the deal. Life went on, Lex had to pick up extra 'get Ami to bed' duties, and all was working out well.
Save for that one poor pillow, and the petite woman's infectious insomnia. If she was in bed, he would be prowling around the shooting grounds thinking about what they were doing. There'd been no consummation to their own relationship, though he'd started wearing the ring she'd given as a Christmas present. He was beginning to seriously consider just telling her that he couldn't do this anymore; that he had to give in to his weakness. Eva's little voice always chimed in though, telling him he could make it through this battle.
Tonight was one of those nights, where he'd put Ami to sleep and he couldn't put his own mind at ease. He holed himself in one of the study lounges, a small mound of books gathered at his feet and a notebook in hand. Madeline had recommended he learn Latin next, as a base to a lot of other languages.
"Do we even use Latin in our tech..."
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Posted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 11:46 pm
"Probably, though it's gibberish to me." A small, if belated knock on the door frame, Marcus didn't bother waiting, entering the small room. His gaze went to the books, then to the newspaper he hand under his arm. Sitting down, the newly married hunter gave Lex a long silent stare before asking.
"Kind of surprised you're not in bed with Ami this time of night. Or at least trying to join her."
Class Act, Marcus.
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iStoleYurVamps
iStoleYurVamps
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Posted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 11:51 pm
Given that it was early in the morning and that Lex was focused on the language he was trying to learn, Marcus' voice shocked the Life trainee into dropping his book and giving Marcus the biggest pair of 'deer in the headlights" eyes the Moon had ever seen.
"Wh-wah?" His mouth was wide open, pen dropped to the floor. How on earth did the Moon even know? Oh, right, best freinds forever with Ami, of course she would tell him.
That and Deus was not a place for privacy. He'd found that one out the hard way.
"Actually, I'm not." His face straightened and voice lost the surprised tone to his voice altogether dropping, receding into a mix between pride and straightforwardness. "I'm trying to wait until she's ready, this time."
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Posted: Tue Mar 19, 2013 3:16 am
"Huh." Unfolding the news paper and pulling out a small translation book, it was only slightly odd that the paper itself was written in Farsi. "Given you're reputation I'd have figured that you'd have gone after her in that way a bit more strongly. Of course-" he glanced past the paper to Lex, "-I expect you're finally coming to terms with your feelings? Or still having trouble with the fact you like her and she likes you?" Smiling, Marcus wondered just how their relationship was thus far. It seemed nice, but- Lex was a womanizer. A large one. That did concern him.
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iStoleYurVamps
iStoleYurVamps
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Posted: Tue Mar 19, 2013 10:13 am
Well, if Marcus was going to read and converse, then Lex wouldn't quit his studying. The last time Marcus had found the Life trainee not working hadn't been so fun, and a hand was put to the back of the tall man's neck.
Clearly, there wasn't any beating around the bush with Marcus. Lex liked and disliked this - it was nice to just be able to get to the meat of a conversation, but Lex really didn't enjoy talking about what he was feeling. Even with Eva, he'd found it difficult to spill the beans.
"...The last one. I'm really not sure how to deal with wanting to commit to someone." A deep sigh and a shake of his head as he flicked a page over, delving into personal pronouns. "I've talked with Eva about it, but... well, I'm still not sure if this is just puppy love or not."
A few moments of silence as the man tried to take it the difference between a person and an inanimate object. "All I know is that I don't want her to end up hurt because of me. It'd be a bit awkward in the labs, and she's already come so much out of her shell."
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Posted: Tue Mar 19, 2013 8:22 pm
"Figures." He said a bit gruffly. the crinkle of news paper he scowled reading, pausing to set the paper down and flip open the translator's dictionary. "Let's start with the basics. Have you ******** her? If yes, you have feelings for her as you're not chasing other tail, that I know of anyway. If no, you're with her despite not having ******** her." Finding the word he wanted, Marcus set the book aside, going back to the news paper. "The fact you're worried means you care. How much I have no idea. As for hurting her and it being awkward." Blue eyes stared at the man. "Try 'Ami never trusts anyone ever again'."
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iStoleYurVamps
iStoleYurVamps
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Posted: Tue Mar 19, 2013 11:04 pm
Lex gulped as he flicked over the next page, realizing that what Marcus had said was incredibly true. If he were to break Ami's trust, she would be far worse off than when he'd first met her, and they would all suffer for it. She would suffer the most, probably end up taking all the work on herself and get so stressed out that a meltdown would come, and she'd be put into the pods.
He couldn't let that happen. He cared for her, like Marcus and Eva said. The fact that he worried meant he cared.
But just how much did he care?
Enough to seek Marcus' help, apparently. He didn't have anything against the Moon, but the fact remained that Mr. Hasan could be a little bit blunt. Lex was everything but blunt, so their interactions were always a tad forced.
"I don't want that happening." He replied, biting his lip. "How do I stay committed? How the hell do you do it?"
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Posted: Wed Mar 20, 2013 3:12 am
Part of him hoped Lex wouldn't end up doing something stupid, but another part guessed he was going to anyway. Pessimism was a terrible thing.
"How do you fall in love?" said Marcus, not looking up from his paper. "You don't control your feelings but you do control your body. Asking me 'how do I stay committed' is like asking me 'how do you not jump your wife at any given time?'"
A turn of the page, a scowl followed by him reaching for the dictionary again. "You tell yourself no. You control yourself. If you honestly think you can't do it? Why not? What makes you so weak that you can't stay committed to a woman who has broken from her shell for you?" A glare. He didn't open the book.
"Lex, do you love her?"
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iStoleYurVamps
iStoleYurVamps
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Posted: Thu Mar 21, 2013 12:14 pm
The book was closed and put in the small pile next to the chair, while Lex could only look at the ground. Did he love her? He wanted to say yes outright, but he really wasn't sure at all. Did he love her? He cared for her, certainly, he didn't want to see her hurt or in danger. He felt the same way towards Eva and Madeline and Kat and a few others, though.
So what made Ami so special? Her hidden affections, they shared experiences, maybe even the fact that they both put up barricade after barricade to hide themselves? Ami was just special, different. He couldn't put a finger on why he was attracted to her, but he just was.
"I...I want to." He gulped, hands starting to shake a little. "I want to love her, but - oh God I know this is so cliche and dumb and very much like a romantic comedy - but I'm not even sure what love actually is."
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Posted: Sat Apr 06, 2013 12:42 am
Marcus looked up, visibly angry. "You hesitated. You 'want' to. Do you have any idea how absolutely pathetic you sound?" Fist clenched, then released, the anger washed away to simmer under the surface.
"It's a yes or no question Lex. You want to grow old with her, spend you life with her? Dream about having children with her no matter how impossible that would be? Would you give your life for her? Does the thought of her crying hurt? Does the thought of you hurting her, being the cause of her pain make you want to retch?" Marcus stared at the older man, trying to keep himself in check.
"Don't lie to me Lex. You ******** know what love is. It stares you right in the ******** face each time you walk into the room she's in, its there when she smiles. Do you have any inkling-" He sighed. "I'm sorry Lex, but I don't think you understand just how much Ami has opened up because of you. You're going to break her if you keep skirting around her like this." He shook his head.
"I'm worried what will happen."
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iStoleYurVamps
iStoleYurVamps
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Posted: Sat Apr 06, 2013 1:04 am
Lex wanted to be angry too, to stand up and just wrench Marcus out of his chair and onto a wall, to show him which of them was really pathetic. He realized then, though, that he really would be the pathetic one. Succumbing to anger just to avoid looking like a weakling in front of someone younger than him. That kind of thinking as garbage, especially in the light of Lex having asked Marcus for help in the first place.
"Yeah." He said, ruffling his hair. Yeah to all of those, he thought. He did imagine their kids, the thought of them growing old even though they could be slaughtered the next day. Him causing her pain was enough to keep him up at night, and her smile was like a ray of sunshine.
<< Since when were you so incredibly cheesy, little whelp? >>
Lex didn't even know. This was getting so sappy, so not suave or befitting his image. Then again, that image was just a front. "You're right."
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Posted: Sat Apr 06, 2013 11:15 am
All he could do was agree with him. Marcus wasn't sure if it was good or bad. He could just be agreeing to shut Marcus up, or, because he was too stupid to think of anything to say. Marcus hoped it was the second one. "You realize all you just said was that you agree with me. You love her, so why don't you have the balls to admit it?" Marcus gestured to him. "Or does your d**k have the final say in your heart?"
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iStoleYurVamps
iStoleYurVamps
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Posted: Sat Apr 06, 2013 7:36 pm
Looking at the ground, then his lap, and then his folded hands, Lex gave a deep and weary sigh. He was getting tired of the game he seemed to always be playing. Why not just take the wall down and let the Moon in on why love as was a four letter word for the Vegas native.
"I've never said the phrase 'I love you' - and meant it - to anyone but my dad. Then he left when I was ten, because my mother is a cheating b***h." Bitterness and anger, something uncommon. Swear words, another uncommon thing from the Life trainee. "My dad was so depressed that, from what people who knew him told me, he jumped state. I can't blame him; the one woman he actually gave his whole heart to just crushed it like you would a shadowling."
He rubbed his neck, shaking his head. He didn't need to divulge anymore. "What I'm trying to say is that it's hard for me to say I love Ami, because I'm afraid of being crushed like my dad - or worse yet, I'll do to her what my mother did to my dad."
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Posted: Sat Apr 06, 2013 7:43 pm
Well.
It was a start.
"And I shot in the dark that Ami doesn't know this. You mom was a whore and your dad a coward. Welcome to life Lex. It's lovely."
He leaned back, reaching for his paper again. "Stop using the past to justify your bullshit now. You're afraid? Love is supposed to do that. But you're being a coward. You're worse, being an a*****e because you're saying you can't be loyal based on what? Fear that you love her? Are you that spineless? That weak?"
A snort. "Miracle you even became a hunter."
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iStoleYurVamps
iStoleYurVamps
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Posted: Sat Apr 06, 2013 8:31 pm
Lex snorted, not wanting to listen to Marcus no matter how right the Moon actually was. He was being a spineless coward, and hiding behind his past. Marcus was right - he always seemed to be. No wonder Ami enjoyed him so much.
Taking the last dregs of his coffee cup, Lex gave another heavy sigh, finally looking his age. A weary 24 year old that had spent too much time running from bed to bed, not really caring who he affected.
"You're right. I'm a jackass." He muttered, finally making eye contact with Marcus. "But I'm going to be her jackass.
Need some wine with that cheese?
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